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Lan Qiren is a bad omega.
He knows. He's been told that many times by the clan, by his peers and even by strangers as they whisper in Sect discussions.
He isn't good looking like his brother, Lan Jinying - the hard planes of Lan Qiren’s face never fully softened as his secondary gender came in even as he reached the age of majority, resulting in something along the lines of bulky, strict and stern.
And Lan Qiren is just that - strict and stern like the Cloud Recesses rules, firm like their sword style. He's too logical, rigid, when omegas are supposed to be soft, gentle, rather swayed by emotions. That’s what makes omegas attractive to the world.
No alpha or even beta would try to court him. Why would they? All they'd gain is an omega who micromanages their household and nags them to their deathbed.
That's fine with him, it's not like he likes any of them as well.
He'll be doomed to die alone, if not for the clan arranging marriage talks with other sects for him. Well, not exactly for him.
Lan Jinying, always the more emotional brother, is basically disregarding everything and leaving Sect matters in Lan Qiren's hands to play happy house in a corner of Cloud Recesses. Lan Qiren is allowed as a stand-in because he is a rightful Sect Heir from the main clan, even if he is an omega.
Their first child, A-Huan, will soon be taken under the care of the Elders and himself since A-Huan is now able to walk and talk comfortably. The second is on their way with the rogue cultivator almost at the end of her first trimester, and they too will suffer the same fate.
It is perhaps cruel to the children but the clan cannot risk the rogue cultivator’s wrong influences on the heirs of Gusu Lan, especially once they reach an age of starting development. It is already a risk, letting A-Huan stay with his parents and only a nurse for lookout.
This, they allowed only because Lan Qiren’s brother has promised on his honor as a Sect Heir to take good care of A-Huan, forbidding any wrong teachings to get through to the baby - but it is becoming more apparent that the position of Sect Heir does not mean much in face of an ill-fated love, so while A-Huan may be allowed some time with his parents, the next baby may not be as fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it).
Lan Qiren does not have the instincts of an omega parent. During his shifts at the daycare, any interactions with children in the clan are stilted and awkward. Though he does like watching kids from afar, taking care of one still makes him uncomfortable, never mind the thought of birthing one. The children, in turn, are uncomfortable with him. It sort of stings that they’d rather be with that silly alpha Lan Zhaogu, who drops by the daycare often, than stay with him.
He's wary about hugs and other touches - what if he hurts the child because he didn't control his strength, and babies look so fragile! He limits himself to fleeting touches.
Rules and punishment, those he is more sure about. It's a call and response; a child does something bad, Lan Qiren knows the correct rule they’ve broken and what constitutes an appropriate punishment for the current age. He's gone through all of it before, and there are clear instructions written in books in the library. It's no surprise that he will know this well.
Lan Qiren dreads the day A-Huan becomes his ward. The Elders insist he will be fine since he is an omega - naturally he will know what to do, and the other caretakers will also help him with A-Huan, just like they do for other couples in Gusu Lan - but being responsible for a ward is different from taking care of kids in the daycare, an endeavor that’s 7 hours at most.
A ward is for a lifetime.
The marriage talks are to smooth over the clan’s image. An omega filling in the Sect Leader role and taking on a ward unwed is not proper, unthinkable in a sect like Gusu Lan.
The Sect Elders want to marry him off to an alpha from some clan’s minor family line, an alpha that thrives in lazing his days away in the arts or other pleasures. A figurehead to fill in the Alpha Sect Leader role, free of responsibilities. Someone that preferably came from one of the powerful sects, so that their family won’t gain a big advantage from the marriage - after all, why rely on the throwaway of the family when there are better trade deals to be had, even without the throwaway's help.
The one dealing with these future trade deals and other responsibilities, of course, goes to Lan Qiren, the one who understands Gusu Lan properly. If only he wasn't an omega.
Right, when are these marriage talks to be had again? Close, perhaps in two days with Qinghe Nie, if not tomorrow.
Lan Qiren gets up on that depressing thought and does the first thing he always does: tend to the potted jasmine by the window of the Jingshi. He should hurry though, it is close to 5 now and he still has to look at his carefully planned schedule for today.
