Archive of Our Own ^beta

It is common knowledge that humans are, by nature, incredibly boring creatures. So boring that their simple little minds wouldn’t be able to comprehend magic if it showed them its bare ass. That is, if you grow up like any ordinary, simple-minded, boring human.

Those facts did not apply to Kuroo Tetsurou, who had grown up with the knowledge that magic did exist. He probably wouldn’t have, if not for the accident that had killed his parents in a car crash when the boy had been merely four years old.

Thanks to some asshole who couldn’t keep his hands off of a steering wheel after drinking more than a few bottles of cheap vodka, Kuroo grew up in the more or less capable hands of his grandmother.

She was a nice woman. Gentle, caring, attentive and supportive of everything her little treasure wanted. All that considered, the boy should have grown up quite normally. He didn’t though.

For as nice as his grandmother was, she was as blind as a mole, and as deaf as whatever kind of animal couldn’t hear well. As well as superstitious to the high heavens and some kind of light house for magic creatures. This had the consequence that on Kuroo’s fifth birthday she didn’t bring a cat home as a present but a cat-lizard-like demon that she named ‘Mimi’.

Mimi was an adequate cat-replacement, Kuroo thought back then. She was more lizard than cat, with the habit of eating old cans and gnawing on plastic bowls. His grandmother loved her dearly, far more than any cat she had owned before. In retrospect Kuroo knew that it was because now she could share magic with her grandson.

He grew up normally, went to school and played volleyball, went to a university and got a job in a law firm, but he knew that magic existed. Granted, he could never forget, given the ‘guests’ currently residing in his home.

When Kuroo had been 20, his grandmother had passed away, contently in her sleep. Mimi had cried all week and then disappeared. Of grief, Kuroo guessed, but he couldn’t be sure.

Really, he should have known better, but without his grandmother keeping everything in check Kuroo frequently forgot to put up the herb bags and salt lines for protection and somehow, benevolent magic creatures turned up at his house.

The first one to appear was a black cat with bat wings. In a gravelly voice he introduced himself as Casimir and promptly claimed a spot on Kuroo’s sofa. The man just shrugged, because honestly, weirder things had happened and at least Casimir had been polite enough to use the doorbell.

The cat-bat was more like a roommate than a pet, especially because he despised being called a pet. Kuroo still did sometimes, just to spite him.

In the garden lived a clan of gnomes and quite a lot of pixies and elves. They were a mild inconvenience at best and an annoying pest at worst. At one point Kuroo had accidentally insulted one of the fairy-girls by comparing her to a butterfly (pro tip: don’t do that) and the fairies had planted so many mushrooms that he couldn’t set foot into his own garden without stepping into a fairy ring. And even if he found a spot without that, one of the gnomes bit his ankles. Which was rude, and Kuroo accused them of playing favourites. He was sure that the gnomes just had a crush on the fairies.

By far his least favourite tenant was a ghost called Mary. No, not the bloody Mary, who was quite a bitch, according to Kuroo’s ghost Mary. She did look like the fabled bloody Mary though. White as a sheet of paper and with greasy black hair that fell down to her waist. She had floated around his house for around a week, bickering with Casimir and scaring the poor gnome that lived in the walls until she found an object to possess. Sadly, the object she chose was his bathroom mirror.

Kuroo wasn’t embarrassed about his body by any means, but simply shaving was quite an experience when suddenly a creepy ghost popped up in your mirror and made lewd comments. Not to mention the first few times Kuroo had forgotten about it and was persuaded by a one-night-stand to another round in the shower. Mary’s nagging had been endless, once she had gotten over her initial pouting phase. Casimir scolded him for hurting the poor girl’s feelings but Kuroo had dismissed him. Mary was sixteen and a girl, which did not mix well with a 25 year old gay man. If you forgot the part where she was dead, had been for the past 126 years.

Over the years most creatures had come and went, some staying for a night, some staying longer. They said Kuroo’s house was a safe haven for them to hide from stupid humans from time to time. None of them ever acknowledged that Kuroo himself was human.

It was fine and after a while Kuroo actually stopped noticing that it was not normal to have a mermaid called Cassandra in your bathtub every few months. Some of them were even helpful or paid him for their visit.

xxx

“Come in.” Kuroo said as he opened his door. The man in his company had black curly hair and an elegant face, gold-rimmed glasses framing his gunmetal blue eyes. None of the succubi and incubi Kuroo had met before were as beautiful as Akaashi Keiji and by some turn of fate Akaashi was now staying over at Kuroo’s place for a while.

They were work friends. Nothing more and nothing less, even when Kuroo’s gaze lingered on Akaashi’s backside far more often than he wanted to admit. The other man’s apartment had gone up in flames the day before and he had nowhere else to go. Kuroo had graciously (and definitely without any ulterior motives) offered his house and Akaashi had accepted.

The fire department said it had been a gas leak. Kuroo knew better because not half an hour after the building had caught fire, a distressed baby phoenix showed up at his place, bawling its eyes out. Casimir, knowledgeable in everything but human culture, explained that newborn phoenixes produced a lot of heat to reassemble their bodies from their ashes.
“It’s quite a spectacle, beautiful, really.” The cat-bat-demon had said. Kuroo thought the bird with the plugged feathers and grey skin looked ugly.

“Kuroo, why is there salt on your doorstep?” Akaashi asked, and he seemed concerned for Kuroo’s sanity.
“Ah, Paul has been a bitch this week so he has to stay out.” Kuroo explained. He took Akaashi’s bags from him and trudged up the stairs to the guest room.
“Who is Paul and why was he a bitch?” His guest inquired. That was what Kuroo liked about the younger man. He was always attentive, asked questions and seemed reluctant to even use swear words. It was endearing.

“Paul was rude to Mary and told her to haunt the kitchen. It’s the 21st century, he can stay out until he has his misogynistic world-views under control.” Kuroo explained nonchalantly.
His friend didn’t seem to understand but nodded nonetheless.
“Here’s your room for as long as you need it. Come on, I’ll introduce you to Mary.”
He turned and walked to the bathroom, opening the door and peering inside.

“Is Mary your girlfriend?” Akaashi asked quietly and Kuroo actually laughed out loud.
“You wound me, Akaashi. There is not one straight thing about me.”
“Is that why your tie is always crooked?”
“Yes. Yes, that is exactly the reason-” Kuroo answered with fake seriousness, only to see the small movement of Akaashi’s lips curling into a shy smile.

“No, the reason why his tie is always crooked is because he’s always late in the mornings!” A shrill voice chimed from the mirror. Ah, Mary was awake after all.
“First of all, not true. I’m not always late.” He rolled his eyes and pulled Akaashi inside the bathroom, so he could see the mirror.
“Akaashi, this is Mary, the lady of the mirror.” Kuroo explained.
“Echantille.” Mary purred at the newcomer.
“It’s enchanté.” He corrected her.
“Oh fuck off, you know I didn’t go to school in the goddamn 19th century.”

Akaashi looked like he was going to be sick, or maybe just run away screaming.
“Kuroo, there is a woman in your mirror.” He whispered.
“I am aware.”
“Am I dreaming?” The black haired man asked as he pinched himself in the arm.
“Sadly no ‘Kaashi. Just cover the mirror with a towel if you don’t want her to see you naked in the mornings.” Kuroo smiled.

Before the other man could protest Kuroo pulled him back into the corridor again, with a sweet ‘see you later, pretty boy!’ from Mary.
“There is a woman in your bathroom mirror.” His friend repeated again.
“Yes. Her name’s Mary. She possesses the mirror. I think mostly to annoy me, maybe to stalk me while I shower, I don’t know.”
Akaashi looked like he had seen a ghost, which he had, but Kuroo thought he might be overreacting a little. It was only Mary after all.

A week before there had been a troll in his basement that not only looked like garbage that had been chewed and thrown up again, but also smelled like it. Mary was, by far, the most pleasant first contact with magic one could imagine. Beside Casimir maybe, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Come, I’ll make some coffee and explain.” Kuroo offered to which Akaashi only nodded. He followed behind Kuroo and sat down at the kitchen table, with a distant look in his eyes.

“What you saw was a normal ghost. Mary has been dead for around 126 years at this point and has decided to stay in my mirror for the time being. Magic is real and so are most mythical creatures and legends you have heard of.” He explained without any fanfare. There really was no easier or more gentle way to explain the existence of magic.

Kuroo didn’t know why magic existed or how exactly it worked, he just knew that it did. Sure, his grandmother had a few books on the matter and he had read the handbook on “Laws and Legends of the magic realm and how to cope with them. Or how to avoid them”. The title was law, which meant the book was just as boring as it sounded.

“How- why- what?” Akaashi stuttered, grasping onto his coffee mug with such strength that Kuroo was afraid he might break it. At least the trash-goblin would appreciate the ceramic shards.
“My grandmother was really superstitious and a witch on top of that. She hung up herbs and other things that either repelled mythical beings or lured them in. You see, creatures are drawn by belief. If there is a strong enough source of belief somewhere, the magical beings arrive on their own. This is why wishes sometimes work. If you pray hard enough and believe in it, maybe some local fairy is lured by the power of belief and takes pity on you and grants your wish.” Kuroo said.

The power of belief sounded like something stupid out of a fantasy novel and at first Kuroo had rolled his eyes at it. But after the visit of a fairly disgruntled wizard who was way too interested in magical theory, he had had no chance but to believe in it.

“But- your grandmother is dead!” Akaashi exclaimed, blushing when he realised his apparent rudeness.
“Normally, the power of belief only works for ordinary humans, who know nothing of the magical world. And before you ask, yes I am a normal, ordinary human, but I grew up surrounded by magical beings since I was five. For me it’s the power of knowledge, because I simply know that magic is real. That’s why they flock to me. I am one of the few humans in this town that are aware of magic.”
He smiled at Akaashi who could only be described as completely gobsmacked.

“Also, word travels fast in the magical community. They know that they’re safe here, if they need a place to stay on their travels.”

It might have been too much for Akaashi to take in at once, because he fainted on the spot. Kuroo had almost expected it and caught his friend in his arms, carrying him to the sofa. He took off Akaashi’s glasses and settled on the armchair to simply wait for him to wake up.

“Oh, poor thing. Did he faint?” Casimir’s smooth voice said beside Kuroo. He had jumped up on the armchair’s back and nuzzled his nose into Kuroo’s messy hair.
“I’m afraid it was a bit too much for him.”
“You have never had tact, Tetsurou.” The cat-bat-demon scolded him, a paw hitting the back of his neck.
“Oi! I’ve got plenty of tact!”

Akaashi didn’t wake up until the sun had set. Maybe it was schock, but Kuroo supposed it was just his body telling him to finally take a rest for once. He kept peacefully snoring on Kuroo’s sofa with Casimir rolled up on his chest.
“He took my spot!” The demon argued when Kuroo told him not to do that. He really was similar to a cat after all.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a cat!” Was the first thing Akaashi said when he woke up.
“Good evening, young human.” Casimir answered.
Kuroo looked at them with something between concern and amusement. His friend sighed, looked at Kuroo, then Casimir and then closed his eyes again.
“The ghost in your mirror wasn’t a dream, was it?” Akaashi asked with a groan.
“‘Fraid not.” Kuroo smirked. He handed Akaashi a glass of water that the other accepted with a thankful smile.

“This is Casimir, he’s a demon.” Kuroo introduced the cat-like creature who had now started to get comfortable on their guest’s lap.
Akaashi’s eyes widened in shock and he immediately stopped petting Casimir’s soft black fur.
“A demon? And he just lives here? Aren’t demons evil?” He asked, his voice was wavering in fear.
“You wound me, Akaashi.” Casimir answered, “nothing is good or evil by nature. I don’t want to get into a discussion about nature and nurture right now, but I can assure you that I will not murder you in your sleep.” He continued to lick his butthole.

“Casimir, that is not as reassuring as you might think.” Kuroo told him, then pushed Casimir off of Akaashi’s lap.
“You have wings!” Akaashi screeched when Casimir proceeded to fly to the top of a cabinet instead of just falling to the ground like a normal cat would do.
“Thank you for your observation. Tetsurou, give the boy his glasses back.” The demon instructed and turned away from them.

Akaashi sat on the couch, sweatshirt rumpled and hair messy, his eyes wide and a forlorn expression on his face. Kuroo really wanted to kiss him, but that had to wait.

“I’m sorry, this must have been quite overwhelming.” He opted to say instead and sat down next to Akaashi, wrapping an arm around him.
It was a testament to how tired Akaashi was that he actually melted into Kuroo’s embrace.
“It’s okay. Just warn me next time.”
Kuroo laughed.

“That’s going to be hard. They don’t exactly tell me when they’re going to show up.” Kuroo said sheepishly.
“Fantastic.” The other man grumbled. “Are there any more regulars that I should know of?”

“Well, there is Glob.” He explained and motioned for Akaashi to follow him to the kitchen.
“Glob?” Akaashi asked. He sounded more interested than scared now so Kuroo counted that as a win.
“Could be Glerb or Garb too, his pronunciation isn’t the clearest.”
Kuroo opened the cupboard under the sink. There was a single trash can without a lid placed in it. He knocked lightly and a single yellow eye appeared over the rim of the can.

“Hey man, how’s it going?” Kuroo asked and the eye looked between Kuroo and Akaashi, something inside the trash can grumbled unintelligibly.
“This is Glob, he eats the trash. Glob, this is Akaashi Keiji, he’s going to live with us for a while. So more trash for you.”
Glob made yet another gurgling sound, satisfied.

Kuroo closed the cupboard door again and Akaashi levelled him with that unimpressed stare that Kuroo liked so much.
“You have a monster under your kitchen sink that eats your trash.”
“I wouldn’t call him a monster … maybe a sentient goo-ball. But essentially, you’re right.”
Akaashi sighed again and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“I’m going to sleep now, if you don’t mind.”

Kuroo didn’t. He showed Akaashi everything he needed and bid him goodnight with the promise of a warm breakfast the next day. Akaashi seemed slightly more content at that and even smiled at Kuroo before disappearing behind the bathroom door. From behind it Kuroo could hear Mary say something and Akaashi squeak before he answered.

Before Akaashi returned to the guest room Kuroo made sure there were appropriate safety measures placed on it. A salt line under the window, herb bags under the bed, and some sigils drawn with invisible paint. He usually didn’t guard the guest room but he figured that Akaashi wouldn’t like to be woken up by a fairy or some other creature barging in through the window.

He sneaked out of the room again, quickly and quietly so Akaashi wouldn’t notice him before he went out to the garden again. The pixies would be pissed if he didn’t say good night to them.

“Uh oh, who do we have there?” A voice called out to him from the shadows and Kuroo rolled his eyes.
“Good evening to you too, Oikawa.” Kuroo groaned and turned around to see the Incubus stepping out of the shadows.
“Aren’t we on a first name basis yet, Tetsu-chan?” The other answered in mock-hurt as he walked over to Kuroo.

They stood on Kuroo’s patio for a while, watching the pixies fly around, soft light shining from their wings. The garden gnomes were watching them too, drooling, and probably thinking about unspeakable activities. Oikawa leaned his head on Kuroo’s shoulder, his brown eyes fixed on the other’s face.

“Don’t give me the puppy eyes.” Kuroo sighed and pushed him away.
“What? You like them when I’m on my knees!” The incubus protested and immediately wrapped his arms around Kuroo.
“Not tonight, Oikawa. I have a guest.”
“Mhm yes, one of the girls told me he’s quite pretty. Maybe he would like to join.” Oikawa said, falsely sweet.

‘One of the girls’ were the fairies and Kuroo stared at them, disapproving. They shouldn’t blabber to others what happened in Kuroo’s house, he didn’t appreciate it.
“He is and no, he wouldn’t. He fainted after meeting Mary.” Kuroo explained. Finally Oikawa sighed and let go of him.
“Fine, but I’ll be back. The other humans bore me to death.” He complained.
“They’re not supposed to entertain you, they’re just suppossed to fuck you, Kawa.” The black haired man sighed. They had had this particular argument far too often.
“No need to be so crass, Tetsu, babe.”

