Work Text:
“Hey, you okay?” Luke asked, approaching you. You gave a tight nod, not looking up from your screen. You were desperately trying to distract yourself from your thoughts. You needed to wash your hands again.
You’d already washed them once and you knew they were probably clean. But it just didn’t feel right. “I’m just going to the toilet,” You replied, putting on your most convincing smile as you stood up and began making your way to the toilets.
With a sigh, you pumped the soap onto your hands three times before you began to wash your hands. It still didn’t feel quite right, so you repeated it again. And again. And again. Before you knew it you had washed your hands a total of nine times. Tears of frustration had clouded your vision. You had washed your hands nine times, nine fucking times. How did they still feel dirty?! You kick your foot into the wood at the bottom of the basin as you go to reach the soap again to repeat the cycle of nine when a hand softly catches your wrist.
“Your hands are clean,” Luke said softly, rubbing his thumb across the inside of your wrist as he spoke.
“I know,” You whispered, a tear trailing down your cheek. “But- But it doesn’t feel clean, it doesn’t,”
“I know, I know,” Luke mumbled as he pulled you into his arms, ignoring the wetness of your hands soaking through his t-shirt.
You let out a small sob, “Why don’t they feel clean?” You sniffed, “I’ve washed them nine times, why- It’s so frustrating,”
“It’s okay,” Luke hummed, rubbing his hand up and down your back to comfort you. “We’ll get through this, I promise, I will be there every step of the way,”
You clutch onto Luke’s shirt tighter, another sob raking through your body.
It had been three weeks since Luke held you in the bathroom while you sobbed away your frustrations. You were sat at your desk, Luke at his typing out a report rather slowly with a dull expression on his face. You had just finished writing your report, after checking and editing it three times, you sighed slightly looking away from the computer. Trying to get the courage to send it off to Emily. You knew she’d probably be satisfied with your report, she often was and if not she’d have a quiet word with you. But you always found it nerve-wracking when you had to send it through on an email. Your eyes darted around the bullpen, everyone was so preoccupied with their own thing that no one would notice if you tapped the wood of your desk. Well, Luke would probably hear you, no matter how quietly you did it (that man had bat hearing you swore).
Luke didn’t say anything as you tapped the wood in front of you, “One, two, three,” You mumble in sync with your tapping. There’s a small pause before you repeat it again. And again. A total of three times. There’s a slightly longer pause before you repeat that sequence. And then another pause before you repeat it one last time.
You let out another sigh this one of content, feeling slightly better. You knew it didn’t actually do anything, but it lessens the anxiety in your stomach when you did it. Besides, it barely took you thirty seconds.
“You know it doesn’t actually help long term when you do that,” Luke said softly, he understood why you did it, but it pained him to see you like this. You glanced around at the other members of the BAU, making sure that they hadn’t heard or that they weren’t paying the two of you any attention - they weren’t.
“I know,” You replied shortly, “I do it before I even realise I’m doing it,”
He gave you a nod and a small smile, “What if, next time, instead of doing it you talk to me?” He suggested, “It might help you forget the need to do it,” You contemplated, there had been times where you had held back on a compulsion and had (eventually) forgotten about it.
“…Okay,” You eventually agreed, finding a small smile make its way onto your face when Luke gave you an encouraging smile.
Your mind was clear and on your work for around fifteen minutes when the next intrusive thought entered your head. Immediately, you lifted your hand to tap it against the wood, you paused. Hand hovering above the wood, about an inch away. You shut your eyes for a moment before slowly curling your hand into a fist which you rested on your lap, biting your lip you looked up to Luke.
Luke watched as you went to touch your desk, pride swelling in his chest as you paused, placing your hand in your lap before looking up at him. He gave you an encouraging smile.
“I think I need distracting,” You said quietly with a nod. Luke gave you a small smile, before turning to everyone. Your stomach dropped for a minute.
“Hey, (Y/N) and I are gonna go grab some coffee, anyone want anything?” He asked, you felt your shoulders relax, you mentally kicked yourself. Of course Luke wasn’t just going to blurt out to everyone that you were struggling with your OCD. You felt guilt swarm in your chest, fuck. You hated thinking ill of others, even if it was just briefly. You pushed it to the back of your mind. If it was still bugging you on your way to the coffee shop, maybe you’d bring it up with Luke. Maybe.
You did still feel guilty as it turns out. Majorly. “I’m sorry,” You blurted as the two of you drove in silence.
“What for?” Luke asked, eyebrows tightening together.
“I thought you were going to tell the team about the whole-” You made a rough gesture, “-But you’re better than that, so I’m sorry for thinking you were going to say anything,”
“You’re sorry for having a thought?” Luke asked, when you nodded (because, essentially, yes, that is what you were worried about) he continued, “You don’t have to apologise for thinking something. Ever. Not with me, anyway. Besides, I understand where you’re coming from, I didn’t tell you what I was going to say to them. So I’m the one who should be sorry,”
You scrunched up your face, at the last sentence, in disagreement, “Shall we just call it even?”
“Deal,” Luke said, pulling up outside a coffee shop. “Right let’s order and talk whilst we’re waiting?”
“Sounds great,” You grinned, already feeling better. You knew distractions would most likely help, but having someone there with you? Someone as great as Luke? It definitely made it feel more manageable. And you knew it was going to take a while to recover, but with Luke by your side every step of the way, you knew you were going to be just fine.