Work Text:
Day 1 - May 2021
Morning light spills into Amanda's room and across her face, bathing her in a warm glow, her ethereal appearance heightened by the waves of golden hair splayed across her pillow.
''Sonny,'' she murmurs, the corners of her mouth curving faintly upwards, ''Are you watching me sleep?''
''I'm just appreciatin' the moment,'' Carisi tells her, his voice low, as if he doesn't want to break the spell.
Amanda opens her eyes to find Sonny propped on his elbow, his gaze taking her in like he can't believe she's real, and her heart flutters.
''No regrets?'' she asks, reaching up and brushing his once carefully-gelled hair back from his face.
''Is that a serious question?'' Carisi replies with eyebrows raised and eyes searching.
''No,'' Amanda concedes, her gaze warm and her smile soft.
''Good,'' Sonny sighs as he exhales, lying back down and pulling Amanda to him, ''Cause I could get used to this.''
He presses his lips to hers and kisses her in a way that makes her wonder, not for the first time since their moment on the Hudson, why she hadn't taken the leap sooner.
''I'm sorry, that I....'' Amanda trails off, unable to put into words the doubts and fears that had kept her from giving him her heart for so long.
''Hey, you don't have to be sorry,'' Sonny reassures her, his words punctuated with a kiss to her forehead, ''We're here now.''
They lie in contented silence for a few moments, his heartbeat echoing in her ear as her head rests on his chest, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on her arm.
''So what do we do now?'' Amanda asks, thoughts turning to the world outside the bubble they've created.
''Right now?'' Sonny replies with a smirk, leaning in and capturing her lips again.
''With work,'' she grins as they separate, swatting his arm before burrowing closer against him.
''Oh that,'' Carisi says with mock disappointment, before contemplating the question, ''We have to tell Liv and Hadid, we can't risk any conflicts or accusations of bias. Otherwise I might have to choose between you and my job, and I know what I would choose, but I do like being employed.''
Amanda smiles at the implication, as she considers his words.
''Okay,'' she says after a moment, wanting to do things just right and not risk either of their jobs, or the new aspect of their relationship they've spent years building, ''But just them for now. I feel like Fin and Kat are going to be so smug. Kat thought from day one that something was going on with us and she never let me forget it.''
''Well, she wasn't wrong,''
''Exactly,'' Amanda replies, with a good-natured roll of her eyes, ''Just for a little while, Sonny. I mean, they're going to figure it out anyway.''
''You think so?''
''You talk way too much to keep your mouth shut about anything this big,'' she teases, reaching for him.
''We'll see,'' Sonny manages to reply before he's swept away by her embrace.
Day 62 - August 2021
It's a disgustingly humid summer evening, and Kat and Amanda are sitting on the apartment building of a rape suspect. After two hours sweltering in the front seat of their squad car and nothing happening on the street, Rollins had slipped out to the all-night coffee shop down the block to grab them both an iced latte.
A bright light illuminates the car, and Tamin looks over to see Rollins' phone sitting on the driver's seat where it must have slipped from her pocket. Kat's eyebrows shoot almost to her hairline as she catches a glimpse of the message on the locked screen.
Carisi > Stay safe, I love you
The car door opens and Kat jumps a mile in the air, before grabbing the phone so Amanda doesn't sit on it as she gets into the car. Rollins deposits the coffees in the cup holders as Kat waves the phone at her.
''You forgot this,'' she tells her partner, and Rollins pats her pockets and looks gratefully to Tamin, before taking the phone from her and placing it on the armrest.
''Thanks.''
''Thank you,'' Kat replies picking up her coffee, and holding it up in a cheers motion. She takes a long, refreshing swig of the icy drink, before leaning back in her seat.
''So,'' she says with a sly smile as Rollins raises her straw to her lips, ''You and Carisi, huh?''
Amanda's mouth falls open as the coffee cup stops in mid-air. Kat grabs the phone again and lights up the screen, revealing the incriminating text.
There's no harm in Kat finding out, beyond the fact that she'll probably take the news with a smug 'I told you so'. Amanda and Sonny had disclosed their relationship in the weeks after it had begun, Carisi handing the paperwork in to Hadid, and Rollins slinking into Benson's office and wordlessly depositing the disclosure papers on her captain's desk. She'd stood awkwardly awaiting a response as Liv had scanned the papers, before raising her eyes to her detective with a questioning gaze.