**
His carefully planned schedule is thrown in disarray with the arrival of Yu Ziyuan. The woman comes like a storm of colors, the dark blue of her robes, the teal of her outer robe and the purple at her fist all swirling in a fit of anger at the disciples talking to her.
Lan Qiren hurries his steps to reach her before the two get electrocuted or worse.
"And I'm saying, that disciple should have flown to deliver the message, the food's getting cold and do you brats even know what I'm - oh you're here," Yu Ziyuan stops abruptly, spotting the omega before the disciples.
"Qianbei! You're finally here," the disciples sign in obvious relief. Lan Qiren gives them a disapproving eye - one must not show their displeasure to another easily, especially to a guest - but he nods their leave and turns to the alpha.
"Welcome," he bows first in proper greeting then continues, "There is a ‘no flying rule in Cloud Recesses.’ Has the years made you forget what you learned during your studies, Yu Ziyuan?"
"It has not, Lan Qiren." Always direct, that woman. She returns the bow and quickly leads him into the Yashi. "Come, we have much to go through."
The years have only served her well, her usual pouty and scowling features growing into something more delicate, but no less fierce. Her robes are well tailored, the dark blue elongating her already slim form, the silver belt at her waist showing off a tapered waist and a... ah , a rather well endowed chest.
She would have been well desired if she was an omega, Lan Qiren thinks. Nothing like his shorter, stockier form, caught somewhere between soft and muscled, his omeganess never allowing his body to become lean with muscles like alphas’, but hard practice not allowing him to slim down either.
Yu Ziyuan opens the doors to the Yashi with great force, the bright teal outer robes and the still-sparking purple at her fist reminding Lan Qiren of poisonous snakes - pretty to look at but deadly.
Lan Qiren hopes the matter is nothing serious.
He steps into the Yashi cautiously and feels like he's been transported to the market streets of Caiyi - no, this feels like Yunmeng or Meishan's streets, where there are various trinkets and loud colors along with the smells of spice and oil in the air. Laid out on the table of the Yashi and on an additional table that the disciples have brought in are... things.
Many things. Food, gold pins, fans, mountains of scrolls and in the far corner, he spots a small potted plant. All of them laid out prettily in an organized manner..
He's thankful that the Yashi is not an open pavilion so no one else has to witness the baffling scene. The Elders might get a heart attack at the whiff of spice in Cloud Recesses.
"What is all this, Ziyuan?" Lan Qiren carefully edges in to take a seat.
The alpha dismisses her two attendants before settling in opposite of him. "Courting gifts," she says simply, hand lifting the tea pot to fill the teacups. "Eat."
Lan Qiren flushes at being careless. He had been distracted with the display to remember his place as an omega and the host to serve the guest first without delay.
Yu Ziyuan takes a plate and fills it with an assortment of foods, vegetables and tofu, he notices, and hands it to him. Lan Qiren takes it in confusion and watches as she takes some of the redder dishes for herself. They eat, taking a few bites before Yu Ziyuan's words register properly. "G-gifts?! What is the meaning of this?"
Lan Qiren quickly puts his chopsticks down, the shock making him break a rule that's been instilled in him since young. Yu Ziyuan follows suit, slowly pushing her plate away as well.
Lan Qiren's mind flits through all the disciples in Cloud Recesses, particularly the ones that studied with them. The dorms for the disciples are separated by genders, then organized by secondary genders with rooms selected to place Betas strategically between alphas and alphas, or alphas and omegas.
Is Yu Ziyuan courting any of them? Or close with them? He couldn't think of anyone... if he remembers correctly, she mostly hung out with the other alpha Yang Furong or people from other clans in the West.
Though to be fair, the few times that Lan Qiren hung out with Yu Ziyuan were mainly to study for lessons or on outings with common friends, Lan Qiren allowed (or forced, depending on the perspective) to tag along because Gusu Lan wanted someone from the Sect to accompany every large outing, just in case. There aren't not a lot of opportunities to closely observe Yu Ziyuan and other disciples.
Yu Ziyuan keeps her calm, only furrowing her brows in confusion. Was Lan Qiren supposed to know who it was? "Courting," she clarifies. "You know, the thing an alpha does when they want to know an omega better?"
Lan Qiren takes a sip of tea to avoid answering.
Who? Which omega?
