Work Text:
“Watch out!”
Izzy ducks out of the way of a demon attempting to strike her in the back, just in time. The next thing she sees is the bright light of Clary’s sunlight rune obliterating the demon where it stands.
When the brightness clears Clary stands across the alley, hair blowing wildly in the mix of wind and rain whipping around them. She grins at Izzy and makes a finger gun, blowing across the top of it like the idiot she is.
“You’re dumb,” Izzy calls, retrieving her staff from where she’d dropped it in her haste to duck away from the demon.
When she stands back up, Clary has sidled up to her and bumps their shoulders together. “No thank you for saving your life?”
Izzy rolls her eyes and bumps Clary back with her own shoulder, just a tad harder than Clary had done to her. “I had it covered.”
Clary’s smile doesn’t dim, “Maybe,” she shrugs, “but you can’t deny this is better.”
That causes Izzy to pause. She knows Clary meant it as a joke but she can’t help but realize that yes, this was better.
Izzy had learned to fight with Jace and Alec. And while she has always known that both of them will be watching her back, it's different with Clary in a way that she can't quite explain outloud, or even to herself. Clary is just always where Izzy needs her in a fight, like she somehow knows exactly what Izzy isn’t paying attention to and easily fills the hole in her concentration.
Sometimes, it reminds her of Jace and Alec. The way they move in tandem and never have to speak in order to know what the other is going to do next. She’d always thought that was the bond. That they could feel each other, but maybe it wasn’t entirely that.
“Home?” Clary asks, draping an arm over Izzy’s shoulder and shaking her out of her thoughts. Ichor from Clary’s jacket smears onto Izzy.
“You’re getting ichor all over me,” Izzy complains even though she doesn’t actually care all that much.
Clary just laughs and pulls Izzy in closer, “A little ichor never killed anyone.”
Izzy rolls her eyes but doesn’t move away. Clary’s curls tickle her cheek and Izzy feels fond warmth in her chest.
“You’re a menace,” she tells Clary. She means I love you and Clary knows it, if the way she beams back at Izzy is any indication.
As they make their way back to the Institute slowly, Izzy’s mind wanders. She had always said she didn’t want a parabatai. But maybe she just hadn’t had someone she trusted enough.
Not until Clary.
***
Thirteen years earlier
Izzy swings her legs from where she’s sitting on one of the ceiling rafters in the training room. She is supposed to be studying her runes, but that is boring. Izzy wants to watch the real action.
At first, Izzy used to just tuck herself into the corner of the training room and watch the older kids train. Her mom had found out she’d been avoiding her studies though, and had banned her from the training room.
Izzy didn’t let that stop her. She’d climb up into the rafters and wait until Shadowhunters came in to train. Sometimes they noticed her up in the rafters but no one ever said a word to her mom.
Izzy likes watching them train. She’s only seven, but watching the older Shadowhunters fight has already given her ideas about what she wants her signature weapon to be.
Today, Izzy sits high above a pair of teenage Shadowhunters and watches them spar.
They’ve both grabbed staffs from the wall, so the steady sound of wood on wood fills the room in a way that is almost soothing to Izzy.
Izzy watches, smiling faintly and silently rooting for the shorter Shadowhunter until she manages to knock her partner to the ground. Izzy quietly cheers to herself as the girl offers a hand to her friend.
“I know you can do better than that, parabatai,” she says as she helps her partner up onto his feet.
Izzy tilts her head. Parabatai. She’s heard the word before. Her dad has one, she thinks. Her dad has said the word when talking about someone she doesn’t know. The way he’s always talked about it had made Izzy think it was a bad thing. But this girl, the way she says it, the word sounds fond, filled with something that sounds like love.
Izzy stays up in the rafters for hours watching the two spar. Other Shadowhunters come and go but Izzy’s focus remains on the pair of parabatai. She watches them laugh and move around each other so smoothly that Izzy almost thinks it’s magic.
When they finish, Izzy watches as the two of them, sweaty as they are, walk out of the training room giggling with their arms around each other. She can’t help but smile.
Izzy thinks about them for the rest of the day. Parabatai. They seemed so happy. So in tune with each other. She decides that whatever her dad knows about parabatai can’t possibly be right. So she ventures to the Institute library to figure it out for herself.
