Chapter Text
vaguely mature individuals
[02:33] Lumine: CHILDE YOU FUCKINF LITTLEBITCJH
[02:33] Lumine: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
[Albedo, Beidou, and 4 others are online]
[02:33] Childe: what ever do you mean
[02:33] Childe: and why did you immediately have to go to the group chat
[02:33] Childe: rude >:(
[02:34] Beidou: why do all of our conversations in this gc start with lumine yelling at childe
[02:34] Albedo: or zhongli yelling at him
[02:34] Beidou: tru
[02:34] Lumine: you know perfectly well what i mean you asshat
[02:34] Lumine: and i’m on the gc because i need emotional support after that
[02:34] Childe: ALL I DID WAS SEND YOU AN INNOCENT LITTLE TIKTOK
[02:34] Lumine: AFTER PINGING ME 69 TIMES
[02:34] Beidou: …nice
[02:34] Lumine: AND THAT TIKTOK WAS ANYTHING BUT INNOCENT
[02:35] Childe: BE GLAD IT WASNT A RICKROLL
[02:35] Lumine: I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED A RICKROLL TO THAT MONSTROSITY
[02:35] Lumine: ANYONE WOULD HAVE
[02:35] Albedo: wait i’m curious
[02:35] Lumine: don’t be
[02:35] Beidou: you know who can solve this
[02:35] Beidou: @Zhongli
[02:35] Beidou: @Zhongli
[02:35] Albedo: @Zhongli
[02:36] Lumine: oh lord
[02:36] Childe: HAHA SUCKERS HE’LL BE ON MY SIDE
[02:36] Childe: I ALREADY SENT HIM THE TIKTOK
[02:36] Lumine: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT GHLSKHDJG
[02:36] Lumine: i mean ig he wouldn’t get it anyways
[02:36] Albedo: i am very intrigued by this state of affairs
[02:36] Beidou: that makes two of us science boy
[02:36] Beidou: childe send me the tiktok so i may pass judgement
[02:36] Lumine: DON’T YOU FUVKING DARE
[02:37] Childe: wait why isnt zhongli responding ;-;
[02:37] Lumine: in case you didn’t notice it is past two of the clock in the morning
[02:37] Childe: so????
[02:37] Lumine: i-
[02:37] Lumine: albedo?
[02:38] Albedo: you may be unaware of this fact but there is a system in the human body called the melatonin cycle
[02:38] Albedo: which, in short terms, regulates tiredness and a body’s ability to fall asleep at different times
[02:39] Albedo: meaning he’s fucking sleeping like a normal human unlike you heathens
[02:39] Kaeya: ALBEDO SNAPPP
[02:39] Albedo: why are you here
[02:39] Kaeya: damn how rude :(
[02:39] Childe: i added him
[02:39] Lumine: of course you did
[02:39] Lumine: because one utterly unhinged bisexual wasn’t enough
[02:39] Beidou: personally i prefer rich lesbians 🥵
[02:40] Lumine: we know beidou. we know.
[02:40] Childe: the point remains
[02:40] Childe: zhongli WOULD be on my side if he was awake
[02:40] Lumine: *were awake
[02:40] Childe: so youre just overreacting bestie
[02:40] Beidou: .
[02:40] Albedo: .
[02:40] Kaeya: .
[02:41] Lumine: .
[02:41] Lumine: you know what
[02:41] Venti: I HEARD THERE WAS CHAOS ABOUT TO ENSUE??
[02:41] Beidou: YOUR TIMING CANNOT BE ANY FUCKING WORSE STARBUCKS
[02:41] Lumine: i’m done with dealing with you childe
[02:41] Lumine: i just might give my phone to xiao
[02:41] Beidou: DAMNNNNN SHE BROUGHT OUT THE BIG GUNS
[02:42] Venti: LUMINE SLKGKLSLKSJ
[02:42] Kaeya: RUN WHITE BOY RUN
[02:42] Albedo: i do not want to be here for that.
[02:43] Childe: WAIT LUMIE WHYYYY
[02:43] Lumine: CALL ME LUMIE AGAIN AND I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPINE AND BEAT YOU WITH IT
[02:43] Lumine: and i’ve just had enough of this
[02:43] Beidou: she only gives her phone to xiao in dire circumstances
[02:43] Beidou: like when this one creep on instagram asked her for pictures of her boobs
[02:43] Kaeya: FUCKEN WHO
[02:44] Venti: NAMES BITCH
[02:44] Albedo: names.