''I know what you're going to say,'' Amanda had told her quickly, ''And we're going to keep things completely professional at work. We're not even going to tell anyone else about it -''
''Amanda,'' her captain and friend had broken in, ''What I was going to say is I'm happy for you. And that you seem happy lately too.''
''Thank you,'' Rollins had replied, tension easing and a smile of relief and contentment spreading across her face, ''I am.''
''Yeah,'' Amanda admits finally, ''Me and Carisi.''
''I knew it,'' Kat says, beaming like the Cheshire Cat, ''I knew there was something up with you two since forever.''
Rollins tilts her head and shoots Tamin a look of good-natured irritation. Talking about her personal life is definitely not something she enjoys, but Kat looks so happy for her and the night's been such a drag so far, that Amanda relents.
''Well, there was and there wasn't,'' Rollins says carefully, ''It just...took a while to figure things out.''
They sit in silence for a few minutes, sipping their coffees and keeping an eye on their suspect's apartment building, before a grin creeps over Kat's face.
''So, in 7 years...you never....'' she turns to Rollins, raising a curious eyebrow.
''Nope,'' her partner shrugs, after a barely noticeable pause. Kat nods, and Rollins hope that's the end of it, but Tamin's not done with her yet.
''Did you almost?''
Amanda shifts awkwardly in her seat, and hopes the red creeping across her cheeks is hidden by the darkness of the car.
Kat bursts out laughing, ''So that's a yes.''
''Define almost,'' Rollins says cryptically, and Kat throws her a shrug, realizing she's on the brink of pushing too hard for a work conversation.
''I'd be lying if I said I never thought about it,'' Rollins continues after just a few seconds, taking Kat by surprise, ''That there were never times where it would have been so easy to just...'' she trails off for a moment, thinking of all the times they sat just a little too close on the couch, or they'd brushed up against each other cooking in her tiny kitchen, and not least of all lingering outside a motel doorway in West Virginia.
''But I just didn't want to mess things up, you know? He'd been such an important part of my life for so long and I didn't want to risk that. I went through some pretty dark times before you showed up. You know about the gambling...but, it was bad. I almost lost my job. I chased guys who didn't give a damn about me. So I didn't let myself think it. I thought he deserved better than me.''
She glances over at Tamin, not sure what her expression will hold, but Kat is looking at her with a gentle smile, no judgment in her eyes.
''What changed?'' Kat asks, raising an eyebrow curiously.
''I did,'' Amanda tells her with certainty, ''I changed...I guess I'd always had a pretty warped idea of what love was supposed to be, until one day I realized I knew exactly what it was. It was him.''
Kat is struck by the calm energy radiating from her partner. Amanda Rollins is one of the strongest people she knows, but also one of the hardest to get to know. She can't help but admire Sonny Carisi for the patience and understanding he must have shown Rollins for her to open up to him, to bring out a softness in Amanda's eyes that Kat has never seen before.
''Look,'' Kat says with a pang of guilt,''I know Carisi and I didn't hit it off right away, but he's a good guy, and I can see how happy he makes you. I was too quick to judge, and I probably owe him an apology.''
''You're not the only one who got off on the wrong foot with him,'' Rollins tells her with a shrug, ''He's not the best with first impressions. But that's the thing about Carisi,'' Amanda continues fondly, ''He doesn't hold a grudge.''
They fall back into silence, before Rollins steers the conversation back to the case and Tamin quickly gets the message.
''Kat,'' Amanda adds suddenly a few minutes later, ''Just – keep it to yourself, okay? For now.''
''Sure thing, Rollins,'' Kat replies, ''But...''
Amanda raises her eyebrows at the junior detective.
''When you decide to go public, please let me be the one to tell Fin.''
''You really think I'd let someone else do that?''
''Fine,'' concedes Kat with a playful sulk, ''But at least let me watch.''
''Deal.''
Day 182 - November 2021
Thanksgiving in the Carisi household has always been a noisy chaotic gathering, a house full of unruly relatives talking too loudly and eating too much. It's always been a bit much, even for Sonny, and he's not sure how Amanda and the girls will react. But she's insistent they should accept his mother's invitation and dive headfirst into spending the holiday with Carisi's extended family.
''Don't feel like you have to learn everyone's name,'' he tells her in the car on the way to Staten Island, ''And if you're full, don't let 'em make you keep eatin' ''
Amanda laughs, and Carisi glances to her with an earnest expression.
''You can laugh, but one year my Nonna stuffed me with cannelloni until I puked. That's the year I learned to say no.''
