Chapter Text
Prologue
It all had happened so fast; Tauriel whipped her head around, her long red hair flying in waves around her as she raced for the top of Ravenhill. Orcs and goblins were cut down as they tried to stop her and halt her progress. She had a goal, a certain dwarf sized goal, and she would not be kept from him.
Finally reaching the top of the hill, Tauriel’s heart stopped when she saw the body of a golden-haired dwarf unmoving on the ground, his brother. Fili was his name, her memory quickly supplied. She raced to his side searching for life…but found none. Fili with the kind eyes and joking smile was gone. Before she could contemplate any more on the loss, a yell came from just a few levels above. A yell which sounded like it belonged to the dwarf which she was searching for.
“Kili!” Tauriel jumped to her feet, yelling again out to her target. “Kili, where are you!?” The only response was only that of clashing swords, but for a moment, high above her she saw her dwarf. No…she shook her head to herself; he was not hers.
“Kili!” She yelled up to him once more.
He finally turned to her, his expression one of surprise. “Tauriel?” He said her name, but with the distance between them, even she could hardly make it out.
Still, the young eleth spun to take the pathway leading to where Kili was currently fighting two goblins. Her mind so focused on her goal she did not see the giant Gundabad orc coming up behind her. It was her first mistake as he grabbed her and slammed Tauriel against the ruined wall, knocking the breath straight from her lungs as she collapsed to the ground trying to force her lungs to refill.
Knowing she had to get up or she would die by the creature's hand, Tauriel struggled to stand but was too slow; Bolg reached down and pulled her up by her long red hair, lifting her high off the ground. Screaming, the eleth cursed her distracted mind, he should not have been able to get the upper hand on her, she had well over a hundred years of training. Her eyes met Bolg’s as her hands reached up grabbing his massive fist, trying in vain to release his iron grip on her hair.
With his other hand, he lifted his bladed mace with a sneer, and quipped “I was going to kill the second brother, but perhaps the she-elf first?” He raised the blade to deal the final blow when a battle cry pierced the air. Tauriel jerked her eyes up in time to see Kili leaping off the wall and onto Bolg’s back, barely missing his neck with his sword. However, the surprise did the trick, the giant orc released Tauriel, allowing her to fall to the ground in a heap as his attention turned to the dwarven prince.
From the start, it felt as if Kili had the upper hand, but one wrong move was all it took before the orc had Kili in his tight grip. “No….NOO!!!” Tauriel felt the words rip from her mouth as she launched herself at the orc in desperation. She was doing all she could to try and free Kili from his grasp, however, Bolg simply batted her away once again throwing her hard against the stone wall. Her back, still burning from the injuries from her first impact with the wall, instantly flared with a pain intensity Tauriel was unaccustomed to feeling at any point in her life. Lifting her head, she groaned as dizziness and a nausea filled her senses making focusing all but impossible.
Still, Tauriel fought the cloudiness in her head and lifted her eyes both wanting and not wanting to see what would become of Kili’s fate. The scene before her felt like a nightmare she could never wake from; Bolg’s mace rose high into the air and Kili’s brown eyes met her emerald green as they seemed to be filled with a deep apology just for her.
“No, please, no.” she said again, a soft plea to the Valar above to whoever would listen, but they would not or could not hear. The sound of the sharp blade on the end of Bolg’s colossal mace piercing Kili’s chest would be one she would never forget, not in all the years of every mortal and immortal in middle earth. Kili’s eyes never left hers, not even when he was unceremoniously dropped to the ground. He mouthed something to Tauriel “Amralime” she read from his moving lips. Then the beautiful spark of life that once filled his eyes, was gone. Only cold brown met her fierce green.
“No.” She heard herself say again. “NO!!!!!” She screamed. Jumping from the ground Tauriel used all her strength to leap up over Bolg, pulling her daggers out to pin in his neck. He hardly reacted to her blades, but tossed her about, pulling her down to try and throw her off again. But Tauriel used the rocks to spin herself around and repurchased her grip on his neck, then with all her might, kicked against the ruined wall and forced both Bolg and herself off the side of the cliff to fall several hundred feet below.
Tauriel barely felt the impact before everything had started to go dark. She heard her name being yelled from somewhere above her, though she only stared up into the fading sky.
“No.” Again, her new mantra had her bringing herself to her knees fighting the hold the darkness and the pain burning through her at bay.
Looking up, she saw Legolas shoot down Bolg, who had somehow survived the fall. She pushed herself up from the ground, clinging to the cliff walls as she somehow managed to pull herself up to a higher level only to collapse again when sharp pain radiated through her spine and down her legs causing her to gasp and cry out. It took her several minutes of steady breathing to get through the waves of seemingly unending pain. A strange screech had her lifting her head up to the sky just in time to see the giant eagles flying towards the battle. Others were coming to their aid; hope had arrived. But was it too late?