[02:44] Lumine: uhhhhh i don’t think he wants y’all’s boobs but maybe that’s just me
[02:44] Childe: LUMINE IM GENUINELY OFFENDED THAT YOU WOULD PUT ME IN THE SAEM CATEGORY AS AN INSTAGRAM PERV
[02:45] Lumine: I’M NOT PUTTING YOU IN THE SAME CATEGORY BUT TO BE FAIR YOU DID SAY MY FACE LOOKED SQUISHY ONCE AND I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN THAT
[02:45] Venti: KJLSFGKLJKLS
[02:45] Kaeya: WAIT WTF LMAOOOOO
[02:45] Childe: IT DOES OK
[02:45] Childe: YOU AND AETHER HAVE BABYFACES
[02:45] Childe: ITS SO CUTE
[02:46] Beidou: childe your bisexuality is showing
[02:46] Childe: SO???? PEOPLE ARE HOT
[02:46] Childe: MY TYPE IS JUST PRETTY IDC ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE
[02:46] Albedo: i’m assuming this assessment encompasses the majority of your acquaintances, including but not limited to lumine, zhongli, aether, diluc, lisa, xiao, jean, etc.
[02:46] Childe: YOU CAN BET UR EXCELLENT ASS ON IT
[02:47] Albedo: i take all of this back someone just shoot me
[02:47] Kaeya: wait why am i not on the list albedo :(
[02:47] Albedo: do i need to answer that
[02:47] Beidou: LOCKED CHAINED AND FUCKING OWNED
[02:48] Venti: i-
[02:48] Venti: i usually dont say this but this is getting out of hand
[02:48] Venti: im gonna go annoy xiao and aether now goodbye
[02:48] Beidou: damn when venti leaves bc its too chaotic u KNO shit just got real
[02:48] Kaeya: to be fair he probably just wanted to bother xiao and aether in the first place but forgot they werent in this gc
[02:48] Childe: so thats why i couldn’t find aethers number!!!!
[02:49] Lumine: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY BROTHER OR DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH
[02:49] Lumine: I WILL ABSOLUTELY STRANGLE YOU
[02:49] Childe: lmao can you even reach my neck
[02:49] Zhongli: She could, though not very easily.
[02:49] Childe: rhetorical question
[02:49] Zhongli: Oh.
[02:50] Childe: WAIT ZHONGLI YOURE HERE FINALLY
[02:50] Zhongli: Yes, though not particularly by choice. My phone apparently reached its limit in silencing notifications and starting notifying me incessantly that I had unread messages.
[02:50] Kaeya: …ehe
[02:50] Lumine: don’t steal venti’s catchphrase, it's inconsiderate
[02:50] Lumine: also childe i’ve decided to be benevolent this time and not give my phone to xiao or add him to the chat
[02:50] Venti: im back bitches and if you wont then i can :)
[02:50] Childe: HOE DONT FUCKIVIN DO IT
[02:51] Zhongli: But why would adding Xiao to this group chat have such negative effects?
[02:51] Childe: hlsdLKLL??.fsdo]\
[02:51] Beidou: someone tase him again
[02:51] Childe: iojlkll.;;s7-0/‘’
[02:51] Beidou: thanks
[02:51] Kaeya: np
[02:51] Venti: LMAO SHOULD I ADD AETHER INSTEAD
[02:52] Lumine: dON’T YOU DARE
[02:52] Lumine: HE DOESN’T DESERVE TO GO THROUGH THIS SHIT
[02:52] Lumine: VENTI ISTG DONTFUCKING ADD HIM
[Venti added Aeth 💗 to the conversation]
[02:52] Lumine: just know that your days are numbered starbucks <3
[02:52] Venti: ik ik <3
[02:53] Aeth 💗: i-
[02:53] Aeth 💗: lumie why all the death threats
[02:53] Kaeya: LUMIE 😩
[02:53] Beidou: L U M I E
[02:53] Zhongli: Lumie?
[02:53] Venti: LUMIE!!!
[02:53] Zhongli: Ah.
[Childe changed Lumine’s name to 💕Lumie💕]
[💕Lumie💕 changed their name to Lumine]
[Childe changed Lumine’s name to 💕Lumie💕]
[💕Lumie💕 changed their name to Lumine]
[02:54] Aeth 💗: yall could do that all day lol
[02:54] Childe: HAHAHHAHHHAAHAHA
[02:54] Childe: LUMINE UR BROTHERS GONNA FIT RIGHT IN HERE LMAOO
[02:54] Lumine: AETHER WHY
[02:54] Aeth 💗: :))
[02:54] Aeth 💗: i think my work here is done
[02:55] Venti: NOO AETH DONT LEAVE ME 🥺
[02:55] Childe: WAIT BEFFORE U LEAVE CAN I SAVE YOUR NUMBER
[02:55] Aeth 💗: wtf no
[02:56] Lumine: CHILDE YOU FUCKEN DESPERATE BITCH
[02:56] Kaeya: siri spell desperate 😌
[02:56] Beidou: R-I-C-H W-H-I-T-E B-O-Y
[02:56] Albedo: g-i-n-g-e-r a-s-s-h-a-t
[02:56] Venti: l-i-t-e-r-a-l f-u-c-k-e-n c-h-i-l-d
[02:56] Zhongli: So, Childe?