She had been planning to read any books she could find about parabatai, but instead she finds Alec. He’s tucked into the corner of the room flipping through a book she is pretty sure isn’t a part of the Institute’s library. A copy of the Shadowhunters Codex is lying abandoned next to him.
He doesn’t notice her at first and he looks so content that Izzy almost decides to leave him alone. Surely she can find what she wants on her own. But then Alec looks up and sees her. He shuts his book and smiles in a way that is only for Izzy. She wanders over to his spot without even thinking about it.
“Hey Iz,” he murmurs, scooting over so Izzy can tuck into his side.
“I have a question,” Izzy says after a moment.
Alec turns so he can look down at her, “What is it?”
Izzy doesn’t hesitate to ask him the question. Alec is her big brother. There isn’t anything she thinks he doesn’t know.
“What’s a parabatai?”
Alec moves to look down at her, “Well, a parabatai is like a best friend but better.”
Izzy raises a skeptical eyebrow. The only person she would count as a best friend is Alec and she doesn’t think there could be anything better than how she loves him.
“Better than a best friend?” She questions.
Alec nods seriously, “parabatai know each other in a special way, they share each other’s souls.”
Izzy furrows her brows. Share a soul with someone? That sounds weird. She’s not sure she wants anyone else to share a part of her soul.
“That’s weird,” she voices out loud.
Alec laughs, “It helps you fight better. Parabatai are amazing in combat together.”
Izzy doesn’t think she needs to share her soul to be good at fighting.
“It’s still weird,” she decides.
Alec just smiles at her softly, “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
Izzy doubts that, but she just nods and leans further into Alec’s side. There’s a long moment of silence.
“Alec?” Izzy breaks it.
“Yes?”
“What if I don’t want to share my soul with anybody?”
Alec tilts his head so it rests on top of Izzy’s, “That’s okay, there are lots of Shadowhunters without parabatai.”
Izzy nods to herself.
“Good.”
***
5 years later
Jace is unusually fidgety today. Izzy sits across from him in the canteen and narrows her eyes the fourth time he almost drops his stele into his oatmeal.
“Okay, what the hell is up?”
Jace just glares at her across the table, “Nothing is up,” he retorts, almost dropping his stele again.
Izzy raises an unimpressed eyebrow and Jace proceeds to ignore her. She doesn’t miss the way he glances over at Alec apprehensively before he turns his attention back to his food.
Izzy shares a look with Alec who just shrugs helplessly. So he doesn’t know either.
If Alec doesn’t know, there’s no way Jace is going to tell Izzy. Jace, despite trying his hardest to seem like an open book for the strangers around him, talks very little about his problems or feelings. And when he does, it’s almost always to Alec. No one else.
It is why Izzy is surprised when Jace grabs her wrist as they’re finishing up breakfast. Izzy doesn’t react but she doesn’t get up when Alec does, pretending she’s distracted by something on her phone.
Alec raises a confused eyebrow when Jace doesn’t get up either but doesn’t push it, leaving the table quietly.
“So?” Izzy asks, as soon as he is gone.
Jace inhales deeply, casting a glance around the canteen before leaning in across the table. Izzy’s eyes widen. Oh this must be good. She leans in as well.
“I want to ask Alec to be my parabatai,” Jace whispers.
Somehow Izzy feels her eyes widen even more.
“What?” she says in surprise and Jace slaps her arms.
“Shh,” he hisses.
Izzy flinches and leans in even closer, “Sorry, what?” she repeats, this time in a whisper yell.
“You don’t think it’s a good idea,” Jace states, leaning away from their huddle in the middle of the table.
Izzy grabs his arm to stop him, “I never said that!”
To be honest, Izzy hadn’t entertained the idea of a parabatai for a long time. Not since she’d decided she didn’t want one. Somehow that had translated to Alec and Jace never having a parabatai either.
Her first instinct is to ask Jace if he’s sure he wants someone in his head like that but when she opens her mouth to say as much she freezes. Jace is looking back at her with wide hopeful eyes. It’s the most openly vulnerable he’s ever been in front of her.
“Do you think he’d say yes?” Jace asks.
Izzy thinks about it for the first time. Alec has always wanted a parabatai, he’s never found the concept weird like Izzy does. Izzy has spent her entire life watching Alec and she knows that it’s hard to earn his love. There is no one outside of their family that Alec trusts implicitly.
