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“I’ll be sure to tell him you’re all wishing him well,” Soobin promised, checking his bag one more time to make sure he had everything he wanted to bring Yeonjun. “Give him two hugs from me!” Kai cried out, waving his hands in the hair. Soobin giggled, shaking his head at his maknae’s antics before he gave them one final wave and then disappeared through the doorway.
His manager walked him down to the basement where the cars were, and Soobin excitedly held his bag close to his chest. Inside was a neatly packed lunch including all of Yeonjun’s favourites, the perfect pick-me-up for what had to be an already gruelling day. The elder was currently at the Studio Choom building across town rehearsing and preparing for his artist of the month showcase. He had left early that morning before Soobin had even woken up, but they had spent the night before talking it over in detail.
Yeonjun was nervous—it was quite an honour to be chosen as artist of the month for one of the most popular Korean online broadcast channels. His emotions tended to overwhelm him at times, as well as his shaky self-confidence, and Soobin did the best he could to reassure him. He hadn’t told him that he was stopping by for his lunch break and he was excited to surprise him. It wasn’t often they were able to do these types of things with each other.
His manager kindly drove him all the way there, Soobin giddy in the front seat and babbling nonsense to his manager who only chuckled and let him ramble. When they arrived, there was staff waiting for them and Soobin profusely thanked his manager once again for helping coordinate everything. He got out and bowed quickly before he was ushered out of the sunlight and into the building.
The hallways were familiar, but it was strange to be walking them alone. There weren’t many staffers in the halls, but those he did pass gave him a polite bow and he returned as many as he could. They turned a few more corners, and then they were in the large atrium where the filming took place.
Soobin’s eyes widened as he saw the setup and the multitude of dancers that had gathered solely to make Yeonjun look even better than he did by himself. There was the same amount of staff that was present whenever Soobin came to film with his members, but the dancers also had their managers and handlers, so the room felt much smaller than before.
The staffer who led Soobin in showed him past all the crew to where the dressing rooms were and Soobin tried to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend in all the madness but wasn’t able to before he was brought to his dressing room. The staffer showed him where the fridge was to put the lunch and then told Soobin that he could roam around and watch as he pleased, so long as he didn’t disrupt the schedule. Soobin promised to be respectful of the rules and then suddenly he was alone.
He looked around the room, smiling softly when he saw Yeonjun’s day clothes haphazardly thrown over the couch. There was a half-full cup of iced coffee dripping condensation onto the counter, and Yeonjun’s phone sat next to it. It was strange, really, how the littlest things of Yeonjun’s made Soobin nearly weep with affection. So far they had both come, in both their professional and personal lives.
He stuck their lunch in the fridge before he got to deep into his own head and then he ventured out into the studio. There was a lot of talking, the directors huddled up in a corner while the dancers were taking a break, it appeared. Soobin’s eyes scanned the room, looking for a head of black hair in a sea of all black everything. But Yeonjun was tall, and eventually Soobin found him. He was standing amongst the directors, peering into the monitor, most likely critiquing himself.
A smile spread over Soobin’s lips before he could stop it, and he probably looked ridiculous but he didn’t care. Yeonjun hadn’t caught sight of him yet, so he decided to scoot around the staff until he was right behind his boyfriend. A few of the directors looked over at him, but thankfully they looked away just as quickly, apparently uninterested.
Yeonjun lifted his arm to point at one of the dancers positioned behind him, and Soobin took the opportunity as soon as he saw it.
He shot an arm out, tickling his fingers under the smooth skin of Yeonjun’s underarm, and the elder properly shrieked, jumping into the air. “Yah!” he cried out, instantly twisting, an amusedly irate look on his face. It was clear he wasn’t expecting the perpetrator to be Soobin, because as soon as he made eye contact, his jaw dropped.
