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today was a day that manfred von karma had circled on his calendar.
manfred von karma only circled very important things on his calendar. for example, "high-profile case: wear best cravat" or "anniversary of first court win" or "gregory edgeworth will be present today. ignore him". indeed, today was also very important. manfred von karma had been planning it for almost two months. it was the first time he had ever planned a leisurely excursion. it was the first time he had ever partaken in a leisurely excursion. needless to say, manfred von karma was sweating bullets as he stared at his calendar.
the date on the calendar was may twenty-seventh. below the date was written in very neat red pen- "visit the amusement park with family & gregory edgeworth".
manfred von karma did not want to go to the amusement park.
he had never been to an amusement park before, but from what he had heard, they were a great mess of children and smells and smelly children. they were full of people having fun and enjoying themselves. manfred von karma hated people having fun and enjoying themselves.
but franziska von karma was going with her spirit medium girlfriend maya fey, and manfred von karma needed to make sure that neither of them was attacked by a smelly child.
when manfred von karma went outside, there were a lot of people waiting for him. there were, in fact, exactly four. the four people were franziska von karma, maya fey, miles, and gregory edgeworth. they were all deciding where to sit. the car had two seats in front and one long seat in the back, which could seat three people.
"myself and my girlfriend, maya fey, will be sitting in the back, beside each other," said franziska von karma.
"but then one of us will have to be squeezed up against the side of the car window," said miles edgeworth.
"that has to happen anyway," said franziska von karma. "unless we strap someone to the roof."
"nobody is being strapped to the roof," said gregory edgeworth.
"the real question is, who is driving?" said miles. "i think i should drive."
"it's gregory edgeworth's car. i think he should drive," volunteered maya fey.
"i would be fine with driving," said gregory edgeworth.
"but i am better at driving. i am sorry, father, but you are not very good at it," miles said.
"i would be fine with not driving," said gregory edgeworth.
"however," countered franziska von karma, "if miles edgeworth drives, gregory edgeworth and papa will not be able to sit next to each other."
"why would i want to do that," said manfred von karma, who by this point had come within earshot of the conversation that was taking place. everyone looked over at him.
"i don't know, why wouldn't you want to do that," said franziska von karma.
"there are so many reasons why i wouldn't want to do that," said manfred von karma.
everyone ignored him.
"this is like a logic puzzle," said miles. "there are five seats. two in front, three in back. maya fey and franziska von karma must sit together. so must father and manfred von karma."
"in which case the answer is obvious. maya fey and you and i will sit in the back, while gregory edgeworth and papa will sit up front," said franziska von karma.
"i wasn't finished," protested miles. "i was also going to say that i do not want to be squeezed against the window."
"then the puzzle is impossible and you are a fool," said franziska von karma.
in the end, everyone took franziska von karma's suggestion, and gregory edgeworth drove them all to the amusement park.
there were a great deal of people at the amusement park, just as manfred von karma had heard would be the case. there were many children. there were people screaming everywhere.
"why do they call this an amusement park," said manfred von karma. "nobody sounds like they are amused. they all sound like they are dying painfully."
franziska von karma and maya fey went off on their own to win all the games where you shoot the gun at the moving objects and win prizes. manfred von karma's plan of protecting his daughter and her beloved from the hordes of shrieking children had gone straight out the window. he was left alone with the edgeworths.
manfred von karma had no intention of protecting gregory edgeworth from any children.
"well, where should we go first?" asked miles. "personally, i would like to go see the steel samurai merry-go-round. for educational purposes, of course."
"that sounds like a wonderful idea," said gregory edgeworth. "what do you think, manfred?"
"nnnnh," said manfred von karma.
the merry-go-round had loud, familiar-sounding music blaring from it. manfred von karma covered his ears and cringed.
after they spent altogether too long a time at the ride, gregory edgeworth said, "i would like to go to the viewing tower at the center of the park."
"alright," said miles.
"gghh," said manfred von karma.
the tower was full of people all standing way too close. they smelled sweaty and talked loudly. the tour guide's voice was grating. manfred von karma tried to find a corner to press himself into, but as it turned out the tower was round. he made do by standing right next to the door and staring at his shoes.
a while later they all got off the tower. there, they met back up with franziska von karma and maya fey. maya fey was holding an extremely large plush toy shaped like a grey baby with a pacifier in its mouth. miles looked like miles was trying to hide being very envious of maya fey's new ownership of this object.
"where did you get that," said miles.
"here," said maya fey, as she pointed to the location she was speaking of on the map. "there was only one of these toys left, i think."
"excuse me," said miles. and then miles ran off.
"we will all meet back here in two hours," said franziska von karma. and then she and her spirit medium girlfriend maya fey left too.
it was exactly what manfred von karma had feared. he was now alone in a public place with gregory edgeworth.
he waited a few moments to see if, perhaps, gregory edgeworth would leave also. this did not happen.
"are you going to leave also," said manfred von karma, just to make sure.
"what? no, i was not planning on it," said gregory edgeworth.
"oh. fiddlesticks," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth ignored that manfred von karma had just said "fiddlesticks".
they both stood there in front of the viewing tower for a while.
"we should go get some food," offered gregory edgeworth, breaking the extremely uncomfortable silence that was not really silence because there were still people screaming constantly in the background.