No one except Jace.
Jace and Alec have always had a connection. From that first week Jace had arrived it has always been Alec who has been by side. Alec who he looks to first in every situation. And Alec always looks back.
Izzy huffs to herself. If there was anyone Alec would say yes to it would be Jace.
“Of course he’d say yes,” Izzy says, because now that she’s thought about it, it is the most obvious thing in the world.
She smiles when Jace’s face lights up.
Twenty odd minutes later, they’re both standing in the hall outside the training room where they know Alec is.
“Go,” Izzy whispers, trying to push Jace into the room when he hesitates outside the door.
“I don’t know,” Jace starts and Izzy rolls his eyes, shoving him harder.
Jace stumbles into the room. He flips Izzy off over his shoulder but Izzy ignores it, making shooing motions at him.
Jace rolls his eyes but he turns and walks over to Alec.
Izzy can’t hear the conversation but she can see the way they’re both smiling giddily once they finish talking.
Izzy feels giddy too. She hasn’t changed her mind about parabatai. She still thinks it would be weird as hell to share her soul with someone.
But she watches the way Jace throws himself into Alec’s arms. How they both stumble with the force of the hug. Their laughs are bright and blending together. It reminds her of that first pair of parabatai she’d watched in the training room when she was just a kid.
She wonders what it would be like to trust someone with all of herself.
***
Present Day
Izzy parts ways with Clary in the dormitory hall as they both make their way to their respective bedrooms. It has been a long, grueling night of patrol and they’re both exhausted.
“Goodnight,” Clary mumbles, squeezing Izzy’s shoulder and then disappearing down the hall.
Izzy stays standing in the hall for a long moment, the warmth of Clary’s touch on her shoulder seeping through her jacket even after Clary is long gone.
Izzy means to head back to her own room but she ends up in front of Jace’s room instead. She can see the lights still on under the door so she knocks once before pushing it open.
Jace is on his bed, throwing his stele in the air and catching it absentmindedly.
“Hey Iz,” he greets, not pausing his stele throwing.
Izzy rolls her eyes, “How many times have I told you to stop doing that?”
Jace pretends to take a moment to think, “At least a thousand,” he grins and then purposefully throws the stele even higher and catches it pointedly.
Izzy just grumbles and walks over to his bed, “Budge over, asshole.”
Jace makes room for her and Izzy sheds her jacket before climbing onto the bed and dropping her head to his shoulder. She shuffles until she finds the spot just under his jaw where she fits perfectly and sighs.
“Long patrol?” Jace asks.
Izzy nods sleepily, “Yeah,” she thinks about the demon that had almost got her in the back, “Almost could’ve been bad too but Clary was watching my back.”
Jace unconsciously smiles at the mention of Clary and Izzy teasingly pokes his cheek, “You’re so embarrassing,” she mutters, “I only said her name and you’re grinning like an idiot.”
“Shut up,” he says half-heartedly.
“Never.”
“You’re the worst,” Jace says, “maybe I’ll go find Clary instead and leave you here alone.”
“She went to bed,” Izzy replies, sticking her tongue out and throwing a leg over Jace’s body to stop him from even trying to move.
“And why haven’t you done the same?” Jace asks pointedly, “It’s three in the morning.”
Izzy has to pause to think about that. Why did she come here instead of going to bed?
She takes a deep breath and avoids actually looking at Jace’s face as she asks her question. “How did you know you wanted Alec to be your parabatai?”
Jace stills for a moment, gaze going to the ceiling, “No one’s ever asked me that before.”
“Well I’m asking now,” Izzy says.
He seems to actually think about his answer for a long moment.
“I guess, one day I realized I needed him. That I always wanted to be by his side.”
Izzy thinks about not having Clary by her side. The thought physically aches.
“Isn’t it weird though,” Izzy asks, “to share souls?”
Jace laughs to himself, “yeah it is at first, but Alec and I figured it out eventually.”
Izzy mulls that over.
“But what if you don’t figure it out? What if you’re not sure you’d be able to be that open with someone?”
At this point she’s probably being insanely obvious but she’s thankful that Jace doesn’t push and is actually taking this conversation seriously.
