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“I’ll be fine, both of you head home,” Ahsoka said, trying to assure Trace that she would be fine .
“Are you sure you want to be alone?” Trace asked, her eyes narrowing in disbelief. “Why don’t we just walk you home?”
“I just want to stay here for a bit more,” Ahsoka insisted. “I’ll be absolutely fine, Trace. Believe me.”
Rafa stood up. “Trace, she can take care of herself. Come on, leave her alone…”
Trace pushed her chair back, clearly reluctant. “Fine. But you comm us if there’s any trouble,” she said, pointing at Ahsoka, “and you comm us as soon as you get to your apartment.”
“Okay Trace, you got it,” Ahsoka said, giving her a thumbs-up.
As Rafa and Trace walked away from the table she was at, Ahsoka looked around herself, again. She sighed. She truly didn’t know why she had sent them both to their home. She supposed she wanted some peace and quiet, to just be alone for a while. Although she probably shouldn’t have come here , to this cantina, if she wanted peace and quiet.
Ahsoka leaned back in her chair, using the Force to balance herself. The lights around her were dim but colorful, music pumping in the background. The sheer amount of people surrounding her at this club was overwhelming. Although Ahsoka herself didn’t drink, she had let herself be dragged along by Trace and Rafa. She had thought it would be a fun change, a distraction from continuously working in the garage. Now that she thought about it, maybe working in the garage was a distraction too, something to take her mind off the Jedi.
Ahsoka stopped herself. She had made a promise to herself, not to think about her old life for at least tonight. She sighed again, leaning forward again, her chair hitting the ground with a thud. The sound wasn’t really heard in the din of the room, but Ahsoka still winced, the intrinsic need to keep quiet not having left her yet.
Ahsoka stood up, not wanting to stay here longer. She regretted not leaving with Trace and Rafa, but she had just wanted some time alone. Ahsoka drained the last of the juice out of the glass in front of her, before setting it down and picking up the coat Trace had lended her. She wrapped it around herself and began to head towards the exit, ready to get to her apartment—
Ahsoka stopped suddenly, her feet frozen to the ground. She felt something prickle at the back of her neck, travelling down her spine. Ahsoka’s hand shot to her belt immediately, grasping at the emptiness at the belt loop. She brought her hand back to her side, cursing herself for not remembering, when she felt it . She didn’t know what it was at first—but she knew it felt familiar . The feeling was murky at the moment, and she couldn’t put her finger on it, but she knew it. Something warm or comforting, something she would always remember…
Ahsoka turned around.
She saw him. He was at the bar, his hand grasping a glass tightly, his eyes unfocused. His hair was longer than Ahsoka remembered, reaching his shoulders, and his tunic was wrinkled. His mouth downturned, and his eyebrows furrowed, Ahsoka watched him as his shaking hand brought the glass up to his lips.
He downed it in one go, before signalling for another.
Anakin.
Ahsoka shouldn’t have been surprised—considering the fact that something had made her stay behind at a club she hadn’t even wanted to go to—but she was. She was surprised that Anakin was here , at this stupid bar in the lower levels of Coruscant.
Ahsoka watched as Anakin swayed in his chair, even as he kept drinking from the glass in front of him. He was completely wasted then. She had only seen him like this once before, right after Krell had betrayed their troops in Umbara. Anakin had always been careful when drinking in front of her, or had simply not let her come along with him.
She kept watching him as Anakin finished the last of his newest drink and pushed the glass away. Anakin laid his head down on the counter, and seemed to close his eyes, though his face never lost its frown. Ahsoka looked around to see if anyone had come with him, someone to at least escort him hom—no, the Temple.
She scanned the faces of the people near him, at the bar, but none were recognizable. Ahsoka debated going up to him herself, one side of her wanting to at least get him some water, while the other side of her was scared. She didn’t really know what she could do to help him, but she at least owed him that, right?
Just as Ahsoka built up the courage to walk towards the bar— towards Anakin , her heart told her—she felt the snap of another familiar bond. Another spark of warmth and kindness went straight up her spine, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up.
Obi-Wan was here.
Ahsoka immediately put up some more shields, wrapping existing ones around her even tighter, envisioning a barrier around her. Anakin was drunk and wasn’t exactly scanning his surroundings. Obi-Wan was another story. Ahsoka knew, even with the excessive shielding, Obi-Wan would probably be able to find her if he was looking. Her Grand Mast— former Grand Master had always been one of the strongest Jedi she had known, able to break through shielding with ease, and identify where people were. It came handy when fighting the Separatists. Now? Not so much.
Ahsoka scanned the people around her for Obi-Wan. She knew she felt him, but she had no idea where she was. As she tried to make out faces in the dim light, the flash of a familiar brown cloak caught her eye. She turned again, away from Anakin, but towards the cloak-wearer. She caught a glimpse of the auburn beard underneath the hood, and she followed him, her suspicions confirmed. That was Obi-Wan.
She watched as Obi-Wan headed towards Anakin, his steps hurried but sure. The courage she had built up to talk to Anakin had all but vanished, and so she stepped behind one of the partitions in the bar, hoping that Obi-Wan wouldn’t notice her.
Obi-Wan didn’t notice her. He was so distracted by his task that he didn’t even hesitate a bit, his attention focused only on getting to Anakin. Ahsoka let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, pulling her hood down further over her montrals. She didn’t take her eyes off of Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan reached Anakin, standing behind his slumped over body. Ahsoka watched as he reached his hand out as if to touch Anakin’s shoulder but stopped just short of it. From where Ahsoka was standing— hiding, her brain stubbornly told her—she had a clear view of both of their faces. Obi-Wan hesitated, his palm still hovering over Anakin’s back, before she saw him steel himself and drop his hand.
“Anakin.”
Anakin slightly picked his head up off his arms and blearily turned towards Obi-Wan. She saw an angry expression cross his face before becoming blank again. He turned away, looking at his crossed arms again.
“Anakin…” Obi-Wan said again.
“What?” Anakin asked, his jaw clenched.
Ahsoka could barely even hear them over the chatter of the people around them, but it felt like her world had narrowed down to just the two of them. Just them. She moved closer to the bar, still staying hidden.
