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it was a beautiful morning at the von karma-and-miles-edgeworth household. the sun shone brightly through the curtains. in fact, the sun shone into manfred von karma's eyes as he tried desperately not to wake up.
yet after a long battle with the intangible entity known as sunlight, manfred von karma was forced to concede.
"very well. i am awake, for now," he said at the sky, which he could see a part of through his window. "but mark my words, by eleven o'clock this evening, i will be asleep again. then we will see who is laughing."
(neither the sky nor manfred von karma was laughing.)
after his extensive morning routine, which has been described to a reasonable length in the fine work of online literature 'manfred von karma's fashion adventure', manfred von karma descended the stairs. the stairs led downstairs. downstairs was currently home to two prosecuting attorneys, waiting at the breakfast table for manfred von karma to arrive.
"we have been expecting you, papa," said franziska von karma when manfred von karma arrived, in a tone of voice that implied she had been making secret plans, and was now very excited to share those plans, but was going to keep a level head about it.
"both of us have been expecting you," said miles, in a tone of voice that implied miles was not the creator of the plans, but was still marginally proud of miles' effort in making sure everything would run smoothly.
"what?" said manfred von karma, in a tone of voice that implied manfred von karma did not know what was going on.
franziska von karma held up three tickets.
as manfred von karma leaned in and squinted to see what the tickets were for, franziska von karma continued.
"i, franziska von karma, and miles edgeworth have bought us all tickets to a sporting event."
manfred von karma furrowed his brows together, very confused.
"but i do not enjoy sporting events."
franziska von karma and miles edgeworth looked at each other and nodded.
"oh, what a great shame," said franziska von karma. "i, personally, love sporting events. i simply cannot get enough of the shouting crowds of onlookers, screaming right next to my ear whenever something vaguely interesting happens."
"me, too," said miles edgeworth.
manfred von karma could not tell if they were both lying very badly, or if they were reading out some kind of script, or perhaps both.
in any case, manfred von karma was growing more bewildered by the second.
"so... what do we do with the tickets?" he asked.
miles was silent for a while, until franziska nudged miles.
"oh! yes, well. we could return them, in exchange for money," said miles.
"in fact, we have already done that. these tickets would not be accepted at any sporting event," said franziska von karma.
manfred von karma was lost.
"but... then, why did you tell me--"
"yes!" said franziska von karma. "well, now that we have this money, what could you possibly spend it on?"
manfred von karma thought about this. "well, you and miles could use it for something."
"no, papa." franziska von karma placed a hand on manfred von karma's shoulder. "it is your money, and surely there must be someone out there you would enjoy spending it on. someone who you might enjoy an evening on the town with."
manfred von karma's eyebrows were almost colliding at this point.
"someone nice?" offered miles.
"someone who enjoys your company?" said franziska von karma.
manfred von karma puzzled over this. "well, certainly not gregory edgeworth," he said.
"fantastic!" said franziska von karma.
"wonderful choice!" said miles.
"we will come pick you up at seven. have a nice day!" said franziska von karma. and then she pushed manfred von karma out of the house, where gregory edgeworth was waiting in a car.
manfred von karma took about one minute and eighteen seconds trying to process what had just occurred.
gregory edgeworth waited patiently in his car for manfred von karma to come to his senses and slowly walk towards the car door. manfred von karma opened the door and sat down in the passenger's seat.
"hello, manfred," said gregory edgeworth.
"what," said manfred von karma.
"where would you like to go today?" asked gregory edgeworth.
manfred von karma thought about this. "home," he said.
"well, we are there. we cannot go to a place that we are already at," said gregory edgeworth, logically.
"oh," said manfred von karma. he thought about it some more.
"i would like to visit the cinema," said manfred von karma. gregory edgeworth smiled in a significantly less awkward way than he normally did.
"then we will go there," said gregory edgeworth.
at the movie theater, manfred von karma stared at the copious amounts of popcorn in the popcorn maker.
"why is there so much popcorn," said manfred von karma.
"well, a lot of people come to the movies and buy popcorn. therefore, there must be a significant amount of popcorn on hand at all times," explained gregory edgeworth.