“Well usually if you’re doing it right, when you ask someone to be your parabatai it’s because you trust that person enough to let them see your soul. Even the messy parts. And know that they’ll still love and protect you anyway,” he smiles, “Alec and I fucked up a lot at first, no one can deny that, but I do trust him like that, even if it took me until only recently to realize it. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
Izzy’s chest feels tight with emotion. She doesn’t ask anymore questions. Just tucks her head back under Jace’s and mutters a quiet thank you.
She tries not to think about Clary as she falls asleep.
***
Izzy is usually one of the last people in the Institute to go to bed. Sometimes she gets so caught up in her work in the lab or weapons room that she won’t notice she hasn’t slept until the night patrol returns and brings sound back to the quiet halls.
Tonight, Izzy is turning in before the night patrol gets back. She’s proud of herself.
The dormitory halls are quiet and familiar. Until Izzy turns the corner and hears what sounds like someone crying.
Not full on sobs, but strangled, choked off sounds that somehow sound more heartbreaking than actual crying.
She stops walking when she realizes the noise is coming from Clary’s room. The door is slightly ajar but Izzy hesitates outside.
She knows she wouldn’t want anyone to see her crying. This is Clary though. Clary has seen Izzy crying. Had hugged her fiercely and told Izzy that she loved her in that determined bold way that Clary always said things.
It hadn’t fixed anything. Not in the slightest. But Izzy had stopped crying.
She pushes Clary’s door open enough to slip inside and close the door behind her.
Clary is sitting on the floor next to her bed. She looks up as the door closes with a click. The pain in her eyes has Izzy’s heart tearing into two.
“Clary—“ Izzy starts, cutting herself off when she doesn’t quite know what to say, instead moving to sit next to her on the floor.
She notices Clary’s phone, face up on the ground, open to her outgoing calls. The last call reads Mom.
“Oh Clary,” Izzy breathes, turning the phone over and then pulling Clary into her arms.
Clary seems to give up once she’s in Izzy’s arms, going limp and shakes violently with the force of her sobs. All Izzy can do is cup the back of her head and try to hold her together while she tries to fall apart.
“I miss her so much,” Clary says in between sobs.
Izzy doesn’t know what the fuck she can say to that so she stays quiet, smoothing fingers through Clary’s hair.
She can’t imagine what Clary is going through. Not in the slightest. It would be like Izzy losing Alec or Jace, something she doesn’t even want to think about.
Izzy holds Clary tight until her sobs finally quiet. She takes a deep breath into Izzy’s neck and then pulls away slightly. Her eyes are wet and her makeup is a mess but she’s looking at Izzy with so much trust that it almost makes Izzy’s chest cave in.
Izzy carefully wipes at her cheeks and Clary sniffs.
“No offense but the Shadow World sucks sometimes,” she says.
Izzy laughs, startled, “you could say that again.”
Clary laughs under her breath, not meeting Izzy’s eyes but not moving out of her arms either.
Izzy squeezes her and smiles when Clary drops her head back onto Izzy’s shoulder.
“Will you stay?” She asks into Izzy’s shirt. Izzy smiles. She doesn’t even need to think about the answer.
“Always,” she murmurs and pretends she doesn’t hear the way Clary’s breath hitches.
They eventually pull themselves out of the crumpled mess they’d been on the floor and get into Clary’s bed, side by side.
As Clary falls asleep next to her, Izzy decides that she will do everything in her power to protect the girl next to her. Forever and always.
***
“Hey.”
Izzy looks up from the set of blades she has been working on repairing. Clary stands in the doorway, looking like she’s fresh off patrol. Her hair is tangled and slightly damp with sweat and there are still bits of ichor splattered on her jacket.
“Done with patrol?”
Clary nods and walks further into the room to look over Izzy’s shoulder. This close, Izzy can feel the giddy energy rolling off of her.
Adrenaline. Clary and Jace were similar like that. They got a high from fighting that lasted long after a battle was over.
Izzy chuckles and puts down the blades, turning to look at Clary, “How about a walk?”
Clary nods gratefully, a nonverbal thank you in the way she tilts her head. Izzy hasn’t always been able to communicate with Clary without words, but once they had started doing it, it has always felt easier than breathing. It reminds her of the way Jace and Alec sometimes communicate exclusively through head tilts and raised eyebrows.
