Chapter Text
Nagomi had a dozen different stories as to how Passenger ended up on the side of her face. A deal, a bet, a cursed rock she probably shouldn’t have picked up, a game briefly played in the cave she found it in, the winner whoever she felt like saying at the time.
The truth was she didn’t know. She couldn’t remember, and trying to remember in the days or weeks or months or years afterwards just made something in the back of her head squeeze, trying too hard gave her a headache that wouldn’t go away for half an hour.
What she did know was that however it happened, it ended with her opening her eyes in a narrow cave with an entrance lined by rows of teeth, making it feel as if she were in a maw just big enough to fit her. The Hellmouth was rumbling in the earth below her, a sheer cliff dropping directly into it barely twenty feet away.
The warm taste of blood filled her mouth, and Nagomi licked her lips to find her bottom one split. Goosebumps covered her arms, and despite the fact that she was wearing a thin jumper, despite the fact that she was inside and out of the way of any wind, despite the fact that she was in Hellmouth, she shivered.
“Nagomi?” Meadows’ voice called from outside the cave she was in, snapping her out of a daze she hadn’t even realised she was in. Turning towards the entrance was easy, but when she went to take a step her feet were frozen to the floor, a dozen different alarm bells in her head screaming that something was wrong.
What was wrong? What had happened?
She’d only intended to take a peek inside this cave, check if there were any errant souls taking refuge. Her torch was flickering on the ground, illuminating shifting shadows that roiled around the walls.
Shadows were supposed to disappear when light shone on them.
Nagomi stared at the walls covered in inky blackness where red and brown dirt and rock should be, following the darkness down to the floor, up to the ceiling, and finally to her, climbing up her left leg to her arm. What-
“Nagomi!” Meadows sounded worried now, and finally, she was able to take a staggering step, unintentionally kicking her torch away with a clatter.
“Meadows-” Her voice came out a whisper, but after clearing her throat, she found her strength again. “I’m in here!”
“Jesus, Nagomi, you’re giving me a heart attack.” She could hear his relief, his footsteps drawing nearer. “What are you doing-”
Nagomi could see Meadows’ silhouette in the mouth of the cave, illuminated by the reddish glow from the Hellmouth and dim moonlight from the sky, and she could vaguely see hir face, hir eyes widening.
“Nagomi-”
“What is it?” Her head throbbed, had she hit it? Was she bleeding, did she have a concussion, was that why she couldn’t get her thoughts straight?
Meadows shined their own torch directly at her, forcing her to cover her eyes. But in the corner of her vision- no, in one half of her vision entirely-
It was black. It was all black. Even with light shined on it with no obstruction, shadows were swarming around her. On her.
Her breath caught in her throat. Claws scratched at the back of her mind.
“When did that get there?” Meadows had climbed into the cave, never mind how impossibly cramped it was now, all-business as she perched the torch on a rough ledge and put her hands on Nagomi’s shoulders, gently pushing her to face the direction she wanted to get a closer look. “Nagomi, are you hurt?”
“I-” Her mind was swimming through aches and confusion, and it was such an unfamiliar sensation it only made it even more difficult to get words out. “I’m okay.”
“What happened?” Meadows kept one steady hand on Nagomi’s shoulder and lifted the other to her left cheek, carefully probing… something.
“What is it?” She needed a mirror, her phone, something to see herself in. Meadows was serious and tense, and it wasn’t making her feel any less uneasy.
“I don’t know. I need you to tell me what happened. Did you pick something up, see something?”
“I don’t-” She tried to think back, tried to piece together what had happened between stepping into this cave and now, but the effort just made her headache sharper. “I don’t know.”
Meadows’ worried expression only looked more harrowing in the uneven torchlight. “Alright. Let’s get out of here.”
“Vela, what is it, I can’t see it.” She was calm, she was always calm, she wasn’t nervous. She just wanted to know. So she could banish all the far worse things she was starting to imagine.