A familiar figure on a far ledge caught her attention some ways from her, Thorin Oakenshield, king under the mountain, stood tall for a moment, then, fell to his knees. Something in her knew he would not be rising again.
Pulling herself up again, it took all her strength to grab at the rocks and slowly continue to haul herself back up the cliff she just had flung herself from what seemed like just moments ago. Each step and handhold brought new waves of agony, and more than once the pain was so severe it nearly made her lose consciousness. But Tauriel clung to the rocks, begging the Valar to help her hold on long enough to reach him, to reach Kili.
At last, she pulled herself up the ledge which held one of the best things to enter her life. He had not moved. Of course, he hadn’t. She crawled over to him ignoring the pain tearing through her. Kili was like stone, unmoving, cold, and still. This being before her was no longer vibrant and filled with life.
It all felt wrong, so very wrong. Kili should never be this still. Pulling him into her lap Tauriel looked down at her dwarf. No…he was not hers...he could never be hers; he WOULD never be hers. Not now, not ever. She brought her hand up to his handsome face, caressing his cheek before she brought her forehead down to press against his. He was ice cold to the touch, all of the warmth taken from him.
Sitting back up she reached in her small pack to pull out the runestone Kili had given her on that cold lake shore. A curse, he had once teased, when she had first asked what it was. To any but a dwarf who had reads the runes upon its surface. A curse. A joke, but one she felt would claim to be truer than not.
Tauriel pressed the stone into his large, gloved hands and turned back to the lifeless face of the young dwarven prince, her fingers stroking his cheeks wondering what they felt like when he was warm and filled with life. He was so young, so beautiful inside and out. Could she have loved him? What would her answer be to his question? Yes, her heart supplied, the answer was yes.
Slowly, Tauriel leaned down and pressed her lips to his, wishing with everything she had, he would respond. Just...maybe he would wake up, maybe he was not gone, maybe she could kiss life back into him. However, only cold stillness met her lips, and after a moment, she pulled away.
Everything hurt, and Tauriel could feel her body shutting down even as her mind raced with the implications of what has happened this day. With Kili, Fili, and Thorin now gone, the line of Durin was finished. Tauriel’s perfect memory replayed the events of Thorin Oakenshield falling to the ground, of Fili’s lifeless body at the bottom of the wall, and finally, Kili’s chest being pierced. So lost in thought and sorrow, the red-headed eleth barely registered her own king stepping towards her; his icy eyes filled with what could only be pity.
“If this is love, I do not want it. Take it from me. Please.” She heard herself plead. The elven king himself was unsure if she was talking to him, or the Valar. “Why does it hurt so much?!”
Regardless of who she was beseeching, Thranduil murmured back, “Because it was real.” He did not know if she wanted a response or not as he stood watching her, Tauriel’s eyes not once leaving the being in her lap. She seemed so small to him, so young, and with only another moment observing her, Thranduil knew she was not going to be returning to Mirkwood. He finally turned away unable to watch any longer. He had seen enough death for one day, he could not remain to watch her leave this world as well.
Tauriel did not move, she did not see the look of loss Thranduil had given her before turning and walking away. In fact, she did not move until dwarves came to receive the fallen; to take Kili away from her...forever.
“Lass, we need to prepare ‘im to lay with his kin.” One dwarf spoke softly. She recognized him as Bofur; he had been at Bard’s home with Kili and Fili before Smaug came. She knew him by his fur lined hat he still wore on his head.
Tauriel hesitated a moment, then felt herself nod though she remained where she was as the dwarves moved to gather Kili’s body from her, instead she watched as she tried to force her mind to let Kili go. She was numb at this point, everything around her grey and cold, all sounds muffled by her pain and sorrow while she watched Kili’s body being loaded onto the cart where his fallen brother was already laying. It was really over, he was really gone, and there was no coming back from this.
With nothing keeping her on the ground any longer, Tauriel tried to stand, but instantly fell with a loud cry. The dwarves stopped and turned, some with a glare, some with pity, others with alarm. Bofur ran to her, but was too late to catch her as she collapsed to the snow and stone beneath her. “Lass?”
Tauriel tried to stand again only to fall once more to the ground in complete agony. Even more, she could feel her body losing strength and fast. She did not understand...what was wrong with her? She should not be experiencing this kind of reaction from her body. That is...unless the fall she took and her injuries from Bolg were more substantial than she had thought.
A shadow caused Tauriel to start as her eyes lifted to Bofur who now stood over her. He assessed her for a moment, looked back at the dwarves behind him, then bent to lift Tauriel into his arms. She let out a cry, but quickly muffled it, her eyes clamping shut as tears formed beyond her control. Bofur looked at her in apology but said nothing.
“What are ye doin’, she’s the enemy?” One stoic looking dwarf called out.
“You mind your own task and let me to mine.” Bofur called back. His voice rang with seriousness which silenced all who were questioning him. He turned to Tauriel in his arms, taking a slow breath before speaking. “Lass, I need to take ya to a healer.”