Soobin was smiling so hard it hurt and Yeonjun grinned so brightly it almost knocked him off his feet. “Soobin!” he yelled, instantly throwing his arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. Soobin laughed, bending just a little to meet Yeonjun’s height and lock his arms around his waist. “Hi, hyung,” he replied, squeezing Yeonjun tightly. Yeonjun turned his head into Soobin’s neck for a brief moment, and then pulled away. “What are you doing here?” he asked breathlessly, eyes bright and happy.
Soobin resisted the urge to pull him closer, wanting to be respectful of those around him. “I brought lunch,” he explained. Yeonjun’s brows rose and his mouth formed the cutest little oval before he grabbed Soobin’s hand. “Let me go see if we can take lunch yet!” he said, bowing quickly to his directors before pulling Soobin along with him. Soobin giggly lightly, letting himself be pulled, glad to see his boyfriend so happy.
They went to the head of production and once she saw Soobin, she instantly agreed to call for lunch with a kind smile on her face. Yeonjun and Soobin both bowed profusely, and then Yeonjun proceeded to introduce Soobin to each of the dancers before finally dragging him into his dressing room.
As soon as the door shut, Yeonjun turned and pulled Soobin into his arms. Soobin felt his eyes fall shut and in another second he felt his lips press against Yeonjun’s. Yeonjun kissed him firmly but sweetly, latching his fingers in Soobin’s hair as Soobin steadied the two of them. He kissed Yeonjun back, parting his lips to give the elder permission to slip his tongue inside. Yeonjun teased for a moment, before he ultimately leaned back.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispered, pushing Soobin’s bangs out of his eyes. Soobin blushed, before carefully stepping away to get their lunch. “Has it been a hard morning?” he asked, looking over his shoulder to watch Yeonjun sit down on the couch. He turned back to open the fridge, hearing Yeonjun exhale.
“No, it’s going great, I just…,” he trailed off, and when Soobin faced him again he saw his head low, fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He softened a bit as he quickly read Yeonjun’s mood, adjusting properly in order to take care of Yeonjun properly. It was natural at this point, the automatic shift, just something that soulmates knew how to do, Soobin supposed. Yeonjun was the same way about him, picking up on the tiniest of shifts in Soobin’s moods too.
He sat the food down on the table before sitting next to Yeonjun. The elder didn’t waste a second getting closer to Soobin, moving until their thighs pressed together and their shoulders bumped. Soobin didn’t mind it, he liked the physical contact too, like being able to know Yeonjun was right there next to him. The elder reached forward and claimed one of the containers, popping the lid off and scooping the first dumpling into his mouth haphazardly.
Soobin laughed, opening his own and taking a slower bite. He chewed quietly as Yeonjun scooped up another one and pressed even closer against Soobin’s side. “Is it weird, being here by yourself?” he decided to ask. Yeonjun put down his container and nodded, patting some broth off his chin with a napkin. “I kept looking around for you or the kids when I got here this morning,” he laughed, picking his meal up again. Soobin chuckled, opening the container of rice he had brought along as well.
He pinched some between his chopsticks and held it up to Yeonjun’s mouth. The elder accepted happily, giving Soobin a cheeky grin after. “I felt that way when I first started at MuBank,” he replied. Yeonjun hummed as he chewed, covering his mouth to reply. “I don’t know how you do it every week, I feel so lost without you guys. I felt the same way during fashion week.”
Soobin only smiled softly, putting his chopsticks and rice down. He slid his arm around the elder’s waist, kissing his temple. Yeonjun ate a few more bites, and then put his utensils down too. He gently pushed Soobin until he was leaning against the back of the couch, and then he rested his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes. Soobin held him close, carding his fingers through his hair and letting the moment settle.
Too soon, there was a knock at the door and Yeonjun lifted his head. “Come in!” he called, sitting up. The door opened and one of the staff members poked his head in. “We’re going to start on hair and makeup in ten,” he informed. Yeonjun gave him a smile and nodded, standing up and immediately starting to clean everything up from lunch. The staffer left and Soobin helped his boyfriend, gathering the containers and rinsing them off in the sink before putting them back in his bag.