Kuroo shoved him away and Oikawa cackled before pressing a kiss to Kuroo’s cheek and then disappearing into thin air with a ‘plop’.
“Good night, ladies.” He told the fluttering fairies and gawking gnomes, “and stop gossiping with Oikawa!” The only answer that came from the swarm of glowing fairies was hushed giggling.

The young man silently went upstairs, after saying a quiet good night to Casimir (who ignored him in a very cat-like manner) he slipped into the bathroom. Mary was lounging in the corner of the mirror with dazed eyes.

“He’s so lovely.” She sighed before looking at Kuroo. Her gaze was exceptionally less dazed now.
“You should try moisturiser from time to time. And comb your hair.” The ghost snapped at him.
“Akaashi has a seven step skin care routine! And he uses two different conditioners for his hair! Did you see his pretty curls? And those gorgeous eyes?”

He let her blabber a little longer while brushing his teeth and rolling his eyes.
“You can stop waxing poetic about Akaashi now, I know he’s beautiful.” Kuroo stopped Mary before she could lapse into an even longer monologue.
“So? Will you court him?” She leaned forward, face resting on her hands and elbows propped up on the mirror’s edge. For a ghost, she looked very lively. And far too invested in his love life.

“Mary, I told you before, it’s not the 19th century anymore, there’s no such thing as courting in the 21st century.” He sighed and sat down on the edge of the tub. Evening talks with Mary could always go very good or very bad.
“Right. You call it dating, correct?”
“It’s not the same.” Kuroo protested. The ghost snorted and rolled her pitch-black eyes.
“Please, please, please Kuroo, I want to keep him!” She whined.

Well, even if she was technically 142 years old, she did die as a mid-puberty sixteen year old.
“Maybe you can even take him into the shower with you.” Mary suggested with a suggestive wink. Kuroo covered the mirror with a towel.

xxx

Mornings in Kuroo’s house tended to be quite an experience if you were not used to it. There were the gnomes, who demanded a piece of sugar each, a disgruntled vampire in his bat-form that delivered the daily magical newspaper, and Casimir who sang his favourite opera songs.

Akaashi stepped into the living room and through the door and immediately stopped from entering further. He looked soft and disoriented in the early morning light and Kuroo almost felt sorry for him.

The line of gnomes walked in through the open door, rounded the kitchen aisle, stopped to get a cube of sugar dropped into their mouths, then walked right back outside to do what garden gnomes generally did. No, Kuroo didn’t know what exactly garden gnomes did all day besides lusting after fairies and biting his ankles.

“What are those and why are you feeding them?” Akaashi questioned. He did not dare to step closer to the line of gomes.
“Oy, pretty thing, watch ya mouth!” One of the older gnomes shouted at him.
“We not a thing, ya hear me? We the proud‘st clan ‘round!” He said before continuing his walk to the promised sugar cube.

“Yeah, the proudest clan of horny little men gawking at the fairies.” Kuroo snorted, dropped the sugar cube into the gnome's mouth and kicked him gently with a sock-clad foot.
“I’m feeding them because they keep the rat goblins away. Don’t ask how, you don’t want to know.” He explained and Akaashi nodded. He still seemed more than apprehensive to step closer.

“Can I- come closer?” The younger man asked and Kuroo nodded. “They don’t bite guests. Only me, as far as I know.”
“Coffee?” Kuroo asked, but a steaming mug of black liquid had already been put on the edge of the counter for Akaashi to drink.
“Black, two sugar.” The taller man smiled gently.

“I dunno how I feel ab’at a p’etty thing like ‘im eating o’r sugar.” One of the gnomes protested.
“Shut up you talking potato.” Kuroo said and kicked the gnome out of the open door. He took a sip of his coffee before turning to his guest.

Akaashi looked at him like he had seen a ghost but Kuroo knew for a fact that the only ghost in the house was Mary, who was safely hidden behind a towel.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked.
“You kicked him! He actually flew into the bushes!” Akaashi shrieked.
“Don’t worry, Kaashi. Gnomes are a type of spirit, they don’t feel pain. Especially not the ones in my garden. Last week I threw one of them across the entire field and he came back demanding I do it again.” Kuroo explained and he actually laughed at the memory.

The gnomes and him weren’t actually the worst friends there were. Sometimes they even sat on the patio late at night and talked about their lives. Vastly different lifes, by the way. When he was around ten years old, they were also his main source of learning new swear words.

“So, gnomes.” Akaashi mumbled into his coffee mug. He was watching the chubby brown things rough-house with each other on the patio. They really looked like walking potatoes with coarse brown hair in various lengths. Most of them wore something akin to dungarees, caked with mud and genuinely just as unsightly as the rest of the gnomes' appearance.

“Yeah. Look at them pretending to train just to show off to the fairies.” Kuroo laughed. He nudged Akaashi with his elbow and motioned towards one of the chairs.
“Sit down for a second, I’m letting Glob out of the bin to clean.”
The younger man practically jumped onto the chair and waited with bated breath until Kuroo opened the cupboard under the sink.

“Morning, Glob!” Kuroo said cheerily as he tipped over the trash can and Glob wobbled out. Compared to him, even the garden Gnomes were beautiful. He looked like a moving heap of mashed potatoes, in varying green and brown tones. There was the single yellow eye that had looked out of the bin the day before, just aimlessly swimming around in the moving mass of goo.

Glob grumbled something before he crawled around the kitchen where the Gnomes had traced in a lot of dirt and grass. Akaashi pulled up his feet onto the chair, knees pressed to his chest while he watched the creature move around him.
“So not only does he eat the trash, he cleans for you too?” Akaashi asked. Having a house full of magical creatures didn’t seem too bad now.
“Only the kitchen. The rest is too much work.” Kuroo sighed and helped Glob crawl back into the trash can.

“I’m still waiting for the day when a group of Heinzelmännchen will move in.” He laughed. Judging by the look on Akaashi’s face, the other man had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
“What are … He-Hei-Heinzel…”
“Heinzelmännchen.” Kuroo corrected, not unkindly.
“They’re something akin to kobolds or gnomes, native to Germany. That’s why they have such a weird name. According to old folktales they clean up resident’s homes during the night when everyone is asleep. But you can’t try to catch them or they will disappear forever.”

Akaashi gaped at him, his dark blue eyes still hazy from sleep, but round like saucers. If Kuroo didn’t know better, he would say that Akaashi looked a bit starstruck by him. Which was completely ridiculous, because the world’s most beautiful man Akaashi Keiji wouldn’t even look at him twice.

“How do you know all that?” The ‘world’s most beautiful man’ asked.
“Well, I grew up learning about them like normal kids might learn about giraffes and lions or whatever. But, and you will like this, there's a handbook.” Kuroo said and did jazz-hands to accentuate the last word.
“A handbook?” Akaashi asked enthusiastically. There was a glimmer in his eyes that made Kuroo feel weak.
“Yeah. Weighs about five Kilos and is bigger than any book should be allowed to be. Do you want to read it?”
Akaashi nodded eagerly.

The handbook in question was the absolute worst thing Kuroo had ever read in his entire life. Yes, even worse than “Laws and Legends of the magic realm and how to cope with them. Or how to avoid them” . It was almost as big as the entire kitchen table and smelled like something that had died over a hundred years ago. The writing was so tiny that Kuroo even handed Akaashi a looking glass for some of the pages. But the absolute worst thing was the drawings. For being written in the dark ages the sketches were scarily accurate, especially the sketches on the dissection of different creatures. Why exactly the wizards who had written the book deemed it necessary to draw a picture of a griffon’s pancreas, Kuroo didn’t know, but oh well, the dark ages, right?

In true Akaashi fashion the man immediately scooted forward on the chair and began reading the first page of the book.
“Well… shout if you need me.” Kuroo sighed. He should’ve known better, he scolded himself. Give Akaashi a book and you will be ignored for at least five hours. Seven if you provide coffee, so he doesn’t have to brew it himself. Which was good, if you needed Akaashi to get some incredibly boring work done, but not so much if you had a crush on the man and just wanted to spend some time with him.

Goddamnit, Kuroo thought. He took his coffee mug and joined Casimir outside on the patio. The fairies were slowly waking up, much to the garden gnome's delight. Casimir was lounging in the sun, his belly exposed and soft purring coming from his chest.

“Are you being ignored by the pretty one?” The cat-demon asked with slight bemusement and turned around so he could face Kuroo.
“I’m not being ignored. I’m just not as interesting as a 500 year old book.” Kuroo sighed. (Newsflash: He was being ignored.)

“What’s the plan today then?” Casimir asked. Usually, Saturdays were spent sleeping, cleaning and more often than not helping the newest lost magical creature. Given that there for once was no starving wolpertinger, no vampire allergic to blood and no nachtkrapp who got scared of his own reflection. Honestly, all Kuroo had wanted to do was hang out with Akaashi and do absolutely nothing but once again he had underestimated the other’s thirst for knowledge.

“I could clean up the garden?” Kuroo suggested and Casimir laughed. Whenever Kuroo said he was going to clean up the garden all he would do was bicker with the fairies which flowers were weeds and which were not. They never agreed.

“I’d call that damned incubus, but not with a guest in the house.” He grumbled to himself. Was it pathetic that one of his best friends (read: fuckbuddy) was an incubus? Only a little. Oikawa wasn’t the worst person to spend time with, once you got over his initial … everything. Once, around four years ago, Kuroo had made the mistake of inviting a bleeding incubus into his home and said pest kept coming back until Kuroo finally agreed that yes, they were friends.

“What about Bokuto?” Casimir asked, already chuckling to himself.
“Cas, Akaashi fainted when he met Mary and she’s a tame little lamb in comparison to that bull-headed djinn.” The man sighed. Wow, his arsenal of friends really sucked.
“Kenma?”
“I don’t even know where that damn Nekomata is.”
“Terushima?”
“No.”
“Ushi-”
“I’m going to stop you right there - No!”

So, against his will, Kuroo cleaned the garden. He ripped out weeds and flowers, got bit in the ankles by the gnomes and attacked with apple seeds by the fairies. What a life.
“You should be ashamed of yourself! That was a dandelion!” One of the fairies screeched at him.
“Calm down, Pinky, it was already wilted.”
“It was still beautiful!” She argued, her tiny fists punching his shoulder again and again. It was kind of a nice massage, if Kuroo was honest.

“Oi! Longleg!” A voice called from underneath one of the shrubs.
“What do you want, Enji?” Kuroo asked as he crouched down to see the gnome. Enji was the chief of the gnome clan, and the most tolerable out of the lot.
“How long is that other human going to stay with you?” The gnome asked, clearly suspicious at the situation.
“As long as he needs to.” He said.
“Hmph. He’s too pretty!” Enji complained and balled his hands into tiny fists. “The fairies keep giggling about him!”
Kuroo laughed loudly, so loud that even Akaashi looked up from his book and levelled Kuroo with an unimpressed glare. The fairies giggled.

Kuroo sat with the fairies and gnomes on the patio (they might have been fawning over how good Akaashi looked while he concentrated, but that’s between them) when a loud crashing noise announced a new visitor.

“Please let it be Minho, please let it be Minho.” Kuroo prayed quietly, knowing full well that it was not Minho the Minotaur.

“Kuroo! Bro!” A loud, very loud, voice called from behind the tree-line before the massive silhouette of Bokuto could be seen between the shadows. The djinn crashed through the bushes and tall grass, not giving the scrambling jackalopes and other creatures a second glance.

“Bokuto, you’re scaring the jackalopes and elwedritsches again!” Kuroo scolded him as the big man finally reached him.

Bokuto, as loud as he was, was indisputably breathtaking (not only when you were the recipient of one of his hugs) and Kuroo might admit that he had a weakness for the big idiot, but only after around four drinks. The man was a djinn, which meant usually he was a cloud of black smoke that hovered around uselessly until he found a lamp that he liked. Bokuto, bullheaded as he was, refused to get a lamp. He didn’t like being confined to one object, so sometimes he lived in an empty can, a vase on Kuroo’s shelf or even a water bottle. There had even been a notable instance where Bokuto had tried to claim Glob’s trash can but he had lost that fight horrifically.

In his human form Bokuto was big and bulky, shining white and black hair and big golden eyes that made him look like an owl. The first time Kuroo had met him he had assumed that Bokuto was a shapeshifter. Now Kuroo wished he was. There were black inky tattoos crawling all over Bokuto like moving tendrils that kept distracting Kuroo, especially when they curled languidly around the other’s biceps.

“Oh! Did the elwedritsches lay some eggs today?” Bokuto asked instead of greeting Kuroo like a normal person would do. The djinn’s eyes turned wide as he turned around to the poor creatures who were trembling at the sight of him.

Elwedritsches were chicken-like creatures with antlers and scales instead of feathers. Humans often mistook them for normal chickens, so there still was quite a big populace of them. They laid eggs just like normal chickens did and a flock of them lived in Kuroo’s back yard, a constant supply of eggs available to him.

“They didn’t lay any eggs for you!” One of the fairies, a blue one, huffed at Bokuto. He swatted her away out of reflex and pouted like a little kid.
“Sorry, Bo, the ladies have spoken.” Kuroo smirked.

“Kuroo! Why didn’t you tell me the Yeti was real?!” An excited voice called from the house and Akaashi came running out of the door, glasses askew and a reddish hue on the apples of his cheeks.

“Woah! Who’s that?” Bokuto asked while hitting Kuroo repeatedly in the arm.
“Keep it in your pants, big boy.” The latter said, rolling his eyes, before he turned around to face Akaashi.

“You literally ignored me the second I gave you the book, how should I have told you about him?” Kuroo asked Akaashi, who was only looking slightly ashamed.
Behind him, Kuroo could feel Bokuto pressing closer and closer to him, leaning around his shoulders to look at Akaashi. Kuroo sighed.

“Akaashi, this is Bokuto. He’s a djinn. Bokuto, this is Akaashi, he’s staying with me for a while.” He explained.
In hindsight, he should have known better. The second Kuroo was done talking Bokuto pushed past him and grabbed Akaashi.
“It’s nice to meet you! You’re really pretty!” He almost shouted and then pressed a kiss to Akaashi’s lips.

Kuroo pulled the djinn back by the collar of his T-Shirt.
“For baba yaga’s sake, Bokuto! I told you not to kiss people as a way of greeting!” He scolded the grey-haired man. It was normal for Bokuto to do that. All of their friends have endured quite the amount of unwanted kisses from him, even though none of them actually minded that much. But, Kuroo had the suspicion that Akaashi would not appreciate it as much as he did.

“Do you want a kiss too, Kuroo?” Bokuto asked with wide eyes and was already well on his way to do just that before Kuroo could plant his hand directly onto Bokuto’s face.
“No! Stop it! Also apologise to Akaashi!”

They turned to Akaashi who just looked stunned. Not disgusted, just stunned and at a lack of words.
“Hello.” He squeaked and the tips of his ears turned bright red. Oh? Kuroo smirked knowingly which earned him a sharp glance from his black haired friend.

“Anyway,” Kuroo said, “what was that about the Yeti?”
“He’s real!” Akaashi almost shouted.
“Well, technically it’s ‘they’. The Yeti and bigfoot belong to the family of sasquatches. What we often describe as Yetis are simply sasquatches who live in colder climates, while what people call bigfoot are common warm-climate sasquatches.” He explained.

“So there’s more than one Yeti?” Not once in the past three years of knowing Akaashi had Kuroo seen him so excited.
“No, there’s only one cold-climate sasquatch called Yeti, Casimir met him once, right?” Kuroo asked the demon, who nodded vehemently.
“Around 200 years ago, really a nice fella. He gave me a sweater made of his own fur, it’s the warmest thing I have ever encountered.” He told them.

“You’re messing with me.” Akaashi said. “You’re actually just messing with me, right? You want to tell me that you have met The Yeti and he gave you a sweater?”
“I met Nessi once!” Bokuto chimed in, obviously wanting to be interesting too. Kuroo thought that Akaashi’s eyes might just bulge out of their sockets.
“Nessi? The Loch Ness monster?”
“Don’t call her a monster.” Kuroo corrected before Bokuto lounged into the tale of how he had met Nessi when he went to Scotland once.

Akaashi leaned against Kuroo’s shoulder when the djinn was done talking.
“I think I need to sit down.” He mumbled and Kuroo laughed. Bokuto grinned like a love-sick fool, which Kuroo really couldn’t blame him for.
“Sure, Kaashi. Do you want something to eat?”