Meadows paused for a moment, taking a long look at the left side of Nagomi’s face. Or whatever was attached to it. “It looks like a shadow.”
“Just a shadow?”
“Emanating from your face, yes. I can get a better look once we’re topside. No more training tonight.”
Ze picked up Nagomi’s torch and zir own, before taking her hand and leading her towards the exit of the small cave. Once she was out, she could see what Meadows was talking about, the shadows billowing out around her as if it were stretching with all the extra room. Not reaching any further than maybe a foot away from her, but moving. Alive.
Meadows was always alert when they were down here, had to be when they were so close to the Hellmouth, but now you could be forgiven for thinking they were actively being hunted by something the way he scanned the area, picking his way towards their exit route and constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure she was following.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Nagomi grumbled when they were about halfway to the top, pointedly refusing a hand of assistance from Meadows.
“I didn’t know where you were for ten minutes, and you weren’t answering my shouts for you for three. A lot can happen in that time down here, Nagomi. Even when you know what you’re doing.” They drew their hand back but didn’t stop offering it whenever they got to a difficult part of the terrain. “Your grandmother would kill me if I let something happen to you down here.”
“No, she wouldn’t. It was my own choice to do this.”
“You’re right, your parents are closer, they’d get to me long before your grandmother could.” Meadows smiled tightly, but xe wasn’t hiding xir anxiety very well if xe was trying at all. Nagomi didn’t like being the cause of it.
They were near to the top, and Nagomi was pretty sure her brain had settled down. Enough to actually think about this. “It’s just my Adaptation, right? Finally?”
“Probably. But that doesn’t mean it’s not…” Meadows hummed to himself for a moment while picking a word, before finally sighing. “Doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous. And most Adaptations don’t come with memory loss. Or are this sudden.”
Some Adaptations could be near-instantaneous, dramatic, they both knew that. They also both knew those were the ones that tended to be dangerous. Deadly, even.
“And being this close to the Hellmouth, can’t rule out that it’s a minor imp or demon trying to hitch a ride.”
“That would be rude.”
“Yes, it would be.”
They made the rest of the trip up in near silence, and when they finally got to the top, Meadows didn’t waste any time, taking Nagomi a bit closer to a fire that was spilling out of a crack in the ground for light and then getting her to sit down so they could take a closer look.
“Alright, what does it feel like? As much detail as you can give me.”
It felt like Nagomi was a medical patient with a very nervous doctor, even if she knew why. It had been weeks since what had happened with Miguel and Zack, but it had scared them all. Nerd had written up an entire pamphlet on what to do if unexplainable things started happening to them, Meadows had given the whole team a speech on how it didn’t matter what time of day it was, what they were doing, if someone wanted something checked out they could call them and they’d come straight away. Could show up at their apartment out of the blue if they wanted to.
Miguel was still refusing to get within even a few feet of anyone else, Zack was still sullen and trying to get a handle on her new body, they’d all seen the results of not being careful.
“It’s… cold. Colder than it should be.”
Meadows put one hand to the side of her head to keep it steady while methodically investigating the shadow with the other, gently poking and prodding at Nagomi’s skin and trying to find something abnormal.
“Can you feel where I’m pressing?”
“Mostly? It feels sort of numb.”
“Alright, can you close your right eye and still see out of your left?”
Nagomi covered her eye with one hand and tried to focus through her left. It was nighttime, but the Hellmouth and moon provided enough light that she should’ve been able to see mostly clearly. But instead, her vision swirled, shadowy and unfocused.
“Not… really. It’s fuzzy-”
“Can you see me?” Meadows was sitting right in front of her, but she couldn’t even get a clear outline of their shape, only the vague colours of his skin and hair and clothes.
