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They're both sweaty and exhausted when they get back to the hotel room.
Ryan's jacket has been tied half hazardly around his waist and he's fanning himself with a folded-up flyer from their latest show. His guitar case is gripped tightly in his free hand and he sets it down with ease beside his bed before flopping down on it with a whine. Min-gi has a harder time putting away his synth, but he sets it against the wall before turning and looking at his bandmate with exasperation. "Ryan. Shoes," he huffs, moving over to hit his calf, causing the other to yelp and roll over to face him. Ryan's glasses are slightly obscured from previously being face down and his face is still flushed from the overhead lights of the stage. Min-gi can't help the way he blushes, just a bit, at the sight.
"Yeah yeah, whatever," Ryan groans, fake annoyance playing in his tone as he sighs with effort before struggling to kick his boots off with just his feet. It takes him a minute, probably longer than it should, but he finally gets the shoes off and he tosses them aside to thunk against the floor. Min-gi flinches and hopes they weren't loud enough to disrupt the people down below. When there's no responding thud or a yell of annoyance, he lets out a little sigh and takes off his own jacket, decidedly more self-conscious with taking off his jacket in front of strangers. He was baking up there and he's pretty sure his jacket is absolutely soaked, but he ignores it for now and places it on the back of the chair by the desk.
Ryan is laying on his back when Min-gi finishes taking off his shoes, flopping heavily on the other bed provided, facing each other. He feels considerably better without his jacket, but the pitiful air conditioning does little to help their current state. Min-gi's worried Ryan has fallen asleep with how still and quiet he is before he sits up abruptly and stretches, popping his back and arms with a satisfied grunt. Min-gi's gaze pointedly avoids lingering on the sliver of skin that's exposed from the other's shirt riding up. Ryan's pension for too-short shirts was a blessing and a curse.
Finally, with a smile that's all teeth, he muses, "Thirsty? I got something in the minifridge to help cool us off. Plus, I think we deserve to celebrate a gig well done! Whaddya say, Min?" Min-gi pauses, leaning back against the bed with his palms flat against the mattress, swinging his feet against the floor slightly as he thinks. Obviously, it's not water, the grin on Ryan's face is too mischievous for that. It doesn't take too long to deduce that the wilder of the pair has, somehow, smuggled in alcohol without getting caught. Min-gi huffs a laugh, moving one of his hands up to rub his face and wincing a little at the slightly sticky sensation. He flexes his fingers with a slight grimace before he sighs and muses, "You know what? Sure, bring it on. I could stand to unwind a little." Ryan gives a shout in victory, which does earn them a thump from the next-door neighbors. The pair blinks in surprise before dissolving into a round of giggles.
Ryan hops up from his spot and approaches the minifridge, squatting down and opening it and just taking a moment to bask in the cool air that it provided. Min-gi's arm had slipped out from under him and he was now staring up at the ceiling, eyes raking over a water stain from the floor above and frowning a little. He chanced a look over at Ryan after he heard a sigh of relief and immediately regretted it, as the other now had his shirt pulled up to his armpits and was letting his stomach and chest cool off. Min-gi's eyes betrayed him as they traced over Ryan's back, pinpointing a few moles that he had once seen in their shared childhood that now felt different. Min-gi felt.. different.
He had repressed a lot of this when Ryan and he separated all those years ago, but now they were back together off the train and everything came flooding back all at once. Nights upon nights of pining, pushing the pillow into his face to muffle his sobs as he yearned for his best friend to come home, to come back into his life. The resenting, the anger, the sadness, pleading with no one and nothing and hoping he wasn't loud enough to wake his folks. Now, here Ryan was in all his glory and it made Min-gi's chest and stomach ache with feelings he fought so hard to repress. Min-gi's eyes squeezed shut and he turned his head to look anywhere other than his figure.
Min-gi didn't open his eyes again until he felt cold aluminum against the shirt over his stomach and a chuckle from above. "You alright? You look worse than you did on stage. You aren't gettin' sick, are ya?" Ryan's voice teased, pressing the can a little harder before Min-gi scrambled to grab it and put it against his forehead. That earned him another laugh and he heard Ryan shuffling a little before sitting down on the floor. Min-gi took another moment to collect himself, thankful to the cool can to help his flushed skin before he sat back up to look down at his friend, who was smiling at him from behind the drink currently pressed to his lips.
Min-gi looked at his own drink, now in his hand, and read aloud, "Coors? Is this any good?” Ryan snorts from where he is and shifts, legging his legs fall open as he sits almost crossed-legged, his feet pressing together as he leans forward a little. “Try it and see. Want me to open it for you?” Min-gi scoffs a little and cracks it open. It hisses and fizzles before settling down and Min-gi moves forward to sniff it. It’s not a pleasant smell, Min-gi has never really been a fan of beer, but he glances at Ryan and can’t help the rush of anxiety that runs through him. So he takes a drink and suppresses the disgust that coats his tongue.