He did. So Kuroo cooked for the two of them and Bokuto. Akaashi sat quietly on the sofa, listening to Bokuto telling him stories about the magical community in Scotland. With Akaashi’s complete attention on him, Bokuto talked more quietly, leaned in closer to the other man and smiled more gently. It was a nice change, Kuroo thought. They ate just like that, Bokuto rambling and Akaashi listening while Kuroo helped Bokuto out with some more factual comments.

“Hey Kuroo, we should get McDonald’s tonight!” Bokuto said suddenly.
“Ugh no, I don’t want to get into trouble with Kiyoko again.” Kuroo groaned. He was settled on the sofa with Akaashi on his right and Bokuto to his left.
“Who’s Kiyoko?” Akaashi asked quietly. He already sounded sleepy and Kuroo suppressed the urge to coo at him.
“She’s the head of the local vampire clan, they own all of the McDonalds in town.” He explained.

It was quite simple, during the day most of the McDonalds staff was human, while the night-shift often consisted of vampires, werewolves or other nocturnal magical beings. This way humanoid beings were integrated into human society and nobody really questioned them about their jobs or daily lives.

“I’m not even going to question that.” The black haired man sighed and stood up.
“I think I’m going to bed.”
“Night, Kaashi, sleep well.” Kuroo smiled at him.
“Good night Akaashi!” Bokuto said too and waved like an idiot.
Akaashi just smiled at them before he trudged up the stairs. It wasn’t even ten o’clock but Kuroo figured that reading a tomb as old as time was exhausting.

“So.” Bokuto said and nudged Kuroo with his shoulder, “he’s really pretty, huh?”
“Thanks for telling me, bro. I have eyes too, you know?” Kuroo laughed and leaned back against the sofa.
“Is he your mate?” Bokuto probed further.
“Fuck, Bo, how often do I have to tell you that it’s not called ‘mate’ in the human world! That sounds like we’re in some kind of omegaverse fanfiction.” He cringed.
The djinn just looked at him with round, yellow eyes. “What’s omegaverse?”

Kuroo did not explain to Bokuto what the Omegaverse was. He couldn’t do that tonight, and especially not without at least five drinks.

Nonetheless, Bokuto stayed the night in a vase on Kuroo’s nightstand. He suspected that the djinn just wanted to see Akaashi in the morning, but he didn’t complain. Bokuto was good company when he remembered to use his inside voice. Especially when he undressed and Kuroo could catch a look at those abs. Nice dreams for him indeed.

xxx

When the moon had long settled comfortably in the black night sky and the witching hour had just started, Kuroo was woken up quite rudely.
“Kuroo! Wake up!” Akaashi whisper-yelled and hit him repeatedly in the chest.
“What the fuck Kaashi? It’s three in the morning!” He protested.

“There’s a weird lady in my room!” Akaashi said, now in a normal voice.
Well, that was a valid reason for waking him up. Kuroo rolled out of bed and snatched the baseball bat from behind the door.
“You’re going to defend yourself using a baseball bat?” The other man questioned incredulously.
“What do you expect me to do? I’m just a normal human!” Kuroo argued.
“Nothing about you is normal, Kuroo.”

He sighed, but before leaving his bedroom Kuroo not-so-gently shook the vase on his nightstand. There was a groan and suddenly a black cloud of smoke streamed from the vase. Akaashi stepped behind Kuroo, grabbing onto the other’s T-Shirt as he watched the smoke cloud coalesce into the big silhouette of Bokuto.

“C’mon Bo, we need magical protection.” Kuroo said and didn’t even wait for Bokuto to answer.
“You could be nicer about it, you know?” The djinn whined. His pout faltered immediately when he saw Akaashi standing behind the other man.
“Good morning Akaashi!”
“It’s the middle of the fucking night, Bo. Let’s get this done with so I can go the fuck back to bed.” Kuroo grumbled.

They walked down the corridor to the guest room, Kuroo first, followed by Bokuto and then Akaashi. Kuroo knew that there could be nothing bad waiting for them, he had upped the security measures after all. Without any preamble he pushed the door open. The windows stood ajar and a woman was sitting, patiently waiting, on the bed.

She was beautiful, and that was still an understatement. Her golden hair fell in soft waves down to her waist, deep brown eyes looking so sorrowful that it almost broke Kuroo’s heart. A dark cloak draped around her, covering her from her neck down to her toes. It was made out of shiny feathers that glimmered like an oil spill. Only when he saw the feathers did Kuroo realise who exactly was sitting in front of them, and immediately he wanted to go back to bed.

“No.” He said and crossed his arms. Bokuto bumped into him and almost sent them tumbling to the floor.
“What do you want this time? I saved the stupid mermaid! I helped that awful orc find his stupid necklace! I’m not your errand boy, you know?” Kuroo hissed at the woman.
She only smiled her awfully serene smile.

“It’s nice to see you, Ena’s child.” She smiled. Her voice was soft and like a song. It would be beautiful if Kuroo didn’t despise her so much.
“What. Do. You. Want?” Kuroo asked, accentuating every word.
“Do you not wish to introduce me to your friends first, dear boy?” The woman asked with false sweetness in her voice.
“I’m not telling you their names.” He refused immediately and instinctively stepped in front of his friends. Not that Bokuto needed any protection, but Akaashi was trembling a little.

“They’re my friends. They’re under my protection and that’s all you need to know, you gold-haired crow.” Kuroo said.
“Then I will introduce myself. My name is Gamayun, I am the bringer of godly messages and prophecies.” Gamayun introduced herself to which Kuroo rolled his eyes.
“You mean the bringer of bad news and stupid, dangerous tasks that the universe can’t be assed to do itself.” Kuroo corrected.

“Hello.” Akaashi answered and sent a stare into Kuroo’s direction that told him to shut up and be polite.
“So what do you want?” Kuroo asked Gamayun again. He was not in the mood to help another stuck up witch find some potion ingredients.
“There are a few things I need you to get for me.” She explained, pulling a scroll out of her cloak.
“And what if I say no?” The man asked, just to be annoying.

Gamayun sighed and rolled her eyes at him. They had played this game before and she knew that in the end Kuroo would have to give in. Even a bratty human like him wouldn’t dare to oppose direct orders from the universe. Kuroo stared at her, unmoving. Gamayun stared back. Bokuto and Akaashi looked at each other, uncomfortable with the situation.

“Fine. What do you need?” Kuroo asked. He heard Akaashi and Bokuto release the breaths they had been holding in for the past minute while he had his stare-down with the stupid bird lady.
“Here’s the list. Now, ready for the prophecy?” She said and handed Kuroo a scroll. Of course it was written in old german Sütterlin script.
“If it’s another Haiku I don’t want it.”
Gamayun sighed. “But I put so much effort into writing it!”
“Normal language, Gama.” Kuroo insisted.

“Okay, essentially, you need to go on a quest and find all these things in order to find your true self and love and all that jazz. Take three companions with you. Yay!” The bird lady explained. She seemed annoyed that nobody wanted to listen to her Haiku.

“No, no, no! Don’t give me that true love crap! We talked about this. I do not want to be involved in any magical mucking around with my own fate, okay?” Kuroo argued. He was angry enough to take a step forward and even uncross his arms.
“I had nothing to do with it! Go argue with the universe.” Gamayun said, her voice still completely calm.
“Believe me, I will.”
“Good.”

Gamayun stood up from the bed, her cloak falling open to reveal that it were actually large wings that sprung from her arms.
“Anything else?” Kuroo asked, resigned to his fate. “Any specifics on those companions?”
“Absolutely none, dearest human.”
With a swirl of feathers she swiftly disappeared out of the window, a flash of black and purple.

“Wow!” Bokuto was the first to gain back his composure. “That was wild! Who was she? Is the universe actually a person you can argue with? What do you need to get? Can I come with you?”
He was turning into excitedly curling smoke around the edges of his body, yellow eyes glowing brightly.
“I am not willing to talk about any of this before 9 in the morning and with two cups of coffee.” Kuroo rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed.

Turning to Akaashi he asked “are you alright?”
The other man nodded timidly. He had shrunken a little into the sweater he was wearing.
“I-” He looked at Kuroo, a little lost, “can I stay with you tonight? I know it’s highly inappropriate, because we’re colleagues-”
“Stop.” Kuroo interrupted and put an arm around his shoulders. “You can stay with me and I promise that there will be no more prophecy-bringing bird ladies tonight.”

Akaashi awkwardly settled into bed next to Kuroo and Bokuto climbed back into the vase. Kuroo sighed once more and closed his eyes.
“I fucking hate the witching hour.”

xxx

Kuroo stumbled into the kitchen the next morning, after a rather nice night sleeping next to Akaashi. The gnomes did their little gnome line, Casimir sang a song from some Mozart opera and Glob gurgled happily when he was allowed to eat the dirt. It was a normal morning. It could have been a normal morning. Normal. Normal. Normal.

But no, there was a fucking piece of paper with ingredients in an unreadable german script lying on his kitchen table, some stupid ass prophecy about him, a djinn sleeping in a vase and a confused human in his bed. Damn, now he even sounded like he himself wasn’t human. But he was! He had spent the past 25 years of his life being nice to the magical community, to the freaking universe without getting overly involved and now he had to fulfill a prophecy? Shit.

“Kuroo?” Akaashi called from the door. Bokuto stood very closely behind him, one arm thrown over Akaashi’s shoulder. That damned djinn did not understand the concept of personal space.
“Morning you too. There’s your coffee Akaashi. No, Bokuto, you don’t get coffee.” Kuroo greeted them.

He had once made the mistake to give Bokuto a cup of coffee but the djinn had become so hyper that Kuroo spent most of his day supervising him. Cleaning up everything he broke, stopped him from having an armwrestling contest with an ogre, and so much more he didn’t want to think about.

“I made Edwedritsch scrambled eggs. Help yourselves.” Kuroo informed him.
“Do they mind?” Akaashi asked while Bokuto was already shoveling eggs into his mouth.
“Who minds what?” The taller man asked Akaashi.
“The Elwedritsches. Do they mind if you take their eggs?”
“Akaashi, they’re chickens. Magical chickens. They’re just as stupid as normal chickend and I promise you they don’t mind.” He smiled. Akaashi smiled back and helped himself to some eggs. Bokuto on the other hand, had started stealing eggs from Kuroo’s plate and tried to sneak away when the other man noticed.

“Oi, Bokuto you ass!” Kuroo chided him and tugged him back by the collar of his shirt.
“What?” Bokuto asked, his mouth still full.
“Nevermind, go bother Casimir or something.” He laughed, pushing Bokuto away, who just grinned at him with that million-volt beam.

“Now. Will you explain more about that prophecy from last night?” Akaashi asked Kuroo and his voice was as cold and professional as ever. Just as Kuroo liked him.
“This is my first cup of coffee, Kaashi. Wait a little more.” The taller man winked. His guest just rolled his eyes and settled on the high chair, ready to read the stupid handbook again.
“No, c’mon Akaashi! Don’t ignore me for some boring magic book.” He whined. Wow, now he sounded like Bokuto.

“Then tell me about Game-Gama-Gamayun?” Akaashi said. He did actually put the magnifying glass down.
“Okay, okay.” Kuroo groaned. “Hey, smoke-boy! Wanna hear about the prophecy too?” He called to the living room and one blink of the eye later Bokuto appeared in a poof of black smoke.
“Yes, yes, yes!”

And thus Kuroo began his very unenthusiastic explanation. “Well, Gamayun is a very nice lady who runs errands for the universe, telling poor suckers like me what to do and how to live my goddamn life.”
“You don’t seem very fond of her.” Akaashi interrupted.
“I do not. I’d rather decide for myself what I want to do. But the universe is fond of me, mainly because I’m not as annoying as most of those damn wizards and witches around.” Kuroo explained. Why did he have to be such a good human?

“Wait, is the universe a real person?” Bokuto asked. He was currently eating cereal straight from the box.
“I don’t know how exactly the universe works, that’s truly beyond me. What I know is, that the universe has a physical appearance that likes to mock me.”
The other two looked at Kuroo like he was something between a complete madman and the most amazing person in the world.
“You’ve talked to the universe?!” Both of them shouted in unison. Kuroo had never seen Akaashi so excited.

“That’s besides the point. The universe is a bitch and they can suck my di-”
“Kuroo! Don’t talk about the universe like that!” Akaashi screeched and put both hands over Kuroo’s mouth. The taller man levelled him with an unimpressed stare until Akaashi took his hands back and Bokuto was done cackling maniacally.
“Dick.” Kuroo said, for good measure.

“But at least this prophecy is fairly easy.” Kuroo sighed. He sat down on the chair next to Akaashi and grabbed the ingredient list.
“I just have to find three people that are stupid enough to go get all these things with me.”
“I’m coming with you!” Bokuto offered and jumped up and down on the spot.
“I would also like to come with you.” Akaashi said. Kuroo could only stare at them.
“Are you insane?” He asked.
“No it just sounds fun!” The djinn exclaimed.

“Well whatever. Two out of three then. Let’s look at this stupid list.” He unrolled the scroll (which was just cheap printer paper, to be honest). The ingredients were scribbled in almost unreadable Sütterlin, which okay, Kuroo knew how to read, but still despised.
“We need to get … Mandrake root, okay, that’s easy. Henbane from a fairy ring, how annoying. Honey gathered by the Shrub grandmother… she’s nice enough I guess. Worms hunted by gnomes … good luck I have my very own clan of reliable gnomes in the garden. Some magical bones … ew. Verbena, that’s also easy. Roses grown by a succubus … I hope Oikawa has a garden. And lastly troll beetle wings … that sucks.”

He stopped reading and then looked at Akaashi and Bokuto who just looked at him with gaping mouths and wide eyes.
“Is there a time limit?” Bokuto asked, who was generally more versed in the winding ways of prophecies.
“I think not, but let’s just get this over with as fast as possible. How about next weekend?” Kuroo suggested. Akaashi nodded vehemently.
“I’ll get back to reading as fast as possible then.”

That left Bokuto and Kuroo to stare forlornly at the other man who had immediately abandoned all conversation and started reading the handbook again.
“Do you think Kenma would like to come?” Bokuto asked Kuroo.
“Probably not. But he will when we bother him long enough.”

Kenma, the Nekomata, was a cat spirit who liked to be alone. And by alone he meant sitting in his apartment all day playing video games. Bokuto was something like his roommate, but only 4 out of 7 days, given Bokuto’s habit of staying overnight in other people’s vases. Nekomata were very high class spirits, old and elegant, powerful and only a tiny bit scary when he was angry (read: very scary).

“Anyways. I’m going to bug Kenma about it.” Bokuto said, smiled and stood up.
“Thanks. We need him for travelling.” Kuroo said. The djinn hovered, his hands twitching with the need to reach out to Kuroo. Of course he knew what Bokuto wanted and Kuroo sighed. Pulling him in by the front of his shirt, Kuroo finally relented.
“Come here you big buffoon.”
Bokuto grinned and happily planted a forceful kiss on Kuroo’s lips that had even Akaashi looking up. Kuroo laughed and patted Bokuto on the cheek.
“Now off with you. There’s a tiny Nekomata waiting for you at home.”

Akaashi waved at Bokuto but stopped any advances of the djinn by giving him the look. Bokuto grumbled something under his breath before he disappeared with a salute and in a cloud of smoke.

“He is… something.” Akaashi said awkwardly when he was sure that there were no remaining wisps of smoke in the room.
“He’s a menace.” The other man agreed. His guest chuckled as he stared wistfully out into the garden.

“Would you like to see the Elwedritsches?” Kuroo asked. “I will tell you everything about them so you can finally stop reading this goddamn book.”

xxx

It was a rather eventless week. Boring even. Usually Kuroo would have wasted his days away after work, maybe inviting Oikawa over or bickering with Bokuto, talking to the gnomes. Now he spent most of his days staring at Akaashi, answering Akaashi’s questions, thinking about Akaashi and so on and so forth… you get the gist.

“Why do we need … Kenma? Kenma to travel?” Akaashi asked that Friday night. The four of them had decided to run their “errands” (as Kuroo called it) the coming weekend and Akaashi hadn’t met Kenma yet.