The eleth neither spoke nor moved as he carried her, she only stared ahead, trying to force the pain away and keep the tears from falling. Apart from the agony of her injuries and losing Kili, she was feeling tired, so, so very tired. “What happened to the king?” She heard herself ask.
Bofur looked around, his eyes searching the area littered with fallen bodies of dwarves, elves, humans, and their enemies. So much loss, so much carnage. “I am no’ sure. Yer king was here a moment ago, bu’ I think he wen’ ta attend to yer people, lass. There are injured and dead on all sides I am afraid.”
Tauriel, however, shook her head, instantly regretting the movement as a spike of pain ran down her back. She waited for it to pass then tried again. “No, not him.”
Bofur looked confused for a second before realizing who she meant. “Thorin?” He asked and she nodded. “Thorin…he was cut down.” He whispered, his voice clearly emanating his pain at what happened. “Azog took ‘im down, bu’ in the process was taken down as well. A life, fer a life. Thorin only survived fer a few moments after; long enough ta see we won. Bu’…his wounds were too severe.” He paused, obviously needing a moment to gather himself before finishing. “He fell. We found our hobbit, Bilbo, by his side. With ‘im to the end he was. Good lad, Bilbo is.”
So, they were truly all gone. The sons of Durin, cut down in their prime.
Bofur said nothing more, neither did Tauriel ask anything further as they made their way down Ravenhill towards where Thorin had fallen, Bofur walking just ahead of the cart carrying the lifeless bodies of Fili, and Kili.
The king under the mountain was indeed being watched over by the small halfling, who looked only mildly surprised to see the hatted dwarf carrying the red headed elf. She met his eyes a moment, seeing a reflection of her own sorrow as he watched them approach. He was mourning the fallen as deeply as she was, his sorrow, was hers. But it did nothing to ease her pain, instead, it made it more real.
The small being was not alone though, as standing beside him was a wizard adorned all in grey she knew of, but had never met. Gandalf, or Mithrandir as her people called him, turned from Bilbo and the bodies of the fallen to look at Tauriel in surprise. Then his eyes filled with intense and unfiltered sadness as he gauged her condition from where he stood. Bowing his head to her, he leaned down to mutter something to the dwarves who had also turned to look at her. Whatever he said, they nodded back in agreement.
Nobody spoke as they loaded Thorin’s body in with Kili and Fili. Three souls, who had so many more years to live, gone completely from this world. It was over. Tauriel wonders if she would call this a win, as so much was lost to gain a pile of stone and dirt. Was this all worth the lives lost today? She could not find it in herself to say yes.
Silently, Bofur and the group trudged the remaining distance between Ravenhill, and the camp set up to care for the injured. He had carried her the entire way, not setting her down once despite many telling him to let her be. Whenever someone in his party argued with him, suggesting he ‘place that elf in a passing cart or just leave her’, he glared at the dwarf and surged forward without a word. He was not blind or ignorant. Bofur knew Kili cared for this elf and she for him, and as a final favor to his beloved prince and friend, by Mahal above, he will do all he could to help her…if for no other reason, than for Kili.
The group reached the camp quickly and Bofur trudged to the nearest tent. This tent seemed mostly empty as he carefully placed Tauriel on one of the cots. “I…” Bofur began, looking both apologetic and embarrassed. “Listen lass, I think ya should hold on.” He looked as if he already knew her choice, and her fate. “The lad would ‘ave wanted yeh to be happy and to live.”
Even as he said this, pain wracked her body and the idea of blissful, endless sleep pulled at her consciousness. She just wanted the pain to end…all of the pain. Maybe if she closed her eyes for a moment, she could let everything go…so she did just that and felt her mind drifting away…away from the tent…away from the battle grounds…away from this world.
“Lass?” Bofur’s voice was growing more and more faint to her ears, as was all the sounds of the battlefield turned healing grounds. The yells for aid, the crying injured, the orders of guards…and Bofur’s voice pleading with her to hold on and not give up…all blending together to form a sort of low hum in her mind. She thinks she heard him yelling for a healer before feeling hands all over her. Someone else was pleading for her to hold on, a voice she recognized from Mirkwood…maybe Ivethin the head healer…but she was unable to look or respond as she allowed the darkness to suck her in…embracing it rather than fighting it.
Tauriel could feel her heart fluttering and slowing as sense by sense shut down. “We are losing her!” Someone yelled above her. Maybe the head healer?
“Lass? Tauriel?” That was Bofur’s voice, calling to her, but with each passing moment, it grew more faint. “Tauriel?” She heard again as her eyes closed and the darkness engulfed her entire being. “Tauriel?” The pain faded blissfully away. “Tauriel?” Numbness overtook her. “Tauriel!” Finally, the sounds of the world faded completely as she fully gave herself willingly away…and that is when everything went black.