She watched as Anakin shook Obi-Wan’s hand off of his shoulder.
“Anakin, you can’t keep doing this,” Obi-Wan said.
“I didn’t ask you for your opinion,” Anakin bit back.
“Alright… okay, I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan placated, his hand still in front of him, as if to grab Anakin’s arm again. “Let me help you home.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Anakin…”
“Stop. Just… stop it,” Anakin snapped, pushing his chair away from the bar, standing up.
Ahsoka looked on, shocked at Anakin’s biting words. She watched as he swayed on the spot and Obi-Wan, not missing a beat, went to catch him.
Anakin pushed Obi-Wan off of him again, as he began to stagger slowly to the door, dodging people left and right. Obi-Wan was right on his heels, apologizing to people Anakin bumped into, and still trying to get Anakin to slow down.
Ahsoka knew what she should logically do—she should just forget she even saw them tonight, and make her exit too. After all, she didn’t owe them anything at all. Ahsoka knew she should just block tonight out, and head to her apartment. She should just—
She couldn’t.
She didn’t know what it was—maybe it was the fact that Anakin had been completely wasted on a weeknight, or the exhausted look on Obi-Wan’s face, or even the fact that Anakin’s remarks seemed to be particularly biting—but something compelled her to follow them.
So she did.
She still stayed hidden, she didn’t think that she could face them both just yet. But Ahsoka made sure to stay within hearing distance. She wanted to see where this conversation was going.
As Ahsoka trailed them, Obi-Wan and Anakin made their way outside, Anakin a few strides in front of Obi-Wan. The cool air of the night whistled past Ahsoka, the lights of the upper levels of Coruscant twinkling above them.
“Anakin, please… just let me—”
Obi-Wan was cut off by Anakin whirling around to face him, his face blotchy and red. His eyes were glinting angrily, his breath coming quickly. Ahsoka stared, surprised at Anakin’s fury, visible in the lines on his forehead, and stiff shoulders. The air around them seemed charged with Anakin’s rage, and Ahsoka knew that something was going to happen.
“Let you what?! Let you do what exactly?!” Anakin snarled, his eyes locking on to Obi-Wan. “Help?! You didn’t help before! Why do you want to help now?!”
“Anakin…” Obi-Wan whispered, his voice barely audible.
“What?! Have no response to that?!” Anakin accused, pointing in Obi-Wan’s face, almost losing his balance.
“I-I don’t know what you wanted me to have done, Anakin—”
“You were on the Council! You could’ve done something! But you didn’t! You didn’t want to even try!”
“Anakin, I tried. I practically begged the Council to reconsider, I really did,” Obi-Wan said quietly, his eyes pleading with Anakin to just listen .
Ahsoka flinched. They were talking about her . Her trial. She watched as Anakin swayed, his feet carrying him closer to Obi-Wan.
“Oh, and they didn’t listen to you, Master Kenobi ?” Anakin hissed, his words seeming to hit Obi-Wan like a physical blow, considering the way he flinched. Ahsoka could see a flicker of pain cross Obi-Wan’s face, before he cleared his face of any expression.
“No, they didn’t Anakin. I petitioned the Council for an investigation, I proposed the trial be pushed back, I quite frankly begged Master Yoda to halt the whole trial. I tried, Anakin.”
“Well, you didn’t do enough! You put the Council above her, just as you did with me! Just as you always do…” Anakin trailed off, his hand reaching up to his hair, pushing it out of his face, his eyes never losing their rage.
“I did my best, Anakin! Why can’t you understand that? I hoped beyond hope that it wouldn’t come to that, and it still did!” Obi-Wan exclaimed, his voice getting louder as he lost his calm demeanor. “Neither of us were at fault, Anakin!”
Ahsoka watched aghast as Obi-Wan brought his hand up and ran it through his hair— it was getting greyer —in frustration.
“Well, it was your fault!” Anakin snarled. “Everything that happened was your fault! Qui-Gon died, my mom died, Force, even Satine died!”
Obi-Wan’s face lost all color, his face betraying his emotions for a moment, as he flinched back as if he were slapped. Ahsoka watched as Obi-Wan took a step back and shook his head once, then twice. She watched as his face cleared of the devastation that had shown so clearly, his hand coming up to stroke his beard. Anyone else wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong. Anyone else wouldn’t have noticed that it was a facade.
But Ahsoka knew Obi-Wan. She noticed the almost imperceptible tremor in his hands, the despair he tried to hide in the furrowing of his eyebrows. She noticed the slight shine in his eyes, the way that he seemed to have aged years in seconds.
Obi-Wan was upset.
Anakin didn’t seem to notice any of those signs. He continued, “And now, she’s gone too!” Anakin wiped at his eyes quickly, struggling to stay upright. “Ahsoka left … and you didn’t do anything … ” he trailed off, his words slurring together, as his eyes began to close.
Ahsoka felt like she had been punched, a deep ache lodged deep in her ribcage. She swallowed around the lump in her throat, and blinked to keep the tears at bay. She watched as Anakin lurched to the side, his eyes closing completely.
Obi-Wan lunged forward to catch him before he hit the ground, pulling on Anakin’s arm to try and get him upright. Anakin was totally passed out, his head hanging limp. Ahsoka watched as Obi-Wan struggled to get Anakin’s arm around his own shoulder, almost tripping over Anakin’s legs.
Before Ahsoka knew it, her legs were taking her forward, out of the shadows she was hiding in, towards them. She didn’t know what she was doing, but all she knew was that she needed to be there, with them . Her legs kept walking, her brain telling her, No, don’t , but her heart begging her to just get there .
She was right behind Obi-Wan now, her hand reached out to touch his shoulder as Obi-Wan stumbled, struggling with Anakin’s weight. She hesitated, her heart pounding in her chest, mind racing. She took a deep breath, before slowly lowering her hand to touch Obi-Wan’s shoulder.
She felt the muscles under her palm tense up, as he straightened up in front of her. He turned slowly, not really seeing her yet, eyes glancing back and forth searching for a threat. After all, a Jedi was not the safest thing to be during this war, especially in the lower levels of Coruscant. The Jedi-haters were plenty, a group that had included Trace and Rafa when Ahsoka had first arrived here.