[02:56] Childe: SLKDFLKSDJFLALLDS
[02:56] Lumine: he’s not wrong though
[Albedo changed Childe’s name to d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e]
[02:57] d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e: ALBEDO WTF WHY
[02:57] Albedo: lol
[d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e changed their name to Childe]
[02:57] Aeth 💗: *crunches popcorn*
[02:57] Aeth 💗: i never knew group chats could be so unhinged and entertaining at the same time
[02:57] Aeth 💗: the one with xiao venti and me is just xiao yelling half the time :/
[02:57] Venti: yeah, at me :(
[02:57] Lumine: don’t try to say you don’t deserve it
[02:58] Aeth 💗: quick question should i scroll up and read past messages
[02:58] Beidou: oh lawd no
[02:58] Kaeya: NO AETH SAVE YOURSELF
[02:58] Albedo: it’s your choice but you may want eye bleach afterwards
[02:58] Childe: NOooo don’t ur so hot aha~
[02:58] Childe: i said nothing aha~
[02:58] Zhongli: He said many things.
[02:59] Childe: ZHONGLI WHYYY
[02:59] Lumine: albedo, as the moderator, please kick aether
[02:59] Lumine: for his own safety
[02:59] Albedo: will do milady
[02:59] Aeth 💗: its ok i already read all the messages up until yesterday
[02:59] Childe: NOO YOURE SO SEXY AHA DONT READ THEM AHA~
[02:59] Aeth 💗: i have already read them and i cant exactly forget them now
[02:59] Aeth 💗: especially thl;;.
[Albedo removed Aeth 💗 from the conversation]
[03:00] Kaeya: ALBEDO YOU FUCKEN KILLED HIM GKLSKJLD
[03:00] Beidou: rip king 👑
[03:00] Venti: rest in pizzas king 😔
[03:00] Venti: OH almost forgot does anyone want a mountain dew?? i have like 8 12-packs
[03:00] Kaeya: what no alcohol? damn son i thought you were better than that
[03:00] Beidou: ^
[03:00] Venti: ik ik i thought i was getting canned beer but i was drunk off my ass at the time so i accidentally got mountain dew instead
[03:00] Venti: ive already had 4 and can clip thru walls now wanna see
[03:01] Beidou: HELL YEAH
[03:01] Kaeya: SIGN ME THE HELL UP
[03:01] Kaeya: im gonna be able to clip thru the map by morning just watch me
[03:01] Zhongli: Please do not drink four or more Mountain Dews in a night. I would not recommend even drinking one.
[03:01] Beidou: kaeya, starbucks, and i live to make bad decisions
[03:01] Beidou: i felt like that was obvious
[03:01] Albedo: venti i may need some of those later
[03:01] Albedo: tiredness is a clingy bitch i can’t get rid of her
[03:02] Lumine: ALBEDO NO
[03:02] Venti: ALBEDO YES
[03:02] Kaeya: yes king drink that mountain dew 😌
[03:02] Kaeya: even though *i* would be more refreshing but yknow
[03:02] Albedo: .
[03:02] Albedo: suddenly i no longer want to drink mountain dew
[03:02] Kaeya: WAIT NOOOO 😭😭
[03:03] Lumine: wait where’s childe
[03:03] Zhongli: I was wondering that as well.
[03:03] Lumine: yea typically when there are bad decisions to be made he’s the first to make them
[03:03] Lumine: OH DON’T TELL ME
[03:03] Zhongli: Tell you what?
[03:03] Lumine: BRB
(very slightly earlier)
[03:02] Aeth 💗: i read the messages and
[03:02] Aeth 💗: i feel like u should know both lumine and i could definitely beat your ass if we needed to
[03:02] Aeth 💗: weve been taking martial arts for approximately 11 years
[03:03] Childe: ok i did not know that thank you for informing me aether you are very kind
[03:03] Aeth 💗: happy to help
[03:03] Aeth 💗: also don’t save my number
[03:03] Childe: why nottttt 😭
[03:03] Childe: but youre prettyyyyyy
[03:03] Aeth 💗: i know enough about you from lumine to know that you saving my number will not have a good outcome
[03:03] Aeth 💗: goodbye
[Aeth 💗 deleted the conversation]
[03:04] Childe: well damn ok
zhongli’s permanent retirement fund (childe give us money)
[03:05] Lumine: CHILDE ARE YOU TALKING TO AETHER BC ISTG
[03:05] Childe: ARE ALL TWINS GODDAMN PSYCHICS WTF
[03:05] Lumine: AHA BUSTED
[03:05] Childe: YOU
[03:05] Lumine: YES ME BITCH
[03:06] Zhongli: Please take your text-form shouting matches off of this group chat. I am attempting to sleep.
[03:06] Childe: of course king <3
[03:06] Lumine: all right i’ll go off all caps
[03:06] Lumine: but anyway why were you talking to aether?? he told you not to save his number
[03:06] Childe: i didnt!!! he texted me first to tell me you and he could beat my ass if the need arose
[03:06] Lumine: oh good
[03:06] Lumine: thank you for your time tortillaglia
[03:06] Childe: bitch <3
[03:06] Lumine: white boy </3
[03:07] Childe: damn 😭
[03:07] Zhongli: Are the two of you finished messaging each other on a group chat where the third party is attempting to sleep?