Amanda would have been lying if she'd said she wasn't nervous to spend such an important holiday with Carisi's boisterous relatives. But his parents had welcomed her and her daughters with open arms, treating them like family from the moment they'd met. They'd never seemed to question their only son's choice of partner - a never-married single mother with two children - or the fact that he'd moved in with them only weeks after their relationship had begun.
''I'm not worried, Sonny. You shouldn't be either.''
They're greeted with a warm welcome, smiling relatives introducing themselves left and right, and Amanda can't help but smile too. Jesse and Billie soak up the attention as Sonny's aunts fuss over their matching dresses and sweet smiles.
They dig into a feast, a mix of traditional Thanksgiving foods and Italian specialties, the conversation easy and mood convivial. With full bellies all around and a gentle buzz from the flowing wine, the family heads for the living room to splay themselves on the couches and chairs, sated and content.
Amanda's always loved Thanksgiving, but it's a holiday that had often been tainted by her father's frequent absences and her mother's drinking. Despite her many shortcomings, Beth Anne had always managed to get a turkey dinner on the table – except the one year that Jim had flung the roast as it was coming out of the oven, its Pyrex dish smashing against the floor and coating the bird in shards of glass. He'd left without a word, slamming the front door on the way out, and Beth Ann and the girls had bitten their tongues as they ate ham sandwiches with Thanksgiving sides for dinner that night.
Sonny's talking energetically with one of his cousins, bouncing Billie on his knee as she hugs a plush turkey Dominick Sr had given her to play with. Jesse's at the kid's table, colouring with the Carisi nieces and nephews, smiling from ear to ear as Sonny's mom Marie passes by and tells her how beautiful her picture is and how proud she is of her.
Billie wants to colour too, and Sonny plops her down next to Jesse, who throws her arms around his neck, before explaining in great detail her artistic choices. Sonny listens to her with great fascination, then sets Billie up with a paper and some crayons. She starts on her own masterpiece with enthusiasm, and Sonny makes his way over to where Amanda's leaning against the door frame, quietly and contentedly surveying the room.
''You okay?'' Carisi asks, his forehead creased in gentle concern, before bringing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her to him.
Amanda melts into his side, and rests her head on Sonny's shoulder. She nods, and is quiet for a moment, before pushing herself up on her toes and bringing her lips to his ear.
''I think we should get married.''
The words are quiet, meant only for him, and when he looks into Amanda's face her expression is serenely confident in the same way it had been exactly six months before, when she'd made the decision to face her fears and choose love. Her lips turn up into a warm smile as she takes in the joy in his eyes. Before they can say anything more, Amanda's daughters are calling for her and she's swept away.
Hours later, the girls asleep and their apartment quiet, Carisi contemplates the whispered words he hasn't been able to shake since they left Amanda's lips. She's sitting on the bed in sleep shorts and a tank top, brushing out her long blonde hair, and he still can't help but marvel at the fact that he gets to see her like this – relaxed and comfortably at home, her defenses down and her natural beauty shining though.
''What?'' Amanda asks with a twinkle in her eyes as she catches Sonny watching her.
''Did you mean it?'' he asks, crinkling his brow.
She doesn't need to ask what he's talking about.
''I meant it,'' she tells him with a fondness in her gaze that he still can't believe is meant for for him.
''Close your eyes,'' he says suddenly, and her eyebrows raise in response.
''What?''
''Just...close your eyes, Rollins. You trust me, don't you?''
''Of course I do,'' Amanda laughs, sitting back on the bed and squeezing her eyes shut.
She hears a drawer open and close, then feels the mattress shift as Carisi sits down beside her on the bed.
''I've had this for a while,'' he whispers in her ear, and Amanda opens her eyes to find an open velvet box in his hands, a ring perched inside.
''What do you say,'' Sonny asks, ''Partners for life?''
Amanda smiles as he slips the ring on her finger and whispers words of love against her cheek, before she's even answered.
''Partners for life.''
Day 391 - June 2022
Nick Amaro strolls into the 16th Precinct and takes a good look around. A lot has changed since his time there, starting with the squad room itself, with its newly sleek surfaces and muted tones. He hadn't expected to find himself in New York, and when he did he almost didn't stop by to reconnect with his former life. In the years since he'd moved to California, he'd gotten caught up in his fresh start – a new career, a new woman in his life, his kids. He hadn't been in touch with any of the old squad in years, and wasn't sure if any of them would even still be around to greet him. But once he found himself in Manhattan, he'd decided he couldn't pass up the chance to see old friends.