Winter chill is just starting to make its way to New York so Izzy wraps her jacket tighter around her as she and Clary make their way out of the Institute.
Clary inhales deeply and smiles, “I can’t wait for snow,” she breathes.
Izzy has never ever wished for or enjoyed snow. All it does is make patrols hell and freezes her fingers. It seems like Izzy’s distaste for snow shows on her face because Clary laughs.
“Have Shadowhunters ever actually played in the snow?”
“No,” Izzy says.
Clary laughs again, “honestly I would have thought the Institute would have a snowball fight as some sort of lesson on tactics or something.”
Izzy imagines it. It’s not actually a bad idea and even sounds fun.
“How about this,” she says, “when it snows, you and I will have a snowball fight against Alec and Jace.”
Clary laughs bright and happy. “They don’t stand a chance against us. They might be parabatai but we have the advantage in that I’ve trained against Luke my entire life.”
Izzy just grins, letting Clary throw an arm around her shoulder and pull her into her side. There’s nowhere else she’d rather be. She hopes Clary feels the same.
As they walk, Izzy lets her mind wander. She wonders if Clary has ever thought about having a parabatai. She didn’t grow up hearing about them. Didn’t always get asked if she was going to take one. She wonders if Clary has even considered it. Wonders if she has, who she’s thought about asking.
Izzy hopes that it was her.
And— Izzy stops that train of thought before it can spiral.
Clary seems to notice the way Izzy tenses up because she slows her walking and looks up at Izzy questioningly.
“You okay?” she asks gently.
“Yeah,” Izzy mutters, trying to shake herself out of the dumb daydream of her and Clary as parabatai. Clary has probably never even thought about it.
“I just, I love you,” Izzy says quietly.
“I love you too Iz,” Clary replies in that same fierce, determined way Clary always says things that she means.
Izzy’s chest burns with all of her what ifs.
***
Izzy ducks to avoid the staff Alec swings at her, grabbing it as she goes and managing to get Alec to lose balance.
She grins in triumph for a moment before Alec scrambles and pulls the staff back through sheer strength. Izzy glares.
She quickly stands, putting space between the two of them so she can gather her bearings. Alec rushes her and Izzy blocks his attack with her own staff.
She and Alec are pretty evenly matched. Alec is considerably taller and stronger than her, but Izzy has been sparring with him her whole life and knows how to use her size to her advantage against him.
They don’t speak for a long time, both too concentrated on keeping the other back. The only sound in the room is the slap of their staffs meeting.
“So,” Alec says, breaking the silence.
Izzy just raises an eyebrow and dodges another swing.
“What’s bothering you?”
Izzy glares and doesn’t look back up at his face. That’s the problem with knowing someone your whole life. They always know when something is off.
“Nothing is bothering me,” Izzy lies anyway.
“Mhm,” Alec indulges, “you don’t ask me to spar out of nowhere unless something is bothering you.”
Izzy deflates a bit, which Alec takes as an opportunity to strike. Izzy easily sidesteps and sticks her tongue out at Alec. He can’t beat her that easily.
“Well?” Alec asks.
Izzy just lunges at him in response, taking swing after swing fast enough that he doesn’t have enough time to relax, let alone try and get her to talk about her feelings.
The thing is, Izzy usually does talk to Alec about her shit. This just seems different somehow. Alec has a parabatai. Has had one for almost a decade now. Izzy feels like she’s late to some sort of revelation she was supposed to have had years ago.
Except she hadn’t had Clary all those years ago.
Once she’s gotten Alec backed up against a wall, he huffs and drops his staff, putting his hands up in surrender.
“You really don’t want to talk about it,” he says, chest heaving.
“No duh,” Izzy replies, similarly out of breath.
“Okay,” Alec says simply. He’s always been good at that, not pushing. Even when Izzy wishes he sometimes would.
Izzy waits until Alec starts to make his way back to where the weapons are hung on the other wall of the training room.
“Why did you say yes when Jace asked you to be his parabatai?”
Alec turns around and tilts his head, as if wondering why Izzy could be asking such an obvious question.
“Because I love him.”
Izzy sighs, putting her back to the wall and slowly sliding down to the floor. After a moment Alec comes to sit down next to her.
“So if I had asked you before he did, would you have said yes to me?”
Alec looks at her with wide eyes, “I thought you didn’t want a parabatai?”