[03:07] Childe: of course king <3
[03:07] Lumine: lord almighty
vaguely mature individuals
[09:13] thigh high boots 🤤: so venti about that mountain dew
[09:13] thigh high boots 🤤: WHO THE FUCK CHANGED MY NAME
[09:13] thigh high boots 🤤: IT’S ME ALBEDO WHAT THE FUCK
[Beidou, Childe, and 4 others are online]
[09:13] Beidou: it was kaeya
[09:13] Venti: kaeya
[09:13] Lumine: Kaeya
[09:14] Zhongli: Most likely Kaeya.
[09:14] Childe: no definitely kaeya
[09:14] Kaeya: WHY YALL GOTTA CALL ME OUTTTTTT
[09:14] Kaeya: I THOUGHT WE WERE BROS 😭 😭
[09:14] Beidou: eyepatch brother…i had to do it to ya 😔🤚
[09:14] Lumine: [hadtodoittoem.img]
[09:15] Venti: a horny bisexual can stop being horny just as well as a leopard can change its spots 😌
[09:15] Childe: DAMN VENTI RLLY WENT FOR HIS KNEECAPS KSLDF
[09:15] Kaeya: IM NEVER TALKING TO ANY OF YOU AGAIN
[09:15] thigh high boots 🤤: kaeya
[09:15] thigh high boots 🤤: fuck i hate this so much
[thigh high boots 🤤 changed their name to Albedo]
[09:15] Lumine: rip thigh high boots you will be missed
[09:15] Childe: missed from the bottom of our hearts
[09:15] Venti: #thighhighsliveoninourhearts
[09:15] Albedo: fuck you all
[09:16] Kaeya: please do 😔
[09:16] Beidou: SKLDJFKLSJKWIOSDFJ
[09:16] Beidou: KDSKLEEIRN,,
[09:16] Lumine: i-
[09:16] Childe: THAT WAS SO SMOOTH IM GONNA REMEMBER THAT
[09:16] Venti: SAME HERE THANKS KAEYA
[Zhongli is now offline]
[09:16] Childe: NOOOOOOO ZHONGLI COME BACKKKK
[09:16] Venti: WE KILLED HIM OMGOMG
[09:17] Beidou: GRANPA CANT TAKE THE HORNY BISEXUALS
[09:17] Albedo: lumine
[09:17] Albedo: are you the only sane one left
[09:17] Lumine: [hadtodoittoem.img]
[09:17] Albedo: nvm
[09:17] Kaeya: albedo im still waiting on your response 👀
[09:18] Venti: lord hes as desperate as childe
[09:18] Childe: i
[09:18] Childe: thats fair
[09:18] Beidou: imagine being desperate…could never be me 😌
[09:18] Venti: just bc your gf is 5’11 with dyed hair doesnt mean you can lord her over the rest of us 😭😭
[09:18] Lumine: it kinda does though
[09:18] Beidou: thank you lumine
[09:19] Albedo: kaeya
[09:19] Kaeya: yes, albedo?? 🥺
[09:19] Albedo: this is my answer
[09:19] Albedo: [09983.img]
[09:19] Kaeya: NOOOO DONT BURN THEM STOP
[09:19] Childe: NOT THE THIGH HIGHS
[09:19] Beidou: LORD IS THAT GASOLINE
[09:19] Venti: WAIT WHERED U GET THE GASOLINE JFKDSLKJW
[09:19] Albedo: lighting the match rn
[09:19] Lumine: WAIT BEFORE YOU BURN THEM WHERE DID YOU GET THEM AND HOW MUCH DID THEY COST
[09:19] Albedo: 44.99 on amazon with prime shipping
[09:20] Lumine: tysm!!!
[Lumine is now offline]
[09:20] Childe: NOOOOOOO LUMINEEEEEE
[09:20] Kaeya: SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT COULD HAVE PERSUADED HIM TO STOP JFDKSL
[09:20] Kaeya: ALBEDO APPARENTLY HATES ALL OF US EXCEPT HER
[09:20] Albedo: yeah pretty much
[09:20] Albedo: beidou still has rights though
[09:20] Beidou: thank you <3 also dont burn those boots if they were $44.99
[09:21] Albedo: hmm
[09:21] Kaeya: albedo pls noooo
[09:21] Childe: dont do this albedo…youre better than that
[09:21] Venti: ngl albedo id buy those from you for $50 straight up
[09:21] Venti: ive been needing some classy footwear 😌
[09:21] Childe: so you can look your best while getting wasted every four hours?