“Do you have to get back to the company now?” Yeonjun asked when everything was put away. Soobin looked over at him, noticing the slight slump to his shoulders, a flicker of sadness in his eyes. “Do you think they’d let me stay?” he replied, raising his brows. He would have to check with his manager, but he didn’t have a schedule that day until the evening. He might fall behind on some of his practice, but the grin that lit up Yeonjun’s face at the suggestion made it worth it.
“I’ll go see,” he said, rushing out the door. Soobin chuckled, pulling his phone out to update his manager. By the time he got the go-ahead from his end of things Yeonjun had returned, the happy grin still on his face. Soobin slid his phone into his pocket right as Yeonjun reached for his hand. “You can stay!” he cheered. Soobin giggled and then Yeonjun spun, walking out and pulling Soobin with him.
The elder was immediately swarmed by staffers and was only able to say a rushed goodbye before he was whisked off to hair and makeup. Soobin watched him go, feeling an electrifying sense of pride. His boyfriend was incredible, and Soobin felt so lucky to be a part of his life. A staffer came up to him and showed him where he could sit—a little ways behind the monitors but on an elevated stage where the extra sound equipment was stored so he had an excellent view.
He made a mental note to have his company send Studio Choom a gift basket of some sort as a thank you for being so accommodating to Soobin. He bowed deeply to the staffer who directed him to his seat, and then he pulled out his phone and AirPods to start working on his songwriting while he waited for Yeonjun to be ready.
The dancers had gotten their hair and makeup done already, so it only took about an hour or so until the directors were clapping loudly and shouting instructions at everyone. Soobin perked up, removing his AirPods and closing his notes app. He had actually made good progress on some of the songs for the new album, so he was glad that he was able to be productive. He looked around for a moment until his eyes found Yeonjun, surrounded by his makeup artists doing last minute touch ups.
He looked like himself, only sharper. His cheekbones were highlighted as well as the cut of his jawline, eyes bright and alluring. His hair was messy, some strands hanging in front of his eyes, and Soobin wanted to go to him so badly, but he had been given firm instructions to stay where he was and he was nothing if not a rule follower. He tried to catch his eye but wasn’t able to before the dancers all came out and it was time to get started.
Yeonjun himself looked around for a few seconds, probably for Soobin, but was unable to find him as well. Soobin wished he could’ve given him a hug or something for good luck, but he knew the elder didn’t need it. The lights switched on and the dancers got into position, waiting for the directors cue. Yeonjun spoke with the director for a moment, and then walked towards the couch in the centre of the stage.
Soobin smiled, heart beating faster in anticipation. He didn’t know anything about the performance except the songs, and he was very excited. Yeonjun had been practicing in private for weeks now, insisting that none of his members see it until they get the first draft of the video. Kai had tried to bribe Soobin into secretly videotaping the dance on his phone while he was there, but Soobin had refused and playfully scolded him.
Everyone got into position, and after the director shouted out some final instructions, it began. Soobin sat up straight and watched intently, not wanting to miss a single step. The music started, and Yeonjun made his first move.
And Soobin would never tire of seeing his boyfriend perform. He truly was born for the stage, his limbs flowing fluidly and effortlessly, creating beautiful crescendos as he played out his character. He looked ethereal, even though his outfit wasn’t anything flashy. The way he incorporated the guitar into the choreography made Soobin’s jaw drop in awe. He knew Yeonjun was the most talented dancer he knew, but his level of respect shot up even higher as he witnessed magic before his eyes.
The scene ended with him lying a magazine (with him on the front and back covers) over his face. The director yelled cut and the makeup artists and choreographers and directors flew to Yeonjun, most likely bombarding him with feedback. Soobin watched as Yeonjun nodded along breathlessly, chest heaving as more powder was patted onto his cheeks and sweat was dabbed off the back of his neck.
Almost as if he couldn’t help himself, his eyes did dart away every now and then to look around the studio. Soobin knew for certain now that he was looking for him, and he did the best he could to catch his eye. He decided to stand up, and as soon as he did Yeonjun’s eye caught his and his face broke into a relieved smile. Soobin shot him a smile back, and then Yeonjun turned back to his crew, listening closely and respectfully.