Ahsoka’s throat was dry, her tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of her mouth. She could see the moment Obi-Wan realized it was her, his eyes widening, his hand tightening around Anakin’s bicep. His mouth opened, as if to say something, before closing again.
Obi-Wan was hesitating.
Ahsoka didn’t know what was more surprising—the fact that Obi-Wan had no words to say or that she made the first move. Her mouth opened on its own accord. “Hello, Master Kenobi,” she said simply.
“Hello, Ahsoka,” he said, his voice quiet and wavering.
Now that Ahsoka was right in front of him, she could see the new lines on Obi-Wan’s forehead, and the grey that was streaking his beard. The bruises under his eyes contrasted sharply with the paleness of his face. He was thinner too, his collarbone more visible through his robes, his fingers narrower as they fought to keep their hold on Anakin’s hand. Anakin had changed too. He had always looked younger when he slept, but now, in the dim lights of Coruscant, Anakin looked more haggard and old. Ahsoka was struck by how much they had changed in her absence.
She shook her head once, then twice. This wasn’t the time to think about such things. She stepped forward to duck underneath Anakin’s other arm, grabbing his hand to pull it over her own shoulder. As she turned to look towards Obi-Wan again, he quickly turned away, as if to mask the fact that he had been looking at her.
She took one step, then another, supporting Anakin, as Obi-Wan did the same on his other side. Slowly, they began to make their way down the alley.
“I don’t think you’ll be able to make it hom-to the Temple,” Ahsoka said, her voice low.
“No, I don’t think so,” Obi-Wan agreed. “Let me see if I can summon an air taxi. You don’t need to stay Ahsoka—”
“I do,” she interrupted, “and you probably won’t find an air taxi this late. You can just stay at my apartment for tonight.”
Obi-Wan’s head snapped back to face her. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Master. Besides, you’re going to need help with Anakin,” Ahsoka said, meeting Obi-Wan’s eyes, “I don’t think you’ll be able to carry him on your own.”
“Alright.”
They walked along, the silence hanging heavily between them, only interrupted by the occasional grunt Anakin made. The cool air of Coruscant did nothing to soothe Ahsoka’s nerves, her thoughts racing as she tried to think of something to say. The constant chirping of Obi-Wan’s comm didn’t help.
“You should pick up,” she said.
“They can wait,” he said, shortly.
Ahsoka waited a moment, to see if he would elaborate. When he didn’t seem to be offering anything else, Ahsoka asked, “Who was it?”
Obi-Wan seemed to hesitate, choosing his words. “The Council,” he said finally.
“Oh,” Ahsoka paused, “it might be important…”
“They can wait ,” he repeated.
Ahsoka nodded. “Okay.” They walked on. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Obi-Wan open and close his mouth a couple of times, before he let out a breath.
“You look well,” Obi-Wan said.
“You look—” Ahsoka stopped herself, unsure of what to say, “—quite frankly, you don’t look so well.”
“I’m fine,” he said immediately and Ahsoka fought the urge to roll her eyes. Of course.
They kept walking, Ahsoka occasionally telling Obi-Wan where to turn, when they reached the last turn.
“Here,” Ahsoka said, “this is it.”
She guided them towards the wall next to her door, leaning Anakin against it, leaving Obi-Wan to support him before ducking out from underneath Anakin’s arm. She stepped up to her door to unlock it before pushing it open. She stepped backwards to prop Anakin up again when Obi-Wan stopped her.
“I can carry him,” he said, his hand out, “I got him.”
Ahsoka nodded and held the door open. She led them to her own bedroom, not wanting Anakin to have to sleep on her couch. As she pushed her door open, she was struck with memories of the past. Of another time when Anakin had gotten drunk along with the 501st, and Obi-Wan had had to bring him back to their quarters. Ahsoka had laughed at seeing Anakin so out of it but happy, so happy , and Obi-Wan had smiled along with her, both of them pushing Anakin on to the bed. Obi-Wan had smoothed the hair back from Anakin’s face, shaking his head, smiling, before asking Ahsoka if she wanted tea. Ahsoka had let Obi-Wan tell her stories about Anakin’s apprenticeship, falling asleep right there, next to her Master and Grandmaster.
One look at Obi-Wan’s face told her that he was thinking about that night too.
Obi-Wan moved forward, managing to get Anakin’s upper half on the bed before moving away, as Ahsoka lifted his legs up. They managed to get him situated, while Anakin remained completely out of it, his mouth open. Obi-Wan grabbed two of the pillows on the floor before placing them behind his former Padawan’s head. For a minute, Ahsoka saw his blank expression break, his mouth trembling, before he brought himself under control again. He stood next to the bed, looking out of place for a short moment, before starting towards the door.
“Hold on,” Ahsoka called, “where are you going?”
Obi-Wan paused, turning back. “I didn’t- I thought… I was heading back to the Temple,” he stammered, “I didn't really think you would want me to stay here.”
Ahsoka watched as Obi-Wan fidgeted (since when did Obi-Wan fidget ?) and stood near the doorway awkwardly. “It’s too late, besides you’ll need to get him back tomorrow anyway… You can stay here, Master.” she finished somewhat lamely.
Obi-Wan’s eyes flitted about the room, clearly uncomfortable. Nevertheless, he agreed, “Alright, I’ll stay.” He moved towards the bed again, eyeing the spot next to Anakin with trepidation, as if expecting Anakin to get up and start yelling again.
“You can sit down, you know… He’s dead asleep. He won’t wake up for a while…” Ahsoka said, trying to get Obi-Wan to just be … This type of nervous energy was always something that Anakin had, never Obi-Wan . She just didn’t know how to make things not awkward .
Obi-Wan nodded. He sat on the edge of the bed, his back straight like a durasteel rod. Ahsoka sighed. None of this, conversations, sitting on the kriffing bed, none of this , used to be this hard. As she was thinking about what to do, an idea struck her.
“Would you like some tea?” she asked, catching Obi-Wan by surprise.
“If it’s not too much trouble…” he replied slowly.
“Okay…” she said as she left the room, leaving Anakin and Obi-Wan alone.
