Chapter Text
Exhaustion catches up with all of them not long after they eat. They don’t have blankets so they all sleep right on the sand, Kiara’s the first to curl up and drift off. It makes JJ uneasy, the last thing he remembers before waking up on the boat was absolute panic as Machete Man lunged for Kie. He’s not sure how long they were in the water for before the others got them into the boat and he’s not sure how to ask. He can’t help but wonder if part of her exhaustion is from saving him, how close he might have come to drowning them both.
The thought makes his stomach twist uncomfortably.
JJ offers to take the first watch and John B makes him promise to wake him when he gets too tired. He can’t sleep anyways, he didn’t tell the others but his head is still pounding and everything still feels a little fuzzy. Thanks to the deep pockets of his beloved cargo shorts, he’s got his swiss army knife on him, and he starts whittling a stick into a spear as everyone drifts off. Sarah curled into John B’s side, snoring softly. Kie’s dead to the world, on the other side of the fire from Pope. He hates that he’s thankful for it, whatever may be between them, at least he doesn’t have to be the odd man out tonight.
Something’s been off with them since John B got out of prison, and JJ’s not sure what, or if he’ll be able to ask without one of them either biting his head off or crying. Pope rolls back and forth in the sand, switches onto his back with his eyes open.
“You good there, bro?” JJ asks, quietly, just in case the others are lighter sleepers than he gave them credit for.
Pope sighs heavily.
“We should never have gotten in that fucking container.”
JJ’s spine goes rigid as he glances back at Pope, lying impossibly still.
“We were never gonna get the fucking cross. Even if we did, then what? It was a stupid plan. But I was just so sick of people like the Limbreys and the Camerons getting away with this shit.” He sits up in the sand and runs some through his fingers. “Cause they always do. They always, always win. Every time.”
The blend of anger and defeat in Pope’s voice makes JJ's heart splinter a little. He gets it. He knows the feeling all too well, a desperation to take back control, to push back against people who've pushed you down so many times. Only it’s often like trying to climb your way out of a ditch, desperately clawing in the dark only to get hands full of dirt and tumble back to the ground.
“ I wanted to win,” Pope continues, his voice cracking and small. JJ moves to sit down next to him. “For Denmark, for my parents,” he turns to JJ, “for all of us.”
JJ purses his lips, searching for the right words to say, he can see tears building behind Pope’s eyes.
“You and Kie almost drowned. If we hadn’t gotten there when we did…”
Pope trails off and JJ swallows hard, his mind now on Kie, alone in the ocean trying to keep his head above water. Nearly drowning herself in the process. It almost makes him want to be sick.
“But you did, and we’re fine Pope--”
“Nothing is fine, JJ!” He hisses, still quiet but the shift in tone makes him flinch.
Pope sighs tiredly. “We’re stranded on a fucking island in the middle of the ocean! Remember how we felt when Big John disappeared? When we thought John B and Sarah were dead? That’s how my parents feel right now. Kie’,s too.”
JJ ducks his head down again. He can’t argue with that. On one hand, he’s lucky that he doesn’t have to carry around the weight of a parent's worry. But he can’t ignore the deep pit in his stomach that forms when he realizes that there’s no one back home to miss him. His only family is right here.
Pope’s voice gets more frantic as he carries on, JJ can hear the guilt behind his words, unshed tears behind his eyes. “For all we know, the Cameron’s could still be coming after Sarah and they still have the cross. We lost. Fuck, you and Kiara almost died and it’s all my fault. We could all die here and it's all my fault—“
“Hey!” JJ whispers sharply, grabbing Pope’s face, “None of this is your fault.” He motions to the ocean. “Sarah was on that ship and John B wasn’t staying without her. And I sure as hell wasn’t letting him go alone. Kie made her choice, so did you. The only person to blame for any of this shit is Ward fucking Cameron so I don’t wanna hear any of that ‘ it’s all my fault’ bullshit you hear me?”
Pope nods stiffly and brushes JJ’s hands-off, his eyes appreciative.