“He’s a Nekomata. Don’t pretend you don’t know everything about them already, I saw you read the page.” Kuroo answered. “But, as you know, dearest Akaashi, they’re very high ranking spirits so they have quite a big amount of magic. That means Kenma can kind of … teleport? For lack of a better term.” He explained. As always, Akaashi’s deep blue eyes turned big and glazed, like every time Kuroo explained things about the magical world.

“Is he nice?” The other man, ever the introvert and worrywart, asked.
“Nice is not quite the word I would use to describe him.” Kuroo chuckled. “He’s quiet. Smart. I think you’ll get along with him better than with Bokuto and me.”
“I like you and Bokuto well enough.”
“Gee, that almost sounded like a compliment there, Kaashi.”

As Kuroo had predicted, Akaashi liked Kenma. So much that Bokuto spent the first twenty minutes pouting. Kuroo wasn’t sure if it was because Kenma was ignoring the djinn completely or because Akaashi had been making moon eyes at the blond man the past few minutes.
“Kenken!” Bokuto whined when the Nekomata launched into another explanation on ley lined and magic roots. “Can we go now?”
He looked like a little kid, with his lower lip pushed out, arms crossed over his muscular chest.

“Stop whining, Bokuto. This trip is going to be annoying soon enough, no matter when we leave.” Kenma said and rolled his eyes.
Well, Kuroo thought, Kenma wasn’t wrong. Most of the time when he ran errands for the universe the trips were a slight inconvenience to a massive trainwreck. He really hoped this one would be of the first kind.

“We should leave now, though.” Kuroo mused and looked out into the garden. The sun was rising over the horizon, yellow light mockingly blinding Kuroo.
Kenma laughed at him, a bit cruelly. “What, eager to find your true love and shit?”
“I hope my true love is a house in the woods where the universe leaves me the fuck alone.” The taller man said with a sigh.
“Amen.”

After giving his last instructions to Casimir and saying goodbye to Glob, the fairies and the gnomes, they stalked through the field towards the woods. Because they had already been given gnome-harvested worms by the very proud gnome chief, their first stop was the local fairy ring to get Henbane.

“Do you know what all these ingredients are for?” Akaashi asked Kuroo. Yes, he knew but there was no way in hell he’d tell Akaashi that. The connection between the prophecy and the ingredients made Kuroo uneasy and he was not ready to talk about it.
“Nope. No idea.”
Kenma gave him an exasperated look.

“I’ve never been to the fairy ring!” Bokuto babbled happily. He was bouncing around between the trees and bushes. Akaashi smiled at him.
“Me neither.”
“I bet it’s really cool!” Kuroo heard the djinn say before he started rambling on about it to poor Akaashi.

Kenma and Kuroo were walking in front of them, quietly. The Nekomata was fiddling with some kind of wood-toy-puzzle that buzzed with magic.
“So, who’s going to take Bokuto’s hand so he doesn’t destroy the fairy ring?” Kuroo smirked at the smaller man.
“Dibs, not me.” The other retorted with a monotone expression. “He’s too strong for me anyway.”
“Please.” Kuroo groaned, “he’s tame as a kitten when you give him attention.”
To underline his point, Kuroo turned around to look behind them where Bokuto was almost literally hanging off of every word Akaashi said.

“What exactly are we looking for, by the way?” Akaashi asked. While he had made quite a lot of progress in reading the handbook, he hadn’t reached the fairy section yet.
“Don’t worry, Kaashi, there’s no way you could miss the local fairy ring. You see, what humans usually describe as fairy rings are … tiny, tiny, baby fairy rings at best. But the main fairy ring of a certain province, if you want to call it that, is really big. You’ll see.” Kuroo explained.

Only ten minutes later they reached the fairy ring. And, as expected, Kuroo had been right. The fairy ring was bizarrely huge. Akaashi’s eyes bulged out of their sockets and he excitedly grabbed onto Kuroo’s and Bokuto’s arms, like a little child on christmas morning.
“Woah.” He exclaimed, cheeks flushed and eyes dazzling in the light of the fairies that were buzzing in the air.

If you just imagined the diameter of the fairy ring to be humongous, ding dong, you’re wrong. The mushrooms themselves, that lined the ring, were huge, some of them even taller than Kuroo. He couldn’t for the hell of it name even half of the plants by name. Some were normal mushrooms, like champignons, chanterelles or lion’s mane but there were also magical ones. There were a few of them that glowed, moved around or even emanated soft music. The entire ring was roughly the size of half a football field. Around it the forest was dark while the mushrooms and everything around them glowed in a bright blue light.

“Happy, Akaashi?” Kenma chuckled as he looked at the curly haired man.
“Yes.” He sighed out, his eyes fixed on the mushrooms.
“Now. Ready to sweet-talk that stupid entrance troll? Who wants to do it?” Kuroo asked. There was no excitement in his voice.
“Well,” the Nekomata started, “if we want to get in, you should do it. If we want to be hexed into next week, I suggest Bokuto does it.”

The entrance troll was around three meters high and just as wide, green-skinned and with big beady eyes that were surrounded by reddish skin.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my favourite entrance troll!” Kuroo greeted him with fake enthusiasm. The troll grumbled.
“Hey, I’m on official business from the universe again so if you could let me and my friends in, we’ll be out of your hair in a second, cool?”
The troll grumbled again and squared his shoulders. Okay, Kuroo’s knowledge of the troll-language was limited but this did not sound like a ‘yes’.

Kuroo sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine. What do you want?”
A groan, a sigh and something like a squeak came from the troll.
“Look, buddy, I’ll try my best, but they’re stubborn. Can’t promise you anything.”
The troll grumbled again and stepped aside.
Kuroo motioned for the other to follow him and stepped through the mushrooms into the inside of the troll ring.

“What did he want?”Akaashi whispered.
“A date with one of the fairies from my garden. Never in a hundred years is that going to happen but the girls will have a good laugh.” Kuroo explained.
Bokuto was hopping up and down behind him, aww-ing and uhh-ing every time one glowy, winged fairy or pixie flew by.

Akaashi seemed a bit more scared than excited and Kenma looked as indifferent as always. Looking behind him Kuroo could see Akaashi fidgeting with the hems of his sleeves.
“Everything good, Akaashi?”
“Yeah, just … aren’t there any rules for interacting with fairies?” He asked quietly.
Bokuto looked at him with owlish eyes. “What kind of rules do you mean?”
“Don’t tell them your name, don’t eat food, or anything like that?”

That was a common misconception in dealing with the fair folk, one that had been heavily propagandised by human and fairy authors alike. Kuroo couldn’t blame him. Beside him Kenma actually chuckled at Akaashi’s question and, as someone who had interacted with fairies before, couldn’t blame him either. The djinn behind them just looked bamboozled.

“Ah, Akaashi, you got it all wrong. I’m sure you’ve heard all those lies about the fair folk being mischievous and intimidating. That you should never eat their food and tell them your name etcetera etcetera.” Kuroo said. The other man nodded and walked closer to Kuroo.

“Not all of it is wrong. You should actually not tell them your name, but that’s a rule for most types of magical beings. Think about it for a second though. You put some of the most beautiful beings in the world into secluded spots in the wood, only surrounded by mushrooms and nature. Do you think they would really care for much beside fucking around, getting high on questionable mushrooms and making wine out of all types of berries? No they don’t. Fairies are the magical equivalent of hippies, if you want to put it this way. The myth that they talk in riddles comes from the fact that they mostly babble nonsense when they're high on some hallucinogenic mushrooms. ” He explained and his friend gaped at him, his eyes round.
“You’re messing with me!” He whispered.
“I’m not! But actually don’t eat anything they give you if you don’t want to have the trip of your life.” Kuroo added.

They slipped through the crowd of beautiful elves, high fae, smaller (and less beautiful) leprechauns and clurichauns, some (even less beautiful) goblins and gnomes, while fairies and pixies were fluttering above them. Kuroo swore he saw a group of Heinzelmännchen and Brownies make tiny brooms in one corner and desperately wished he could take some of them home.

Inside the Fairy ring stood several huts and houses, most of them housed portals to other fairy rings or the fairy realm.

“Ah. Here we are.” Kuroo said and knocked against the door of a little red hut.
“Yo, Sugawara! It’s me.” He said loudly.
There was scrambling and shuffling inside until the door opened and a man with silver hair stumbled out the door. He had a mole under his left eye and pointy ears, brown eyes that twinkled mischievously. Kuroo suddenly questioned if he was right about the fae folk only being magic hippies.

“Ah, my second favourite human!” The elf smiled at Kuroo.
“Only second favourite? Who’s number one?” He asked with fake hurt.
“Mhmm… wouldn’t you like to know, rooster boy?” Sugawara grinned. “What do you need though? I’m sure you didn’t come here to chat.”
“I need some Henbane from inside the fairy ring as well as some Verbena, if you have.” Kuroo explained.
The elf nodded and waved for them to follow him inside.

The hut was more spacious than could be expected from outside. Ugh, fairy magic. Sugawara was one of the most prolific herbalists Kuroo knew. The police would call him a drug dealer, but those were only details, right?

Sugawara bustled around in front of his cabinets and pulled out two jars with dried flowers.
“I can give you both, but I want something in return.” He told Kuroo.
“I’m not sneaking another picture of Sawamura in the gym locker rooms again. That was low-key stalkerish behaviour.” The black haired man interjected abruptly.
“That’s your bad, but no, that's not what I want. I need some of Lothir’s hair.” Sugawara explained. “You know I can't go and you’re one of the few people I know who still can.”
“Damn, get yourself some better friends, Suga.” Kuroo grumbled. “But okay. Where’s that asshole at the moment?”

Sugawara explained that they could find him somewhere a lot further north, close to another minor fairy ring. Kenma nodded in understanding and told them to hold on to his hands. Traveling the Nekomata style was one of the best way of transport, if anyone wanted Kuroo’s opinion on that. It just felt like a very pleasant rollercoaster, warmth surrounding them and suddenly they were in a forest, surrounded by pine trees.

“Who’s Lothir, by the way?” Bokuto asked. And now, he didn’t let go of Akaashi’s and Kenma’s hands, much to the first’s embarrassment and the latter’s disgruntlement.
“He’s a unicorn and a bit of a drama queen.” Kuroo explained.
Kenma snorted. “‘A bit’ is an understatement.”
“And why can only you get the hair from him?” Akaashi inquired.
“Mhm… Unicorns are rather old-fashioned and only allow ‘untainted’ people to come near them or touch them, if you don’t want to be skewered by a two meter tall horse.” Kuroo explained. His black haired friend thought for a second, then realised what it meant.

“Wait, that means you’re still a …?”
“Nah, I’m not still a virgin, but, as I said, they’re rather old-fashioned…”
“And homophobic.” Kenma interjected.
“Yes.” Kuroo agreed, “so… they only count heterosexual intercourse, I guess?”
Akaashi nodded in understanding. Honestly, to Kuroo, unicorns were just a bunch of bigots.

“Wait, what if one of the partners is trans or non-binary?” Bokuto asked, a pensive expression on his face.
“I have no fucking clue, Bo, but feel free to ask Lothir.” Kuroo answered with a cackle. That shut the djinn up and Kuroo guessed that it was because he knew he’d be a djinn-skewer in under two seconds if he even came within a 100m radius of the unicorn.

After some time of walking (and complaining by Kenma), Kuroo spotted some silver hair and hoof traces.
“I think you should stay here now, Bokuto. Maybe make yourself into a fancy cloud while you’re at it.” Kuroo instructed his friend who nodded and went up in smoke.
“Kenma? You want to come with me?” He asked the smaller man. The nekomata shook his head.
“No way in hell. Help me on to the tree, I want to nap.” Kenma promptly transformed into a pretty white cat with black and orange spots that pawed at Kuroo’s leg. He sighed and picked Kenma up to help him get onto a low branch of the nearest tree.

Then, Kuroo turned to Akaashi who had regained his composure after the Nekomata-teleporting.
“Do you …” Kuroo began to ask, but wasn’t quite sure how to put it. Do you want to come with me? Can you come with me? Are you still a virgin? Have you ever slept with a woman? Yeah, no way he was saying any of that.
“Yes. I’m coming with you.” Akaashi answered, resolute as ever.
He still grabbed Kuroo’s hand tightly when they started following the hoof traces.

Kuroo was marvelling at the feeling of Akaashi’s slender fingers tightly curled up with his, when he heard his friend chuckle quietly.
“What’s so funny?” He asked, tugging Akaashi the slightest bit closer.
“It’s just ironic that unicorns are a bit homophobic when they’re such a big icon in the LGBTQIA+ community.” Akaashi explained. His laugh was so soft that Kuroo needed to reboot his brain before he could react.

They walked around aimlessly for a while, talking quietly to each other and Kuroo telling Akaashi more and more about the magical world. He had the feeling that Akaashi would not want to leave this way of life again. Hell, the man might even try to learn actual magic, Kuroo thought with alarm.

“There!” Akaashi whisper-yelled at Kuroo and tugged harshly at Kuroo’s hand. The taller man spied through the trees and saw a giant white horse grazing on a clearing. Its silver horn glittered in the summer sun.
“It’s really beautiful.” Akaashi sighed with a dreamy expression on his face.
“He’s a pain in the ass. And I mean that literally.”

As they came closer Lothir lifted his head, horn shining like a beacon in the dark.
“Oh. You.” He snorted with disdain when he saw Kuroo.
“Good morning to you too, Lothir.”
“Yes, it has been. Until now.” The unicorn huffed angrily. Kuroo pushed Akaashi behind him out of reflex and took a step forward.

“What do you want this time?” Lothir asked. Had he been human he would have raised his hand to inspect his finger nails.
“Just some hair for Sugawara.” Kuroo explained.
“Oh for Sugawara? What do I get in return?” The unicorn turned more towards Kuroo, his deep purple eyes squinting ever so slightly.

“Some energy as always?” Kuroo suggested, underlining ‘energy’ with quotation marks in the air.
“Better than nothing, okay.” The unicorn sighed and stepped forward, nuzzling his soft nose against Kuroo’s forehead. It could have been a nice feeling if Kuroo didn’t find the unicorn so annoying. They stayed still for a while, Akaashi still holding Kuroo’s hand breathing as quietly as he could.

“Done. Now take your hair and go. I can’t stand the sight of you.” Lithor said. Doing as he was told Kuroo quickly cut off some of the long white mane with a pair of scissors, gripped Akaashi’s hand even more tightly and tugged him away hurriedly.

Kenma transported them back to the fairy ring, Kuroo traded with Sugawara, Bokuto demanded food and Akaashi just seemed happy to be along on the ride.

xxx

Their next stop was going to be the Shrub grandmother for some honey. Which meant that Kenma had to teleport them all the way to Germany and promptly proceeded to pass out in his cat form. Bokuto gathered him in his strong arms and carried him while the group made their way into yet another magical forest.

“I never asked how the two of you met each other.” Akaashi said to Bokuto and Kuroo while they were clambering up a rocky path.
“Found him in a dumpster, now I love him more than life itself.” Kuroo explained with an impassive expression and monotone voice. The djinn squeaked happily and tackled Kuroo in a bone-crushing hug while their other friend chuckled quietly.

“Are you serious?” Akaashi asked.
“Well … kind of. I found Bokuto in an empty soda can in a dumpster. He had fallen asleep in the can and didn’t notice that he’d been thrown into the dumpster.”
“It was a very comfortable can.” Bokuto added. He had taken each of them by the hand, tugging them faster uphill.

After an hour of walking they took a stop on a little cliff, overlooking beautiful green hills and a little village in the valley between the mountains. Kuroo had spread out a little blanket for them to sit on and gave everyone some sandwiches he had prepared. At the smell of food even Kenma woke up. The little cat yawned and stretched, his little paws kneading the ground below him. Bokuto cooed at him, which earned the djinn a scratch from aforementioned tiny paws. Kenma transformed back elegantly and snatched a sandwich from Kuroo before he rolled up, his head resting on Akaashi’s thighs.