They filmed the scene two more times, and then there was a wardrobe and set change. The dancers were also getting ready for their appearances, and Soobin had to physically bite his tongue to keep from cheering out loud. He desperately wanted to spam the group chat with how amazing the performance was so far, but he refrained. He had promised no spoilers.
Yeonjun disappeared into his dressing room, and then room became loud as the staff went about switching gears for the second half of the routine. Soobin got up to get a bottle of water, and right as he was turning to head back to his seat, he heard Yeonjun call his name from behind him. He spun around and nearly choked on his water, eyes popping out of his head as he took in Yeonjun’s second look.
His hair was slicked and spiked, makeup a bit harsher and darker, and he had on a bright red sparkly jacket. He looked like a full rockstar and Soobin felt a little dizzy. Yeonjun was only grinning as he went right up and gave Soobin a careful hug. “Hyung, I can’t believe this, it’s so, so so, good,” Soobin said, quickly setting his water down to wrap his arms around Yeonjun’s torso.
Yeonjun chuckled, pulling away and pressing a quick kiss to Soobin’s cheek. “Where are you sitting? So I know where to look?” he asked, a sense of urgency in his voice. Soobin knew there wasn’t much time for chit chat. “Behind the monitors, on a raised platform,” he informed quickly. Yeonjun smiled and nodded, giving Soobin’s cheek one last kiss before he ran off to where he needed to be.
Soobin went back to his seat, placing his water bottle underneath his seat and checking his phone for messages. His face fell as he saw a text from his manager informing him that he would have to leave in half an hour. Apparently some of his vocals needed to be re-recorded, and while Soobin was disappointed, he understood. He acknowledged the text and then slipped his phone back into his pocket.
Yeonjun was listening to his directors and producers, and Soobin wanted to tell him that he had to leave, but he didn’t know how. It didn’t matter then, though, because a few seconds later the directors were shouting for places and the lights dimmed again. Yeonjun moved back to the couch, lying in the exact same position as before with the magazine over his face. A few crew members went out and adjusted him until he was perfect, and then it was time to begin.
The music was faster and more upbeat and it made Soobin want to get up and dance too, a large grin spreading over his face as he watched Yeonjun perform. He was flawless, but Soobin instantly could tell that he was overthinking it. While it wasn’t noticeable to anyone but him, it was still evident. Yeonjun’s expressions appeared a little too bright, his movements a little overly-forced. He was pushing himself too hard, likely in his own head about how he felt he was performing.
It made Soobin worry, but he was in no position to interrupt and check in on the elder. This wasn’t a rehearsal, there wasn’t extra time to spare, so he stayed put and just watched Yeonjun as closely as he could. First opportunity he got, he would go to him, make sure he was alright, and then take his leave. He hoped Yeonjun would understand.
About fifteen minutes later—ten minutes before Soobin needed to leave—the director called for a quick break. The dancers immediately dispersed to the refreshments table, grabbing bottles of water while makeup artists fluttered around touching up their faces. Yeonjun immediately searched for Soobin, eyes falling on him as he panted, sweat dripping from his forehead. Soobin shot him a smile as their eyes met, but Yeonjun didn’t return it, instead weaving through people and equipment toward the younger.
Soobin hopped off the platform and met Yeonjun halfway, a gentle smile gracing his features. “Hey, hyung,” he greeted. Yeonjun locked eyes, breathing heavily. “How does it look?” he panted, a scared reflection in his eyes. Soobin stepped closer, softening his smile. “It looks stunning, hyung, I’m so proud of you,” he assured. Yeonjun bit his lip, before nodding unconvincingly and turning to his directors.
They waved him over and Soobin hesitated only a moment before following his boyfriend slowly. The directors were pointing at the monitors, saying something about switching an angle of one of the cameras. Yeonjun nodded tiredly, crossing his arms as his stylists came and started to fix his hair and makeup. Soobin stood slightly behind Yeonjun, the elder glancing at him before he leaned against Soobin’s chest.