“Besides,” JJ adds, “if you and Kie hadn’t come, I’d be trapped here with the fucking love birds.”
Pope laughs lightly, wiping tears out of his eyes. JJ doesn’t mention it. Instead, he grabs his friends face again and imitates John B, “love just walked in for me Sarah, you stole my pure little Pogue heart—“
Pope’s laughing for real now as he shoves JJ off and mutters, “fuck off.”
JJ smiles back at him and lets the tension fade, no noise but the crackling of the fire and the rush of waves meeting the shore. JJ closes his eyes, takes in the smell of saltwater and smoke. Pope’s desperate to go home, but he thinks he could live like this. Far away from the Outer Banks where he’s destined for a jail cell. Just his family and the sea. Maybe if he stays here, he can rewrite the destiny that’s been handed down for generations. He can’t go to prison if he goes off the grid.
He shakes the thought out of his head, nice as it sounds. The Pogues will want to go home, they all have futures of some sort waiting for them when all this is over. He only has a few years before they pack up and leave him. Pope’s going to college, he’ll get another scholarship, JJ knows it. He’s too much of a fucking genius not to. John B too, he’s always gotten good grades without even really trying and Sarah will go wherever he goes. Or maybe John B will go wherever she goes… either way. They won’t be hanging around the Banks. And Kie…
“Got room for one more?”
JJ glances back at her now, curled up in the sand with her arms as a pillow, dark hair sprawling out around her. She’s tired from saving him, he thinks wearily. She almost drowned saving him.
He glances back at Pope and finds him staring at her too, a guilty knot forms in his stomach.
“So,” he says, because fuck it, he has to know. Hell, maybe he can even help whatever’s been weird between them. He just can’t deal with the wondering. “What happened?”
He doesn’t have to specify for Pope to know what he means. He sighs and drops his head into his hands, rubbing his forehead before looking back up.
“She – well we …” he shakes his head, “we’re just friends again. It’s better that way.”
He says it so stiffly that JJ’s not sure he means it.
“Oh shit, dude.” JJ hates that he’s relieved. He hates it. Pope and Kie deserve each other, they deserve to be happy together. He shouldn’t be happy that they fucking broke up. What kind of shit friend is he? “And you.. I mean, are you good?”
Pope just shrugs.
“It sucked, at first. But the more I thought about it, I realized that even when it was good I never felt—“ he sucks in a breath, “It was nice but there were no,” he sighs and glances over at where John B and Sarah are sleeping together, “no fireworks. I mean you hear JB talk about him and Sarah..”
JJ rolls his eyes. “More often than I’d like to.”
“You know what I mean,” Pope says with a grin, then growing serious again. “It wasn’t that. I’d wanted it for so long but it just… it wasn’t right. And Kie knew it.”
Pope’s staring at the small fire crackling beside them. He looks, not exactly sad but disappointed. Like he accepts why things are the way they are but maybe wishes they could be different.
“Hey,” JJ says, swinging an arm around his shoulders. “She just wasn’t the one for you man.” He raises his arm to pull Pope into a headlock and give him a noogie. “You’ll find your Sarah Cameron someday.”
Pope laughs and lightly shoves him off into the sand. JJ grins up at him as he shakes his head at him, a warm fondness in his eyes.
“How’s your head?”
JJ shrugs. “Had worse. Prolly best if I stay up for a while longer though. You outta get some sleep.”
Pope yawns as if JJ mentioning it had reminded him of how tired he was, sleepily says, “you sure you don’t want company?”
“Nah, I’m good,” he proudly lifts up his sharpened stick, “I wanna make more spears!” Pope just laughs and shakes his head, lays down, and rolls onto his side.
“Course you do.”
***
Kiara has always loved the water. The ocean. Her dad taught her to swim as soon as she could walk, let her sit on his surfboard, decked out in floaties and a life jacket as he rode the waves. When she was seven he taught her how to surf on her own, they spent hours together out on the waves as he taught her everything he knew. They’re some of her favorite memories, one of the few places she felt truly herself. Her favorite Disney princess was Ariel, her dad used to call her his little mermaid. The ocean was part of her. A part of her that feels most alive.