Ryan laughs a little and holds out his hand, motioning for the can with his fingers, “If you don’t like it, dude, you don’t gotta drink it. There’s water in the fridge I can get you.” Min-gi thinks about it. Water would be better for him, especially after such a hot show like that. Ryan isn’t pressuring him to keep drinking it and he’d hate to be the only one sober. So, he shakes his head and waves the hand away, ignoring the blush that comes to his face when he pushes the other’s hand away. “N-No, it’s fine,” He says this as he slinks to the floor in front of Ryan, close enough together that their toes are touching. Neither of them moves.
“If you say so! But don’t feel like you gotta just ‘cause I am, ya know? I’d rather you be comfortable,” Ryan says this and takes another drink and Min-gi can’t stop himself from watching the way his throat bobs with each gulp. His adam’s apple is prominent and Min-gi has the desire to lean over and kiss it. He wants to scream. He lets out a shaky sigh before taking another drink of his own can, keeping his eyes promptly away from his friend.
That’s how the next few minutes go: Min-gi watching Ryan take a drink and then turning his gaze away to look at literally anything else. He’s probably counted every fiber of the carpet in the motel room by now. None of it is as interesting as watching Ryan -- fuck -- lick the side of the can where a few drops spilled over. Min-gi feels like he’s going to faint. Maybe.
“I-I’m gonna!” He says with sudden urgency that startles the both of them. He stands up hastily and sets his drink aside on the table, his hands shaking a little as he looks down at Ryan, who’s looking up at him with his head tilted. His face is a little pink and he looks so good like that. Min-gi really wishes he was the one to put the blush there, but that’s exactly the opposite of what he wants to be thinking about right now.
“S-Shower. I’m gonna- I’m gonna go shower. I’m really hot and I want to cool off,” He says, his tone stilted with anxiety and he doesn’t let Ryan answer as he grabs the entirety of his suitcase and drags it into the shitty bathroom with him. With a click of the door, he leans back against it and sighs heavily, running a sweaty hand over his red face. “Smooth…” He chastises himself, pinching his eyes shut in his frustration. Why was this so hard, all of a sudden?
“Don’t use all the hot water, dude! Save some for me!” Ryan calls from behind the door and the sound of the tv is flicked on right after. He can’t exactly make out what’s playing, but Min-gi’s too wrapped up in his own head to really care. He can’t focus on anything else right now, anyway. He needs a shower. A really long, cold shower. It’s fine!
The bathroom lighting is dirty and the lightbulb flickers dangerously every now and then, but it’s enough that Min-gi can see just how red he is. He looks like he’s been in the sun for hours, god. “Okay. Okay shower,” He says to himself, taking a second to look at himself a little longer before he quickly strips out of his clothes then turns to the shower. The spray is, predictably, pitiable. It’s cold, though, and that serves Min-gi’s purpose.
He stays under the spray, head down and letting the water run over his back, shivering just a bit as his mind begins to wander. Should he tell Ryan? That’s the question he’s thought over many many times over the many many years they’ve known each other. It was easier to ignore it when he hadn’t seen Ryan for years. Now? With him right in the other room, watching some stupid show and waiting for Min-gi to come out of the shower? He feels like his heart is in his throat constantly.
He sighs heavily and washes up with his own shampoo and conditioner that he brought from home, continuing to think of the implications of it all. If he did tell Ryan, how would it end? What if Ryan liked him back? What if he didn’t? What if he laughed in Min-gi’s face or said he was disgusting- No, he wouldn’t. Min-gi knew he wouldn’t, but his mind was running through every scenario and he couldn’t help but think of all the worst cases. What would he do if he made things awkward? Would it be fair to either of them?
Is it fair to keep it from him, though? This does involve Ryan, so he has a right to know about his feelings, right? Min-gi would like to know if… if he -- or anyone, really -- felt the same way. Even if he didn’t reciprocate, it’d be nice to at least know. So, he should tell Ryan then, right? Min-gi lets his head fall forward until it thuds softly on the wall and he thumps it a few times in annoyance. Why was talking about his feelings so hard? It can’t be that difficult, he just needs to say it. Just say “ Ryan I like you-” Min-gi’s entire face burst red at the mere idea and the cold shower suddenly feels a lot less cold.
He cleans off with his body wash, making sure to do a thorough job of it, while he continues to toss the idea back and forth through his head. He began making a pros and cons list as he let the soap wash away. He turned off the shower and stepped out, grabbing the provided towels, and dried himself off as best as he could. Then, he struggled with his pajamas, still slightly damp but unwilling to go out into the room to face Ryan yet. When all was said and done, the towel draped over his shoulders and his hair still dripping wet, he was no closer to a decision.
