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- [ ] “toby, please come out of the bathroom, please,” ranboo’s voice pleaded brokenly. “i love you, i promise i do.”
- [ ] after a moment, the door opened enough for toby to slip out and sit on the ground next to his boyfriend. ex-boyfriend. he wasn’t sure.
- [ ] only an hour before, they had been happily cuddled into each other on the couch until ranboo asked if they could talk about something. he said some things about how bad his mental health had gotten and how he needed a break. toby had immediately suggested they lock all their internet connected devices into a safe and have lani set the passcode, but ranboo corrected him. he wanted a break from their relationship.
- [ ] ranboo had barely gotten a chance to elaborate before toby removed himself from the situation. granted, he’d already heard both too much and not enough as they really don’t talk about. they never talk about it. all toby wanted to do was take the pain away, but ranboo wouldn’t let him. ranboo held onto it and kept the pain close to his chest, almost like he needed it. toby wanted to be his morphine, but ranboo didn’t want any painkillers. and toby can’t keep pretending to help someone who doesn’t want to get better.
- [ ] settling himself comfortably, about 3 feet away from him, toby began the conversation he never thought he’d have. “i didn’t know i was part of the problem. honestly, i don’t know why you don’t tell me these things when they start bothering you. we don’t talk about it. we need to talk about it. i can’t read your mind, boo.”
- [ ] ranboo just sighed and let his head hang down towards his hugged together knees. “i’ve gotta get better. i can’t drag you down with me, toby. i’ve gotta get better. maybe we’ll work it out after that. but i’ve gotta be so much better than i am now, toby. i can’t do this to you.”
- [ ] “you aren’t doing anything to me, don’t you get it? the moment you tell me you need me, i’ll be right at your side. you’ve just got to let me know.” toby raised his voice a margin, trying to get this message through ranboo’s dense skull.
- [ ] “but i need-“
- [ ] “ranboo, considering everything i know about how you’ve handled your mental health in the past, i don’t think you have any fucking clue what you need.” toby deadpanned. “what you’re trying to do is distance yourself from everyone who cares and bury yourself in work. i’m not going to let you burn out like that, so get that idea out of your head, right now.”
- [ ] ranboo finally cried. he let his limp guard shrivel to the ground like an unwatered flower. he felt his dignity wilting and everything came out at once. toby opened his arms and he immediately fell into them, just sobbing. the short boy was immediately willing to tuck all 6 feet and 7 inches of emotional baggage under his chin and soothe it until he could unpack it.
- [ ] “we’ll work it out, my love. i promise.” toby whispered into the head of frizzy hair he was stroking gently. the other arm was tracing slow figures on his back keeping him as close as possible.
- [ ] when the tears stop, ranboo was still heaving and hiccuping through his breakdown. it was a long time coming, and toby knew eventually he would have to work him through something like this. “i’m proud of you for finally letting all this out, i know it’s very hard to do. it’s all gonna get better after this, okay? i won’t let you get that bad again,” he promised, tucking his head over ranboo’s shoulder and holding him as close as possible.
- [ ] “i told you, just let me know when the head gets bad. i’ll be on the floor, and we will work it out.” toby smiled as his breath began to even out. “i keep my promises, baby.”
- [ ] ranboo pulled his head up, eyes still squeezed shut, sitting across toby’s lap. he felt a hand come up and cup his cheek while the other was still determined to hold him as close as possible. “i’m so sorry i can’t be as good as you deserve. you deserve perfect. you deserve everything good in the world.”
- [ ] he was immediately shut down. “no, baby. i have so much love to give in my little heart and you need love more than anyone right now. we still fit together just right. all you have to do to show me you love me is let me help you get better.”
- [ ] ranboo finally opened his eyes, melting as soon as he saw his lover’s own eyes already meeting them. “i’ve been trying to do this alone for so long, toby. i can’t anymore- it’s not fair to me, or you, or anyone around me,” he hiccuped. “please, help me. i need you to help me.”
- [ ] toby pressed one emphasized kiss to his cheek, followed by a line of smaller ones down to his mouth. “i love you, okay?”
- [ ] ranboo smiled a bit, a dumb look on his face. “i love you too, toby.”
- [ ] “bed now?”
- [ ] ranboo nodded and helped him up. they climbed the ladder together and landed in the full bed that just barely fit the both of them.
- [ ] they agreed a long time ago that cuddling while asleep was far too warm for the british summers, so most nights they sleep close but not on top of each other. tonight felt important, however, so they both switched their sweatpants for shorts and hoodies for t-shirts. ranboo invited toby onto his chest and he happily accepted, latching onto him like a 5’4 koala. they gently kissed each other’s faces and whispered sweet nothings and “i love you”s until they slowly drifted off to sleep, ready to make life better and easier for both of them.