He was still catching his breath, leaning heavily against Soobin. Soobin slipped his arm around his waist to offer more support, staying quiet as Yeonjun listened attentively to his directors’ instructions and critiques. Thankfully, they were very kind and more worried about mistakes on their end, so Yeonjun was dismissed fairly quickly. The elder bowed politely and then walked a few paces away from the chaos, holding onto Soobin’s hand.
He faced away from Soobin for a minute, taking a deep breath and rubbing behind his neck. His stylist fluttered up and started working on his hair, and so Soobin dropped his hand and moved around to where Yeonjun could see him. “I have to go, hyung,” he said softly. Yeonjun’s face fractured for a split second before he smoothed his features and gave a slight nod. “Okay,” he replied.
Soobin bit his lip, glancing at the stylist. Yeonjun got the hint, though, and after a few seconds the stylist went to go work on the other dancers instead. Soobin moved into Yeonjun’s space awkwardly, resting his hands on Yeonjun’s waist. “It really does look fantastic, hyung,” he whispered. Yeonjun sighed, not saying anything and instead leaning in for a hug. Soobin held him close, closing his eyes and rubbing his boyfriend’s back.
Yeonjun hugged him tightly, exhaling heavily against Soobin’s torso. When they separated, Yeonjun stared up at Soobin with worry in his eyes. Soobin’s stomach twisted and he hated that he had to leave the elder when he was clearly feeling insecure about his performance, but there was nothing he could do to change things. So he just kissed Yeonjun’s nose and then backed away with a gentle smile. “You can do this, baby,” he whispered.
A bright blush coloured Yeonjun’s cheeks and he crinkled his nose in faux disgust. “Yah, get out of here you sap,” he teased, waving his hand in Soobin’s face. Soobin giggled, happy to have made Yeonjun feel even a little bit better. He bowed to his boyfriend, who rolled his eyes fondly. “See you at home,” he said, and then he turned around and walked back to the set. Soobin waited a few more seconds, and then turned to leave.
Soobin tried to stay up until Yeonjun got back, but his vocal re-recordings had turned into extra dance practice and he was so tired by the time he got up to the dorms. The other members were cuddled up together on the couch in the lounge, watching one of the Harry Potter movies, though Taehyun was already asleep between them two of them. Soobin said a brief hello, reminded them to go to bed as soon as the movie was over, and then disappeared into his own room.
He stifled a yawn as he undressed and showered off from practice, wondering what time Yeonjun would return and if everything had gone well. After showering he brushed his teeth and washed his face, eyelids drooping. As soon as he crawled under the sheets he knew he wasn’t going to be able to stay awake. The second his eyes closed, he was out.
It was sometime very late at night (or early in the morning) when Soobin came to. He didn’t fully wake up though, half of his brain still dead set on staying asleep, so all he could do was float between consciousness and unconsciousness. The blankets rustled around him and then there was a dip in the mattress. The sweet smell of cream wafted into his nose and then there was a body worming its way into Soobin’s space.
Even half asleep Soobin knew it was Yeonjun. His body was so attuned to the elder’s it only took a few seconds for him to realise. The elder carefully moved Soobin’s arm and then lied in the space left behind, his ankle crossing Soobin’s and his head resting over his chest. His hair was damp, chilly against Soobin’s collarbones, pulling the boy closer to consciousness. His arm draped over Soobin’s waist, and then he was still.
Soobin started to drift back off to sleep, sated by the feel of his lover pressed close against him. However, before he completely fell off the edge, he heard a muted whimper. Almost immediately, he was completely awake, jolted from sleep at the sound of Yeonjun in pain. He didn’t move at first, waiting to make sure he hadn’t heard wrong. He focused on the feel of Yeonjun against his skin, and while he thought he felt some wetness on his chest he wasn’t sure.