He groaned and dropped his head before he got out the stuff to brush his teeth. He took longer than necessary, just watching his hand move in the mirror after he wiped away what little condensation had gathered there. His mouth was rightfully foamy when he finally spit and rinsed and he looked a little bit longer. “You’ve gotta do… somethin’, Min-gi. You can’t keep all of this inside of you forever, it’s going to eat away at you until you-- I don’t know, die or something?” He grumbled to his mirror reflection, frowning at it before he broke away and grabbed his suitcase, finally opening the door and shuffling out.
Ryan was laid out on the bed over the comforter, his empty can lay sideways next to Min-gi’s still practically full one. His hands were on his stomach and he was watching a rerun of one of the episodes of the Muppet Show. He looked over at the sound of the door opening and the smile he flashed Min-gi made him almost turn tail and run straight back into the bathroom. “Sweet, my turn!” He said, forcing himself off the bed, leaving behind his jacket where had been untied. Min-gi kept his eyes away from his stomach that was showing and made his way to his own bed.
“I saved you the hot water, by the way,” He says before Ryan can close the door and he flashes Min-gi another smile as the door closes with a heavy thunk. Thus, Min-gi is left to his own devices and thoughts. He lays down on his side of the room, staring up at the ceiling above, once more tracing the water stain with his eyes, though now from a slightly different angle. Min-gi lets his eyes close, his fingers interlaced over his stomach and his legs outstretched as he thinks of just what he could say.
‘If I tell him, how would I break the news to him?’ Min-gi thinks to himself, his facial expressions matching his thoughts and projecting them to the world. ‘Hey Ryan, I just want to tell you that I’ve been in love with you since we were in high school- No, god no that’s not gonna work. Ryan, I think I like you? And you don’t have to like me back or anything, I just wanted to let you know and- No, too rambly, he’d get bored listening to that. Ugh,’ Ryan runs a hand over his face, sighing aloud to the empty room as Kermit and Miss Piggy feud in the background.
“This is ridiculous,” He says to no one in particular, grumbling to himself as he sits up and leans back against the headboard. The bed isn’t that comfortable, but they’ve had worse. Sleeping in the van together was particularly rough on his back, but if he’s being honest it’s one of his favorite places to sleep. Because Ryan is always so close and he can usually feel his body heat from where he lays and sometimes, when Min-gi can’t sleep, he watches the facial expression Ryan makes while he’s dreaming. Sometimes, Ryan even talks, and if that isn’t just the cutest-
“Hey Min, can I borrow a pair of your pajama pants? I think I spilled something on mine last time and we haven’t been to a laundry mat in a while,” Ryan says from the doorway and when Min-gi looks over he nearly has a heart attack. Because Ryan is standing there with his towel around his waist and nothing else. Oh fuck. “Huh?” He says, intelligently, unable to keep himself from staring as a bead of water drips from Ryan’s hair, to shoulder, and collects into his collar bone.
“Pants? You got any?” Ryan says again, snapping Min-gi out of his gaze and he nods abruptly, motioning towards his bag as he turns bodily away, now facing the wall. Ryan doesn’t say anything about his inappropriate staring and instead makes his way to the bag, squinting blindly as he crouches down and rummages through until he finds a clean pair of sweatpants to borrow. With his prize acquired, Ryan disappears back into the bathroom and Min-gi lets out a very heavy sigh of relief.
This is it. Ryan is going to kill him. He’s absolutely gotta be doing this on purpose there’s no way he can’t not know what he’s doing, right?
Min-gi covers his face as Ryan exits the bathroom once more, letting out his own heavy sigh at the slightly cooler air. “Thank god for running water, right? I feel so much better,” Ryan says as he flops down on his bed, shoving his jacket aside and placing his glasses on the bed a little ways away. He’s laying on his stomach and Min-gi can once more see the little constellation of moles on his back where he is -- once again -- wearing a shirt that is slightly too short. This has gotta be on purpose.
Neither of them says anything for a long moment then. Min-gi watches the tv with his face partially hidden by his hands and Ryan watches it on his stomach, squinting at the tv with his legs up in the air swinging behind him. He’s stolen one of the pillows from the proper side and is laying on it to get comfy. He looks adorable like this, Min-gi thinks softly and can’t help the long-suffering sigh that leaves his lips.
The silence breaks when Ryan suddenly rolls over and grabs his glasses, laying on his side and facing Min-gi now. Ryan watches him for a long moment and Min-gi barely meets his eye, raising an eyebrow that says ‘what, something wrong?’ -- though he doesn’t think he can actually bring himself to speak. Ryan does that for a moment longer before he sits upon his bed, then stands, then makes his way over to Min-gi’s bed. Min-gi can feel his heart pounding as Ryan climbs into his bed then sits beside him.