And so, he'd found himself, late one pleasant June afternoon, standing at the front desk of the Special Victims Unit asking after his old colleagues. He asks the duty clerk if Benson, Rollins, or Tutuola are around, and the clerk checks the roster.
''Detective Carisi's in,'' he tells the former detective, ''Take a seat in the break room, I'll let her know you're here.''
Of course, it would be Carisi, Nick thinks with a shake of his head, before his mind doubles back to the clerk saying 'her.' He figures maybe the clerk is new, or just misspoke.
Five minutes later, the break room door swings open, and he's pleasantly surprised when Amanda Rollins appears.
''Nick?'' she says with disbelief, her look of surprise evolving into a smile as the door swings shut behind her, ''What are you doing here?''
''Rollins! Good to see you - the clerk said he was sending over Carisi.''
Amanda holds up her left hand, and wiggles her fourth finger, adorned with an engagement ring and wedding band.
''That's me,'' she says with a broad smile.
''Wow. Rollins, I – Wow.''
Amanda laughs at Amaro's flustered state, ''Yeah, I didn't see it coming either.''
''Two Carisis - must get confusing around here,'' Nick says, gesturing vaguely towards the bullpen, searching for something to say as he tries to wrap his head around the fact that Amanda Rollins married the new guy.
''Well, Dominick's an ADA now, still with SVU though,'' she tells him, and Amaro doesn't miss the pride in her voice.
''Dominick, huh?'' he asks, eyebrow raised and teasing grin on his lips.
''A lot has changed since you left, Nick.''
There's a hint of defiance behind her friendly smile, almost daring him to question the path she's taken, including her choice of husband.
''Well, you look happy,'' Amaro tells her instead, with a genuine smile.
''I am.''
Amanda pauses, knowing there's no way to easily convey her love for Carisi or everything that had led them there. Instead, she sums it up with, ''He's a good guy, Nick. The best person I know.''
''I'm happy for you, Amanda'' Amaro tells her after a brief pause, ''You deserve it.''
They sit and chat for a while, talking mostly about their jobs and their kids, and when Liv and Fin return to the squad, they all head down the street to grab a drink, eager to catch up. When Sonny Carisi joins them at the bar for the second round, Amaro doesn't miss the way Amanda lights up in his presence, greeting her husband with an easy kiss. She's relaxed with Carisi by her side, leaning into him ever so slightly, laughing at something Sonny's said that Nick didn't quite catch.
He's not sure how Carisi will react to his presence – their relationship was always a bit rocky – but Sonny greets him with a friendly smile and a firm handshake.
''Nick,'' he says warmly, ''It's been a long time.''
The conversation flows easily, and it feels great to catch up with his old friends after so many years. Amaro's focus, though, keeps returning to Amanda, but not out of any sense of jealousy or residual romantic feelings. He's amazed by the change in her since the time they'd spent together, how grounded and happy she seems – with Sonny Carisi of all people. He can't help but wonder how it had all come to be.
Nick had cared about Amanda, beyond their undeniable physical attraction, but he'd had to admit to himself that part of the allure of their relationship had been that she was damaged and broken – a beautiful, feisty damsel in distress he'd thought was in need of a knight in shining armour. He'd been sorely mistaken about that - Amanda Rollins hadn't been a project that needed fixing, and their dynamic had been all wrong. He sees it in the way Carisi lays a gentle hand on Amanda's back with comfortable affection rather than possession, the way a warmth passes between them every time they look at each other. Their attraction isn't based in conflict, and Sonny doesn't regard her with concern or uncertainty. He admires her. He knows her. He loves her, that much is obvious. Carisi waves his hands wildly as he talks about the stepdaughters he's raising as his own, his words filled with devotion and pride.
Amaro studies Amanda carefully as her husband speaks, and though she still has a fierceness in her eyes, the invisible barriers that once surrounded her seem to have dissipated. There's a softness there, alongside the strength, and a deep-seated confidence that was once for show. Her eyes sparkle as she looks at Sonny Carisi with an adoration she'd never bestowed on Nick, and Carisi looks just as smitten with her.
Meeting Amanda Carisi had been completely unexpected and initially baffling, but Nick Amaro left New York and his former colleagues with a glow in his heart and a certainty that the friend who had meant so much to him is in good hands.