“It’s blurry and… shifting. I can’t tell any details-”
“Alright, that’s alright.” Nagomi put her hand down from her other eye and she could see Meadows’ clearly again, biting hir lip and sitting back for a moment, thinking. “Well, I can’t find anything… solid, so Adaptation seems most likely. Let me check the…”
Hir voice trailed off and shi went digging through hir pockets, finally pulling out one of the small pamphlets Nerd had hastily written up and passed out to them all only a week ago. An incomplete checklist designed to help them judge the danger of something new.
“Let’s see. Does it hurt?” Meadows glanced at her after each question, waiting for an answer.
“Not except for the headache. Which is fine.”
“Does it pose a danger to you or those around you?”
“I don’t… think so? It didn’t hurt you when you went poking it, right?”
“No, it didn’t. Just cold.” Meadows glanced down at his hands, frowning lightly before shaking them and moving on. “Can you control it?”
Nagomi sat there for a moment and tried to get it to do something, but nothing seemed to happen. The shadow remained softly billowing. “No.”
“Does it seem to have a mind of its own, for example sprouting eyes or hands that move independently, or talking… I haven’t seen anything like that.”
“Me neither.”
They ran through a few more questions, and when they were finished Meadows tucked the pamphlet away. “Okay. I think we’re good for now. Sandy might be able to take a look at it to figure out more… we’re definitely done for the night, though, I don’t want you going back down there right now.”
“So just Adaptation?” Nagomi rubbed her arms to try to get some warmth into them, even though there was fire only a short distance away. She could feel the warmth on her side but it just didn’t seem to be enough, as if the cold was being generated from within her.
“Nothing ‘just’ about it, but… I think so.” Meadows stood up and offered a hand to help her up as well, which she didn’t take. “We’ll have to keep an eye on it.”
Nagomi thought back to the days after Randy’s skin had started turning red, how much Meadows, Sandy and Rhys had fussed over him. Randy was their kid, so it was different, but the idea of even a fraction of that kind of attention made her stomach curl. “Great.”
As if trying to give her a taste of the kind of nervous meddling she was probably going to suffer through for the next couple of weeks until the rest of the Beams were satisfied she wasn’t going to vanish or shatter like glass, Meadows insisted on accompanying her back to her apartment. And that was only after Nagomi flat out refused to stay at his place for the night, just in case.
“And if anything changes at all, you can let us know.” Even once they actually got there, and she was standing in the doorway of her own home so close to peace, she couldn’t escape. “Sandy can take a look at it tomorrow-”
“Okay, okay, I’ll get her to check it out after the game.” The late hour was starting to catch up with her, and Nagomi wanted nothing more than to drop into bed.
“Before the game.” Meadows countered.
“I’m an adult, Vela, I can handle myself.”
“And you’re late to pregame briefings too often anyway. At least this way you’ll be on time for once.”
“Fine.” She rolled her eyes, unable to hold back the irritated bite to her voice, and Meadows sighed.
“Alright, I’m going. Do you need anything?”
Nagomi softened. They just cared about their team, her included. Maybe a bit too much. Meadows in particular had promised her parents to take care of her (which wasn’t necessary since again, she was an adult, but that hadn’t stopped them all from being very emotional and solemn about it). Didn’t make it less bothersome, but it made her more willing to put up with it.
To a certain extent.
“I’ll be alright.” She said with a small, tired smile. “I know what I’m doing.”
“I know. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t be late.”
If she was late tomorrow, there was a high chance Meadows would come to her apartment and break the door down with their bare hands. And Nagomi rather liked her door where it was, so she reaffirmed the commitment, begrudgingly let Meadows give her a brief hug — in which she politely went slack like a sack of potatoes — and finally got them to leave, beeling straight for the bathroom.
She’d caught glimpses of it in the cave, at the edge of the Hellmouth. It was different seeing it in her bathroom mirror, perfectly reflected back at her. Billowing out from where her left eye should be, obscuring most of that half of her face and curling around the side of her head, around her neck and down her shoulder and arm, icy cold wherever it touched.