“So, where exactly are we right now?” Asked Akaashi after they had finished eating. All four of them were lounging around and taking in the scenery. Bokuto and Kuroo were spread out on the grass next to the blanket, mainly because they were too big to fit on the fabric anymore. The djinn’s head was resting on Kuroo’s chest while the other played with his friend’s hair. Akaashi was still sitting on the blanket, Kenma snuggled up in his lap and snoozed peacefully.

“Right now we’re in a part of Germany called Harz. There’s this famous mountain called Brocken and most European witches gather here for the Walpurgis night every april.” Kuroo explained. “Do you see those two villages over there?” He asked and pointed into the distance. “That one is called sorrow and the other one is called misery, if you translate it.”
Kenma huffed out a laugh and swatted at Kuroo’s leg.
“You’re making that up!”
“I swear I’m not!”

Kuroo pushed Bokuto off of his chest just to lean over Kenma and tickle his stomach. The Nekomata was screeching, trying to push Kuroo away but in the end was left breathless from giggling. Akaashi looked down on the two of them, Kenma still in his lap, with a pondering look on his face while Bokuto joined in on Kuroo’s attack.

“Stop! Stop you useless himbos!” Kenma gasped and pushed the two bigger men away.
“Don’t we have some important errands to run?” Akaashi added with a grin. That earned him a groan from Kuroo and a pout from Bokuto.

“Then let’s go.” Kuroo said and packed up their remaining picnic. “She should be somewhere around here, closer to the alpine flora.”

As it turned out, ‘she’ was indeed there. The shrub grandmother was a small, shrively woman with brownish skin with deep wrinkles around her eyes and the corners of her mouth. She barely reached up to Kuroo’s stomach thanks to her hunched posture. The moss woman had long, unruly white hair and eyes hidden underneath just as bushy and untamable eyebrows. The clothes she wore looked like they were made from moss and tree bark, little bugs and worms crawling on them. Her bare feet were overgrown by moss and there were even a few patches of green all over her skinny legs and arms.

“Ah, Tetsurou my dear. Would you like to have some tea with me?” She asked, voice shrill and almost bird-like.
“I’m afraid not this time, gran.” The man answered. “But could you spare some honey for me and my friends?”
“Oh what handsome young fellas you are! I can give you some honey, all right. You have to do something for me first though.” Shrub grandmother said. Her expression could almost be described as mischievous.

“Of course, gran. What do you need?” Kuroo asked. It was common for the grandmother to ask something of people, menial tasks and reward them later.
“You see, my moss ladies need some help rebuilding some of their homes. They are not strong enough to do so and you strong, young men could really help them.” She explained. Kuroo saw Akaashi and Kenma frown a little at the prospect of carrying heavy things.
“And I need someone to help me comb my hair.”

So it was decided. Bokuto and Kuroo spent the afternoon lugging around heavy branches and binding them together using hemp ropes. The moss ladies were female forest spirits, dainty and fine-boned with long, dark hair. Most of them were scarcely clad in moss-made clothes. They giggled quite a lot at the two men chugging around things. Kuroo didn’t have the heart to tell them they were barking up the wrong tree.

Akaashi and Kenma were tasked with combing the grandmother’s long white hair. That wasn’t an easy task either, as Kuroo knew from experience. Her scalp was cold as ice, making the helper's hand freeze quickly. In addition, her hair was often full of lice and other little bugs. Yeah, living in the forest for a few centuries left its marks.

But the two men worked diligently, nimble and elegant fingers combing through the long strands with ease. In the end Akaashi braided her hair into one long braid that almost reached to the ground. The moss ladies were enraptured by Akaashi’s perfect work and he spent another hour braiding their hair too. Kenma helped, grumpily.

“Thank you, children.” The old woman said when everything was done. “Now, would you care for some tea?”
“Yes, please.” Akaashi agreed readily. They sat around a little fire with a cauldron on it that looked like it was straight out of a Harry Potter movie, after being banged up a little. A flurry of moss ladies shuffled around it. They dropped herbs and berries as well as some honey into the pot before handing them some mugs. The mugs could hardly be called mugs, made of clay and only vaguely mug-shaped. They looked more like stones with holes in them than actual mugs. Much to their surprise the tea tasted good nonetheless. Rich herbal flavours that felt like a warm embrace.

“We should get going now if we want to make it back to town before sundown.” Kuroo said when the bright sunlight was slowly tipping into a more orange-y colour.
Shrub grandmother nodded, “that you should. Here is the honey you asked for, love. As well as some presents for your handsome friends.”
A chorus of moss ladies giggled.

“Some leaves for our beautiful new friend with the skillful hands.” She smiled her crooked grin and handed a handful of yellow, brownish leaves to Akaashi.
“Oh … thank you. They’re very… pretty.” He answered slowly.
“Keep them safe, young man.”

Then she grabbed a spool of thread from inside her mossy dress. The yarn had a boring grey colour and the spool was hardly bigger than a small fist.
“Young djinn. You need to settle from time to time, even if it is against your smokey nature.” She said to Bokuto and plopped the yarn into his hand. It looked even smaller like this.
“Thanks! But what… am I supposed to do with this?”
“Learn to knit.” She smiled at him.

“And for you, small Nekomata. A basket. I heard cats like to sleep in them.”
The basket she gave Kenma was small and made of wicker. Not very expertly made, if Kuroo was honest, and there was a hole in the middle of it where the wicker had apparently been chewed up by a mouse.
“That … does seem comfortable. Thank you.” Kenma said quietly and gingerly plucked the basket from her hand.

She turned to Kuroo last, a comb of honey in her hand. “The honey you asked for, my boy. I believe you used the last present I gave you well, mhm?”
“I did. Thank you, gran.” Kuroo smiled at her. She patted his cheek with a bony hand.

The Shrub grandmother and moss ladies waved them goodbye as they started their trek down the mountain again. Kenma held on to Akaashi’s hand as the two smaller men carefully stepped over stones and branches on their way down. The Nekomata’s hair was glowing golden in the sunset.

Meanwhile Kuroo and Bokuto were barging onwards, shoving and pushing each other until they tumbled down the last meters of the hill and landed on top of each other in a rabbit den.
“Oi! Get outta here ya stupid humans!” A fairly disgruntled Wolpertinger shouted at them in heavy german.

They sat next to the den for some time, waiting for Akaashi and Kenma, tangled up in each other while they watched the sun disappear behind the mountains.

“Kuroo! Bokuto! There’s a scary woman with a scythe chasing us!” They heard Kenma scream as the other two came barrelling towards them.
“Oh Fuck.” Kuroo grabbed Bokuto’s hand and pulled him up.
“Run, run, run!” He shouted as he grabbed on to Kenma’s hand to pull him along faster.

The four of them ran through the wheat field, scratching their legs and trying not to fall over the scrambling field animals.
“What the fuck is that?!” Akaashi demanded. He was panting heavily.
“The Roggenmuhme! She’s a bit unpredictable! I don’t know why she’s chasing us! Just run!” Kuroo shouted over the sound of the wind whooshing past them.
“Kenma! Can you teleport us to the next town? Should only be a kilometer or two!” He asked.
The woman was slowly catching up to them, screeching and wielding her scythe.

Instead of an answer Kenma tightened his grasp on their hands and the comforting warmth of teleportation washed over them. They re-appeared in front of a house on the outskirts of the town.
“...biggest… magical energy.” The Nekomata huffed out before he sacked against Akaashi with a quiet groan.

“Nice one.” Kuroo said. He gathered Kenma in his arms, the smaller man’s arms wrapped around his neck instinctively.
“Do you know who lives here?” Bokuto asked in wonder. He stood next to Kuroo, patting Kenma’s hair lovingly.
“Sure do.”

Mika, the witch who owned the house, was not happy to see Kuroo. She was wearing a fluffy pink bathrobe and a sheet-mask on her face, a glass of red wine in her hand.
“What the fuck do you need, Tetsurou? Daishou is not here to argue with you about volleyball today.” She said the second the door opened.
“Aw, don’t be mean. I’m only here for you, my favourite witch.”
“Fuck off.” Mika answered but stepped aside nonetheless.

“That’s Akaashi, Bokuto, and sleeping beauty here is Kenma.” Kuroo introduced his friends. It was a sign of trust that Kuroo gave his friends’ names to one of the most powerful witches he had ever met. Granted, Mika didn’t look very powerful but Kuroo remembered a memorable day when she had hexed her boyfriend Daishou to turn into a snake whenever he annoyed her. Kuroo hadn’t stopped laughing for at least twenty minutes.

“So you come here for a bed and food? Do I look like a hotel to you?” She asked, hands on her hips.
“I’ll give you childhood pictures of Daishou when he lost his front teeth.” Kuroo bargained.
“Deal.”

Mika showed them to the guest room. It was small and there was only one bed but she did her best to transfigure it for them.
“Can’t make four out of one, only a bigger one out of this one because … magic.” She explained lamely before waving a hand lazily.
The bed made a disgruntled noise and grudgingly stretched into a bed thrice its normal size. Flower-printed bed sheets and some pillows appeared on it and Mika grinned.
“Pretty, huh?” She smirked.
“Very.” Kuroo said while Bokuto cheered and jumped head-first onto the bed.

“Then I’ll leave you to it. I have some reruns of ‘how to get away with murder’ to watch. There’s towels in the bathroom and I’ll send some food … later.”
With that the witch disappeared downstairs again.

Some shuffling, showering and eating later, Kenma had finally woken up again just to demand they go to bed again immediately. Nobody argued. Not even Bokuto.
Kenma and Akaashi crawled under the covers in the middle of the bed, with Bokuto and Kuroo caging them in on either side. With Kenma pressed against his chest, Kuroo could see Akaashi’s face looking at him, the black-haired man completely wrapped up in Bokuto’s big arms.

“So, Kaashi? What do you say, was your first day of being a magical errand boy exciting?” He asked and reached out to ruffle Akaashi’s curly hair. Bokuto pouted and got his hair ruffled too.
“I could have done without that scary woman chasing us.” Akaashi laughed softly. “But otherwise it was very nice. Thank you for taking me with you.”

Kenma told them to shut up and argued that Bokuto should sleep in the glass on the table, because the bed was too cramped. The djinn refused.
“If we’re having a sleep-over I’m sleeping on the bed with you!

xxx

Mika practically threw them out the next morning, but gaved Kuroo the address he asked for.
“Now go. I can’t take yours and Daishou’s bickering today, he’s coming over soon!” She said instead of a goodbye.
“Bye, bye Mika!” Bokuto cheered. He was awfully cheerful, even for his standards.

“What now?” Kenma grumbled. He was wrapped up in one of Bokuto’s big sweatshirts which looked more like a dress on the smaller man.
“Mandrake. Mika has a friend who lives in England, who would probably be willing to sell us some.” Kuroo said and handed Kenma the address Mika had given him.
“How do you feel today? We need to make quite a few jumps on our way up to scotland.”
“Should be alright if I nap in-between and you eat a lot.”

They walked into the nearest patch of forest, where it would be safe to disappear without anyone seeing them.
“Where else do you want to go?” Akaashi asked as he grabbed Kuroo's hand tightly.
“First we’re going to a small town in England called Kingswear for the Mandrakes, then up north to Scotland to meet someone for the bones, but I think we’ll have to go to the highlands too. And while we’re on the way there we could stop by and say hello to Nessi, if you’d like.”
“The Loch Ness monster?”
Kenma chose that moment to teleport them.

They landed near the coast, looking from a small hill down to a small river. There were two ferries travelling from their side to the small town on the other side.
“Welcome to Kingswear, friends.” Kuroo chuckled. He had visited the small town before. It was nice and full of magical energy. Never before had he seen so many moss and water fairies as he had done here.

“Over there, the town is called Dartmouth. It’s really nice too if you ever want to visit again. There’s the Brittania Royal Naval Academy. But honestly, the most important thing is that one Bakery close to the port. I think it’s called The Cornish Bakery. You really need to try their Pasties, they’re to die for!” Kuroo said. He realised that he sounded a bit like a tourist guide.
“Can we go later?” Bokuto asked with glistening golden eyes.
“Sure, why not.” He smiled back at the djinn, still holding on to his hand.

They walked, but not for long, before Kuroo stoppen in front of a white home with a blue door. Its thatched roof was overgrown with moss and crusted with salt from the strong seaside winds.
“Futakuchi is an old friend, but I hardly keep in touch with him. He’s from Japan too but fell in love with a local sailor some years ago.” He told his friends.

Futakuchi, as it turned out, was a tall man with straight brown hair and pointy ears. ‘Part elf.” Bokuto whispered into Akaashi’s ear. The man grinned when he saw Kuroo on his doorstep.
“Ah, come to talk my ear off until I give you some of my beloved plants again?”
“And to see your pretty face.” Kuroo retorted just as cheekily.
“These are my friends, Akaashi, Kenma and Bokuto.” He introduced the three men standing behind him.
“Very well, come in then.”

Inside there were white walls, a small fire place and everything was decorated with drift-wood, sea-shells and old fishnets, peppered with small sculptures of every fish imaginable.
“Gotta play into the image of being a fisherman’s husband, don’t I?” Futakuchi laughed when Kuroo raised an eyebrow at one particularly ugly sculpture of a moraine. Not that Moraines were good-looking fish in general.

“Why do you have the same vase so many times?” Bokuto asked. The vases in question were fish-shaped, the fish arching it’s fin backwards so it formed a handle while the mouth was wide open.
“Oh those are called gurgling fish jugs. They’re somewhat of a speciality of the Dartmouth pottery. Or at least have been. I save those that have been infused with too much magical energy to be kept in normal human’s houses.” The elf explained. True to his word, one of the jugs started rattling and a few flowers bloomed out of its mouth.
“See? This one was owned by an old hedge witch. Really a wonderful woman but with old age she forgot to keep her magic in check and now this keeps happening.”

Futakuchi led them through his house into the big garden. On a wicker chair sat a hulk of a man, shoulders so wide that even Bokuto could hide behind him. When he stood up he towered over Kuroo with at least a head difference between them. His hair was white as snow, which made it look like he had no eyebrows and eyelashes at all. But with the colourful, obviously handmade, knitted jumper he wore, it was hard to think of him as intimidating.

“Ah, love.” Futakuchi smiled and patted his husband’s chest lovingly, “could you put on the kettle for us?” The tall man grunted and went back inside.
“That’s my beloved husband, Aone. He’s not much of a talker, I’m afraid.”

They travelled further into the garden, passing by wonderfully trimmed bushes and hedges, pretty blooming roses and hundreds of other flowers that Kuroo couldn’t even dream to name. At the end of the large garden stood three greenhouses beside each other. Through the windows of the first one, Kuroo could see various vegetables and in the second more exotic fruits and flowers. The third one’s inhabitants were hidden by white metal all around the green house.

“Here’s where I keep the magical plants, so the neighbours don’t see.” Futakuchi told them and opened the third greenhouse’s door. “English people are a lot more attuned to magic, especially when they live around here. It’s harder to hide than it is in Japan.”

“So, what exactly are Mandrakes?” Akaashi asked. “Are they like the ones in Harry Potter?”
Futakuchi laughed and shook his head. “Not quite. The screaming of the Mandrake happens if you don’t pay your respect to the Mandrake-Hobs living in them.”
“Hobs?”
“Something like house spirits, native to England. So if you bribe them with some worms or lice you should be fine.”

He turned to one of the raised beds where large, deep green roots covered the entire earth, light purple flowers blooming from them.
“Do you want to give it a try?” Futakuchi asked Akaashi.
“Can I?”
“Sure, go for it.” He showed the black-haired man what to do exactly. Akaashi copied the elf happily. They ruffled through the leaves of the Mandrakes until two small, gnome-like people appeared between the flowers. Futakuchi smiled encouragingly at his new helper and handed him some lice.

“Hello, Mr. Hob.” Akaashi started quietly. It was so endearing that his friends could have melted on the spot. Kuroo thought his heart would give out.
“I have some lice for you.” The other man continued his conversation with the hobs.
“Aye! What a nice young lad! Ain’t he, Billy?” The bigger hob said to his friend. The friend nodded but rolled his eyes.
“Mr. Hob, could you spare a Mandrake for me, Sir?” Akaashi asked.
“Aye, of course! Take this one, my boy, it’s grown quite nicely!” The hob encouraged him. He was stuffing his face with lice. It was unappetising.

