Work Text:
Something wasn’t sitting right with Marinette.
Adrien had made thousands of attempts to help defeat Desperada today, all of which had ended in Ladybug and Chat Noir failing. Thousands of attempts that went by in less than a second on Ladybug’s end. Adrien had been so confident when he first transformed into Aspik- his smile almost as bright as Chat Noir’s. And yet, the moment he triggered his second chance ability, and he spent literal months trying to get the job done, Adrien’s upbeat demeanor collapsed.
And while the blond boy seemed fine after the battle… Marinette found herself worrying more and more about his mental health. After all, Adrien was a supermodel- his job was putting on a smile and acting happy even when he was feeling the opposite way. Months of work, spent in the same five minute period, witnessing Ladybug and Chat Noir’s death thousands of times… it had to have taken a toll on him.
Which is why, against Tikki’s recommendation, Ladybug found herself perched outside of Adrien’s window, working up the courage to enter his bedroom.
“A-Adrien?” Ladybug knocked on the window, not sure if she wanted him to answer her or not.
The lights in his bedroom were off, meaning that Adrien might not be there, but there was a real possibility that he was just sleeping- especially considering all of the work he’d put in today. He had to be exhausted after living through several months in the span of just one day.
“Ladybug?” Her eyes registered movement in the back corner of the dark bedroom. Moments later, the window she’d knocked on began to open, propelled by some kind of electric motor.
“What are you doing here?” Adrien flipped on the lights, blinking furiously as he must’ve been more adjusted to the darkness. Ladybug couldn’t help but notice that he was still wearing his usual clothes instead of pajamas- could he not find the motivation to get changed? Despite the awkwardness of the situation, Marinette found herself worrying even more.
“Adrien!” Ladybug exclaimed awkwardly, “I’m just here to check you- er, I mean check in with you. A lot of stuff happened today, and I was just… yeah…”
Nice, Marinette. Very eloquent.
“Oh… right.” Adrien said quietly, rubbing his eyes as he spoke, “I’m sorry about what happened… you trusted me, and I really let you down.”
“No!” Ladybug nearly shouted, her eyes widening at his self-deprecation, “That wasn’t your fault! I shouldn’t have sprung all of that onto you out of nowhere.”
Ladybug had a sneaking suspicion that she was the one responsible for the thousands of failures. After all… she had a problem, when it came to Adrien. She could easily imagine herself getting distracted while working alongside Aspik out there- staring into Adrien’s vibrant eyes, following him anywhere instead of taking the lead like the veteran heroine she was, and certainly not paying enough attention to what Desperada was up to.
Adrien didn’t seem to agree.
“No… I shouldn’t have accepted the Miraculous in the first place.” Adrien almost whispered, “I had no idea what I was doing out there, and it got you killed… again and again…” His voice was only barely audible now, “She always shot you first- Desperada, that is. She must not have known about my power, which gave me enough time to reset.”
Seeing Adrien like this was proof that Ladybug was right to come see him- the boy looked like he was on the verge of tears, and Marinette had never heard him talk like this before. Part of her had wanted to come here for selfish reasons- another chance to see her beloved crush- but now... Ladybug just wanted to give him a hug.
“I’m sure Chat Noir had your back, too…” Ladybug put a hand on his shoulder instinctively, ignoring the way her heartbeat picked up, “He showed up pretty quickly after we switched to Luka- though I’m guessing you already knew that.”
After all, Adrien had played through that scenario for months. There was no way he hadn’t figured out exactly where Chat Noir was in the sewers at the time.
“Right…” Adrien said quietly, “Both of us should’ve done more to keep you safe.”
Ladybug frowned slightly, “Adrien… you did keep me safe. You were able to rewind the clock every time Desperada hit me- right?” Adrien was silent, so she continued, “And even if you weren’t, keeping me safe shouldn’t have been your responsibility. That was your first time ever wielding a Miraculous, and acting as a superhero. I should’ve done better.”
Unlike Adrien, Ladybug and Chat Noir were veteran superheroes- keeping rookies like him safe was part of the job.
Adrien winced, “Right, but you’ve recruited other people before. It was their first time, and they didn’t screw up this badly, you know? Their first days all went off without a hitch-”
“I’m going to stop you right there.” Ladybug interrupted, gripping his arm more tightly to make him look her in the eyes, “I’ll have you know that my first day as Ladybug was a disaster. I didn’t catch the akuma, I stared awkwardly at first while Chat Noir risked his life, and-” She hesitated, since she’d never told anybody about this part.
“And…?” Adrien blinked, caught off guard by her vulnerability.
Marinette had been a different person that day- weak, afraid, and downright cowardly. Even with the encouragement of both Chat Noir and Tikki, the idea of the city’s safety resting on her shoulders was just too much. She’d messed up once, what was to stop her from doing it again? Adrien kept on trying for literal months before reaching his breaking point, whereas Marinette tried to quit after just one mistake.