Slowly, watching her hands in the mirror, Nagomi reached up to brush the edge of the shadows where it was clinging to her upper arm. It barely reacted, slinking around her fingers as she brought them up higher until her entire hand was engulfed, following her arm up to her shoulder and then her neck. It was freezing, her entire hand feeling numb in seconds, but she could still sense the outlines of her cheek, her ear, her hair, all where they were supposed to be, undisturbed but hidden.
“You should be more careful answering questions you aren’t certain of the answer to.”
Toothpaste went clattering to the floor as Nagomi ripped her hand away from her face, staggering backward as a voice hissed into her ear.
“What-”
A voice. A voice.
The shadow hadn’t changed. Her visible eye was wide and terrified in the mirror but the shadow remained steady and languid, following her movements, slow in contrast to the way Nagomi’s hands were trembling from the cold and the shock.
For a minute she just stared in silence. The voice didn’t speak again.
Surely she hadn’t imagined it.
“Who- who was that?”
Silence.
“Say something!”
A low, rumbling chuckle began at the back of her mind, the shadow vibrating along with it. Giddiness and relief that wasn’t her own were crawling up her spine, and Nagomi’s hand fumbled in her pocket for her phone.
Day or night, they didn’t care. If anything strange happened.
“Your friends can’t help you.”
“Who are you?” Nagomi demanded, leaving her phone in her pocket for the moment and stomping back to the sink to glare at the shadow in the mirror. The darkness was no longer quite so absolute, shimmering streaks of blood-red glow peering out from within it before vanishing again. “What do you want?”
“I am unexplainable, more powerful than you could ever hope to comprehend.”
“Well go do it somewhere else. Get off my face.”
“You are bold to think you are in any position to make demands of me.” The chuckling started again, and Nagomi scowled. It was unsettling, feeling it so keenly as if there was a ghost standing directly behind her, laughing into her ear, but she knew there was no one there. The shadow radiated confidence, cockiness.
Bravado.
“What are you going to do then? Kill me?”
“Not unless you give me a reason to.”
She scoffed, but her mind raced, trying to get an advantage. If it wanted to kill her, if it could kill her, it was taking its sweet time. So either it was just dragging it out for kicks… or it was bluffing.
It was late. She was cold and tired and disoriented. If she called Meadows now, there was no way she was going to be left alone.
“Fine. I’m going to sleep.”
There was a ripple of surprise that was quickly squashed. “What?”
“I have a game tomorrow and I’m tired.”
Nagomi waited for another retort, another threat, anything. She could still sense the shadows’ presence, an icy specter hanging in the back of her mind, but it fell quiet, stayed quiet even when she collapsed into her bed and buried herself under every blanket she could find.
She wasn’t able to sleep anyway, but she counted the silence as a win. Plus, she was still alive by morning. That was always a good thing.
Besides layering up like she was in the middle of winter in Canada, her morning was shockingly mundane considering the circumstances. The shadow stayed rumbling but quiet. Nagomi knew the lack of sleep would bite her later during the game, but that was a future problem. Packing a thermos full of coffee, she got all her gear ready and headed to the Solarium early, just like she’d promised Meadows.
All three of them were already there when she got there, Meadows, Sandy, and Rhys. Meadows perked up when he saw her while Sandy and Rhys both stared, eyes wide.
“How are you feeling?” Meadows asked, looking at her so hopefully Nagomi briefly considered just outright lying. But she didn’t trust that the shadow wouldn’t snitch on her, so instead, she took a massive swig of her coffee and prepared to dash their hopes of something harmless.
“It talks.”
“What?”
“Threatened to kill me.”
“WHAT?”
Nagomi grimaced as they rushed over to her, crowding around and being just as fussy and panicked about it as she had anticipated.
“How did it threaten you?”
“When did it start talking?”
“Is it talking right now?”
“Has it hurt you?”
“Why didn’t you call us?”