"i see," said manfred von karma.
he then turned his attention to the candy boxes displayed under the counter, behind glass walls.
"it seems irresponsible to leave candy lying around for so long, even if it is sealed away. it will go to waste," said manfred von karma.
"i think that is just the box. there is no candy inside," replied gregory edgeworth.
"i see," said manfred von karma.
they went to see their movie. manfred von karma picked the one that seemed the most interesting. it was about the future. it featured robots, among other science-fiction staples. manfred von karma was certain that his first movie would be an enthralling one. however, he left the theater feeling unfulfilled.
"why was it so..." manfred von karma grasped for the right words.
"flashy? uninteresting? without character development?" said gregory edgeworth helpfully.
manfred von karma shook his head. "heterosexual."
gregory edgeworth nodded. "that too," he said.
"franziska said she would pick me up at seven," said manfred von karma, as he and gregory edgeworth walked back to the car. "it is only two. where do we go now?"
gregory edgeworth stroked his chin in contemplation. "we could go out for lunch," he suggested.
"that would sound nice, but i just ate so much popcorn," said manfred von karma.
"as well as candy," said gregory edgeworth.
"i am rich. i am allowed to buy all the candy out of a movie theater," said manfred von karma, defensively.
"could i have some?" asked gregory edgeworth, gesturing to the bag of uneaten candy that manfred von karma had forced him to carry.
"no," said manfred von karma.
"alright," said gregory edgeworth. "let's go to my house."
they arrived at gregory edgeworth's house. gregory edgeworth took the bag of candy inside and placed it on the kitchen counter. manfred von karma sat on the couch and stared at the television.
"it's like a small version of the movie theater thing," said manfred von karma.
"surely you have seen a television before," said gregory edgeworth, worriedly.
"of course i have seen a television before," said manfred von karma. "miles watches one all the time. i was merely making an observation."
"i see," said gregory edgeworth. "speaking of miles, the house has been somewhat empty without miles."
"that isn't my fault. i do not know why miles lives with me now. it just sort of happened," said manfred von karma.
"i know. i was merely making an observation," said gregory edgeworth.
gregory edgeworth sat down on the couch.
"would you like to play a board game?" asked gregory edgeworth of manfred von karma.
"i do not know how to play them," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth crossed his arms and nodded. "i see. i would have an unfair advantage."
"that is not true, at all," said manfred von karma. "it is i who would have the advantage, because i am better than you at board games."
"oh really?" said gregory edgeworth. "i will have you know that i am the king of family games."
"false," said manfred von karma. "you are the king of failure and shame."
"that was pretty good," said gregory edgeworth, unboxing the game of life and putting all the pieces in place. "but you will not be making puns when i am retired at millionaire estates with more money than i could ever hope for."
it turned out that that was exactly what happened. manfred von karma was devastated.
"i'm sorry," said gregory edgeworth. "i am just very, very good at board games."
"i shouldn't have underestimated you, gregory edgeworth," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth retrieved two cups of hot chocolate from the microwave. he handed one to manfred von karma.
"you can just call me gregory, you know," he said. "i already call you manfred."
"i did not give you permission to call me that," said manfred von karma.
"oh," said gregory edgeworth. "i am sorry. what would you like me to call you?"
"the best prosecutor and chef in the world who is extremely good at everything and who wins at board games," said the best prosecutor and chef in the world who is extremely good at everything and who wins at board games.
gregory edgeworth sat there, trying to remember that.
"i am joking," said manfred von karma. "you may call me manfred."
"okay, manfred," gregory edgeworth said.
"okay, gregory," manfred von karma said.
they both sat on the couch and stared at the television. there was no image on the television. they were simply doing it to stare at something.
"it is four o'clock post meridiem," said manfred von karma. "we have three hours left before franziska comes to take me home again."
"we should use our time wisely," said gregory edgeworth.
"agreed," said manfred von karma. "bring me every blanket in this house."
gregory edgeworth and manfred von karma spent a good twenty minutes searching out every single blanket (and pillow) and arranging them all into a nest. manfred von karma folded the blankets around himself.
