Chapter Text
Itachi watches as Hidan and Deidara struggle to push Kisame down onto the sand.
His partner is, as usual, immovable when he wishes to be, and is fending Deidara off with his hands even as Hidan climbs his back in an attempt to get him into a headlock.
"You're too tall! This is not fair!" Hidan complains. Itachi would almost call it whining, if Hidan were a young man anymore.
Actually, he will call it whining.
Hidan is immature enough for the description, no matter his actual age.
Finding himself without enough limbs, Kisame leans over just far enough to bite Hidan on the arm. "You're just going to have to do better!"
The words are muffled by Hidan's flesh, but they're still clear enough to be understood.
Deidara ducks under Kisame's arm as he's distracted and tackles both of them in a move that is clearly designed to topple the three of them over in a tangle of limbs.
It doesn’t work. Kisame's feet are planted far too solidly for that, even in the shifting sands of the beach.
"I’ve got him! I’ve got him!" Deidara is yelling as if his words will make it true and Itachi shakes his head, glancing down to where Samehada rests innocently next to him on Kisame's discarded Akatsuki cloak.
"I should probably intervene, shouldn't I?”
Itachi would never dream of touching Samehada - he would never disrespect either the sword or his partner that way - but he lifts his hand to hover over the sword and feels chakra press against him. From the taste of the chakra, Samehada is both approving and amused.
Over the years that he and Kisame have been together, he and Samehada have developed their own way to communicate.
It's vague and involves a lot of guessing, but it works.
So Itachi stands up, brushing stray grains of sand off his cloak, and makes his way down the beach to where Kisame and Deidara are now arguing if Deidara really has a hope of pushing Kisame over or not. Hidan has obviously given up on the debate and has taken inspiration from Kisame instead. He's resorted to biting Kisame on the ear.
Itachi is privately amused that Kisame seems not to have noticed.
"You do not have me!" Kisame says, just as Itachi walks up to them.
"You don't," Itachi agrees, ignoring the dirty look that Hidan shoots at him.
It's true. They don't.
"I’d like to see you do better!" Deidara grunts as he shoves at Kisame's ribs some more.
Itachi smiles, just the faintest curve of his lips, but Kisame sees it.
They know each other very well.
"Itachi..." Kisame's tone warns him off, but Itachi is not deterred.
Hidan looks surprised. "Wait, really?"
Kisame flinches minutely, his shoulders rising slightly.
Deidara notices, he's not a fool or a child for all that he likes to act like one, and he's clearly willing to forgo the animosity he feels for Itachi in order to obtain information about the weakness of an enemy. His grin is all teeth. "Oh ho! Does our shark man have a weakness?”
Itachi is proud of him, which is partially why he replies, "yes."
"Itachi! No!" Kisame's voice is panicked now.
Hearing it, Hidan and Deidara exchange glances and clearly come to a silent agreement.
"Do it!" Hidan yells, leaning all of his weight to the side.
"Yeah! Do the thing! While I’ve got him pinned!" Deidara chimes in, pushing from the opposite direction.
Normally, of course, it wouldn't work and all of their efforts would have been in vain.
But Itachi is on their side. For once.
He sighs tolerantly and runs his hand over Kisame's ribs, fingers finding the small gaps between the gill slits and tracing the edges lightly. "He’s ticklish."
"‘TACHI!!!" Kisame squirms away, yelling.
Deidara and Hidan take immediate advantage, leveraging their combined force to topple Kisame over onto the sand. Deidara promptly plants his bottom on Kisame's stomach, raising his hands triumphantly into the air. "I WIN!"
Hidan slaps him on the back of his head, just under the tail of his hair. "I HELPED!"
Itachi folds his legs to sit down next to Kisame’s shoulders and pulls off his own cloak, folding it to make a pillow for Kisame to rest his head on. "Our teammates are idiots."
Kisame rolls his head to better position it on the cloth and squints up into the bright sun that beats down on all of them. "I cannot believe that you just betrayed me like that!" The words are a groan of resignation as Deidara and Hidan begin to busily heap sand onto his torso and legs, clearly intent on burying him.
Deidara could easily do it with a doton, but that's clearly not the objective of the game that they were playing. Having beaten Kisame, they've won the right to make him lie there and be covered with sand that is poured on him one handful at a time.
Itachi shrugs demonstratively, but makes no effort to hide his smirk. "I’m a shinobi."
Kisame sticks out a tongue that always surprises Itachi with how pink it is. "Just for that, you can be the one to go and get food for us. Remember, Samehada likes-"
Itachi waves his partner to silence. "I know. Chicken and vegetables, don't let them touch each other. I'll even put the food in separate containers, just for Samehada. Shrimp tempura for you. Does anyone else want anything?"
"Bakudan!" Deidara yells, scooping up more sand.
"Ribs too!" Hidan chimes in.
Itachi shakes his head as he gets up.
Where he's going to find all of these wildly disparate foods, he has no idea, but he'll go and search anyway.
After he gets dango.