Only then Yeonjun sniffled and Soobin knew he hadn’t heard wrong. He opened his eyes and saw nothing but darkness. It was still dark outside so Soobin deducted that Yeonjun had probably just gotten back. Soobin didn’t want to scare him, so he moved slowly. He shifted his whole body, which made Yeonjun’s breath catch, and then he wrapped his right arm around the elder’s waist and moved his left enough to card his fingers through his damp hair.
Yeonjun didn’t say anything, tensing for only a moment before relaxing and letting Soobin stroke his hair. He was still crying quietly, but Soobin wasn’t going to force him to talk about it at this hour. They could talk in the morning, after they were rested. Yeonjun curled in closer, and Soobin slipped his hand to rest on the back of his head, and that’s how he fell back asleep.
When morning came, Yeonjun was sprawled out on the other side of the bed, only his hand touching Soobin’s. Soobin blinked away the bright spots in his vision as he smiled down at his sleeping boyfriend. He debated waking him up, before deciding to wake his dongsaengs first and get breakfast started.
After brushing his teeth and running a comb through his hair he ventured out into the hallway. It was still very quiet, only the hum of the air conditioner filtering through the air. Soobin went to Beomgyu’s room first, knocking once before poking his head in. “Beomgyu-ah, time to get up!” he chirped, giggling when the younger groaned and rolled over to bury his face in his pillows. “I’m making breakfast,” Soobin incentivised. He left the door open and went to the maknae’s room.
Taehyun was already awake when Soobin opened the door, scrolling through his phone. He smiled when he saw Soobin, and then they both glanced over at Kai. The youngest member was dead to the world, curly hair fanned around his face like a halo, mouth hanging open.
Soobin turned to Taehyun, smiling brightly. “Mind waking him up while I start breakfast?” he asked. Taehyun perked up at the mention of breakfast and nodded, putting his phone down and getting up. Soobin giggled before leaving and going into the kitchen. Beomgyu had moseyed his way out into the lounge and was sprawled across the couch, yawning into his hand. “Where’s hyung?” he asked.
“Still sleeping, he got in late last night,” Soobin informed, pulling a pan out of the cabinet. He opened the fridge and pulled out eggs, kimchi, and cold leftover rice. He wasn’t the greatest chef, but he could do kimchi fried rice pretty easily. He oiled the pan and turned on the heat, humming to himself. He tossed in all the ingredients, cracked a few eggs, and called for Beomgyu to set the table. The younger groaned dramatically but got up, dragging his feet to the cabinets.
Taehyun and Kai emerged right as Soobin was dividing the fried rice into five bowls. “Taehyun-ah! Can you come take over so I can go wake up hyung?” he cried. Taehyun nodded, bounding up and taking the pan from Soobin. Soobin gave him a grateful smile and then went to his room.
When he quietly opened the door, he melted a little. Yeonjun was sitting up slowly, his hair a bird’s nest, one hand rubbing his eyes. Soobin smiled gently, opening the door all the way and going to the side of the bed. “Good morning, hyung,” he greeted. “I just finished making breakfast, do you want to eat?”
Yeonjun blinked blearily, staring up at Soobin silently for a moment, before he nodded. Soobin grinned, and Yeonjun reached a hand out. Soobin took it, lifting the elder to his feet and pressing a kiss to his temple. Yeonjun left Soobin’s side to brush his teeth, and Soobin didn’t want to hover, so he went out to the kitchen, where the rest of his members were sitting down. Kai was still half-asleep but he saw Taehyun push the food closer to him.
Soobin sat down, reaching over to ruffle Kai’s hair affectionately. The maknae pouted, leaning away as he took his first bite. Yeonjun walked out of the hallway and immediately the younger members reacted. Kai shot out of his seat and nearly tackled Yeonjun, all sleepiness forgotten apparently. “Hyung! How was the shoot? Was it amazing? I bet you did so well!” he shrieked.
Yeonjun smiled, a little exasperated. “Food first, Hyuka, then I’ll tell you all about it, okay?” he replied. Kai bobbed his head and quickly sat back down, pulling his bowl toward him. Yeonjun ruffled Taehyun and Beomgyu’s hair as he passed their seats and then he stopped next to Soobin. Soobin looked up at him and Yeonjun smiled softly, reaching and tickling his chin before dropping a peck to his lips.