Akaashi meanwhile grabbed the Mandrake directly at the stem, where the lowest leaf grew and pulled. The hobs cheered in delight when pieces of dirt and some worms flew through the air. Especially when the worm landed in one of the hob’s mouths.
“Thank you very much!” Akaashi smiled, his grin so bright it could rival Bokuto’s.
“No problem, chap! Have a good one!” Hob number one said and he and his friend disappeared back into the Mandrake leaves.

The root itself actually looked like a horribly misformed, ugly baby with dirty brown skin and wrinkles. But, it was a plant, so Kuroo didn’t feel too bad about thinking that.
Bokuto obviously had no qualms about that either. “Damn, that’s one ugly plant.”

“Here, wrap her up nice and tight.” Futakuchi handed a handkerchief to Akaashi who wrapped up the plant before placing it carefully in his bag.

“Thanks a lot Futakuchi.” Kuroo thanked his friend while they walked back to the house. The others were a few meters ahead of them.
“Aye, no problem.” The younger man retorted. “Always nice to see someone interested in my work.”
“Don’t let it get to your head. Akaashi is interested in almost anything.” Kuroo laughed back easily.

He remembered the one time when Akaashi had come into work late because he had stayed up all night reading about pottery. Or when he spent an entire lunch period lecturing Kuroo about eating microgreens (he refused vehemently). Once Akaashi even started knitting and didn’t stop until the entire office was equipped with matching scarves. Yes, Kuroo treasured that one dearly.

“Hey, if you can’t appreciate him, I’ll keep him.” Futakuchi grinned.
“Oi, you’ve already got a husband. Leave some for me.” Kuroo argued.
“Which one?” They looked towards the three other men walking in front of them and Kuroo realised that he couldn’t answer.

Aone had prepared some tea and sandwiches for them, which Kenma had already started to gobble down. The Nekomata was still exhausted from their last teleportation and promptly passed out against Bokuto’s shoulder after eating his fifth sandwich.

“The tea is really good!” Bokuto cheered and made big eyes at Aone. The big man looked uncomfortable with the attention, a small blush rising on his cheeks.
“Don’t be so timid, love.” Futakuchi told him.

They stayed until Kenma was awake and ready again. Bokuto had bugged Aone a little more until the bigger man had given him a small bag full of tea leaves and fled outside.
“Ai, Bokuto! Now you scared him!” Kuroo chided his friend. Futakuchi laughed and patted Bokuto’s back.
“It’s okay, big guy. Ain’t nothing wrong with having lots of energy.”
The four of them said their goodbyes and Futakuchi held Kuroo back for a second. “They’re quite special. Keep them close.” He whispered and Kuroo sighed exasperatedly. Stupid elves and their mushroom-induced foresight.

Aone peeked out behind the corner of the house just the second Kenma initiated their second jump of the day. Bokuto barely managed to wave goodbye.

This time their landing wasn’t as smooth as the one before. They landed in the middle of a road. That wasn’t actually the problem because scottish roads were commonly not that heavy traffic. Still, out of reflex, Kuroo pulled them off of the road swiftly and into the next bushes. They stumbled down a small hill until they landed at the shore of a lake.

“Fuck, Kuro!” Kenma swore as he picked small leaves and branches out of his hair. “There wasn’t even one car on the damned road!”
“Hey, it was a reflex.” Kuroo defended himself. He helped Akaashi and Kenma stand up, dusting off their clothes and picking debris from their hair. Bokuto had already bounced over to the shore of the sea.

Akaashi looked at the scene wide-eyed. The lake’s water was deep, sea-green and it stretched sideways for many miles. “Woah. Is this Loch Ness?”
Kenma, who was not as exhausted as after their previous jump, smiled at Akaashi. He took the taller man’s hand and walked to see what Bokuto was doing, crouched down on a big boulder. Kuroo trudged after them, relaxed and happy.

“Nessi! Nessi! Hey, it’s me! Bokuto!” Bokuto called into the water, his lips almost touching it.
For a minute, nothing happened. Then, a deep and long sound vibrated from the water. It sounded a bit like a whale. If you crossed it with an elephant trumpeting and then wrangled it through auto-tune. The surface rippled until a big, scale head breached through it and splashed them all with a good amount of water.

“Hey hey hey!” Bokuto shouted, his arms stretched up to the sky, or rather the monster that towered above them by a good four meters.
“Bokuto!” The monster, Nessi, greeted. They didn’t move their scaly lips but the answer sounded from deep within their chest.
“How long has it been, my owlish friend?”
“Gotta be at least 200 years!” Bokuto said. He actually went in to hug the big, be-scaled chest and came back drenched in water.

Nessi was, in lack of a better description, truly like a big dinosaur. A big, angular head sat atop a very long leg and ended in a plump body. They had a long tail that curled around them and four big fins. Nessi’s colour seemed to constantly be changing from green to blue to even a deep purple.

“These are my friends.” Bokuto said and pulled on Kuroo’s hand to tug them more towards the water. “That one is Kenma, ya know, the Nekomata I told you about last time. And those two are Kuroo and Akaashi, so they haven’t been alive for very long!”
Yeah, long-lived beings had a weird perception of time. If you asked Kuroo, 25 was already long enough.

“Nice to meet you.” Nessi said and lowered their head in greeting.
Akaashi looked at them, shell-shocked and with a gaping mouth. It seemed to amuse the creature immensely.
“He’s new to all of this.” Kenma mumbled when Akaashi still couldn’t say anything after a whole minute of staring.
“It’s really nice to meet you!” Akaashi managed eventually.

They listened while Bokuto talked to Nessi about everything that happened in the past 200 years. Kenma chimed in from time to time to correct some of Bokuto’s exaggerated descriptions.
“He’s been my best friend for 300 years and he still pretends that he doesn’t love me!” Bokuto whined at some point. Kenma playfully bit the djinn’s hand that was resting on his shoulder but snuggled closer to him.
“At least you’ll never be bored with Bokuto, mhm?” Nessi said and it seemed like they smiled down at the pair in front of them.

Kuroo thought how weird it was that two of his closest friends were a few hundred years old while he was struggling to process the trauma of 25 years. Well, maybe life was easier when you had magic. Or maybe not, at least not during the time of witch hunts. At least Kuroo knew he’d have two people to rely on when he was old and wrinkly and needed Bokuto to go buy groceries and help him out of the bed in the morning.

“Would you kids like me to bring you to Fort Augustus for lunch? The Cat looks like he needs some food.” Nessi asked when Kenma’s stomach grumbled angrily.
“That would be awesome!” Bokuto agreed.
They all climbed onto the monster’s large back and Nessi swam merrily down the Loch.
“Won’t people see you like this?” Akaashi asked. There were hikers walking on the shore who waved at them happily.
“They think I’m a boat most of the time. After being alive for a few centuries you learn the art of illusion.” Nessi explained.

They reached the shore of Fort Augustus and more or less elegantly slipped down Nessi’s back (Kenma and Akaashi more and Bokuto and Kuroo less elegantly). It was a grey afternoon, as usual in Scotland, but seeing Akaashi smile at the sea monster lit up the day.
“Goodbye and thank you for spending time with us.” He told Nessi who chuckled happily. It sounded more like an ox mooing.
“No worries, young human. I hope we will meet again.”
“Yo, thanks Nessi! I’ll swing around again in like… 200 hundred more years.” Bokuto told the big creature and patted it’s neck.
Kenma and Kuroo just nodded. The former was heavily leaning on Kuroo, his cat-like eyes dropping closed every few seconds.

After a few minutes they reached a little restaurant with tables outside and a perfect view over the lake. Kenma slumped down on the benches while Bokuto went inside to order for all of them.

“Kaashi, want to know something about the Scottish weather?” Kuroo asked his friend. Akaashi, who was currently busy cradling a sleeping Kenma in his arms, nodded enthusiastically.
“As you know, the weather here is often quite … watery, if you want. That is because there’s such a high density of water-based spirits and magical beings here. Most, if not every tiny lake and loch here has a reigning water spirit, not to mention the large colonies of mermaids around the shores and in the sea-bound lakes. And because there’s so many of them, the element-bound magic always acts out. There are also a lot of fae, goblins, hobs, whatever, who are plant favouring spirits. Those would never complain about some good rain.”
Kuroo explained, lazily smiling. His friend’s eyes were big and round.
“I would have never expected that magic has such a big influence on our daily life.” Akaashi whispered.
“Just you wait until we’re back in Japan and I tell you about Neon lights.”

But Bokuto came barreling back to them, two trays of food balanced in his large hands. He placed them on the table, smiling brightly.
“Kenma!” He whisper-shouted at their smallest friend. Kenma woke up with a hiss, followed by a very cat-esque jawn. For the first time in his life, Kuroo realised that Kenma’s canines were really sharp and pointed. Now, was that hot or scary? Don’t expect Kuroo to know.

“Fish and chips!” Kenma exclaimed happily, teeth already buried in a dough-coated fish piece. “I love you so much sometimes.” He told Bokuto, his cheeks stuffed like a hamster.
The djinn beamed at him, too caught up in watching Kenma to notice Akaashi and Kuroo exchange equally fond looks at each other and then their companions.

Under the table, Bokuto gently laced his big fingers though Kuroo’s. It felt like they belonged there, just the way Akaashi and Kenma seemed to belong with him. In all honesty, Kuroo couldn’t give a rat’s ass about what exactly that meant, he just knew it was right. But don’t you dare call it fate or magic or some nonsensical plan from the universe, Kuroo would probably rather go to a Spa with Oikawa instead of agreeing. For your information, going to a Spa with Oikawa was even less enjoyable than stepping on Legos.

“What else do we have to do today?” Kenma drawled from across the table. He had already finished over two thirds of the fish in front of him. His human pillow (Akaashi) was happily munching on some fries.
“First the Fairy Glens for some troll beetle wings and then to the highlands. There should be some druids willing to sell us some… bones.”
“Human ones?” Akaashi squeaked. He looked ready to throw up the pile of fries he had just eaten.
“I hope the fuck not. Hey, give me some of those fries.”

Akaashi hand-fed him some fries which made Kuroo grin slyly and Kenma rolled his eyes.
“Can you go be sappy somewhere else?
“Aww, kitten, do you want to be hand-fed by Akaashi too?” Kuroo teased, “or by me?”
“Eww no!” The blond man refused but he did turn a pretty shade of pink so Kuroo was at least 90% convinced that that was a lie.

“Now let’s go to those Fairy Glenns. I don’t want to see your rooster haired face longer than I need to.” The Nekomata grumbled as he stuffed the remaining fish into his mouth.

“He really loves me.” Kuroo whispered to Akaashi when they followed Kenma towards the treeline. Akaashi giggled happily, swinging their joined hands between them. He seemed a lot happier and loser than in the office, stuffed into tiny cubicles and tight suits. Kuroo wouldn’t complain about the suits though.

The smaller man grabbed Bokuto with his other hand to keep the djinn from strolling off to the Loch again.
“Agaasheee!” Bokuto pouted, his lower lip strutted forward. He could have been described as adorable if he wasn’t a 190cm tall man with the body of a Greek god.
Even at the sight of Bokuto’s pout, Akaashi didn’t relinquish his hold on the white-haired man’s hand and Bokuto didn’t process. Djinn’s typically didn’t like to be tied down or held back but really, if Akaashi Keiji holds your hand, what are you supposed to do? Let go of it? Yeah, no thanks.

Kenma was already waiting for them in the shade of a big birch tree, tapping his foot repeatedly on the floor, arms crossed over his chest. Now, Kenma could be described as adorable. His gaze softened when the other three came trudging up the path with their hands entangled and swinging in an uncoordinated mess of limbs.

“Ready?” The Nekomata asked curtly. He very obviously tried to keep his indifferent facade and was doing a piss-poor job of it.
Bokuto reached him first and snatched his friend forward, a big hand covering the other’s much smaller hand completely.

After a deliberately annoyed sigh Kenma let go of his magic and teleported them to the Isle of Skye. The Fairy Glens were a small landscape of hills, all covered in the prettiest moss you will ever see. One rocky hill looked a bit like the castle of a long lost kingdom. A few little lakes and winding paths were spread through the hills. Kuroo, unlike many of the visitors, knew that the rock-castle was actually the castle of one of the oldest faerie clans still remaining. The queen was a small fairy with beautiful white wings and hair just as white, that Sugawara was distantly related to.

In one of the valleys was a spiraling pattern made out of smaller boulders. It could have been part of a druistic ritual but maybe it was also a joke played by the faeries to mess with the humans. Knowing the fae, it was probably the latter.

Kuroo led his little group up a winding path towards the castle. He pulled a small tupperware out of his backpack that was filled with small, pink cubes.
“What’s that?” Bokuto asked, his nose almost touching the cubes.
Kuroo pushed him away by his neck and held the container as high as possible. “Those are rose gelee cubes, they’re for bribery.”

“Oho! Bribery?” A high voice shrilled directly beside Kuroo’s ear and he almost let the container fall to the ground.
“Will I get some of this bribery?” The small fairy, and owner of the voice, asked Kuroo. She was obviously not the queen, given by her mud-brown wings.
“Sure, could you tell your queen that her Japanese cousin’s human friend would like to speak to her?”
“Bribery first.” The small woman sing-sang and opened her tiny mouth. Kuroo rolled his eyes and gently handed one of the powdered sugar-covered sweets to her.
“I’ll have her right out for you, handsome human.”

And really, only a few seconds later the dream in white appeared in front of them. She was a little bigger than most fairies, probably due to her status.
“Ah, Tetsurou.” She giggled, obviously high on some fairy-garden substance.
“Your majesty.” He retorted with a mocking bow. “These are my friends, but you will understand that I cannot tell you their names.” Kuroo cringed at his own choice of words, but you did not want to blow your chances of getting on a British matriarch’s good side.

“How can I help my second favourite human?” The queen asked.
“Why am I only ever everyone’s second favourite human?” Kuroo muttered under his breath. Luckily only Akaashi heard him.
“We need some troll beetle wings, your majesty!” Bokuto exclaimed. His bow seemed a little more stilled and extremely un-elegant. The queen seemed to think it was endearing, a happy little laugh escaping her.
“And you came to bribe me with rose jelly?”

She carefully inspected the sweets and nodded approvingly. “One pair of troll beetle wings for all of these.”
“Deal.” Kuroo agreed. He handed over the container to a green goblin that appeared from inside the castle. Like all goblins, he was incredibly ugle, especially when his plump body wobbled back inside.

“You may go.” The queen said imperiously before she disappeared too.
“Really? We came all the way here for this?” Bokuto asked. As every normal person would, he had expected more resistance from the fair folk.
“Troll beetle wings are not rare. I just thought we should get them from here because the beetle population is naturally very high here. Being ethical and all that.” Kuroo explained.
Akaashi gave him an approving look.

Kenma agreed to nap in Bokuto’s bag for a while until he was ready to teleport them the rest of the way. The other three men had agreed to take a break as well, all curled up underneath a tree. The djinn had already dozed off, snoring lightly and Akaashi gently tucked himself up against Kuroo’s side.

“You know,” he said quietly, “you’re my number one favourite human.”
Kuroo’s heart felt like it had leaped out of his ribcage. “And am I your number one favourite person?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.
After a short silence Akaashi nodded almost imperceptibly.
“There are three first places, though.”

xxx

“Yeah, this is low-key creepy. Are you sure we’re in the right spot?” Kenma asked the second they had landed. They were somewhere in the vast space of the Scottish highlands and the sun was already setting. Around them were large boulders, placed in an almost perfect circle. There was a stone table in the middle of the circle where five old man stood gathered, with their dark grey hoods pulled up over their heads.

“Positive.” Kuroo answered. He had never met the old druids before but he had heard many stories about them. Knowing the kind of people Kuroo surrounded himself with, the accounts were probably overly exaggerated.
“Those dudes are some of the oldest druids still alive. Never met them before but I hope my half-assed old gaelic will impress them.”

While they traipsed over to the druids it started to rain.
“Eww, this sucks.” Kenma groaned. He shuffled closer to Bokuto, hoping to find refuge under the djinn’s jacket.
“Oi, mate! Don’t insult tha liquid sunshine!” One of the druids called over. He didn’t sound too miffed though.
“Did he just call rain ‘liquid sunshine’?” Bokuto asked, confused.