As she stood in her tiny kitchen, waiting for the tea to steep, she asked herself what she was doing. What had prompted her to ask them to come to her apartment? What had made sure she asked Obi-Wan to stay? Why was she even making Obi-Wan tea? What was she doing?
She shook her head to herself. She didn’t know what had prompted her to open those doors to her former Master and Grandmaster. She didn’t know why she was trying to make Obi-Wan comfortable or letting Anakin have her bed.
But she did know that Anakin was struggling.
She knew that Obi-Wan was hurting.
And she knew that Anakin and Obi-Wan weren’t in the best place at the moment.
They needed her. So she would be there for them.
The sound of the whistle on her kettle startled her out her thoughts. She quickly took the kettle off of the stove and poured the tea into two cups. She placed the kettle in the sink for later, picked the two cups up, and began to make her way back to the bedroom.
Obi-Wan had relaxed a bit more, his back resting against the headboard, and one leg folded up on the bed. She noticed he had thrown a blanket from the foot of the bed over Anakin. Ahsoka turned the lights dimmer as she passed the doorway and handed Obi-Wan one of the cups. She walked around the bed and sat down on the other side of Anakin. She and Obi-Wan sipped their cups in silence.
Just as Ahsoka was about to finish her tea, Obi-Wan broke the silence, his voice ringing in the hush of the room. “Did you hear him?”
“What?”
“Did you hear him? Did you hear what Anakin said?”
Ahsoka hesitated. “Yes.”
A pause. “Okay.”
Ahsoka turned to look at Obi-Wan more clearly. He was staring straight ahead at the wall, his face wiped of emotion.
“Are you okay, Obi-Wan?”
“I’m fine, Ahsoka.”
Ahsoka knew he wasn’t fine. You didn’t hang around Obi-Wan Kenobi for three years without learning that ‘Fine’ very much meant ‘Not fine’. If it was Anakin, he would have either pestered him or yelled at him until Obi-Wan told him the truth. But Anakin wasn’t in any place to do any sort of needling right now. And Ahsoka wasn’t Anakin.
She didn’t say anything. They sat in the quiet for a while, both filled with things to say, but no sound was made.
Finally, Ahsoka made the decision to reach over and grab Obi-Wan’s cup, still warm from the heat of his hands. She placed both their cups on the table next to her bed, turning the lights down until only the shadows that were cast about the room were visible.
“Go to sleep, Obi-Wan.”
She laid down too, facing away from both of them, curling herself into a tight ball. She waited for the sounds of rustling from Obi-Wan’s side, the telltale signs that he was laying down too. She waited for his breathing to even out. It didn’t.
Ahsoka closed her eyes, her thoughts filled with memories of a warm room at a Temple. It was to the sound of Obi-Wan’s voice and Anakin’s laugh from easier times that she fell asleep.
-:-
Ahsoka woke to the smell of fresh caf being made in the kitchen. She opened her eyes, and blinked a few times, trying to get used to the light streaming through the open door. She turned her head to greet the sight of Anakin sprawled out next to her, his feet tangled in the sheets, mouth open. The memories of the last night came to her slowly, her head throbbing. She hadn’t even been drunk.
She shook her head slightly, and began to prop herself up against the headboard. She noticed that she had a blanket over her too, her feet warm for once. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, listening to sounds being made in the kitchen. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders like a cape and made her way to the noise.
Obi-Wan was bustling about the kitchen, opening cabinets for sugar and cream. He found the sugar quite quickly and dumped three spoons of it in two of the mugs on the counter. He only put one in the last mug, and Ahsoka assumed that would be his. He poured the steaming caf into his own mug and one other one, no doubt sensing that Ahsoka was awake.
“Hey,” she said quietly, trying not to startle him.
Obi-Wan still jumped, almost knocking over his mug. Seems he hadn’t realized she had gotten out of bed.
“Ahsoka,” he said, his voice deep. “Here,” he motioned towards the cup on the counter, “I made caf.”
Ahsoka picked the mug up, and breathed in the comforting aroma of the caf. “Thanks.”
“Of course.”
Although this—early morning caf while Anakin was sleeping, easy conversations with her Grandmaster—had been a regular occurrence, Ahsoka didn’t quite know what to say today. She decided to just simply sit next to him. Maybe the proximity would ease some of the tension in the room.
“You still keep your sugar in the same place,” Obi-Wan said conversationally, almost calmly. Ahsoka would’ve believed his nonchalance, if not for the way he had been drumming at his mug. Obi-Wan simply did not drum at things. Ahsoka realized… he was nervous too.
She looked up to see Obi-Wan staring at her. Oh, right, he was waiting for an answer.
“—Oh, right. Yeah, it just seemed easier,” she mumbled, “not having to remember new places, you know.”
Obi-Wan hummed, taking a sip from his cup, before screwing his face up at the taste. Ahsoka couldn’t help but smile.
“Seems you haven’t stopped hating caf.”
“Caf is disgusting,” he grumbled, his argument familiar, “the only thing it’s good for is energy.”
“Yeah, well, if you put a bit more sugar in it, maybe it would taste better.”
Obi-Wan just shook his head, the corners of his mouth turning up. Ahsoka had no doubt that Anakin and she herself had told Obi-Wan the same thing multiple times. They both took a sip, this time, the silence more comfortable than before.
“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan blurted out suddenly, not actually facing her.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
Ahsoka stared at Obi-Wan. She hadn’t been expecting this. “What for, Obi-Wan?” she asked.
“For… everything. I’m sorry I couldn- didn’t do more,” he faltered. “I should have fought more, I should have made them listen . I… I- I didn’t help you,” he stammered out, still not meeting her eyes.
“Obi-Wan,” Ahsoka murmured, wanting to say so many things, but no sound came out.
“Anakin was right about a lot of the things he said. Most of it was my fault… And I understand if you don’t want to talk to me… But Anakin,” Obi-Wan paused, turning to look at her. “Anakin’s a mess. Just please… keep in contact with him. I’ll just stay away,” he finished, once again looking at his feet.
“Obi-Wan,” Ahsoka whispered again. She moved closer to him on the sofa, reaching out towards him. His face was open and vulnerable, his expressions readable for the first time since she had seen him last night. His eyes were filled with guilt and despair, his mouth turned down. He swallowed, leaning forward, putting down his mug, his hands coming up to clasp each other.