Soobin blushed, but thankfully none of his dongsaengs teased him—it had gotten too tedious according to Beomgyu—and Yeonjun sat down next to him. Soobin was glad when he started to eat, and he seemed better than the night before. He still didn’t know why the elder was crying—he had some sort of idea but he couldn’t be entirely sure.
The morning passed quickly, with Yeonjun indeed answering all of the younger members’ questions and describing the shoot in thorough detail. Soobin loved seeing his dongsaengs so excitable, and it was actually a bit difficult to get them to go to their lessons. Eventually though, they went, and then it was just Soobin and Yeonjun.
The elder was in the kitchen, quietly rinsing out bowls and putting them in the dishwasher. He smiled softly when Soobin approached, and Soobin didn’t bombard him with questions at first, deciding to help finish the cleaning instead. They worked quietly, Yeonjun washing and Soobin loading, and when the dishwasher was humming, they both dried their hands and walked back to Soobin’s room.
Yeonjun yawned and lied back down, pulling a pillow to his chest. Soobin laid next to him, leaning against the headboard, and Yeonjun stared up at him. “Sorry for waking you up last night,” he apologised. Soobin shook his head, pulling the blankets up and over them both. They stared at each other and Soobin reached out, stroking the elder’s hair methodically until his eyes started to droop.
“Gonna put me back to sleep if you keep doing that,” he mumbled. Soobin smiled softly, removing his hand. Yeonjun’s eyes fluttered and he tucked his hands under his cheek. “I’m okay, I promise,” he murmured. Soobin nodded, lying down next to him. Yeonjun exhaled, eyes dropping to the sheets. Soobin didn’t want to push him into talking, but he could still see the tense line of his shoulders, the distracted look in his eyes. He knew he was still going over his performance, and Soobin didn’t want him to think himself into a hole.
“It’s like my brain is yelling at me,” Yeonjun whispered, locking eyes with Soobin. Soobin immediately focused all of his attention on his boyfriend, ready to hear and listen to every word. “It’s screaming at me to do more, work harder, push myself further,” he continued, fingers flexing beneath his cheek. “And I just can’t, I physically can’t do it, and when I can’t do it then my brain starts to yell things like ‘you’re a failure’ or ‘you’re lazy’ and it’s just so exhausting.”
Soobin moved closer, giving Yeonjun the opportunity to seek comfort should he want it. The idol rolled over onto his back, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I wish I could just turn my brain off and just breathe,” he sighed. When he removed his hands, Soobin lamented the slight reflection of tears. “Maybe you should meet with a therapist, talk it all out and learn some coping mechanisms,” he suggested.
Yeonjun pursed his lips but nodded, messing with the blankets. Soobin reached out and took one of his hands, unfolding his fingers and slipping his through them. “Hyung,” he said steadily, taking a deep breath. Yeonjun turned his head to meet Soobin’s gaze, and Soobin knew his cheeks were bright red. He wasn’t sure why he was about to say what he was going say right then, but something in him told him to do it.
“I love you.”
Yeonjun visibly froze, his eyes widening so much that his pupils dilated to pinpricks. His cheeks warmed to a crisp red and Soobin could see his chest pause as he held his breath. Soobin was in a similar state, scared shitless at the unexpected confession. Of course, he had known he was in love with Yeonjun since forever ago, but he hadn’t worked up the courage to tell the elder out of fear of scaring him off.
And as he laid there and waited for Yeonjun to respond, he worried that his biggest fear might actually unfold before him. The silence stretched on to the point of awkwardness, and Soobin’s chest twisted. Yeonjun was still staring at him intensely, and Soobin couldn’t maintain his gaze, so he lowered his eyes. Almost immediately, the sharp spikes of rejection shot through him and he felt an almost suffocating sadness wrap around his neck.