Nobody answered him because they had reached the group of druids sitting at the table. All five of them were wearing dark grey robes, the pointy hoods pulled over their heads. Their beards were long and braided, some adorned with little beads and ribbons. Runes and other geometricals figures were tattooed all over their faces, necks and hands. Like this, the druids looked more like a hard-rock biker gang who were on some meditation field trip.

“Hello.” Kuroo said in the hated old gaelic that his grandmother made him learn. He knew a lot of old ass languages nobody needed anymore.
“Greetings, young friend.” One of the druids said. He had a complicated looking knot-like figure tattooed in the middle of his forehead.
“What brings you to our humble dwellings?” Forehead-tattoo asked. Kuroo wasn’t sure if he actually talked so weirdly or if he was mis-translating something.

“I’m here on a … quest from the universe.”
Ugh, he could vomit just thinking about that sentence. It sounded like he was some useless hero.
“Ah, the universe. Our old friend.” A second druid commented. This one had both his ears tattooed in a dark blue.
“Yes… friend.” Kuroo could barely suppress a groan. In a turn of events that made the druids laugh loudly.
“Not fond of them?” Blue-ear asked and Kuroo shook his head vehemently.

A third druid giggled. He looked a little younger than the other ones and only had a single horizontal line tattooed across his nose from cheek to cheek.
“The universe’s enemy is our friend. He’s a cunt.”
“Truer words have never been spoken.” Kuroo agreed happily.

“Now, what can we help you with?” The first druid, who had called out Kenma, asked.
“Uhm… we need some… magical remains.” Kuroo sighed. He had gotten quieter towards the end of the sentence. It really did not get any easier to talk about weird shit like that, no matter how often he had done it.
“Sure thing, boy. Think we got some downstairs in the catacombs.” Nose-line-druid told them. He got up from the table and ushered the four boys with him.

Kenma was yawning and dragging his feet, Akaashi looking at him with worry.
“Do you want to rest in my backpack?” He asked the blond man.
“Oh! Sorry, from where did you teleport? Do you need a bed? Food?” The druid asked with worry in his dark eyes. “We rarely get guests, and we have never met a Nekomata in person before, so just tell me what you need!”
Kenma looked at him with something that could be described as a smile, if you knew him well. To everyone else he probably looked indifferent at best.

“Both would be good.” Kenma mumbled. He was almost falling asleep while they walked.
“Sure, come with me.” They shuffled after the druid, walking through a small forest on a rather narrow past.
“I’m Paul by the way.” The druid introduced himself in modern english.
“Oh, I’m Kuroo, that’s Bokuto, Akaashi and Kenma.” Kuroo introduced all of them.
“Japanese?” Paul asked and Kuroo nodded. “I have so many questions for you later!”

The house they reached looked awfully out of place. It was really modern with sleek black walls and floor-length windows. Even the furniture looked elegant and more avant-garde than practical.
“Woah!” Bokuto exclaimed with big eyes.
“You expected a small hut with bones and dried herbs everywhere, right?” Paul grinned at them.
“Well, yeah.”

They followed the druid upstairs to a room with two beds and a connected bathroom.
“WiFi password is on the back of the router.” Paul said.
“You have WiFi?” Bokuto gasped.
“Sure do. We spent the past centuries dabbling in a lot of stocks and stuff like that. As well as antiques and stuff. Turns out that owning original coins from 3 before Christ pays really well.”

Kenma settled on the bed, out like a light in a matter of seconds.
“I’ll stay here too, if you don’t mind.” Akaashi said to Kuroo.
“‘Course not.” The other man retorted and out of reflex, pressed a kiss to the crown of Akaashi’s head.
Nobody commented on it.

And just like that Bokuto and Kuroo followed the druid downstairs into a basement that looked like every medieval torture chamber Kuroo had ever seen in movies.
“We have some bones left from… past centuries. What are you willing to pay?” Paul asked them. They stood in front of a wall of drawers.
“I’ll give you one leprechaun gold coin and the promise to be really fucking rude to the universe when we meet her.” Kuroo grinned at Paul. The other man seemed to appreciate the sentiment and nodded.

Buying magical bones really was nothing Kuroo wanted to think about again so we’re just going to skip this part of the story.

“Damn, your basement is scary as fuck.” Bokuto told Paul when they were back in the warmly lit living room again.
“Thank you.” The druid answered.
“I don’t think that was supposed to be a compliment.” Kuroo laughed which earned him a playful slap from Paul.

The druid went to look outside the window, the sun had set and it was starting to be pitch-black outside.
“Are you staying the night?” He asked. Finally he had taken off the robe and hood and Kuroo was surprised to see the druid looked like he was barely older than thirty, wearing a crisp black suit.
“We don’t want to impose, but I don’t think Kenma is up for a jump back to Japan.” Kuroo answered.

At the mention of Kenma and Japan, the druid’s eyes lit up. He then proceeded to ask them around a few hundred questions about Japan's magical community. Just like Britain, Japan had a lot of water connected spirits, which came from the fate of being an Island. The difference between them was, that a lot of Japanese Spirits were more often low-level spirits or Spirits in the fae category. That made for a more grounded, earth-reliant magical energy all over the country. Japan was just more … vague in the typology of it’s magical energy. More Spirits that were just spirits for the sake of being spirits, without a certain anchor to the mundane world. To put it simply, Japanese Spirits existed just because they could, not because there was any need for them.

To Paul, that was insanely interesting. Bokuto had long since dozed off, when Kuroo was still answering questions about Bakenekos, the Basan and the Raijuu. They had been discussing the cultural differences between the British and the Japanese Kappa, the difference between Oni and western demons, different dragon breeds and how the fuck the yokai fit into the classical terminology and typology of magical creatures.

Kuroo hadn’t realised how much he enjoyed talking to the druid until the other druids walked in and interrupted them. It was weird, because normally Kuroo had a ‘fuck it’ attitude when it came to the magic community. Fuck druids and their magical allure, honestly.

“Ah, you’re done!” Paul smiled and hopped up from the couch. The other druids had also taken off their dark robes and revealed a flourish of vastly different clothes. One of them wore sweatpants and a hoodie that had definitely seen better days, another dungarees and a bright yellow T-Shirt that contrasted horribly with his red hair.

“Aw no, now you destroyed the dark mythical goth bodyband image I had of you.” Kuroo joked.
“Sorry, mate.” Forehead-tattoo answered with a grin. “If you’re staying the night, want to go grab some food with us?”
Kuroo agreed and gently shook Bokuto awake. “Oi, Bo, wake up.”
“Nhh.” Was the remarkably intelligent answer coming from the djinn. Kuroo shook him more violently until Bokuto’s eyes snapped open.
“What?” He groaned unhappily.
“We’re getting food you lazy ass.” Kuroo told him. That woke the djinn right up and he went up in smoke momentarily before re-materialising near the door again.
“I’ll ask Kenken and Akaashi if they want to come, too.”

Kuroo was quiet as he waited and watched the druids walk through their home, grabbing car-keys and wallets, calling to each other for jackets and bags. They were like a well-oiled machine. Which okay, was to be expected after being together for a few thousand years. Paul kissed forehead-tattoo on the cheek before playfully slapping blue-ears on the ass. So much for being wise, old, respectable men of magic, Kuroo thought.

Besides Paul, blue-ears and forehead-tattoo there were two other druids; The one with the red beard and one who was at least three heads taller than Kuroo himself. But even with their long beards and fairly intimidating tattoos the five druids looked like the kind of guys that sat at home on a friday night and watched reruns of the golden girls.

Not even five minutes later, Bokuto came barging back, Akaashi following more quietly. Bokuto was carrying Kenma, who had his legs wrapped around the other’s waist and his face hidden in the crook of Bokuto’s neck, while Bokuto held him up with one arm like the Nekomata weighed nothing to him.
“We can go!” Bokuto cheered happily.

“Nice. We’ll take the van.” Red-beard said.
The van in question was an old fashioned red and white Volkswagen with various stickers stuck to it’s rear. Now they only needed the talking dog and bad paint job to go ghost hunting with 2000 year old druids.

Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi squeezed onto the backseat, Kenma rolled up across their laps. From his facial expression, Kuroo could tell that Akaashi was questioning if he should complain about being squeezed between Kuroo and Bokuto or if he found it comfortable. By the end of their trip the smaller man seemed to have decided that the latter was the case. His head came to a rest on Bokuto’s shoulder, right hand on Kuroo’s thigh and his left hand tangled in Kenma’s long, golden hair.

“Subway or Domino’s?” The tall druid, who was driving, asked once they had reached the outskirts of the closest city.
“Domino’s! Domino’s! Domino’s!” Paul and blue-ears started chanting and by the look on the other druid’s faces, nobody could resist those two.
Kuroo didn’t mind Pizza at … almost midnight, and his three companions didn’t complain either.

And thus, they stumbled after the five druids into the smallest Domino’s Kuroo had ever seen. The restaurant was barely big enough to fit two tables, let alone nine grown up men. So they ordered their food and waited, pressed together like sardines in a can.

“You know,” Kuroo said while munching on his first slice of pizza, “I heard a lot of stories about you guys, but I didn’t expect to eat pizza with you in the middle of the night.”
Paul laughed loudly. “What did you expect?”
“No, let me guess!” blue-ears interrupted. “Long robes, scary chants and animal sacrifices, some old ass dudes who need walking sticks?”
“Well, you do wear robes.” Bokuto muttered. Red-beard slapped him on the back with a loud laugh.

“They’re just part of the code when we go to the stone circle, to be honest. Like a work uniform.” He explained.
“If you don’t mind me asking,” Akaashi said, “what exactly do you do?”
“We mostly perform rituals to keep the balance of magic right. It gets a bit out of line sometimes. But all of us have more normal day jobs.” Forehead-tattoo explained.
“Paul here is a mortician and Jake gives dance lessons.” Jake, blue-ears, wiggled his hands in a mocking presentation of his dance skills.
“It’s easy to learn a lot of things and do different jobs when you have all the time in the world.” Paul said.

Bokuto hesitated, before he asked: “So, how old exactly are you? Is that rude to ask?”
The druids chuckled at him.
“It’s fine, age stops mattering at some point.” Red-beard said. “Me, Oliver and Noah are around … 2300 years old? Something like that. Can’t tell you for sure, because the concept of birthdays and so on is kind of a newer thing.”
Oliver and Noah, who were the tall one and forehead-tattoo, nodded in agreement.
“And Paul and Jake… 1900? Yes?”
“Correct, love.” Paul agreed and kissed the other druid chastly.

“But, you’re a djinn, correct?” Jake asked Bokuto, who nodded. “So, how old are you?”
Bokuto’s face blanked for a while, thinking carefully.
“Wow, someone’s even worse with numbers than Harry!” Paul giggled. Harry, or red-beard, slapped him in mock-hurt.
“Uhm…” Bokuto started, “maybe like … 2500 years? But time is such a weird concept, sometimes a few centuries just flash in the blink of an eye. I don’t think age is a thing unbound djinns experience.”
Akaashi gasped at Bokuto, as did the druids. Yeah, grandpa Bokuto had been a shocker for Kuroo too, when he had first met him a few years ago.

Bokuto explained little more about lamps and legends and everything, that no he never met Aladin, but he does know the djinn who did.

It neared two in the morning when they came back to the house. Kenma yawned loudly when he plopped down on the bed next to Kuroo. Akaashi shyly slid into the other bed, Bokuto following suit immediately.
“What a day, huh?” Kuroo asked tiredly.

xxx

They woke up to a wonderfully indulgent warm breakfast prepared by a humming Oliver.
“He owns the pub in the town.” Jake explained as he joined the group at the table. “I think he just likes taking care of people a little too much.”

They said their goodbyes to the five smiling druids around two hours later, Paul and Jake hugging them excitedly and making them promise that they would visit again.
“I really hope under circumstances that don’t involve the universe, next time.” Kuroo agreed.
“Yeah, kick her ass when you meet her!” Noah said.
Oh, he totally would.

Kenma teleported them to Kuroo’s backyard, where he promptly passed out into a bush of hydrangeas before Bokuto could catch him.
“We need to get one more thing done, so I’m just going to call in sick.” Kuroo mumbled.
“Ah, I need to do that too.” Akaashi mumbled. He helped Bokuto put Kenma down on the sofa.

“You don’t have to come, I’m just visiting Oikawa.” Kuroo told him, “but you can, of course, if you want to!”
Wow, good job, Kuroo. Two minutes back in your own country and you’re a bumbling idiot again.
“Kuroo, I’m sorry to break it to you, man, but you’re stuck with us now.” Bokuto chimed in and draped one heavy arm around Kuroo’s shoulders.
“Mhmm!” Kenma mumbled from the sofa.

After Kuroo and Akaashi had called their work (“Yeah, sorry, boss, Akaashi and I caught the flu! Yes, in the middle of summer! Weird, right?”) Kuroo did his rounds, saying hello to the gnomes and fairies, Casimir and Glob. The trash goblin grumbled happily when he saw Kuroo, happy to have someone producing trash again.

“Okay, I need a shower, a nap and a snack, then we can go meet Oikawa.” Kuroo said, already half-way upstairs to take a shower.
“I’ll make something for us.” Akaashi suggested and Kuroo had never been more grateful. Where the hell had he found a man this wonderful?
“I’ll shower with you.” Bokuto said and Kuroo wondered where the hell he found a man this annoying.

“You know, Bo,” he told the white-haired man who actually went into the bathroom with him, “there is this thing called ‘personal space’, do you need me to explain it to you again?”
“I don’t see the problem.” Bokuto said innocently, the grin on his face was anything but. Kuroo eyed him suspiciously, threw a towel over Mary’s mirror (“HEY!”) and said “fuck it.”

The shower and one, previously not listed thing, done, they joined Akaashi and Kenma at the kitchen table. Kuroo had really missed his little home, even after opening the fridge to a new inhabitant.
“Ah. Hello, mysterious fridge-goblin, I’ll introduce myself later.” He told the creature, took out a bottle of cold water, and closed the fridge again.

“Kuroo! You can’t just let some goblin live in your fridge!” Akaashi chided him. He had an apron tied around his waist, and a wooden spoon in hand.
“There is nothing else in the fridge! Why shouldn’t I let them live there for a few days?”
Kenma and Akaashi rolled their eyes in synch, obviously giving up on correcting him.

They ate quietly, the exhaustion from the past days catching up to them, before Casimir interrupted them.
“Tetsurou, you’re back.” The cat-bat-demon greeted.
“You could sound a bit happier about that.” Kuroo said. He wasn’t really offended. What did you expect from a cat, after all?

“Now, I say we skip the nap and just get it over with so we can go back to normalcy tomorrow.” Kuroo suggested. Kenma didn’t seem thrilled but agreed nonetheless.
“We’re not teleporting though.” The Nekomata demanded. “And I want recompensation for the energy I had to put in the last two days!” He grumbled, pouting.
“Everything you want.” Akaashi agreed easily. His hand found Kenma’s so easily as if they had been connected by magnets.

“Yeah. We can take the car to that damned succubus.” Kuroo grumbled.
“Succubus?!”

Akaashi was not happy once Kuroo informed him about the nature of his and Oikawa’s friendship and Kuroo was beyond happy about that. Who would have known that taking a quest from the universe held the potential of maybe getting to date Akaashi Keiji (fyi: everyone, besides Kuroo).

“Don’t be too rude to him, Kaashi.” Bokuto pacified the smaller man, taking the hand that was not tangled with Kenma’s.
“Don’t hold back, Akaashi.” Kenma stage-whispered with an equally mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
“Wait, Bokuto, why are you so calm?” Kenma asked but they had reached their destination and Bokuto quickly clambered out of the car.
“Bokuto!” The Nekomata screeched after him and Kuroo was not looking forward to the questions about his last shower.

Kuroo grinned at Bokuto who’s ears had turned red and at Akaashi and Kenma who were squinting at them suspiciously. He rang the doorbell and waited for the door to open. He could have just stolen the rose he needed from Oikawa’s garden, but he had been raised to be polite. So against his better judgement, he rang the doorbell.