[09:21] Venti: bitch im fabulous
[09:21] Kaeya: seriously though your hair dye is fading bc you get beer in your hair so much like i didnt know that was even possible
[09:21] Venti: bitch im fabulous
[09:22] Albedo: nah venti i’m not selling them for anything under $65
[09:22] Venti: …fuck
[09:22] Albedo: but your assessment of their fabulousness has made me reconsider and i am no longer burning them
[09:22] Kaeya: HALLELUJAH LORD BE PRAISED 🙏 🙏 🙏
[09:22] Childe: PRAISE THE THIGH HIGHS 🙏 🙏
[09:22] Venti: THIGH 🙏 HIGHS 🙏 SHALL 🙏 PREVAIL
[09:22] Beidou: FUCK YEAH BRO I KNEW U WERENT THAT STUPID
[09:22] Albedo: excuse me?
[09:22] Beidou: I MEAN
[09:23] Beidou: OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING THOSE BOOTS HEIGHTEN YOUR SEX APPEAL FROM UWU SCIENCE BOY TO IM A LESBIAN BUT ID FUCK HIM
[09:23] Beidou: SO YOUD BE A DUMBASS TO GET RID OF THEM
[09:23] Childe: “OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING”
[09:23] Venti: U W U S C I E N C E B O Y
[09:23] Kaeya: //IM NOT A LESBIAN BTW//
[09:23] Venti: WE KNOW DUMB BITCH
[09:23] Childe: OH HOW WE KNOW
[09:23] Albedo: .
[09:23] Albedo: goodbye
[Albedo is now offline]
[09:24] Beidou: that went well
[Lumine is now online]
[09:24] Lumine: WHAT THE FRESH HELL
[Lumine is now offline]
[09:24] Venti: oop there she goes
[09:24] Childe: we have lost good warriors today men 😔
[09:25] Venti: eh ill just give them some mountain dew and a fried egg theyll be fine
[09:25] Beidou: youll fucking what
[21:19] Childe: quick question would you date me
[21:19] Lumine: I would literally rather go back to sophomore year and break my ankle in gym again and have to have xiao carry me across campus in front of the entire class to an urgent care clinic and relive the most embarrassing and painful experience of my life IN ADDITION to having an eagle eat my liver every day while i am chained to a rock in the ancient Greek underworld than date you
[21:20] Childe: damn how fast do you type????
[21:20] Childe: and wait wtf happened in sophomore year i thought we went to the same high school
[21:20] Lumine: you transferred in junior year dumbass
[21:20] Lumine: anyway fuck off you have no chance </3
[21:21] Childe: 💔💔😭😭😓😢😩💔
[21:21] Lumine: type in one more emoji and face my wrath
[21:21] Childe: yes ma’am
[21:21] Childe: but you wouldnt even consider it???? 🥺🥺
[21:21] Lumine: no!!!!!
[21:21] Lumine: and if you ask again you will die slowly!!
[21:22] Childe: so many death threats 😭
[21:22] Lumine: it’s a promise not a threat <3
[21:22] Childe: quick question would you date me
[21:23] Zhongli: No.
[21:23] Childe: but whyyyyyy 😭😭😭
[21:24] Zhongli: Do you mean ‘why not’?
[21:24] Childe: yes that
[21:27] Zhongli: To put it simply, the amount of time that I already spend around you is quite enough.
[21:27] Childe: ouch 💔
[21:27] Zhongli: I am sorry if that came as a surprise to you.
[21:27] Childe: i-
[21:27] Childe: all right ig
[21:27] Zhongli: Although, you are manageable and provide numerous side benefits. So if it came down to it, then I suppose I would pick you over some others.
[21:28] Childe: ……what kinda side benefits we talking about
[21:28] Zhongli: Money.
[21:28] Zhongli: What did you think?
[21:29] Childe: nothing aha byeee
[21:30] Childe: quick question would you date me
[21:30] Albedo: …I genuinely don’t know how to respond to that
[21:31] Childe: so that’s not a no????
[21:31] Albedo: oh it’s definitely a no
[21:31] Albedo: it’s just
[21:31] Albedo: this conversation implies that, because you have never texted me alone before, you went through the trouble of taking my contact from the group chat and messaging me for the first time just to ask out of the blue if i would ever consider dating you.
[21:31] Childe: DO ALL BLOND PPL HAVE THE TYPING SPEED OF GODS WTF
[21:31] Childe: and damn why did you have to call me out like that…😔👊
[21:32] Albedo: would you mind terribly if i deleted this entire fucking conversation thank you
[21:33] Childe: quick question would you date me
[21:33] Kaeya: fuck yeah bro
[21:33] Childe: GHJKS YOU’RE THE FIRST PERSONTO S AY YES
[21:34] Kaeya: first person..?
[21:34] Childe: dont worry about it
[21:34] Childe: so that’s a yes????