"you seem like you are having a good time," said gregory edgeworth, watching manfred von karma's face peek out from the many blankets.
"i am, in fact, having an excellent time," said manfred von karma.
"may i join you?" asked gregory edgeworth, politely.
"...fine," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth made his way into the blanket nest. he and manfred von karma were very close together. very, very close together.
manfred von karma fidgeted.
"are you okay? should i leave?" said gregory edgeworth.
"yes. no," said manfred von karma. "i mean, yes to the first question, and no to the second one."
"okay," said gregory edgeworth.
manfred von karma's face was gradually becoming extremely red. gregory edgeworth noticed this and became worried.
"is it too hot in here?" asked gregory edgeworth. "do you need to remove some blankets?"
"no," said manfred von karma, continuing to fidget.
"are you sure?" said gregory edgeworth.
"yes," said manfred von karma.
manfred von karma and gregory edgeworth remained that way in the nest for some time. gregory edgeworth rested his head on manfred von karma's shoulder. manfred von karma was on the verge of literally bursting into flame.
"you are not wearing your hat," said manfred von karma, in an attempt to distract himself from the proximity of gregory edgeworth.
"i am not," replied gregory edgeworth.
"can. can i touch your hair," said manfred von karma, in a small voice.
gregory edgeworth did not know why manfred von karma would want to touch his hair, but he shrugged anyway. "go ahead."
manfred von karma stroked gregory edgeworth's weird hair flap and smiled in a significantly less terrifying way than he normally did.
at some point they both fell asleep. they remained asleep until they woke up, because of a loud knock at the door to gregory edgeworth's house.
gregory edgeworth navigated his way out of the blanket nest. "i'll get it," he said.
gregory edgeworth opened the door. standing there were franziska von karma and miles.
"i am here to retrieve my papa," said franziska von karma.
"very well," said gregory edgeworth. "but i must say goodbye first."
"alright, then. do that," franziska von karma said.
gregory edgeworth went back to the living room and gently shook manfred von karma, to wake him up again.
"mrghnghhrfnrgh," said manfred von karma.
"your daughter is here to take you home," said gregory edgeworth.
"oh," said manfred von karma.
"i am going to give you a good-bye kiss," said gregory edgeworth.
"a wha," said manfred von karma. and then gregory edgeworth kissed him.
manfred von karma did not literally burst into flame, but he did faint.
when he woke up again, he was at his own home. gregory edgeworth was not there. franziska von karma was standing over him.
"you have given me an awful fright," said franziska von karma. "gregory edgeworth told me, 'i have kissed your papa, and now he is dead'. i did not know what to do."
"he told you that?" said manfred von karma, confused and tired.
"well, no. but that is what he might as well have said. i don't remember," said franziska von karma. "it is my fault. i should have better prepared you for the date."
"date," said manfred von karma.
"yes. that is what that was," said franziska von karma.
manfred von karma thought about it. yes, that sort of made sense.
"are we going to do that again," manfred von karma asked.
"the date, or the kissing," responded franziska von karma.
"either one," said manfred von karma.
"i will have to inquire about it with gregory edgeworth," said franziska von karma. "he will probably be hesitant about kissing you again, since you lost consciousness this time. but i am sure he will be glad to schedule another date someday."
"okay," said manfred von karma.
when eleven o'clock came, manfred von karma did not feel like sleeping at all. his nap had made him break his morning vow to the sky, and it was all gregory edgeworth's fault. instead, manfred von karma stayed up and wrote a critique of the movie he had seen.
gregory edgeworth had forgotten to return the candy bag. he very sneakily took some and ate it as a snack the next day. then he felt very guilty and decided to apologize to manfred von karma the next time they saw each other. then he forgot, and felt even more guilty.
franziska von karma and miles had a good deal of sibling bonding from setting up the date with manfred von karma and gregory edgeworth. they planned to do it again in the near future. and then again. and then as many times as it would take for gregory edgeworth to finally be able to live with miles again.
the movie theater banned manfred von karma from buying candy altogether.
the end