A part of his brain was yelling at him to not freak out, to remain calm, to not jump to the worst possible conclusion. He cleared his throat as his mind became overwhelmed with his thoughts, and he moved away a little. “Y-you don’t have to say it b-back, I u-understand,” he whispered, voice shaky and weak.
He didn’t know what he would do if he loved Yeonjun more than Yeonjun loved him. He didn’t know why he let himself assume the elder would be there yet, would ever get there. It was naïve of him, and he shouldn’t have sprung the words at him while he was already so emotionally distressed.
He sat up, faltering when he felt moisture on his cheeks. He didn’t even realise he had began crying, and he quickly turned his head away so Yeonjun wouldn’t see. The dancer was moving in his peripheral, pushing the blankets off. “Soobin—,” he started to say, before Soobin moved to the edge of the bed. “It’s fine, I p-promise,” he mumbled.
The plan was to make up some lame excuse and go hide in the bathroom so Soobin could cry out his feelings and then get over himself. He didn’t want to be a cry baby. However, as he started to stand, two hands gently pulled him back, and then Yeonjun was kneeling behind him, arms locked around his shoulders. Soobin’s eyes filled with tears at the embrace, and when Yeonjun leaned forward and pressed his cheek against Soobin’s, Soobin shivered.
“How could you possibly think I didn’t love you back?” the elder whispered, lips brushing Soobin’s cheek. At those words, Soobin exhaled, his entire body slumping as the relief washed over him. He close his eyes a wave of happy tears dripped down his face, Yeonjun able to feel them no doubt. He felt like he was being ridiculously dramatic, but Yeonjun didn’t seem to mind. He moved his hands in comforting caresses over Soobin’s chest, and he put his knees on either side of Soobin’s hips and pressed his chest to his back.
“Of course I love you, Soobin. You just really surprised me,” he continued, giggling at the end. Soobin smiled, reaching up to rest his hands over Yeonjun’s. “I wasn’t planning on saying it but…I don’t know,” he shrugged, twisting his head so he could lock eyes with Yeonjun. Yeonjun stared back with a little grin, and he nodded, untangling one arm to push Soobin’s bangs out of his eyes. “Thank you for taking care of me these past few weeks,” he murmured.
Soobin shook his head, turning around entirely and causing Yeonjun to detangle from his back. Soobin returned to the centre of the bed, and Yeonjun followed after, crawling into Soobin’s lap. Soobin blushed—usually it was the other way around—but settled his hands on the elder’s waist. “You don’t have to thank me for that,” he replied. Yeonjun tucked his fingers behind Soobin’s ear and held his cheek with the other.
“I would do anything for you, you know that right?” he whispered, gaze unwavering. Completely serious. Soobin swallowed, trying his best to keep it together under the elder’s unadulterated stare. He nodded, unable to think of a proper response. Yeonjun smiled softly, leaning down to kiss Soobin sweetly.
Their lips move together for a few seconds, and then Yeonjun smiles again, pulling away. “Enough serious stuff, I have a question for you,” he said, sitting up straight. Soobin rose his eyebrows, welcoming the light-hearted relief. Yeonjun smirked a little mischievously, leaning forward.
“How hot did you think I looked today?”
Soobin groaned before giggling, rolling his eyes and looking away from Yeonjun. He leaned back against the headboard and covered his mouth as he laughed. “Yah!” Yeonjun scolded, playfully hitting Soobin’s chest. “I wanna know!” Soobin shook his head, hiccupping over a few more laughs before he looked back at his boyfriend. “You’re shameless, hyung,” he wheezed.
Yeonjun rolled his eyes but smiled, reaching forward and pulling Soobin back up by his shoulders. He locked his arms around Soobin’s neck so he couldn’t escape easily, and smirked. “How hot was I, baby?” he whispered. Soobin’s entire neck was burning along with his face now, but he powered through, sliding Yeonjun closer on his lap. The elder’s breath caught but his smirk deepened.
“I could barely control myself,” he confessed. “There, happy now?” He raised his brows, and Yeonjun hummed, brushing his nose over Soobin’s. “The happiest,” he replied.