[21:34] Kaeya: it is but alas
[21:35] Childe: …hoe don’t say it
[21:35] Kaeya: i already have my sights on another man 😔
[21:35] Childe: kaeya i hate to say this but
[21:35] Childe: WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE BITCH
[21:35] Childe: ***ALBEDO DOESNT LIKE YOU BACK***
[21:36] Kaeya: AND HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW WHITE BOY
[21:36] Kaeya: THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU DON’T
[21:36] Kaeya: NOW LEAVE ME TO YEARN IN PEACE
[21:36] Childe: been reading too much fanfiction have we
[21:36] Kaeya: fuck off
[21:37] Childe: quick question would you date me
[21:37] Xiao: i felt i had already dropped enough clues to show you that i dislike you deeply
[21:37] Xiao: mainly because of how much time you spend with lumine and zhongli
[21:37] Xiao: so absolutely not
[21:38] Childe: but our enemies to lovers arc can still begin 💗
[21:38] Xiao: i am this close to strangling you rn
[21:38] Childe: WHY DO SHORT PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY THEYRE GOING TO STRANGLE TALL PEOPLE LIKE NO Y’ALL LITERALLY CANT
[21:38] Xiao: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME
[21:39] Xiao: ANSWER ME BITCHASS
[21:40] Childe: quick question would you date me
[21:40] Aeth 💗: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAVE MY NUMBER
[21:41] Childe: you should know me well enough to know i would never actually agree to not save a hot persons number if given the chance
[21:41] Aeth 💗: BITCH I DON’T KNOW YOU AT ALL
[21:41] Aeth 💗: ONLY LUMINE DOES IVE BARELY SPOKEN TO YOU BEFORE
[21:41] Childe: im noticing youre not saying no
[21:41] Aeth 💗: N O
[21:41] Aeth 💗: now delete my number or i’m showing this to lumine :)
[21:42] Childe: DAMN OK SLOW DOWN ILL DELETE YOUR NUMBER HOL UP JUST A SEC
[21:42] Aeth 💗: that’s what i thought
vaguely mature individuals
[21:49] Childe: fuck aether all my homies hate aether
[Albedo, Beidou, and 5 others are online]
[21:49] Ningguang: Pardon?
[21:49] Ningguang: I’m sorry, did you mistype?
[21:49] Childe: SHIT
[21:49] Childe: SHITSHITSHIT I TAKE IT BACK IM SORRYYYY
[21:50] Beidou: go off babe
[21:50] Beidou: get his ass <3
[21:50] Ningguang: i will <3
[21:50] Kaeya: yall are so happy together it's sickening
[21:50] Venti: yea why u gotta flex on those of us who are involuntarily single 😔
[21:51] Childe: true that 😔
[21:51] Beidou: maybe if y'all stopped whining like little bitches about being single all the time you actually might get a significant other
[21:51] Beidou: just a thought
[21:51] Ningguang: She’s right
[21:51] Beidou: i always am <3
[21:51] Zhongli: I did not know you were a part of this group chat until now, Ningguang.
[21:51] Ningguang: I’m usually not
[21:52] Ningguang: Venti added me when he made the chat but I just silenced notifications as soon as you all started arguing about furbies a couple weeks ago and just haven’t turned them back on again for my own mental health
[21:52] Kaeya: shit i remember that
[21:52] Venti: i won the argument btw
[21:52] Kaeya: tf no you didn't
[21:52] Ningguang: anyway I only remembered I was still in this chat when I saw Childe talking shit about Aether which is way out of line
[21:53] Ningguang: idk what you have against him but he doesn’t deserve it
[21:53] Childe: he refused to let me save his number at got mad when i did 😭
[21:53] Albedo: but that’s. that’s literally a valid reason to get mad
[21:53] Albedo: like i’m still mad that you have /my/ number saved
[21:53] Childe: rude ass >:(
[21:53] Kaeya: hey only i get to mention albedos ass >:(
[21:54] Venti: wait why isn’t lumie here
[21:54] Venti: i thought shed be yelling at childe again for dissing aeth
[21:54] Lumine: oh i’m here
[21:54] Lumine: i’m just plotting in silence
[21:54] Zhongli: If I may ask, what might you be plotting?
[21:55] Lumine: childe’s murder
[21:55] Venti: well THAT escalated quickly
[21:55] Beidou: 0 TO 100 WAY TOO FAST
[21:55] Kaeya: THATS MY HOMEBOY IN ARMS LUMINE DONT KILL HIM 😤
[21:55] Albedo: i genuinely cannot believe you just called childe your “homeboy in arms”
[21:55] Albedo: that’s a new level of horrifying
[21:55] Childe: KAEYA MY HOMEBOY IN ARMS PROTECT ME FROM THIS 5’1 DEMON
[21:55] Lumine: IM 5’2 BITCHASS
[21:55] Childe: WHATEVER YOURE STILL SHORT
[21:56] Lumine: THAT STATEMENT ALONE IS GROUNDS FOR DISMEMBERMENT
[21:56] Zhongli: Do not kill each other under any circumstances.
[21:56] Lumine: BUTBUTBUT
[21:56] Lumine: HE STARTED IT
[21:56] Childe: BUT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SENT ME A DEATH THREAT 😭
[21:56] Zhongli: That is irrelevant. Do not kill each other. Do not even attempt to do so.