“I don’t,” Izzy groans and drops her head to her knees, amending, “I didn’t.”
Alec smiles as if something has clicked into his place in his head.
“I said yes to Jace because he means the world to me. Because I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it,” he smiles to himself, “and because I knew he loved me with the same fierceness.”
Izzy leans her head onto his shoulder, reminiscent of the way she had all those years ago in the library when he’d first told her what a parabatai was.
“Did becoming parabatai change that? You guys started fighting a lot more after you became parabatai.”
Alec huffs slightly, “I was trying to hide from him,” he murmurs, “I didn’t want him to truly see me. Sharing your soul with someone... At first it’s a lot to handle.”
Izzy nods, “I always thought having someone else know your soul was scary. I barely know myself, I didn’t want anyone to know me like that,” she pauses, lost in thought, “But Clary—she already does.”
Alec shakes his head, “Of course it’s Clary.”
Izzy laughs. Of course it’s Clary.
Of course.
Clary has seen all of Izzy’s shit. Has stayed by her side through all of it. Has sat with her late into the night talking about not knowing what the fuck to do when everything was falling apart around them. Clary was the only person Izzy ever told she wasn’t okay.
“Do you think I should ask her?” Izzy asks.
Alec just smiles, “I think you’ve already made that decision.”
He’s right. She has. Maybe even before this entire conversation had started. She’d decided that night Clary had saved her life on patrol and then made stupid jokes about it. When they’d walked in step back to the Institute covered in ichor in the freezing rain. That’s when she’d decided.
“Yeah,” Izzy breathes, “I have.”
Alec nudges her with his shoulder, “I told you you’d understand when you were older.”
Izzy shoves him back, much harder than he had, “Shut up.”
Alec puts his hands up, “Look Iz, this is a momentous occasion and everything, but did it have to be her?”
Izzy knows he’s teasing and can’t help but laugh giddily, “Shut up, Alec!”
***
Once Izzy has made her decision, it somehow becomes almost impossible to get ahold of Clary. Everytime they are together it’s for group missions and Izzy isn’t sure that the possible ending of the world is the best time to ask.
It isn’t until about a week later, after they’ve all been to hell and back (literally), that she and Clary are alone in a room together.
As soon as Clary steps into the weapons room, Izzy is on alert. Her head is yelling at her to just ask the question but she’s suddenly nervous beyond comparison.
What if Clary says no?
They talk about Simon and Alec and Magnus’ wedding but Izzy barely registers what’s being said.
Until Clary pauses and then looks at Izzy seriously.
“I have a question for you. And you don’t have to answer right away,” Clary says.
Izzy is immediately on high alert. They’ve had a rough few months, and she’s already running through the list of possible disastrous things that could have happened that Clary could be asking for help with.
“What is it?”
Instead of answering, Clary barrels on as if she hadn’t even heard Izzy. She’s rambling, which Izzy knows means she’s nervous.
“If the answer is no, I promise I won’t be offended.”
Izzy pauses at that, could it be?
“Okay now you’re getting me worried,” Izzy says, because she doesn’t want to get her hopes up.
But if this question is what she thinks it is…
“Isabelle,” Clary takes a deep breath, “would you ever consider becoming my parabatai?”
It is what Izzy had suspected, and yet hearing the words said out loud shocks her into a momentary silence.
Holy shit. Clary wants to be her parabatai too. Clary is scared Izzy will say no.
Izzy gathers every bit of emotion that has erupted in her chest and laughs wetly, “I was thinking of asking you the very same thing.”
Clary seems to deflate, her eyes look wet and Izzy is grateful that she’s just as overwhelmed by all this as she is.
“You were?” Clary asks in wonder.
Izzy shrugs helplessly. How does she explain exactly how much she wants this? How much Clary means to her.
“You know, I always thought I never needed a parabatai,” Izzy starts, thinking about her seven year old self, “that I was at my best when I was on my own,” she sends Clary a smile, “but that was before I met you.”
Full on tears have welled up in Clary’s eyes now and Izzy blinks back her own.
“Clary,” Izzy says, her voice breaking just slightly over her name.
She grabs Clary’s arm and holds it tight the way she’d seen Jace and Alec do at their ceremony.
“I’d like nothing more than to have you as my parabatai.”