He feels uneasy at the prospect that Yu Ziyuan was courting a Gusu Lan omega right under his nose. Uneasy because how could he miss that, he wasn’t that oblivious to inner sect matters. Right?
The alpha answers his thoughts.
"The thing that we've been doing for the past few years? Me? Courting you?" That, Lan Qiren certainly does not remember. Him? Courted by Yu Ziyuan? The newly named Violet Spider?
Yu Ziyuan senses his confusion and frowns, the familiar lines etched deeply in her pretty features. "Don't tell me you didn't agree to the courting now, after all the years we've gone through."
Gone through what?! What are you talking about?!! Lan Qiren wanted to yell and shout, only habit keeping himself in check.
He notices a scent coming out from him, much to his embarrassment, the already citrusy scent easily souring with his confusion and upset. Logical as he may be in other areas, it was always too easy for his scent to sour. It didn't help that his scent wasn't very floral or sweet like most omegas, the citrusy scent overpowering the faint floral undertone (jasmine, he's told by a caretaker when he was young). Because of that, many people didn't find his scent appealing or mistook it as him being upset with them.
Lan Qiren takes a deep breath and tries to compose himself. "Courting? You and me, Yu Ziyuan? Am I hearing that correctly?"
Yu Ziyuan’s expression flickers through a brief surprise and disbelief before settling on something like a sneer. Her voice, contrarily, comes out small. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know. I gave you a jasmine plant at the end of my study at Cloud Recesses.”
Lan Qiren’s mind flashes back to the potted plant at his windowsill, the one he always takes time in the morning to position so it’d get ample sun, regularly water on schedule, and check for any signs of bugs or infections in the soil meticulously. The one that he spent about a month researching and constructing a little wooden support because the plant started looking like it was going to fall over at the slightest breeze.
One of his prized possessions. The only pop of color in his admittedly boring room.
That plant? Was a courting gift?
“I thought you gave me that plant as a thank you for the study sessions. And I remember that you were giving your other friends other gifts as well,” Lan Qiren feebly protests.
Yu Ziyuan is silent, another furrow appearing at her brow. After a long silence, she finally says, “Honestly, I don’t remember the other gifts. The last few days, Furong and I ran around confirming contact details and making nice with people we met here. Any gifts you saw were probably cheap snacks that we bought in Caiyi.”
Lan Qiren doesn’t quite remember, though now that she mentions it, he does remember small brown packages being shared with each other.
“I certainly did not give any other omega a plant,” she looks at him pointedly. “A plant for them to nurture and tend to. A plant that reminded me of their scent.”
Lan Qiren makes it a habit to keep his mouth shut if he doesn’t have anything to say but this time it just drops on its own.
Oh.
A jasmine plant.
He smells like jasmine.
A plant. For him to nurture and tend to. Omegas nurture and tend.
And he’s kept it alive all these years. Not particularly well, mind you. He almost killed it with his non-existent green thumb, but he did try hard in his own way and the plant is now thriving.
Yu Ziyuan continues. “And everytime we meet for a night hunt, I always make it a point to talk with you, eat with you, pay for your meals.”
Lan Qiren feels the tips of his ears going red. Now that he thought about it, Yu Ziyuan usually paid for the meals but he simply thought she was doing it because she was older, not as an alpha. Wen Ruohan also did the same often because he was the oldest of their batch, and he was known to have an omega at home since their study days.
“And I try to bring gifts whenever I come over for visits, though I thought we were taking this slow so I never brought anything that was meant for marriage intent.” Lan Qiren ducks his head at the words. Marriage intent, to him! “And your letters are often sparse, but you’d always received the gifts I brought happily so I thought things were going well.”
The gifts she mentioned were usually a variety of scrolls from her far travels, rare to the library - how could he not be happy with them? Other gifts were specialites of Meishan, so he thought it was merely out of courtesy or souvenirs for him. She dropped by often, and he’d always thought it was because there was an increase of incidents to nighthunt for around here, unintentional visits.
Not for him.
Lan Qiren’s head spins with all these revelations. First, marriage talks to marry him off, and now marriage intent towards him from an unexpected friend!