Ahsoka reached out slowly, waiting for Obi-Wan to pull away. He didn’t. She wrapped her fingers around his clasped hands, holding his hands in hers. Although Obi-Wan had changed, his hands really hadn’t. The callouses from years of lightsaber fighting, the slight bump on his index finger from the time he had broken it, the neatly cut nails—it was all the same.
She looked at his face again. His eyes were closed, lips pursed. She was once again surprised by how old Obi-Wan seemed, the lines seemed etched into his face, the grey in his beard gleaming in the rays of sunlight invading the room through the thin curtains.
“Master.”
He didn’t so much as twitch.
“Obi-Wan…” she implored, “look at me.”
He listened. He looked at her, but he didn’t meet her eyes.
“I don’t blame you, Obi-Wan,” she said, as Obi-Wan’s head snapped up to gaze at her. “Anakin was wrong… It wasn’t your fault.”
Obi-Wan gaped at her, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. “But- But…” he stammered.
“But nothing,” Ahsoka interrupted, “Nothing Anakin mentioned, none of that… was your fault, Obi-Wan. ”
Obi-Wan was speechless, still staring at her, his gaze flickering between her eyes, searching for the truth. When he realized that Ahsoka was sincere in her words, his posture slumped like his puppet strings had been cut, and he leaned back.
“Do you really mean that?” he whispered, his eyes wide. Ahsoka could see a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes.
“Yes. I do.” Ahsoka repeated, her tone sure.
Obi-Wan’s eyes shimmered, his eyes welling with tears, though he didn’t let even one fall. He smiled, then laughed quietly to himself. “She doesn’t blame me,” he trailed off, his voice even quieter than before.
Ahsoka wanted to do something. She thought about it for a second, then decided that she would deal with the consequences later. She threw herself at Obi-Wan, her arms coming up to circle his neck. Obi-Wan was pushed back by the force of her hug, his shoulders hitting the backrest of the sofa. He was stiff for a moment, his arms hovering above her back, unsure of what to do, before he relaxed into the hug.
His arms circled tightly around her waist, and he hooked his chin over her shoulder. Ahsoka buried her head into Obi-Wan’s shoulder, her hands clutching at his robes. Obi-Wan sighed. “I’ve missed you, dear one,” he said, his joy evident in the way the Force swirled around them both, though even that seemed a bit muted. She would worry about that later.
Ahsoka smiled. “I’ve missed you too, Obi-Wan.”
Obi-Wan let go first, wiping at his eyes, the hint of all tears gone. He laughed wetly. “Look at me, I’m a mess.”
Ahsoka turned towards him, a smirk growing on her face. “The Great Obi-Wan Kenobi, a mess… what a surprise…”
Obi-Wan didn’t rise to the dig, the affectionate half-smile still creasing the corners of his eyes. “Okay, Ahsoka.”
The sound of rustling filled the air, as someone grunted. Both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka turned towards the bedroom door at the same time. Anakin was awake.
Obi-Wan’s smile diminished in size. Ahsoka looked towards him again. Obi-Wan turned his attention back to the mug that he had put aside.
“Go,” he said.
“But—”
“Go, Ahsoka. He needs you.”
Ahsoka nodded, determination building in her. She stood up and made her way towards the bedroom, leaving Obi-Wan to his thoughts.
-:-
Anakin woke to the feeling of something like a hammer being taken to his temples. The throbbing pain hit him all at once, the nausea that rolled over him only adding to his misery. What had he been doing last night? He licked at his dry lips, trying to bring some moisture to his mouth. He could hear the door opening, the sound only adding to the pressure mounting in his head.
Anakin pried his heavy eyelids open, blinking against the light shining through the open doorway. He thought that there might be a silhouette framed in the doorway, but he had no idea if he trusted his vision at the moment. He groaned, bringing his hand up to block the light, closing his eyes again.
Suddenly, the light still visible beyond his eyelids dimmed considerably, the pressure in his head lessening just a little.
“Here, drink some water,” a voice said softly. The voice was familiar, a voice Anakin knew well, but he just couldn’t put his finger on it. Probably because he was still hungover, but that’s another story.
Anakin slowly opened his eyes again, shaking his head until the figure came into focus. The bluish-white montrals, the markings on her face, the familiar purplish tunic. He blinked. Was he seeing this right?
“Ahsoka?” Anakin asked, his voice deep and wavering.
“Yeah,” she said, “it’s me.”
Anakin tried to sit up quickly, forgetting about the pain. His action only aggravated his headache and he had to quickly bend over to wait for the nausea to pass.
“Careful,” she said, her hands already guiding him to a more comfortable position.
Anakin turned to look at Ahsoka, ignoring the throbbing at his temples. “What are you doing here?”
“You don’t remember?” she asked, her lips turned up in a sad smile.
Anakin thought for a moment. The memories of the previous night came flooding back like a tidal wave. Finding a holo in the Archives that reminded him of Ahsoka’s relentless questions. Breaking the holo. Taking an air taxi to the club, not even telling Padmé where he was going. Drinking glass after glass at the bar, trying to stop remembering . And Obi-Wan. Oh Force, Obi-Wan. He had yelled at Obi-Wan. Of course, he had been ignoring Obi-Wan ever since Ahsoka left, but… he had never yelled at him like that .
Then only glimpses. He had probably passed out. Ahsoka’s arm around his waist as she helped him somewhere. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka pushing him down on the bed. Then, nothing.
Ahsoka just watched him, somehow sensing the cogs in his brain turning. “Seems like you remember.”
Anakin looked around the bed he was on. The room was small and sparsely decorated. The windows were closed and the curtains were pulled tight, no light entering through them. The door was slightly ajar, probably from Ahsoka coming in. He could smell the aroma of freshly made caf.
When he finally turned back to Ahsoka, she was waiting, a water bottle held out. He grabbed it, albeit slowly, and took a quick swig. The water did wonders for his dry mouth, and he swallowed more gulps of it down, almost choking on it.
“Careful, careful,” Ahsoka chided, as she took the bottle back from him.
Once he got over his coughing fit, Anakin looked back at Ahsoka. She was actually here then. The water was proof, right. She was not a figment of his daydreams or his nightmares, but actually here .