So why is it killing her? Why is trying to take JJ away from her? Her dad used to say that the wildness in her came from the ocean, it was what made her calm and sunny one minute and wild and raging the next. Maybe it’s fitting that this is what kills her.
“You wanna live like a Pogue Baby? ”
She can hear her parents laughing at a dinner table without her. It will be easier for them, probably, without her there to fuck up their lives. Make a scene at Kook dinner or throw away everything they’ve worked for. She was their mistake anyway, didn’t they like to remind her. She could make the same mistake her mother made. She ruined their lives, time and time again. This will just be another disappointment to them.
She kicks in the water, struggling to keep JJ’s head above water, his body lifeless in her arms. It’s so wrong. JJ is full of life. Bright, sunshiny smiles and so much energy that more often than not he trips when he runs. He’s carried more pain in his sixteen years than some people do in a lifetime and yet he’s still filled with so much light and joy. He deserves to see Spain, and South America, and South Africa, and Micronesia. He deserves to surf on every coast in the world and she wants to see him do it. She wants to do it with him. But she can’t. Physically, she can’t help them up any longer. Her legs give out beneath her she whimpers, “I’m so sorry,” as their heads go under.
Drowning. It’s almost like flying, in a way. She doesn’t let go of JJ as they sink, or fly, she can’t tell. Even under the water she can feel the tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn’t save them. She wants to scream but can’t make a sound. They’re going to die. At least they won’t be dying alone.
Her father tugs at her arms, pulling JJ out of her grip, she tries to scream but no sound comes out.
“Kiara, we have to go!” Her mom calls.
She just shakes her head as she whimpers, “no.”
“You have to let them go, Kiara.”
She fights and kicks and tries to scream, but they’re floating up towards the surface and JJ is sinking farther and farther away. Limp and lifeless, blond hair framing his head like a halo, his face is peaceful, at rest.
“No more treasure hunts, and no more Pogues.”
Kiara screams.
***
“Kie!” JJ hisses, tightly gripping her shoulders, trying to shake her awake, “Kiara, wake up!”
She jolts up, her eyes wide and frantic, gasping for breath.
JJ backs up and raises his hands, says as calmly as he can, “hey, Kie, it’s okay.”
She shakes her head, tears still falling down her face as she chokes out, “we were drowning. I tried, I tried and I couldn’t save you, you were gone, I’m sorry. JJ, I didn’t wanna leave you—”
“Hey, hey,” he takes a chance and reaches out to touch her, gently places his hands on her shoulders.“I’m right here okay? I’m fine, you saved me.”
She takes a shaky breath and meets his eyes, tears still pouring down her face. She reaches out and gently touches her finger tip to his face, like she’s not sure if he’s real or not.
JJ swallows, unsure of what to do. He’s seen her shove Pope off several times and he’s not sure how she’ll react if he tries to give her a hug, so he stays put and whispers, “I’m okay, Kie.”
She chokes out another sob and pushes herself forward wrapping her arms around him, clinging to the back of his tank top as she sobs into the crook of his neck.
JJ freezes at first. He’s not used to comforting people, hugs are one thing but this feels different . Important. He forces himself to relax, shifts onto his knees to be more comfortable and wraps his arms around her. Lifts one hand to run through her hair. He thinks of the night he bought the Cats Ass, the way she’d held while he fell apart, it had reminded him that he wasn’t alone, that he wasn’t unloved.
He holds her tighter.
“S’okay Kie,” he says quietly, “I’m here, we’re safe. I got you.”
One of her hands finds it’s way to his hair and clings to that instead of his shirt like she’s still trying to convince herself that he’s not a figment of her imagination.
“Ow, Kie, hair,” he mutters, when her grip tightens too much.
She jumps back like she’d burned him.
“Shit. I’m sorry I—”
“S’okay,” he says, moving over so that he’s sitting next to her. Kiara pulls her knees up to her chest. She’s stopped crying and shaking now, but her eyes are still puffy and watery. “Do you uh— do you wanna talk about it?”