She batted away their well-meaning hands before they could get anywhere close to poking her face. She was too sleep-deprived for this. “Look, I’m fine. If it actually wants to kill me it’s not a big hurry to do it.”
“That is not reassuring,” Sandy said. “Vela told us it seemed mostly benign.”
“It was, until after she left. Then it had a whole dramatic moment, said it was a being of unimaginable power, threatened to kill me if I pissed it off, bla bla.” Nagomi swirled her coffee around in her thermos, ignoring the dads’ stricken faces.
“Did you piss it off?” Rhys asked.
“Not enough for it to kill me, apparently.”
“Nagomiiiiii-” Meadows dragged out her name far longer than necessary, and Nagomi winced.
“Look, I’m not entirely convinced it wasn’t bluffing its ass off. I’m not quaking in my boots here.”
“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful,” Sandy said. Nagomi wasn’t looking at her but could see the sunlight spilling out of one of her eyes from the corner of her vision, one of the few things that were clear even from her eye that was now covered by shadow.
“Right.” She said soberly. “Well, that’s why I’m here. For you to check it out.”
“Well if it’s talking to you and threatening you... We’ve never seen an Adaptation like that.”
“I always knew I was special,” Nagomi muttered, ignoring the pointed look Meadows gave her in response and begrudgingly letting Sandy poke around her face and the shadow.
“How much has it been talking? Consistently?”
“Haven’t heard anything since last night,” Nagomi said, before scoffing to herself. “It’s still there, though. I can feel it.”
Sandy drew back for a moment, locking eyes with her. “Feel it?”
“In my head.” She tapped the back of her neck. “It’s just sitting there.”
Her three teammates exchanged glances with each other, and after a little more investigating, Sandy folded xir arms.
“If it’s something from the Hellmouth, I don’t know how to remove it. Not safely. Not unsafely, even. If it is an Adaptation… it’s a very unusual one. Even by Adaptation standards.” Xe frowned in frustration. “I don’t like it. I don’t like that it’s threatening you.”
“It can probably hear us talking about it, right?” Rhys interjected, watching the shadow suspiciously.
Nagomi shrugged. “Probably. Hasn’t been complaining about it, though.”
A chill ran down her spine, the spidery shadow rumbling in the back of her head indignantly. Nagomi couldn’t help but feel a little smug about that.
“Nagomi, this is serious. If this thing starts doing anything to you, you need to tell someone. Immediately.” Meadows sounded worried again. Guilty. “If it starts threatening you again, if it tries to get you to do something, if it- we don’t even know what it could do.”
“I mean, if you can’t get it off, what are we going to do if it does start doing things?” Nagomi shifted uneasily on her feet. If she was stuck with this thing, if it turned out it could hurt her somehow…
“We’ll have to figure it out when we get there.” Sandy ran a hand through their hair, sighing. “We can try to look into things, see if we can find a way to remove it, but in the meantime-”
“Don’t antagonise it. Please.” Meadows said.
“But don’t let it push you around!” Rhys cut in, and Nagomi rolled her eyes.
“Okay, okay, I can handle it. And if it does anything-” She gave Sandy and Meadows a pointed look. “I’ll let you know.”
“Will you be alright for the game today? You look exhausted.” Rhys glanced down at her thermos of coffee, and it was as if the other two hadn’t noticed the bags under her visible eye, because that just got Meadows and Sandy all riled up again.
“I’m fine -” Nagomi groaned before they could bother her about how much sleep she had or hadn’t gotten last night. “There’s a thing attached to my face, of course I couldn’t get to sleep like usual. I’ll get used to it.”
“You can try to get some extra rest during the briefing…”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
They looked like they wanted to keep asking her questions, or make her promise to tell them if she so much as sneezed funny, or try to convince her to move in next door so they could keep an even closer eye on her, but thankfully Malik and Igneus arrived, immediately noticing the shadow emanating from her face, immediately pointing and shouting and cutting off whatever kind of conversation may have continued. Thank goodness.