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” Ahsoka said, the corners of her mouth turning up.
“You’re here.”
“Yeah… I am.”
“How- I mean, how did you find me?” Anakin asked, the words awkward in his mouth.
“Umm… I was at the club you were at, and I kind of just followed you out.” Off of his stern look, Ahsoka hastened to explain, “I wasn’t drinking or anything! I was just… there with some friends.”
Anakin’s sternness faded as quickly as it had arrived. “So… you- uh… you saw me there,” he faltered, “I mean, drinking…”
“Yeah. I did.”
“Oh… um—okay.”
“Anakin.”
“Yeah?”
“What happened?”
“Nothing,” he quickly said, “nothing.”
“Anakin,” she glared at him, “please.”
“I don’t know Ahsoka, okay?” he muttered. “It just—I don’t know.”
“Anakin,” she said, quietly, her face open and free of judgement. “Just tell me what happened.”
Anakin debated not telling her. He could just work around it and not tell Ahsoka. He didn’t have to tell her, right? Anakin opened his mouth to lie, just say something , but instead, he told her the truth.
“I was in the Archives doing some research for the upcoming mission… It was like always, Master Nu was scolding some of the younglings for running, padawans were during research for their papers, and I was searching from this particular holopad.” Anakin coughed, clearing his throat. “I found the holopad that you hated , the one you used to write that research paper for Master Unduli,” he said, then paused as he chose his words. “And I just… got reminded of you, again , and every little thing sets me off now since you left, and I decided to take a walk, to try to clear my head. I somehow ended up at the bar and I think you know the rest…” he said, the words tumbling out, fidgeting with his prosthetic hand. He didn’t meet her eyes.
Ahsoka moved closer on the bed until she was right in front of him. She placed her hands on his to still them and nudged him until he was looking at her. Her eyes seemed to be piercing into Anakin’s very soul, but he tried not to move as she studied him. She leaned back slightly, seeming to have found what she was searching for.
She smiled. “Anakin,” she said quietly, “I’m still here .”
Anakin just stared back, not being able to tear his eyes away from her gaze.
“I walked away from the Jedi, I walked away from the Temple, yes. And I know the feeling of missing it, I know the feeling of having to think in past-tenses. I don’t think I even realized what I was doing till last night when I saw you at the bar.” Ahsoka paused, blinking away the tears in her eyes as Anakin still was motionless. “I want to still be there for you and with you, even if I walked away from the Temple. And I will be.”
Anakin didn’t say anything, he didn’t really think he could. He nodded once, then twice, his hands moving up to swipe at his eyes. The corner of his mouth turned up, though the smirk contrasted with the glassiness of his eyes.
“Screw it.” Anakin’s arms shot out to pull Ahsoka into a tight hug, hooking his chin over Ahsoka’s shoulder. She relaxed into the hug, closing her eyes, and burying her face into his shoulder.
“I missed you, Snips,” he whispered wetly, his voice breaking.
Ahsoka only squeezed tighter. “I missed you too, Skyguy.”
Anakin let go first, his hand coming up to swipe at the tears that had run down Ahsoka’s cheeks, leaving tracks behind. Though his cheeks were wet too, his smile was blinding, and Ahsoka laughed.
“Okay, you have to tell me how you are, like actually,” Anakin started, “who are your new friends, what have you been up to?”
“I will, but I think you have something to do.” Ahsoka stared at Anakin pointedly.
“What?”
Ahsoka sighed. “You should talk to Obi-Wan.”
Anakin bristled. “Why?” he asked, though he wouldn’t actually meet her eyes.
Ahsoka just glowered. “You really want me to lay it out, Anakin? What you said to him… was way out of line, and you know it. And I know you know that none of what you said was his fault!”
Anakin didn’t look up from his fingers, twisting the sheets. He did know. He knew as soon as he woke up that what he said was terrible.
Ahsoka looked at the guilty expression on his face and her features softened. “Listen, I know you feel bad. So just… talk to him.”
Anakin nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Ahsoka said, pleased. A moment passed. “I’m going to call him in here.”
Anakin’s head snapped up. “He’s here?! Wait, now?!”
“Yes, now!”
“Wait, wait, I’m not ready—”
“Master, would you come in here?” Ahsoka called out, her tone unpersuadable.
“Snips!”
Ahsoka stood up from where she was sitting on the bed, letting go of Anakin’s hands. “Talk to him, Skyguy, okay?” she said as she moved in the direction of the door and walked out through the doorway.
Anakin swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. This was more nerve wracking than the conversation he had had with Ahsoka. Talking with her meant explaining himself . Talking with Obi-Wan meant confronting his words that he knew would’ve hurt Obi-Wan. Anakin drew in a deep breath and waited for Obi-Wan.
-:-
Obi-Wan heard Ahsoka call out for him. The smile that was on his face had dropped when she had left to go talk to Anakin. He drew his attention away from the same page he had been staring at for a while, and looked towards the sound of her voice that came from the ajar bedroom door.
He couldn’t deny the fact that the conversation with Ahsoka had brought him some peace. He had had countless nights of staying up, thinking about Ahsoka’s decision to leave, and what that said about him , as her Grandmaster. He had no doubt that Anakin was carrying the same guilt, maybe a bit more because she was his padawan after all, but Obi-Wan was on the Council that had decided her trial.
And the Council came with its own warnings. He didn’t know how many times he had regretted accepting the seat on the Council when it was offered to him, but he knew the number was only increasing as the war continued raging. The number of times he had to decide between the ones he cared for (loved if he was being honest to himself) and the Council’s wishes were only escalating and he dreaded the time where he hurt the people important to him to the point of no return. He knew he had come pretty close with the time he had faked his death.
Obi-Wan had debated going on that mission for hours, sleepless night after night. He had thought about the consequences of not going again and again. He knew that he was going to hurt the people he loved— Anakin, Ahsoka, Satine, and even Padmé —he knew that the mission was going to break their trust in him (the trust he cherished having). But he had done it.
And he would regret making that decision for the rest of his life.