He always found Yu Ziyuan attractive with her voluminous bust, small waist and her direct attitude, always unafraid to say what she wanted or to fight for what she thought was right and proper, things that Lan Qiren often wanted to say himself but held in due to his status as an omega and for the image of the clan. He always thought all alphas would be like that but meeting Jiang Fengmian had changed his opinion and only further highlighted how vibrant Yu Ziyuan is.
How cool she is. How beautiful she is.
The alpha stands up abruptly, reaching across the table to upset the arrangement. Lan Qiren frowns, displeased with the mess, and grabs her sleeve to stop her.
“What are you doing?”
“Well, since I was clearly in the wrong and hopelessly chasing after an uninterested omega, I’ll be taking my leave now. Let’s never talk about this again, Lan Qiren,” the female keeps her head ducked, already bringing out the cloth that she used to bundle the gifts with.
Lan Qiren also stands up at her words. “No! These are mine!”
Yu Ziyuan pauses, finally lifting her head to peer at him carefully.
Lan Qiren feels his face flame but continues. “I didn’t say I was uninterested.”
“But you did not know of my courting. And you had no reaction just now, so the message is clear.”
“It’s a lot to process. The message is not clear!” Lan Qiren replies indignantly. “Do not assume about others’ thoughts and do not act on assumptions.”
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes. “Yes, Rule 626.”
The omega ignores the remark to go on. “And what about you and Jiang Fengmian? Aren’t you two set to marry?”
Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan would be great partners, both of them complimenting each other’s disposition. And what greater pair to be Sect Leaders than an alpha couple? They will surely produce beautiful, strong alpha children who will lead. Not like Lan Qiren, who is a 2nd born omega with no achievements to his name except memorizing rules.
Yu Ziyuan almost snarls. “Who said?! Jiang Fengmian and I have nothing going on.”
“The talks of Meishan Yu and Yunmeng Jiang are not a secret. Even the Lans have heard of it,” Lan Qiren sniffs. His remark is not without evidence, of course.
“Yes, of Meishan Yu and Yunmeng Jiang. Jiang Fengmian may be the only son of Yunmeng Jiang but I am not the only daughter of Meishan Yu. There is my da-jie, er-jie, and even my meimei! They know of my courting to you - in fact, you and the rest of the Lan clan might be the only one who didn’t know, judging by these ridiculous marriage talks they’re holding.”
Lan Qiren blinks, taken back at the turn of events.
“Did you come here to participate in the marriage talks too?” he asks in his confusion.
“No,” she glowers. “They did not consider Meishan Yu. I came because I meant to give you the rest of the courting gifts I have planned out for the years in hopes that you will accept and we can talk to our clans about a marriage. Before anything else happens.”
Lan Qiren hurriedly drinks a cup of tea to rewet his dry mouth to reply. “You… planned out gifts for me? For years?”
“Yes. That is only proper for courting an omega isn’t it?” She looks at him like he’s dumb for even questioning it.
Lan Qiren sucks in a breath as he looks around.
True to her words, these gifts must have been collected from many different places for a long time. There are trinkets from different parts of the jianghu - she must have bought those while traveling - and more serious gifts like a personal comb commissioned with the snakes of Meishan Yu or a silver pin curling around a deep blue gem.
And the scrolls - there are many stacked in a corner away from the food - she must have taken the time to read through some of it personally if she’s including them as courting gifts (courting gifts are personal gifts chosen carefully by the courter, it would be an insult to have an unrelated party choose them) and he knew how tedious Yu Ziyuan found reading. She’d much rather practice her forms or listen to a lecture than read. Seeing that pile made him feel warm inside.
“Starting from that end,” she gestures to the scrolls, “I would have given you the gifts bit by bit once we were both of age. And these gifts here,” she taps the combs closest to them, “would have come at the very end of the courtship. Personal combs, hairpins, and of course, this plant, in a symmetry of our start and my wish for our future. For both of us to grow, nurture and tend to each other.”
The plant in question is not particularly tall but is leafy, strong and healthy though he can’t quite make out what it is supposed to be. The leaves look like an apple tree and that reminds him of Yu Ziyuan’s own smoky, spiced apple scent.
There is only one problem. “I am not a proper omega though,” Lan Qiren admits shamefully. He does not have the talent for nurturing, not for homemaking or taking care of an alpha like omegas are expected to. Even now, he is glad A-Huan is still a toddler, staying in care with his parents and nurse.
