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“Sad Monk.”
“Ah, Prosecutor Blackquill. To what do I owe the pleasure of-”
“Cut the bull, Nahyuta, nobody’s here to hear your spiel.”
Nahyuta rolls their eyes as Simon walks towards their desk. He places both palms down on their desk and leans over.
“Yes?” they ask.
“Athena has just informed me you’re doing a culture binge this weekend, are you not?”
“Ah- so you’ve heard through the grapevine.”
“My sister keeps few secrets from me, and will gossip as much as the day is long.”
“So, then, what is the cause for the intrusion?”
“I have… a request.”
Nahyuta cocks their head.
“Oh? Do tell~”
“The premise is simple for the show, but ultimately stupid and blasphemous on a variety of levels,” Simon warns on Saturday. He is dressed down, much to Nahyuta’s glee, and has currently claimed part of their comfort preparations on the couch as his designated “spot”.
“I am aware. I watched the first five seasons and change over the past few weeks with Trucy.”
“Have you really?”
“She seems to find my reactions entertaining to just how much bastardization happens in this damned show. It’s taken as long as it has because I see fit to… rant about their transgressions, according to Trucy.”
“I take it I don’t need to overview the plot to you, then?” Simon asks with an amused hum.
“Two white men go around with their guns and other dangerous weapons, enacting brutal murders to creatures deemed a threat, and repeatedly dance in and out of Christianity’s opinion of hell with the help of a third white man? It is not too hard of a plot to follow, panda.” They pause, then add: “Though, I am curious as to why you’ve requested this particular episode to watch with me?”
“The younger Wright, while amused with your spirited opinions, is not particularly a fan of the episode in question. Or so Athena claims, anyways.”
“Is that why we’re only watching this episode, then?”
“No, we’re only watching this one because I don’t feel like swapping mediums after this.”
Nahyuta cocks their head.
“Come again? Are we not using the Netflix?”
“Ye gods, you speak like an old man.”
“Says the one four years my senior.”
“Silence.”
“Or what?”
Simon’s eyes flash as he narrows them at Nahyuta. Instinctively, they hike their shoulders up to their ears. Simon has a tendency of shoving cold fingers against their neck and practically giggling about the squeaks that Nahyuta elicits in response. They’d like to avoid that, if possible.
“You baby, get over here.”
“No, you’re going to bully me.”
Simon makes a show of rolling his eyes and extending a corner of his blanket up.
“Get over here and come complain about me while you relish in shared body heat you ridiculous idiot of a monk.”
Body heat wins them over. Also, the idea of cuddling up next to their partner is fun.
“So why aren’t we using the Netflix?”
“Episode’s banned,” Simon says.
“Banned?” they repeat, shocked.
“Was I not clear the first time? I’m surprised you haven’t heard about how it fell victim to controversy.”
“Did it really?”
“Mmm.”
“And just who did they manage to tick off, panda dearest?”
“Khura’in, if you can believe it.”
Nahyuta shifts so they can look at him. Unfortunately, from where their head is laying, they only catch a glimpse of one silver-grey eye looking down at them.
“Pohluknka, you’re kidding.”
“Oh, I’m very serious. It aired, and the resulting episode caused the show to go on a month of hiatus, with the uproar being so bad that their return from hiatus had to take its seasonal place. It’s only been aired on premiere night, and no other time.”
“Gods, panda, just how bad is it?”
“Well…”
It is exactly bad enough that Nahyuta is seething when the episode finishes. Simon can barely pull his phone out between fits of laughter as they curse.
“And another thing!” they hiss as they roll their beads in their hands. “Who the hells decided that any of that was okay?!”
Simon’s giggling is the only response that they get. Not that they’re expecting an answer, of course. Their rage can supply enough of this conversation.
“Who the hell signed off on that?”
“Probably the writer,” Simon manages between spurts of laughter. The credits are paused on the screen. “Kripke.”