"mmgh," said manfred von karma.
on their way to find food, manfred von karma bent over to tie his shoe. when he looked up again, gregory edgeworth was gone. manfred von karma felt panicked. he turned around and around. someone bumped into him and said "sorry". he was about to scream very loudly when, maybe thirty seconds later, gregory edgeworth tapped him on the shoulder.
they purchased two things of dippin dots ice cream. the reason they bought it was because neither of them knew what it was. they were both very confused by the entire concept of dippin dots ice cream, and they voiced their confusion to each other.
"why is it in little spheres. i do not understand," said manfred von karma.
"perhaps it is so that one may pick it up more easily with a spoon?" said gregory edgeworth.
"why is it called 'the ice cream of the future'. we are not in the future, we are in the present. we are in the present year of 2018. that is not the future at all, and i do not see how they could market this ice cream as such," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth gazed wistfully into the sky. "it may be that we will never solve this mystery."
then they ate their dippin dots ice cream in silence.
later on, when the sun was setting and the bright and irritating lights had begun to blink on in all the amusement park rides, manfred von karma and gregory edgeworth came across the bumper cars.
"i used to love bumper cars when i was a youngster," exclaimed gregory edgeworth. "please, manfred. do this for me."
"i would literally never do anything for you," said manfred von karma. "why do you even think i would be convinced by you saying that. i will not do anything ever for your sake. you are an awful defense attorney and i hate you."
gregory edgeworth smiled a little bit in that really weird way that gregory edgeworth does.
"uuuuuuuuuuuUUUGH," said manfred von karma.
the line to the bumper cars was, surprisingly, not very long. when they got to the main area where the cars were, gregory edgeworth found one immediately. manfred von karma scanned the area. all the cars he could see were occupied. the event was about to start. manfred von karma felt panicked again.
at what seemed like the last second, he saw a purple car sitting near the middle of the area. he ran and jumped in.
"ready? go!" said the voice over the loudspeakers. the electricity in the ceiling and cables buzzed to life. manfred von karma turned the steering wheel, and the bumper car went left.
manfred von karma was still figuring out how to control his car when another car slammed into him. it only nudged his car a little bit forward, but he twisted around in his seat to see who had the gall to do such a thing to him, the great and amazing manfred von karma.
(guess who it was. it was gregory edgeworth.)
gregory edgeworth had a huge and incredibly obnoxious grin on his face. the kind of grin that makes a person want to just take a bumper car and slam it into the other person's bumper car at as high a speed as one can manage.
basically, manfred von karma and gregory edgeworth chased each other in circles in a childrens' fair activity for about five minutes.
they exited the bumper car arena very dizzy, and manfred von karma had to lean against gregory edgeworth for stability. they were both laughing. some people probably looked at them funny, but they did not care very much at that point in time. it might very well have been the first time manfred von karma had ever genuinely had fun, in his entire life.
they sat down and did a high-five and fistbump combination, of the sort one might see teenagers do.
they met up with franziska von karma, maya fey and miles again at the tower. manfred von karma was still dazed from his bumper car experience. miles was carrying two giant samurai babies, and maya fey had a moderately large stuffed rabbit. franziska von karma had a bag full of smaller trinkets and toys she had won in her conquest of the amusement park.
"miles, did you persuade maya fey to give you her. whatever that is," said gregory edgeworth in a mildly disappointed dad voice.
"i am letting miles borrow it. miles now owes me twenty dollars," said maya fey.
miles looked at miles' father with a face that said "i am not giving this up if you have to dig it out of my grave". gregory edgeworth sighed.
on the way home, manfred von karma started crying. gregory edgeworth asked him if he was okay.
"i don't know???" said manfred von karma, with an audible question mark at the end of his sentence.
"i would pat your shoulder in a comforting manner but i am driving," said gregory edgeworth.
"that's fine," said manfred von karma. he sniffed and then added, "amusement parks are awful and i am never going back there again."
"weren't parts of it fun, though?" said gregory edgeworth. "like the bumper cars."
"i suppose. but overall it was a highly negative experience, and one good moment does not immediately cancel out all the bad things that happened. i will not be repeating this trip," said manfred von karma.
"that's fine," said gregory edgeworth.
when they got home, manfred von karma said as gregory edgeworth was patting him on the shoulder in a comforting manner, "i did like the bumper cars."
"maybe we can find some better bumper cars, that aren't in such a crowded place that is overstimulating to your senses," said gregory edgeworth.
"i would like that," said manfred von karma.
they did not find that kind of location, as bumper cars are fairly strictly kept to fairs and other such places, but they did find a dippin dots ice cream. manfred von karma asked the manager all the questions that he had about dippin dots ice cream until the manager gave in and just gave him a bunch of coupons. manfred von karma and gregory edgeworth remained on the search for the truth behind dippin dots ice cream.
franziska von karma enjoyed her date with her spirit medium girlfriend, maya fey, and she later used the large rabbit plush toy they had won for whipping practice, while maya fey cheered her on.
miles' collection of steel samurai and related franchises merchandise grew ever larger and threatened to take over the living room. manfred von karma told miles to move it to the attic so that he and gregory edgeworth could watch old episodes of star trek without being stared at by hundreds of tiny samurai eyes, but that has yet to happen.
the end