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He wished she had killed him when she had the chance. She could have stabbed him rather than send him back to the TVA. It would have been the perfect declaration of love, meaningful at least for him. Dying at the hands of this loved one was the only death he was willing to accept, because even though he now doubted if what they had had been real or not, the love he felt was as real as him. He did not have the words to describe the kind of love that he felt; he just knew that it existed and he would rather have his life ended before he had any time to dwell on that too much.
But that was impossible.
If he had died back there, he would not have fought it. Not there. His past self might have, but as everything came crashing down, he had no strength to defy fate anymore. It might be selfish, he now realised, but if he did not get to triumph next to Sylvie, he wanted nothing. When people say that love dumbs you down, they usually refer to romantic love. But he had just discovered that it happened with love of all types.
Fuck.
He now had to fix everything. To do everything in his power to get back to Sylvie and to stop the war that they had started. He believed that he carried as much guilt as Sylvie did.
He hated how guilt felt, sticky and messy on his stomach and bitter on his mouth, with a side of a good old sour heartbreak. He wanted to cry so bad but that was not his first priority. He had lost the opportunity to be selfish, and now he only had to trust his determination and his surprising ability to wink at death and walk away.
He allowed himself to linger for just a few seconds in the thought of the moment that they had shared. How after fighting and Sylvie putting a sword to his throat that she had dropped at the declaration “I just want you to be okay”, she had pulled him forward and gave him the hug that he had wanted back when they had found the (alleged) Time-Keepers. Everything was going wrong, but thinking about those seconds gave him strength.
With a painful sigh, he got up. He cruised the corridors he had memorised after his little escapades around the TVA, as he looked for the only other person that had gained his trust during his timeline hopping. Mobius would be able to help him, right? He had already done so much for him (and he would do the same for the man), so he put all of his faith on him. The little faith he had left.
He was not entirely sure about where to go, he gave his journey just barely a thought as he let his instinct guide him. Maybe he was just meant to find Mobius. Thinking about fate and the lack of free will made him want to jump out of a window, so he pushed away the thought. He also pushed another worker but, in his defence, they were walking too slow and he was desperate.
And, as his feet brought him to the library, he found his favourite analyst with his almost favourite hunter. They were probably discussing the recent events in the timeline. Always job-oriented, how professional. But he had information that would (hopefully) help them.
“Mobius!”
He ran to him, his face looking both helpless and happy to see the man.
“Loki!”
Loki’s name coming out of Mobius mouth sounded like it was made to be said by him and only him.
He wished to hug him. To jump on him and make him lose balance, so that they both ended up on the floor. Loki would laugh and Mobius would look at him sternly, but a tiny smile would be trying to betray him and appear on his face. They would share that moment and Hunter B-15 would look away, but she would laugh at them later. She would probably never let them forget that moment.
He Who Remains had dictated something else.
Loki had to stop himself to explain all that had happened. The spark in his eyes that had lit as soon as they saw him was extinguished. As Mobius had once said, he now looked like a scared little boy, lost and looking for guidance.
“We made a terrible mistake,” he stated, panting. “We freed the timeline.”
B-15 and Mobius looked confused and terrified. They were not able to feel disappointment after the claims made by Loki.
“You are all I’ve got left, I need your help,” he cried. “For a moment I thought I might not even find you. And if I didn’t find you I don’t know what I would’ve done. I wouldn’t have had anything else to fight for, Mobius.”
Loki had stepped closer to Mobius, to cup his face just to make sure that he was real.
“But we found him beyond the storm, at the End of Time. He’s terrifying,” Loki was shuddering. “He planned everything! He’s seen everything! He knows everything!”
Mobius reached to his arm, rubbing soothing circles as he tried to calm him down.
“It’s complicated,” he panted, close to hyperventilating. “But he’s coming. Well, he’s coming as well as countless different versions of himself. And they all want war, Mobius. We have to prepare.”
Mobius nodded, now getting the gist of the situation. He could get the details later, but now he had to get Loki to relax.
“Right, I get you. Take it easy, Loki.”
Loki was not taking it easy.
“You got back to us and that was lucky, now we’re together in this. Okay?”
Mobius leaned even closer to Loki, pressing their foreheads together.
“We can do this, we have a god on our side, don’t we? Who else is more qualified for this mission than the god of mischief himself? No one, I’m sure. Now, can you breathe slowly? Count with me, alright?”
Loki nodded, as Mobius lead the breathing exercise. Once he thought it was starting to work, Mobius pulled him into a hug.
And he accidentally broke Loki again.
“I missed you. I’m sorry. I just,” he was sobbing, so his words were not too easy to understand. (Mobius did understand). “Too much stuff. Too much stuff happened.”
Mobius hummed. He hugged him tighter as a response.
“Thank you for being here,” Loki added, in a barely audible tone.
“Thank me once we have finished everything.”
Reluctantly they pulled away from the hug. Mobius dried Loki’s tears with his sleeve, and he softly combed his hair with his hand. Loki looked like a mess, but no one would comment on that.
“We can do this, we’re together in this.”
Loki nodded once again, sharing a quick glance with Mobius before shooting B-15 a grin. He tried to replicate his usually cheeky smile, but it looked way softer now. And slightly painful.
“Let’s go, then,” she said. “I would’ve let you had a longer moment but time is no longer on our side. For now.”
They agreed.
Loki took Mobius’ hand when they started walking.
“You’re not getting away from me again,” he declared.
“I don’t wish to do so,” Mobius replied. He kissed the back of Loki’s hand. “It’s a promise, we’ll be together even after the End of Time.”