Then, so soon after that came Sundari and Maul and… Satine. He didn’t even have the chance to apologize for his faked death before… she was gone . He hadn’t even told Anakin about what happened. But the Council knew. And the Council was angry he had disobeyed their orders to go help an attachment .
Obi-Wan’s influence on the Council became almost nonexistent. The number of reports he had to file for his fallacy multiplied, he wasn’t getting sleep, what with the sheer amount of work he had to do and the nightmares, and Anakin had still not been speaking with him other than on official business.
Then came the bombing, Ahsoka being framed, her trial, and finally her deciding to leave the Order in rapid succession. It all happened so fast that he couldn’t, quite frankly, keep track of most of it. He had spent those fast few days advocating for Ahsoka, and Master Plo Koon had helped, sure, but at the end of it, he hadn’t been enough.
And Anakin had been blaming him for it ever since.
Anakin had thrown himself into the war effort, not taking any breaks, or even a night off. When he was forced to take a break, he sunk into a depression. Obi-Wan hadn’t known what to do, or what to even say to his grieving former Padawan, while he himself was stretched thin, what with the Council obligations and the 212th battalion.
And now, when Obi-Wan had finally been able to find Anakin despite his avoiding him, and followed him there to try and bring him home, Anakin had blown up at him, blaming for everything that had happened.
Yes, Obi-Wan knew his apprentice and his temper very well, having been on the receiving end of that temper a great number of times. Anakin had yelled at him for not being enough, or for holding him back an innumerable number of times. But he had never seen the sheer fury in his padawan’s eyes directed at himself before last night. Obi-Wan didn’t know if Anakin had meant the words that he said, but whether he did or not, they struck true in Obi-Wan’s heart.
And now, he didn’t know if he could face Anakin yet.
He heard Anakin yelping seconds after Ahsoka’s calling out for him, but he had no idea what type of a mood Anakin was in, or if the blame only fell on him because Anakin was drunk.
Obi-Wan stood up, steeling himself for another round of arguing, though he really didn’t think he could handle it if Anakin actually yelled at him with that rage again. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled, trying in vain to let go of his nerves in the Force, and trying to center himself before he walked in there. Obi-Wan walked to the kitchen, and quickly poured the remaining caf in the pot into the last mug on the counter, picked it up, and moved towards the bedroom door.
As he reached the doorway, his fingers drumming at the handle of the mug in his hands, Ahsoka walked out and smiled. Obi-Wan faltered in his steps for a moment, until Ahsoka nudged his elbow and tilted her head towards the door. She looked pointedly at the door, her features arranged in a reassuring expression, her eyes telling him to just go talk to him . She walked past him.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath, nudged the door open with his foot, and stepped into the room.
-:-
The lights in the room were dimmed, the curtains tightly drawn, probably in consideration of Anakin’s hangover, Obi-Wan thought. He crossed the doorway to see Anakin sitting on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, one of his legs crossed on top of the bed. He wasn’t looking at Obi-Wan, his attention focused on the blanket in his hands, his fingers twisting and untwisting the corner of it endlessly. He didn’t even look up when Obi-Wan moved towards the bed, his footsteps heavy in the quiet room.
Obi-Wan holds the mug out, right under Anakin’s nose. Anakin finally looks up at that. At a first glance, his face is devoid of emotion, eyes completely blank. But Obi-Wan had trained Anakin, raised Anakin. Obi-Wan knew Anakin. And he could see the signs of nerves on his face, in the small wrinkle that appeared on the bridge of his nose when he was stressed, in the way his mechanical arm was twitching just a bit, and in the way his eyes were flitting across Obi-Wan’s face.
Anakin reached out for the mug with his left hand. Obi-Wan let go of it and took a step back from the edge of the bed. He stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do, hoping that he wasn’t expressing his own anxiety on his face.
Anakin seemed to have sensed his awkwardness, and motioned to the spot in front of him on the bed with the hand not holding the mug. He leaned slightly forward, taking a sip of his mug, before letting out a sigh.
Obi-Wan couldn’t help but smile, the tension in the room lifting just a bit. “Is it good?” he asked, as he lowered himself to the spot in front of Anakin.
“Uh, yeah, it’s good,” Anakin said quietly.
“That’s, uh, good,” Obi-Wan replied.
They both sat in the quiet for a minute, only broken by the sound of Anakin swallowing.
Anakin cleared his throat. “So, you-um, stayed here last night?”
“Yes, Ahsoka was kind enough to offer me to stay.”
“Oh, okay, that’s good.”
Obi-Wan looked at his hands. At this point, not looking at Anakin was easier than looking at him.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Like I was run over by a Bantha herd,” Anakin said, a wry smile on his face.
“Well, yes, you drank quite a bit.”
“Yeah… I remember.”
Silence fell over the room again. Anakin shifted a little.
“Anakin, I—”
“Obi-Wan, I’m s—”
They both stopped. Anakin shook his head, “You go first…”
Obi-Wan took a deep breath. “Anakin, I am sorry, truly. I am sorry for not doing more to help you or Ahsoka.” Obi-Wan turned his attention to the art on the wall above Anakin. “I realize your anger towards me is something you can’t let go of and recognize the truth in the things you said last night. I understand if you don’t want me to talk to you anymore—”
“Obi-Wan, no—”Anakin blurted out, interrupting Obi-Wan. They both fell silent.
Obi-Wan folded his arms, failing to hide his trembling fingers in his sleeves, still not looking at Anakin’s face. A hand came up to cover one of his own, stilling the tremors that he knew Anakin could see. A whisper came, seemingly loud in the still room, “Obi-Wan.”
Obi-Wan raised his head enough to catch a glimpse of Anakin’s face, and was shocked to see the anguished look on his face. He met Anakin’s eyes. Anakin’s lips were trembling, as though holding himself back from saying something, his eyes glossy and shining in the dim light of the room. In their sheen, Obi-Wan caught his own reflection, red-rimmed eyes and furrowed brows.
“Obi-Wan, I was the one that was wrong. I should not have pushed you away, or not spoken to you, or yelled at you. I know that you tried to help, and I know that you did as much as you could,” Anakin said quietly.