“...and I quit.” Ladybug whispered, “Unlike you, it didn’t take me 25,913 failures to give up- just one. I was ready to give my earrings to my best friend and put all of this behind me-”
“No!” Adrien’s eyes were as wide as tangerines, “Just because you forgot to capture the akuma?
“Yeah. I was just going to walk out on Chat Noir, and all of the people who needed me because of one dumb mistake.” Ladybug said, and winced, “Pretty pathetic, right?”
The horror in Adrien’s eyes was so intense it was almost incomprehensible. Ladybug silently panicked- should she have not told him about that? It was supposed to be encouraging, since everything turned out okay in the end, but Adrien didn’t seem to be taking it that way. She opened her mouth, not sure exactly what she was going to say, when Adrien finally spoke.
“I never knew…” Adrien whispered, losing balance as he stumbled backwards, “I’m so sorry… I almost lost- I mean, everybody almost lost you that day and I never knew.” Ladybug reached out to steady him, but Adrien stepped back even further, “I just thought you were nervous- you didn’t show up right away for the second fight, so I just assumed-”
“Adrien?” Ladybug found herself growing more confused than anything, “It’s okay… I came back, didn’t I? I hit a low point, just like you did-”
“I know…” Adrien whispered, finally taking a seat on his couch as he buried his head in his hands, “And you did an amazing job that day… just like you have every day since.”
Ladybug hesitated- why was he so upset? His despair didn’t seem to be directed at her, even though she’d just admitted to quitting. For whatever reason, Adrien seemed horrified at himself, even though she couldn’t begin to imagine why. Ladybug didn’t hold him responsible for what happened today, much more what happened in the battle with Stoneheart.
A battle that he wasn’t even a part of.
“Adrien, what’s wrong?” Ladybug asked hesitantly, and cautiously took a seat next to him on the couch, “You do realize that none of what I just said was your fault, right?”
Adrien was silent, but he did lift his head slightly to take a look at her. Ladybug was startled to see tears welling up in his emerald eyes- his face now despondent enough to trigger her maternal instincts. Ladybug reached over in an instant, wrapping her arms around him and running her fingers through his hair in a move that would’ve made Marinette faint on the spot. His head quickly collapsed into her lap, as the tears began to flow freely.
She silently panicked- Ladybug didn’t know Adrien well enough for a move like this, right? And yet, Adrien seemed to melt into her embrace without so much as slight hesitation.
“I’m sorry…” Adrien whispered in between his sobs, “I let you down… I didn’t… I should’ve-”
“Shh…” Ladybug shushed him, “Adrien, just take a deep breath.”
Ladybug cursed herself- this was all her fault. Reliving the same five minutes thousands of times over, and witnessing her and Chat Noir’s deaths had taken more of a toll on Adrien than he’d originally let on- of course it had! And in typical Adrien fashion, he was blaming himself for her mistake, and even finding a way to blame himself for things he literally had no role in. Nothing she was saying seemed to be getting through to him.
I really should’ve brought Chat Noir with me. Ladybug’s lips turned up very slightly at the thought of her partner- he would know what to say in this situation. After all, Chat was always there to pick her up whenever she doubted herself. His upbeat nature was enough to make any problem vanish, including the doubts she’d experienced against Stoneheart that Adrien seemed so bothered by…
It was a moot point, unfortunately, because unlike Chat Noir, Ladybug had no idea how to help Adrien.
“I’m such a mess…” Adrien sobbed, and pulled back slightly from her embrace, “I-I shouldn’t be crying like this in front of you-”
“Don’t say that!” Ladybug interrupted, and tightened her grip on his shoulders, “Adrien… I’m the one that did this to you.” She blinked frantically, desperate to stop her own eyes from watering.
She should’ve known that it wasn’t a good idea- Master Fu had warned her about how dangerous the snake was, from the very beginning. And yet, Ladybug acted like a schoolgirl in love, desperate to play superheroes with her crush- without any consideration for how it might affect him. As much as she lectured Chat Noir… today, Ladybug was the one that didn’t take her responsibility seriously enough, and allowed her crush to impair her judgement.
And now, she had to face the result of that mistake…
“No…” Adrien’s voice fell back to a whisper, “Y-You died out there because of me. Desperada just kept hitting you-”
“I’m here now.” Ladybug insisted, sniffling as she spoke, “You managed to save me every time, didn’t you?
Adrien didn’t immediately respond, and Ladybug’s worry only grew. Had she broken Adrien badly enough that he needed actual help from a professional? Would that even be a real option considering the importance of secret identities? She supposed that since he wasn’t going to be Aspik again, it would probably be okay.
How would she even suggest that to him though?
“You’re not going to leave me again, are you?” Adrien begged, and Ladybug could only hug him tighter in response.