She purses her lips and shakes her head no. Doesn’t offer him anything else.
JJ nods solemnly. “Got it. Sit in silence. Cool. I can do that.”
That earns him a small snort of a laugh.
“No you can’t,” she responds weakly.
He grins back at her.
“Yeah, you’re right. I can’t.”
Kie turns her head to him and gives him a watery-eyed smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She shifts her hand over to where he’s sitting in the sand and squeezes it.
“You ever almost drown again, I will kick your ass.”
JJ snorts. “If I ever almost drown? You’re the one who’s done it twice.”
“S’not my fault you and Pope were too chicken to go in the sewer.”
“Oh, cause you should have been able to get that cover off? One of us would be dead.”
She chuckles lightly, shakes her head, and stares into the fire. “Whatever.”
“Hey,” he squeezes her head, “I’m not goin anywhere. We still gotta surf in Spain, remember?”
A part of him is scared she didn’t really mean it, that she’ll laugh and say she was only joking. But she just smiles.
“And South America, and South Africa.”
JJ beams at her.
“Don’t forget Micronesia.”
“And Micronesia.” She pauses, smiling softly, then bumps her shoulder against his. “You know where else I was thinking?”
He cocks an eyebrow. “Hmm?”
“Yucatán.”
JJ smiles softly, tears start to build behind his eyes despite himself. He’s never even told John B before but, his dad took him and his mom on a vacation there once, when he was really little. Back when he was making good money as a smuggler. JJ doesn’t remember much of it, only that it was the most beautiful place he’d ever seen. Magical, even. He remembers Mom and Dad being the happiest he’s ever seen them. That’s where Dad said he was headed, and he wonders vaguely if that was where mom went too.
“JJ?” Kie asks, shaking him out of his head. “You okay?”
He sighs, runs a hand through his hair, and looks back at her.
“Are you?”
“Touché.”
They sit in silence for a moment, watching the fire crackle. Kiara hasn’t taken her hand out of his. JJ tries not to make anything of it, her dream freaked her the fuck out. He always gets clingy after nightmares too. If there’s anyone safe enough to cling to.
“I’m gonna go to sleep now,” she announces quietly, somewhat awkwardly.
JJ nods moves to get back to his spot on the rock but Kie tightens her grip on his hand.
“Can you— can you um.. would mind just like,” she pauses and swallows, tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, “I don’t wanna be alone.”’
He blinks at her a few times, almost taken aback, and then he’s nodding profusely. “Yeah, yeah, sure, of course, um…,” he flexes his arms forward and cracks his knuckles, “one human teddy bear, comin right up.”
Kiara scoffs.
“That’s not what I meant, just.. sit down. ”
He does as he’s told and watches as he gets comfortable, curling up like a cat with her back pressed against his side.
He uses his foot to kick a stick over to himself, and starts making another spear. Then carving little pictures into the driftwood seats they formed around the fire when he couldn't do that anymore. The warmth and steady breathing of Kiara against him is making him drowsy and his head would greatly appreciate it if he laid down. He only kicks John B awake when he can barely keep his eyes open anymore, and he feels Kie curl into his side when he lays down. If John B notices, he doesn’t say anything and JJ’s breathing evens out within seconds.
***
Kiara wakes up with a crick in her spine and her head on JJ’s stomach. The events of last night slowly filter back to her as she sits up and see’s Sarah sitting beside a sleeping John B, smirking at her.
“Morning sleeping beauty.” She nods to JJ. “Nice pillow.”
Kiara rolls her eyes, mumbles, “I had a dream that he died, fuck off.”
Sarah’s face falls in a sad understanding.
“I was having bad ones last night too.”
Kie looks at the bruised ring around Sarah’s neck and shudders, reaches out and takes her friend's hand.
Sarah smiles and squeezes back.
It’s crazy for Kiara to think that only a few months she and Sarah wouldn’t speak to each other. The hurt had felt so real then, her Kook Year was the hardest thing she’d ever been through.Now it all seems so trivial.
They only have one overruling problem now: survival.