[21:57] Childe: but attempted murder is so fun <3
[21:57] Childe: ugh fine ig ill stop
[21:57] Zhongli: Lumine?
[21:57] Lumine: fine
[21:57] Lumine: childe’s still on thin ice though
[21:57] Zhongli: I will allow that.
[Zhongli is now offline]
[21:58] Beidou: dID HE JUST
[21:58] Venti: HE HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF GOD OR ETHEREAL BEING KLSDJFSDS
[21:58] Kaeya: HE DID THAT AND JUST L E F T WHAT A KING
[21:58] Albedo: i don’t know what to say to that exchange
[21:58] Kaeya: THEY WERE ABOUT TO KILL EACH OTHER AND ZHONG WAS JUST LIKE
[21:58] Beidou: RIGHT
[21:58] Venti: ALL HAIL ZHONGLI OUR NEW KING 🙇
[21:58] Kaeya: 🙇 🙇
[21:59] Ningguang: .
[21:59] Ningguang: I am suddenly remembering /exactly/ why i muted notifications for this chat
[21:59] Albedo: i understand, i feel like removing myself from here every damn day
[21:59] Kaeya: wait why aren’t childe and lumine responding
[21:59] Venti: zhongli killed them ig
[21:59] Beidou: if they were dead they'd be offline tho
[21:59] Venti: true
[21:59] Childe: im alive!!!!
[21:59] Lumine: more’s the pity
[22:00] Albedo: aaaand they’re back
[08:12] Kaeya: goodmorning beautiful person 💕💗❤️💓💞💗
[08:12] Albedo: hi 👋🏼 mr kaeya!!!
[08:12] Kaeya: WAIT
[08:12] Kaeya: OH SHHOOT
[08:13] Kaeya: IS THIS KLEE
[08:13] Albedo: nooo this is albedoo!
[08:13] Kaeya: klee i can see you through the phone camera you know that right
[08:13] Albedo: rats 🐀! i didnt now that
[08:13] Albedo: yes 👍 i am klee
[08:13] Kaeya: and why do you have albedo’s phone klee?
[08:13] Albedo: he is in the shower 🚿
[08:13] Albedo: so i took the phone 📱 becus i didnt now who was texting 💬 him
[08:13] Albedo: you text him a lot!!
[08:13] Kaeya: i-
[08:13] Kaeya: wont deny it
[08:14] Kaeya: ok klee either turn off the phone or don’t tap on any notifications you get okay?
[08:14] Albedo: okay 👌
vaguely mature individuals
[08:14] Kaeya: MAYDAY MAYDAY
[08:14] Kaeya: WE ARE HAVING A CRISIS ALSO NO ONE CURSE
[Beidou, Childe, and 4 others are online]
[08:14] Lumine: so ofc you immediately go to the gc for help
[08:14] Beidou: aw nuts whats the crisis
[08:14] Venti: aw nuts
[08:15] Childe: wait what would happen if i cursed
[08:15] Kaeya: i would kill you bc klee has albedos phone and is prbly reading all his notifs!!!
[08:15] Childe: darn ok
[08:15] Venti: darn ok
[08:15] Lumine: hello klee!!
[08:16] Albedo: hi 👋🏼 miss lumine!!
[08:16] Kaeya: noooooooo
[08:16] Kaeya: klee please leave this chat
[08:16] Beidou: WAIT NONE OF US CAN KICK ALBEDO BC HE MADE HIMSELF THE CHAT MOD
[08:16] Kaeya: WAIT NO
[08:16] Childe: HAHAHA
[08:17] Lumine: ok klee, i would like you to do something!
[08:17] Albedo: all rite what is it?’
[08:17] Lumine: open kaeya’s messages to albedo and screenshot them for me please!
[08:17] Venti: LUMINE LFKDSJKLAHAHAHA
[08:17] Venti: YOU RLLY WENT FOR HIS KNEECAPS
[08:18] Beidou: omg this is beautiful
[08:18] Kaeya: NO ITS NOT’/
[08:18] Childe: YES IT IS IT ABSOLUTELY IS
[08:18] Childe: KLEE CAN YOU SEND THE SCREENSHOST TO ME
[08:18] Lumine: no she can’t she can only send them to me
[08:18] Albedo: how do i take a screen 📺 shot ?
[08:18] Kaeya: YOU DONT
[08:18] Lumine: press the round button at the bottom of the phone and the off button on the side of the phone at the same time
[08:19] Lumine: the photo will now be in your camera roll and you can send it to me!
[08:19] Albedo: thank you 😊 miss lumine!
[08:19] Kaeya: nooo dont thank her shes gonna ruin my lifeeee
[08:19] Lumine: too bad
[08:19] Albedo: why wood 🪵 screen 📺 shots ruin yor life mr kaeya?
[08:19] Kaeya: ..
[08:19] Venti: answer her kaeya :)
[08:19] Childe: yeah answer :)
[08:19] Beidou: *crunches popcorn*
[08:19] Venti: klee i have a question!