He is an omega but he cannot imagine himself pregnant, cannot even entertain the thought of giving birth himself. It makes him squeamish, a foreign being in his body and being forced to take care of it. To expel it sounds like the most painful thing, a punishment rather than a reward at the end of the arduous journey.
And that’s not even mentioning the journey itself. The tales of morning sickness and irrationality worms its way into the box of worries in his mind.
If possible, he would avoid it all. One reassurance of the marriage talks is that he will not be expected to bear a child, is better not to bear one if they will keep A-Huan as the heir. The Elders still hope Lan Jinying will come to his senses soon.
But one thing is certain, Lan Qiren may not be able to bear a child without reservations in the first year such as auspicious couples are meant to.
One cannot be called a proper omega like this.
“You are,” Yu Ziyuan’s firm voice cuts through his thoughts. “How are you not a proper omega? I think there is no omega more proper than Lan Qiren.”
“I am strict.”
“You are following rules, as you were brought up in your Sect. I don’t think anyone can fault you for sticking to them, just as others in your Sect have done.”
“I am not gentle like other omegas. And I am admittedly not as proficient in homemaking.”
Having an alpha older brother and being a spare meant Lan Qiren had to play catchup in understanding Sect matters and cultivation, on top of learning the basics of homemaking. The latter is not as important in the formative years - cultivation is subject to age while homemaking can be learned anytime.
Such thinking proves helpful in times like these, when Lan Qiren has to play Sect Heir in lieu of his brother. But for other matters, they thought he would have a few more years before marriage except-
“It is a good thing you can hold your own with a sword. It will make me feel reassured if we are apart for any reason.” She raises her chin in challenge. “Besides, if I wanted a caretaker, I would have hired one. In marriage, I want a partner.”
Lan Qiren thinks carefully about how to break the last piece of information. “I am… children are… they do not come to me easily. The concept of having them, having to interact with and discipline them - although I am to be married off soon, I am still… uncomfortable with the idea of them,” the omega confesses, waiting for the revulsion that comes after.
Yu Ziyuan, predictably, is silent for a long while. She picks up a comb then puts it down again to pick up another. Perhaps choosing one last parting gift for a courtship that was never realized.
“I have seen the way you interact with younger disciples. Perhaps you are not sure about children, but you have a nurturing soul all the same, Lan Qiren. You would not have been as patient and go the extra mile to be helpful to the disciples if you are not. Nurturing does not always mean as parents, it comes in different forms.”
She frowns minimally now. “As for children… I admit I do want children of my own. But if you do not want to bear them, then perhaps I can do it. I am an alpha but I am female as well. And you are a male,” she raises an eyebrow to say the unsaid. They both have the same anatomy then, both a penis and a vagina according to their first and secondary genders.
But will she let him penetrate her? An omega impregnating an alpha, female or not is unheard of! Not taboo, but unheard of…. The West Sects are certainly more free in their thinking, but perhaps they are right.
Yu Ziyuan senses his hesitation. “Well? What else are you worrying about? I told you, you are a proper omega, I am a alpha, and I intend to court you properly. Perhaps not as well paced as planned, but if you and your clan will have me, I would be honored.”
“But,” Lan Qiren starts even though he’s not supposed to start sentences without thinking thoroughly. “You and Jiang Fengmian.”
He was so sure. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian will wed according to the Meishan Yu and Yunmeng Jiang agreement. Lan Qiren will wed some alpha from a distant line from one of the five great sects, most likely Qinghe Nie.
It’s a set idea in his mind ever since these marriage talks have come to light.
Yu Ziyuan rolls her eyes exasperatedly. “I’ve told you, Jiang Fengmian and I are nothing. Despite our Sects’ talks, he himself has something else going on and I do not want to be part of that love triangle. I would very much like him to stop sending me letters asking for advice.”
Lan Qiren does not pout at the word letters. “Jiang Fengmian and you are corresponding?”
It’s like what the rhymes and novels say: private correspondence between two young adults leads to feelings, and the next thing they know, there’s a wedding in the plans.
