Chapter Text
Hidan sits in the shade and sulks.
He isn't a fan of the beach - with his fair skin, he inevitably ends up sunburnt - but their whole unit was determined to go, and it wasn't like he was about to venture off on his own anyway. Australia is a foreign country after all and he doesn't really feel secure away from his team. Sure the rest of the base has been perfectly friendly since their arrival, and charmingly curious about Japan, but he feels out of his element.
Hidan fingers his Jashin pendant as he watches Kisame swim with the dolphins. The animals had been wary of him initially, perhaps sensing the predatory nature of Samehada as they'd fused, but they seem to be perfectly happy around him now.
Deidara and Konan have set up a beach volley ball game which mostly seems to involve a lot of wrestling, while Itachi and Nagato have gone to get ice cream. Or 'Zooper Doopers' as the Australians call them.
Everything here is strange and unfamiliar. Even the dolphins don't look like dolphins. He'd looked at them when he went snorkelling before with Kakuzu, and they're all... fat.
And weird.
Suddenly, he feels himself hit in the back of the head with a jet of water.
"Tobi, if that's you-" his words cut off abruptly as he spots the culprit. It’s not his team mate and fellow JSDF member, as he'd assumed.
It's an octopus.
Resting on a rock, covered with blue circles that change in intensity even as he watches, it stares at him.
Hidan pulls out his knife and points it at the sea animal that's challenging him. "Look, you don't want to mess with me, you stupid eight limbed monstrosity. I'll turn you into sashimi if you don't watch out!"
It squirts him again.
"Alright! That's it! You're dead!” Hidan lunges for the octopus.
Or he tries at least.
Instead, he finds himself lifted in strong blue arms.
"Put me down, you hunk of muscle!” He yells right in Kisame's ear, but it makes no difference. To add insult to injury, he's transferred into a princess carry.
"I AM NOT A PRINCESS!" He shrieks the words loud enough that every member of their team looks their way.
"You can be!" Deidara calls. "A pretty, pretty princess!"
Hidan hurls the knife at him in frustration, and Deidara dodges, laughing.
Kisame growls at him, and Hidan instinctively quiets for a moment, all of his omega impulses telling him to let the alpha take care of him. But Hidan did not fight stereotypes and discrimination to force his way onto one of the most elite teams in the JSDF because he was the shy and retiring type. So he jabs Kisame in the sternum with a pointy elbow, ignoring the way the alpha carrying him doesn't even flinch.
"Don't you dare try that 'I am the Alpha' nonsense on me!" He glares, doing his best to burst Kisame's eardrums with his volume. "Jashin is my only Alpha!"
But Kisame pays no attention, carrying him away from the stupid animal that squirted him. Over Kisame's shoulder, Hidan can see Itachi staring at the octopus with his Sharingan, and it seems to relax and go to sleep. Itachi gently wraps the animal in a jacket, careful not to touch it with bare skin, and tips it back into the ocean.
Hidan pouts, crossing his arms. It's useless to protest and he knows it from long experience. "Why do you always do this to me! I'm the only one you pick up! You don't do this to Itachi or Deidara!"
"Because I let him fuss as much as he wants!" Deidara comes over to join them and pats him on the shoulder, before offering him another of the bizarre Australian ice creams. "You fight enough that you rile him up so much he can't help but carry you off and try to protect you from everything."
Walking past them, Itachi smirks. "Also, I don't get into trouble like you do."
Hidan attempts to mimic an Alpha growl but Itachi only laughs in his face.
Kisame puts him down next to Sasori on the blankets, and Hidan vengefully breaks the ice cream in two, handing half to Sasori despite the way Kisame is eyeing it hungrily.
"You know Kisame. Always protective." Sasori sucks on the ice cream thoughtfully before making an appalled face. "What is this?"
"I think they call it a ‘zinger'." Itachi says, staring at it.
"It's blue." Sasori makes a gesture as if he's about to toss it onto the sand, but Tobi swoops in to snatch it up.
"Don't throw it away! It's in a plastic tube! Do you know how much plastic there is in the ocean? How much microplastic a sea animal eats?!" Tobi sounds outraged even as he puts the zinger in his mouth.
Hidan matches him.
Today is a total loss already anyway.
He might as well get a blue tongue out of it.
And the flavour really isn't all that bad.