“He’s going to Bahlgilpo’kon! I can’t think of a worse hell for him, but if one exists, he deserves it!”
“One of them went to super hell in the show, does that count?.”
“Send Kripke to this super hell as well.”
“Ye gods, Nahyuta, what- what happened. Enlighten my sister and Trucy, if you so please.”
“You-”
Nahyuta is seething. They take a breath so as to prevent snapping their rosary string again. Simon won’t be particularly happy if he’s pelted by beads so early in the morning. Or at all.
“Those damn white men,” Nahyuta starts, which elicits more giggles from the casualwear samurai on their couch, “have gone too far.”
“What happened?”
“I’ll tell you what happened! Do you want to know what happened?!
“Please.”
“They decided that- you know what would be a great idea? Let’s take Khura’inism, which is a religion specifically devoted to Khura’in and the land it resides on and the Holy Mother, who leads our people through hardships and keeps the countryside safe and well? Yes, let’s take that and let’s bastardize it, and turn it into a weird cult-like behavior! And then, let’s take Lady Kee’ra, and let’s turn her from a warrior for the people, and let’s twist her into a murderer! One that some random man takes a fixation on and decides to conduct some sort of Christian summoning circle to use her soul to go after people he feels has wronged him!”
Simon pats their knee sympathetically, laughter no longer bubbling out of his chest.
“And to add injury to insult-”
“Other way around.”
“Oh. To add insult to injury-”
“There you go.”
“Thank you- the longer haired white man read a bastardized description of Khura’inism that paints it in an unflattering and entirely incorrect light!”
Nevermind, Simon is giggling again. He’s hilariously amused by their frustration, has been laughing about it with every pause that they’ve taken just to seethe.
“Who signed off on getting the episode banned? I’m sending them a fruit basket.”
“Sad Monk, do not.”
“No, I am.” Nahyuta whips out their phone, comes up with an answer within a minute. “Oh, I like this ambassador! His daughter recently got married. I was invited to the wedding.”
“Did you show up?”
“I was invited,” Nahyuta gasps, scandalized. “Of course I went.”
“You didn’t invite me.”
Nahyuta gives him a flat stare. “Would you have flown the 19 hours to Khura’in for a wedding, only to turn right back around and accompany me back?”
“I wouldn’t have gone if it were in LA.”
“I would have made you my plus one. You clean up well, and I enjoy when I can manage to wrestle you into a proper suit.”
“You have a fetish for me in proper suits.”
“I do not, I just think you look very handsome in them, and I enjoy showing you off.”
“Show me off at the office, then.”
“You’re a badger at the office, and I’ve nobody to show you off to. Plus, Taka is more likely to commit crime there.”
“Taka would not be in attendance.”
“He would, and I’d even get him a little bowtie.”
“Do not put my companion in a bowtie.”
“I think he would look dapper in one. What do you think, Taka?”
The hawk in question kicks off his perch to land in Nahyuta’s lap, ruffling his feathers as they scratch under his beak.
“So, the episode went well, then?”
Nahyuta glares. They’ve almost forgotten Simon was recording them.
The resulting cursing in Khura’inese has Simon laughing again as he sets his phone aside and extends his arms out.
“You’re lucky I like you,” they grumble as they push themself into his arms, quickly settling.
“It’s fun seeing you get so energetic about it, even if it’s fury.”
“It was awful!”
“It was, I won’t deny that.”
“They really didn’t think about it, did they.”
“Peach Pit, they trampled over so much, I don’t think that it was a case of it being singled out.”
“We don’t have to watch anymore, do we?”
“No, we don’t. Not today. I’d actually prefer to not watch them.”
“...is it bad I still want to see how badly they ruin everything else?”
“It doesn’t affect you at all, so I don’t see why not.”
Simon is comforting enough that Nahyuta can feel the tension seeping out of their shoulders.
“Thank you for sitting through it with me.”
“You’re welcome.”