Obi-Wan couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from his former Padawan. Anakin looked so old in that moment, so exhausted, and Obi-Wan forgot his own guilt and frustration of the past year. At least Obi-Wan had been in his thirties before having to fight on a battlefield. Anakin was in his early twenties, thrust into a violent war that didn’t seem to be ending any time soon, not to mention the responsibilities that had been heaped upon him. Yes, he had been put in charge of a child at that age but Obi-Wan couldn’t imagine having to be held accountable for leading a battalion, fighting a bloody war with heavy losses, and having to deal with his own Padawan leaving the order. All of the stress had obviously been taking a toll on his former Padawan, something that Obi-Wan had never been able to help with even in the early years of their partnership.
Unaware of Obi-Wan’s realizations and thoughts, Anakin continued, “You weren’t to blame for Ahsoka leaving, or Satine’s death, or Qui-Gon. None of those were your fault.” Obi-Wan opened his mouth to argue, but Anakin didn’t even flinch. “No. Obi-Wan, it was not your fault, and I’m sorry that I said it was. I was not thinking straight, and I found it easier to put all the blame on you rather than face my own guilt of the situation. I’m sorry for everything.”
Obi-Wan continued to gape at Anakin, his eyes wide. Anakin wasn’t looking at Obi-Wan anymore, his chin down, staring at the sheets his prosthetic hand was picking at. His other hand hadn’t moved from its spot, reaching to cover Obi-Wan’s hand. And as Obi-Wan looked at Anakin’s guilty expression and bloodshot eyes, he longed to go back to the times when everything was easier. The times before the war, when Anakin hadn’t been afraid to come to Obi-Wan about his troubles, when the Jedi were just peacekeepers. Now, Anakin seemed afraid to even talk to him, let alone tell him his issues, or even about things important to him (Obi-Wan didn’t know how long he could pretend to not know about Padmé). Obi-Wan didn’t know what exactly had changed them both so drastically.
A sudden urge rose in him, an urge to just forget about the whole situation. Words stuck in the back of his throat, his mind telling him to just speak , but all his words seemed wrong. Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, then another, before practically lunging towards his former Padawan and throwing his arms around his back.
Obi-Wan pulled Anakin closer, wrapping his arms tighter around Anakin’s shoulders. Anakin’s own hands hovered over his own back for a moment, his body stiff and still, before he slumped forward, his body relaxing. Anakin buried his face into the crook of Obi-Wan’s neck, his forehead hot against Obi-Wan’s skin. “I’m sorry,” he said again, muffling a sob in Obi-Wan’s robes. Obi-Wan’s right hand came up to cup the back of Anakin’s head, feeling the wetness soaking through his robes, hot against his skin. He sighed. “It’s alright, dear one,” Obi-Wan said, closing his eyes, the tears welling up in his eyes as well, threatening to spill over.
“It’s not- I’m so sorry… ”Anakin mumbled, his whole body shuddering in Obi-Wan’s secure grasp.
Obi-Wan grasped the back of Anakin’s tunic tighter, pulling him closer though it seemed impossible. The tears that he had been holding back the whole morning finally spilled over and down into his beard. His left hand began to rub circles into Anakin’s back, his other hand stroking his hair. He tried to send him calming waves through the Force bond that wasn’t supposed to exist anymore, the bond that was supposed to have dissolved once Anakin had been knighted.
In response to Obi-Wan’s attempts to placate him, Anakin only tried to push his face into Obi-Wan’s neck further, his grip on Obi-Wan’s shoulders almost bruising. “I’m sorry,” he repeated quietly, hiccuping, as his shoulders shook and fingers trembled. Obi-Wan sighed. “It’s okay… we’re okay, dear one.”
Anakin sighed too, sobs dying down until they were just an occasional tear or two. All the while, Obi-Wan never let go.
It was going to be okay.
-:-
As soon as Obi-Wan had walked past her into her bedroom, Ahsoka had busied herself with her holopad, drawing out the new schematics she was thinking of to improve Trace’s speeder. She knew this conversation between Anakin and Obi-Wan was long overdue and needed to be had, just like her own conversation with the both of them, and she didn’t really think she needed to listen to theirs. She had heard the murmur of voices from her bedroom occasionally, but she hadn’t really paid attention to them, choosing to focus on her plans instead.
Her talk with Anakin had eased some of the guilt she had about leaving the Order. She still loved (Yes, loved, she didn’t care what the other Jedi had to say about it) many of the Jedi who followed the Council’s orders, but she knew she had made the right decision for herself. She would always miss them, but the regret that she had had for her decision last night had almost completely vanished.
The conversation she had with Obi-Wan had been more for his own benefit than hers, though she had felt better after talking to him, as she always had before. Either way, the heart-to-hearts had helped her clear her mind of doubts and hesitations. She was content with where she stood.
As she finished up the last part of the plans she had for the engine of the speeder, she noted a distinct lack of voices. Only a few sniffles were coming from her bedroom. Ahsoka placed her holopad on the table before her, only stopping to position it so that it didn’t fall off. She stood up and made her way towards the doorway, hoping she was being quiet.
The sight before her froze her for a second. Obi-Wan and Anakin were hugging? She had never seen them do that before. Sure, there had been a hand thrown over the shoulder here, and playful shoving to the floor there, but never hugging. But there they were.
She stood still in the doorway. They were okay then. A smile bloomed across her face, forming small smile lines.
They were okay.
She cleared her throat. They both snapped out of their hug, wiping at their faces, trying (and failing) to get rid of evidence of crying. The tear tracks were clearly visible on their faces, the red-rimmed eyes giving them away.
“Are you both okay then?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Yes.”
They both nodded at the same time, smiles growing on their faces as well. Obi-Wan positioned himself so he could face Ahsoka, though he didn’t move from his spot beside Anakin.
Ahsoka smirked somewhat proudly. She flung herself down between them and pulled them both inward, tangling them into a pile of limbs. Obi-Wan laughed out loud as his arm came to wrap around Ahsoka’s back and Anakin hooked his arm around Obi-Wan’s neck, their heads coming together. The Force poured joy into the air around them, the warmth and safety and rightness enveloping the group.
And from underneath the weight of the hug, Ahsoka grinned. She forgot about yesterday and tomorrow, and what happened and what came next. All that was there was now . And now… in that moment?
Everything was going to be okay.
-:-