“Letters for advice,” Yu Ziyuan emphasizes again, “because his only other option is either Jin Guangshan,” they both take a moment to grimace at that, “or Wen Ruohan. But we all know Wen Ruohan doesn’t know a lick about wooing anyone, he’s just a lucky bastard who found his love in childhood and never strayed. I’ve never seen Jiang Fengmian so focused on anything else in his entire life, not even his own Sect matters. It’s disgusting.”
Lan Qiren feels a little placated as he listens to the details. But it does remind him, he’s supposed to marry for the Sect.
Meishan Yu is powerful and well respected, almost on the same level as the great five sects. It has not been in consideration because of the Meishan Yu and Yunmeng Jiang rumors, and the distance, but the Elders surely will not reject someone as formidable as Yu Ziyuan if she is asking.
But how will he wed and take care of A-Huan as planned, if he is marrying in (is he marrying?! To Yu Ziyuan?!) to another Sect?
“So? Do you accept my courting gifts? The food’s gone cold but it’s nothing special. I can always make it again.” Yu Ziyuan impatiently taps her long nails against the wood.
“I cannot marry into another Sect. The marriage talks are to find someone willing to marry into my Sect. I am sure you have heard of the rumors surrounding my brother and his wife,” Lan Qiren sadly informs.
Yu Ziyuan points to herself. “Yes, I have heard. You have found them.”
Lan Qiren makes a choking noise and eloquently, “Huh?”
“Me. I’ll marry into your Sect. It’s not like they need me in Meishan. Both my da-jie and er-jie are Alphas. Da-jie is set to take the clan, but er-jie is favored by my mother. Either way, it will be one of them so it doesn’t matter if I marry in.” She shrugs and adds as an afterthought. “Or if you decide to come with me, Meishan Yu will welcome you as family either way, don’t worry.”
It takes some time to fully understand and internalize her words. But when he does, it is all Lan Qiren needs to hear to settle his mind.
He picks up a pin, the simple silver and dark blue gem he was eyeing from. “Then I accept your courtship, alpha. Shall we go request a meeting with the Elders?”
Yu Ziyuan’s spiced apple scent flares as he watches him replace the pin in his hair with her’s. “Yes, let’s.”
**
Lan Zhaogu laughs as he follows along the little boy. Said boy is walking as fast as he can, fists clenched to resist running in the corridors.
“Hurry, Gu-shushu! We have to hurry. I want to be the first one there,” A-Huan cries impatiently, tugging along his robes.
Soon they arrive at their destination. Lan Zhaogu knocks politely and hears a voice call.
“Come in.”
“Shishu! This one greets Shufu and Shenshen.” A-Huan bows before running up to the bed quickly.
“A-Huan, would you like to see your cousin sister?” Yu Ziyuan asks gently, shifting from her position in bed. A soft gurgle comes from the bundle in her arms.
“Yes, Shenshen! A-Huan wants to meet meimei,” the boy nods eagerly, bright eyes peering into the blankets.
Lan Zhaogu smiles gently from his position near the door. Looking at Lan Qiren now, it feels like a bittersweet memory.
He knew that he’d never have a chance with the omega but he had foolishly wanted to be close to him, visiting the daycare often and helping Lan Qiren out with the kids when they got too rowdy.
Last year, he really knew he had no chance. Lan Qiren had to marry and they were only considering people from outside the clan. It was the first time Lan Zhaogu had cursed the adoptive last name of his.
But knowing his crush was impossible and seeing it in front of his eyes was different. Perhaps it was for the better.
He’s never seen Lan Qiren this content, Yu Ziyuan, A-Huan and the new baby together making a picture perfect family. A-Zhan is napping in the nursery but he will just be another part of the perfect picture.
“What’s their name?” Lan Zhaogu asks Lan Qiren as he sidles to his side.
“We haven’t decided yet. None of the names we chose seems to fit her,” Lan Qiren shakes his head.
“Then, if I come across any good names, I’ll be sure to tell you. A girl, right?”
“Yes. And maybe next time, we can get another girl to give her company. Our boys are already a handful as it is,” the omega chuckles.
Lan Zhaogu turns, surprised. “Another one? You’re already planning to have another so soon? Let Ziyuan recover for a while.”
Lan Qiren smiles shyly at that. “Ah, I was thinking maybe I should try this time. Seeing Ziyuan go through all that, it made me think the experience wasn’t so bad. The end result would be worth it.”