[08:20] Albedo: ok 👌 what is it?.
[08:20] Venti: how much does kaeya text albedo? like how many times a day
[08:20] Kaeya: DON'T ANSWER THAT
[08:20] Albedo: a lot! with a lot of heart 💗 emojees
[08:20] Albedo: albedo dosnt text back a lot tho
[08:20] Venti: EXPOSED BY AN 8 YR OLD HAHAHHA
[08:20] Childe: T H E E X P O S E OMG
[08:20] Beidou: i-
[08:21] Lumine: thank you for sending me the screenshots klee!
[08:21] Albedo: your welcome 🙏!
[08:21] Kaeya: NOOOOOooooooo
[08:21] Kaeya: lumine pls ill do anything
[08:21] Kaeya: just delete the screenshots pls i beg of you
[08:21] Lumine: no :)
[08:21] Childe: shes the evil twin omg
[08:21] Venti: lumie lumie pls send those to me~~
[08:22] Venti: i need a way for kaeya to get me alcohol without paying him money so i need blackmail material~~
[08:22] Lumine: what’s in it for me
[08:22] Venti: hmm
[08:22] Venti: mmmmmm
[08:22] Venti: mmmmmmmmmm
[08:22] Childe: we get it youre broke
[08:22] Lumine: there’s an apostrophe in there somewhere i’m sure of it
[08:23] Childe: fucken grammar police
[08:23] Albedo: what does that mean 😪?
[08:23] Kaeya: CHILDE
[08:23] Kaeya: YOU
[08:23] Childe: IK IK IM SORRRUIOYEUY
[08:23] Beidou: IS ANYONE TALKIGN ABOUT THAT EMOJI
[08:23] Kaeya: HOMEBOY YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED
[08:23] Kaeya: IF ALBEDO FINDS OUT IM THE REASON HIS BABY SISTER KNOWS HOW TO SWEAR HELL HATE ME FOREVER
[08:24] Lumine: *he’ll
[08:24] Venti: LUMIE WHAT
[08:24] Lumine: :)
[08:24] Beidou: klee, it's a word you should never ever say because it is very rude
[08:24] Beidou: dont even say it to people who are rude to you first
[08:24] Albedo: then why can mr childe say it?
[08:24] Beidou: because mr childe is very rude. don't be like mr childe
[08:24] Childe: i take offense at that
[08:24] Lumine: you really shouldn’t
[08:24] Childe: yeah youre right
[08:25] Albedo: ok ✅ i wont say the word
[08:25] Venti: WHEW CRISIS AVERTED
[08:25] Venti: beidou you're such a mom
[08:25] Beidou: thank you
[Venti changed Beidou’s name to mommy beidou💕]
[08:25] Ningguang: Excuse me starbucks?
[08:25] Venti: SHOOT I DIDNT KNO U WERE HERE
[Venti changed mommy beidou💕’s name to Beidou]
[08:25] Ningguang: Better.
[08:25] Beidou: only u get to call me that hun <3 <3 <3
[08:25] Ningguang: <3
[Ningguang is now offline]
[08:26] Albedo: is beidou ning guang’s mommy?
[08:26] Beidou: only figuratively
[08:26] Venti: only figuratively
[08:26] Beidou: that’s another thing you should never repeat klee
[08:26] Kaeya: i am done with you all
[08:26] Kaeya: like how hard is it to not curse and/or be horny for ten minutes????
[08:26] Childe: very hard 😔
[08:26] Venti: so hard 😔
[08:26] Beidou: so very hard
[08:27] Lumine: stop.
[08:27] Childe: lol
[08:27] Albedo: KAEYA
[08:27] Kaeya: SHIT HE GOT THE PHONE BACK
[08:27] Albedo: FUCKING
[08:27] Albedo: WHAT
[08:27] Albedo: WAS
[08:27] Albedo: THAT
[08:27] Venti: go off king
[08:27] Beidou: venti just shut up
[08:27] Venti: shutting up now
[08:27] Albedo: YOU COULD HAVE JUST STOPPED TEXTING ME OR THE GC
[08:28] Albedo: BUT NO
[08:28] Albedo: YOU /HAD/ TO EXPOSE KLEE TO THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL CESSPIT OF HUMANITY
[08:28] Lumine: i got some great blackmail material out of it though!!!
[08:28] Albedo: lumine i genuinely do not care
[08:28] Childe: …damn okay
[08:28] Albedo: YOU TOO TORTILLAGLIA
[08:28] Childe: SHIT HIDE ME
[08:28] Albedo: WE WILL HAVE WORDS
[08:29] Lumine: RUN WHITE BOY RUN
[Childe is now offline]
[Albedo is now offline]
[08:29] Kaeya: NOOOOO MY HOMEBOY IN ARMS
[Kaeya is now offline]
[08:29] Lumine: did the disaster bisexuals all leave
[08:29] Lumine: can we finally have peace
[08:29] Venti: no <3
[08:29] Lumine: shit i knew the exterminators missed one