“You know, you don’t have to sit all the way in the corner, dude. I promise I won’t bite ya,” He says and his tone is clearly teasing but Min-gi feels a little disappointed with that fact. Then he’s immediately embarrassed that he does. Christ, get it together man. Min-gi swallows his pride and starts thinking of something he can say. He needs to tell him, he feels like he’s actually going to die if he doesn’t. Maybe it’ll get Ryan to stop all these little things that he probably doesn’t even know he’s doing but that makes Min-gi feel light-headed and dizzy all the same. He just needs him to know really really badly. So, he opens his mouth and-
“Hey, Min? Can I tell you something?” Ryan asks suddenly and he’s not looking at the other now instead, he’s looking at the tv again. Min-gi closes his mouth quietly and nods, then lets out a noise that could vaguely be interpreted as “yeah of course, what’s up?” Ryan is, surprisingly, quiet again, for a long few seconds before he finally digs his nails into his arm where it had been holding it gently moments before and says in a rush, “I think I’m in love with you? A little bit?”
What?
Min-gi can’t bring himself to talk because, what? Huh? Ryan is in love with him? How? Why? What? Min-gi must have taken too long to answer because Ryan is suddenly climbing off the bed in an attempt to escape, “S-Sorry, that was really weird of me to say, yeah? Just forget about it, it’s totally fine, forget I said anything-” “Wait!” Min-gi finds his voice and reaches out, grabbing Ryan’s arm and halting his progress. Ryan goes still and waits, though his gaze still isn’t looking at him. Min-gi feels his chest fill with happiness that he can barely contain himself as he asks, “Ryan, look at me?”
Ryan does and his entire face is red, his glasses slightly foggy and his hair still a little damp. Min-gi thinks, for the millionth time that evening, that Ryan is so beautiful. He smiles and says so softly, “Can I kiss you?” It’s Ryan’s turn to look confused because he tilts his head like he didn’t hear the question. He’s nervous and so is Min-gi, so he tries his best to make Ryan feel better -- with jokes. “What, do you have water in your ears? Do you need me to ask again?”
“Y-Yeah, actually. Please? Say it again?” Ryan asks, slightly strained like he’s embarrassed by it, but there’s a smile growing on his face that makes Min-gi’s heart flutter. So, he does, his confidence growing just a little, “Ryan Akagi, can I kiss you?” Ryan laughs, a burst from his chest that flutters as he sits back down on the bed and nods, still giggling despite his attempts to stop himself. “Y-Yeah, yes, please? Kiss me?”
Ryan and Min-gi move at the same time and their noses bump on the first go. They pull away to grumble an ‘ow’ before they try again -- this time much slower. It’s clear who has the experience here, but Ryan lets Min-gi go at his own pace. Soft and sweet, just gentle pushes of their lips against one another. Ryan has one hand on the bed and the other is on Min-gi’s cheek, his fingers twirling around the baby hairs at the side of his head. Min-gi can’t help but lean closer, one of his own hands moving up to grab at Ryan’s shirt and just pull him in.
How long had he been waiting? How long had Ryan been waiting? Ryan was… god, he was in love with him? Min-gi’s head was swimming and he was so glad he took the time to brush his teeth before he came out of the bathroom. He’s not even sure how long they stayed like that, breaking to breathe and then coming back in for more. It never grew from there, but it didn’t need to.
When they were finally all kissed out, they rested their foreheads together as Fozzy did a bit in the background and the air conditioner sputtered away pitifully. Min-gi didn’t want to be the one to first break the peaceful silence that fell over them, but he hadn’t told Ryan his answer yet, and that wouldn’t stand.
“I love you too, by the way. I think it was obvious, but...”
“Oh,” Ryan says, pulling back enough to look at Min-gi properly.
“Yeah,” Min-gi replies lamely, feeling his face grow hotter by the second.
Ryan stares for a moment longer then smiles at him so brilliantly, so brightly that it might blind him. Min-gi wouldn’t mind. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight, then?” Ryan asks and Min-gi has no choice but to nod, because who would turn down that kind of question? They lift up enough to shimmy under the covers and soon enough they’re pressed together snuggly, the blanket covering them and their shared warmth almost suffocating. Neither of them dares move, though.
“How long?” Min-gi can’t help but ask when the intensity of everything died down and he was left with a few questions still. Ryan was dozing, head pressed against Min-gi’s shoulder and already starting to drool a little, though he wakes up enough to blearily look around, then answer, “Mm… High school, I think? Though it got worse when we started the band. I was kinda hopin’ to tell you sooner but every time I tried I chickened out. Almost wrote a song about it, ya know?”
Min-gi laughs a little, earning a grumble from Ryan who was starting to doze back off, his words growing mumbly at the end. As Min-gi lays there, staring up at the water stain, he thinks about the kind of song that Ryan would have written.
“It would have been beautiful, dude.”