“Ah, my second favourite human!” Oikawa smiled when he opened the door. “What can I do for you today? Or, what can you do for me?” He smirked to which Kuroo only rolled his eyes.
“Sorry, Kawa, I think that’s off the table.” Kuroo answered, conscious of the possessive glares from the three men behind him.
“Mhm. How unfortunate.” The succubus said with a slight frown. “What do you want then?”

Kuroo pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing that telling Oikawa what he needed would get him so much future teasing. There was just no way that the Succubus didn’t know what kind of spell the ingredients were for.
“A rose.” He grit out, with a pleading look in his eyes. That made Oikawa’s eyes light up instantly.
“Oho! Well, my dearest Tetsurou, what kind of rose do you want? White, orange, or red?” He asked slyly, inspecting his nails, “you know, the colour of love?”

They had a stare down that lasted uncomfortably long, Kuroo glowering and Oikawa grinning, until Kuroo gave up.
“Just give me one fucking rose. I could’ve just stolen them, but I was nice enough to ask!”
“How noble of you.” Oikawa mocked. He strode out of his house in his teal-coloured, silk dressing gown and summoned a pair of scissors to his hand. The succubus shot Kuroo a last, knowing grin before he cut off a red rose and handed it to him.
“Have fun with that.”
“I won’t.” Kuroo said. He didn’t feel the need to say goodbye to Oikawa and ushered his friends back into the car.

“I don’t like him.” Kenma said once he was seated on the passenger’s seat.
“Agreed.” Akaashi mumbled.

“Now, ready for the last stop?” Kuroo asked with fake enthusiasm. He stuffed the red rose into a bag with the remaining ingredients.
“Where are we going?” Kenma asked sleepily from the backseat.
“A Bar downtown.”

The bar was called ‘The blind Werewolf’ and it looked like it should have been closed by local health authorities a long time ago. The paint on the green door was chipping and the golden number 13 on the house wall looked more black than golden by now.
“This is where the universe will be?” Akaashi asked sceptically.
“Yeah, they’re a bit odd.” Kuroo said with a sigh.

He walked into the bar, the others following him helplessly. Inside the light was dim, despite it only being eleven in the morning. There were a few left-over guests from the last night who were still sleeping off their hangover. Behind the bar stood a person, mixing liquids into a cauldron.

“Ah, Kuroo.” The universe grinned at him when he realised the new guests.
“Hello universe. How’s it going, mess with someone’s fate already?”
“No, but it’s only eleven o’clock.” He grinned at Kuroo.

The universe was somewhat of a mix of every person on earth. They used every pronoun that existed, and also those that mere mortals didn’t know. Kuroo could never really tell what she looked like, sometimes she had very dark skin, sometimes very light skin that almost lacked all pigments. Today Kuroo thought that he looked just slightly tanned, with almost white hair that fell down to his waist and heterochromatic green and brown eyes. But Kuroo didn’t like focusing on what the universe looked like because it could change every second.

“I got your ingredients, can you leave me alone now?” Kuroo seethed and threw the bag at the universe. She caught the bag with a happy laugh.
“I’m afraid not, dear. Don’t you want to introduce your little friends to me?”
“Why should I? You know them.” Now Kuroo was just being petulant for the sake of it, but in his mind the universe truly didn’t deserve better.
“Humour me.” The universe sang with a honey-sweet voice.

“Akaashi, Kenma, Bokuto.” Kuroo said with a deadpan voice and motioned towards each of them. Akaashi waved slightly, he was obviously uncomfortable with the situation.
“I just want to say that I don’t completely agree with everything Kuroo says.” He told the universe who cackled in delight.
“Oh! You’re truly a gem. Now I’m questioning myself.”

Kuroo had enough of his stupid giggles and interrupted the universe, “now, let’s get this over with. What do you want?”
“Patience, patience, Tetsu.” The universe smiled back and tied his long hair up in a ponytail.
“Just gotta brew this little spell real quick. Want to guess what it is?” He directed the question at the other three but Kuroo answered instead.
“No, we don’t!”

The universe went to work, softly humming to xemself. Xe mixed in all of the ingredients after inspecting them. Kuroo cringed at the sight of the bones but the universe didn’t even flinch. When you were an omnipotent being that was as old as time itself, that probably came with the job description. When the universe was done mixing xe said a long chant, xyr eyes gleaming when xyr gaze fell on Kuroo.

“Now, dears, come here and take a sip.” The universe told them, and produced four shot glasses out of thin air.
“What the fuck?” Kuroo shouted at the same time as Bokuto said “There are bones in that!”
Akaashi looked mildly horrified while Kenma looked disgusted.
“That was not in the prophecy.” Akaashi tried to protest, but his voice went soft at the end.

“Was it not? Maybe Gama just forgot to tell you. She’s getting a bit old after all.” The universe grinned at Akaashi. He was leaning on the counter, twirling a strand of hair around his fingers and smiled brightly. If he wasn’t such a bitch, the universe would be devastatingly handsome.

“Why do you want us to drink this?” Kenma asked, more level headed than the others.
“I’m the universe, I don’t need a reason when I want it to happen.”
“Really now?” Kuroo asked, defiantly, “because last time I checked you were just a little cu-”, Akaashi stopped him by slapping a hand over Kuroo’s mouth.
The little gesture just seemed to amuse the universe more than they were mad at Kuroo for almost calling them a cunt.

“You can’t make us do anything.” Kuroo argued hotly.
“Oh, I can’t? Didn’t you go on this little errand run for me? And didn’t you help me all the other times too? What makes you think that you, a mere little mortal, could defy me, the universe?” The universe was leaning over the table, her nose almost touching Kuroo’s. Now her eyes had turned a frightening red, her hair turning black and falling to her shoulders in straight strands.
“You should drink the little potion, Kuroo Tetsurou, or maybe I won’t be this kind to you in the future. This is your last chance, so drink up.”
Kuroo glared at her. Deep down he knew that pissing off the universe wasn’t a smart move so he relented. Very, very, very reluctantly.

“Fuck you.” Kuroo told the universe before downing the shot of steaming pink liquid.
“Are you offering?” He flirted back, his hair back to the previous silver, heterochromatic eyes glinting flirtily.
“I am not -” Kuroo wanted to say more, but he was interrupted by the universe.
“There are still three more glasses. Akaashi, be a dear and drink.” He smiled at Akaashi who was less hesitant to comply with the universe’s orders. Kenma and Bokuto followed suit without being told to. As normal, universe- and fate-fearing people would do.

“Now why the fuck did you make us drink a love potion and why is it not working, huh?” Kuroo asked the universe, who laughed in delight.
“I knew you would know that it’s a love potion!” Ze laughed. Zir laugh was starting to get on Kuroo’s nerves.
“Of course I knew. I’m not dumb and my grandma was a witch!”
“So, Mr. Smarty-pants, you should be able to tell me why the potion isn’t working yourself, huh?” The universe grinned. “Do you not feel the symptoms of being needed somewhere else? Or see a red string of fate tied to your finger? The spell should lead you towards your true love.”
“I don’t feel anyth-” Kuroo was ready to argue until he realised what was happening.

“No.” He gasped out and turned to look at Akaashi, Kenma and Bokuto, who were just gaping at them. Kenma seemed to have put things together, his cheeks flushed when he caught Kuroo’s gaze.
“Why?” Kuroo asked the universe but it sounded more like a whine. “You already sent us on the quest! Shouldn’t that have been enough?”
The universe was smiling brightly, her hair now a curly strawberry blonde.
“I thought you might need a little nudge. All of you.” She explained.

“Tetsurou, I know you don’t want to be involved heavily in the magic community but you are a quintessential part of it. You always were and you always will be. Everything that is happening now was predetermined but you messed it all up in your own petulant and childish ways. I don’t like people messing with my plans, so you should be grateful that I’m giving you this last chance to make this right. This moment should have happened around five years ago but then you decided to disappear for a year and Gamayun couldn’t find you!” She was hands down furious now, her blonde hair turning into a fiery red.

Kuroo stared at the universe and he stared right back.

“Wait, I don’t get it.” Bokuto chimed in, “what’s happening? What’s with the potion?”
Kenma grabbed the djinn’s hand with a sigh.
“It means that Kuroo is ridiculous and all four of us should have met five years ago. Because we’re each other’s truest loves, right?”
The Nekomata looked at Kuroo and the universe who both nodded.
“It took quite a lot of planning too! Several centuries to be exact! Making sure that all four of you would exist in the same timeline at the same place!” The universe said.
“But it all worked out so well! I’m so happy now!” It smiled happily and actually wrapped it’s arms around Kuroo’s neck.

“Eww, get off of me you lunatic!” Kuroo struggled out of their grip and quickly stood next to his friends.
“Are we done now?” He asked the universe.
“Sure. Have a good life, until next time!” The universe laughed with a happy wave.
“I really fucking hope there won’t be a next time.”

Outside of the bar, Kuroo let out a deep sigh before he turned to the other three.
“Well…” He began awkwardly, “that certainly happened.”
Bokuto still seemed a little out of it but the smile on his face was growing bigger and bigger by the second.
“That’s quite an understatement.” Akaashi agreed and a beautiful blush spread on his cheeks.
Kenma was watching all three of them with an indescribable gaze in his eyes but Kuroo was at least 70% sure that the Nekomata didn’t completely hate the revelation they had just been given.

“I’m sure we’re all a bit overwhelmed right now, so maybe we can all sit down and talk about it seriously-” Akaashi started just when Bokuto blurted out “Will you be my boyfriends?”
They stared at each other, both with their mouths hanging open and not processing what the other had said completely.
“Yes!” Akaashi said while Bokuto answered “We can talk about it first.”
Kuroo and Kenma were just stood there, waiting for the two to remember they were there.
“If you ask me,” Kenma said, “I would like to be your boyfriend, but I still think we should talk about it.”
“Dito.” Kutoo agreed lazily and put an arm around Kenma’s small shoulders.
“Now should we go back to my house full of annoying magical beings that will make me lose my mind at some point to discuss what just happened?”

xxx

“Kuroo! Have you seen my broom?” Akaashi called from the basement while Kuroo sat on the couch, relaxing after work.
“Should be in the shed, darling!” He answered.
His boyfriend came running up the stairs, his hair disheveled and some spider webs hanging in it.
“Why do you need it?” Kuroo asked, sitting up to fix the smaller man’s hair.
“Kita and Udai want to go to the cliffs today, something about a sea-spirit, I’m not quite sure.” Akaashi rambled on while he packed a bag for the small trip.

Akaashi had taken up an apprenticeship with a wizard called Kita, alongside the other apprentice Udai. It had been in his blood all along and the younger man was beyond thrilled when he had found out.He had quit his job but working as a magical shop-assistant paid enough. The younger man was happier than he had ever been, learning more every day as well as whining to Kuroo about having to learn old Gaelic too.
“Paul would help you, if you just asked.” Bokuto had reminded the wizard gently.
“He did, but it’s just such a weird language, you know?”

“When will you be back?” Kuroo asked as he wrapped a scarf around Akaashi’s long neck.
“I’ll be back in time for dinner. Kou promised to bring home fried chicken after all.”
“You start to sound like Kenma. Is our presence not enough to bring you home on time?” Kuroo chuckled at his boyfriend’s response and pressed a chaste kiss on the tip of Akaashi’s nose.
“Have fun, darling.” He waved when Akaashi took off into the sky on his broom.

“He's really only getting prettier every day, ain’t he?” One of the gnomes grumbled from under the brushes while the fairies sighed dreamily.
“What, are you jealous because you look like a walking root vegetable?” Kuroo mocked him.
“I’ll bite ya ankle!” The gnome screeched and barreled forward to make true of his promise but Kuroo stopped him by closing the glass door in front of his little knobby nose. He stuck out his tongue at the little man who was banging his tiny fist against the glass.

“You could be a bit nicer to him.” Kenma’s voice said behind him, before tiny hands grasped the front of his shirt from behind, the Nekomata’s head nestled against Kuroo’s back.
“Nah, I’m just trying to pick a fight.”
“You should get a better hobby.” Kenma mumbled. “Maybe knitting.”

At the mention of knitting, Bokuto, who had been sitting in the kitchen until then perked up. He had picked up the art of knitting after the Shrub Grandmother had given him the ball of wool. To everyone’s surprise (except Kuroo’s) once Bokuto had started knitting the scratchy yarn turned into the most beautiful and soft wool, changing colour according to whatever Bokuto wanted.

“It’s her thing.” Kuroo had explained, “she gives people seemingly useless gifts and if you wait long enough, keep them safe and don’t mock the gifts, they turn into something useful or valuable.”
“That’s a good lesson in humility and thankfulness.” Akaashi had added. It was quite the theme with German folktales.
Not even a few days later, the yellow leaves the Shrub Grandmother had given Akaashi turned into solid blocks of gold, that could probably keep them financially stable for at least three lifetimes. The little, useless basket Kenma had been given turned out to be a basket of plenty and whenever they were out of food, they could reach into the basket and get exactly what they needed.

Kuroo rounded the table to drop a kiss on the crown of Bokuto’s head, his chin resting in soft white hair afterwards. The djinn hummed happily, his shoulders relaxing immediately.
“Did you talk to Paul this morning?” Kenma asked the other two while he curled up on the sofa again, nudging Casimir with his foot.
“Yeah, he apologised to Mary.” Bokuto informed them. Even after hundreds of interventions between the Ghost and Paul the Poltergeist the two kept butting heads.
“Two ghosts in one place is just one ghost too much.” The blond man complained.
“One ghost in a house is one ghost too many.” Kuroo chuckled and pressed his cheek deeper into Bokuto’s fluffy hair.
“But you still love it.” His boyfriend teased, poking Kuroo in the stomach.
“Please shoot me if I ever admit to that.”

Akaashi came home in the evening, his black hair tousled from riding the broom and a little puppy cradled to his chest.
“Puppy!” Bokuto greeted the fluffy little thing and Kuroo almost expected a wagging tail to grow from the djinn’s body.
“Akaashi, don’t we have enough subtenants by now?” Kuroo complained with a glare in Casimir’s direction. The demon ignored him because both of them knew the only thing that would get Casimir to leave this house ever again was the end of the world.

Kenma seemed to agree with him for once, “I don’t like dogs.”
“Don’t get your tail in a twist, love.” Akaashi smiled and none of them could resist his smile.
“Let me take the glamour spell off of him.” He set the dog down on the floor. After a complicated movement of Akaashi’s wrist the small pile of puppy, which could have resembled a black and white coloured corgi, morphed into its true form.
“Holy Baba Yaga! What the fuck Akaashi!” Kuroo screamed and scrambled away from the dog. “That’s a hellhound!”

The hellhound didn’t look impressed by Kuroo’s display of emotions. He cocked his three heads to one side and looked up at Akaashi with adoring puppy eyes. Bokuto scrambled to hold onto Kuroo’s arm and Kenma had jumped up on the top of their kitchen cabinets in his cat form.
“Isn’t he sweet?” Akaashi cooed at the three-headed dog.
Sweet wasn’t the woord Kuroo would use to describe a drooling, pitch black, three-headed dog that was the size of a Danish great dane and had glowing red eyes.

“Akaashi, I love you, but we do not have enough space for a dog that’s the size of a small pony.” Kuroo tried to reason with the wizard, who just pouted at them.
“I can just make the house a little bigger.” Akaashi objected with a lazy wave. Blue sparks flew from his fingertips.
“Look at him Kuroo,” he whined and sat down next to the hellhound, petting the dog’s three heads, “I think we should call him Waffles, right? Would you like that, good boy? Waffle? Yeah?” Akaashi asked the dog in high-pitched baby talk.

At the cute display, several things happened at once. Kenma crashed down from the cabinets, Bokuto agreed with Akaashi and went to pet Waffles and Kuroo realised that he had lost.
“Fine. But he’s not sleeping in the bed!”
(He sleeps in the bed.)

xxx

“You know what we should do?” Bokuto asked one morning as all of them sat in the kitchen. He was eating plain cereal once again because they had run out of milk yet again.
Kenma sighed, “I know it’s going to be a horrible idea but please tell us, babe.”
The djinn grinned brightly, pressed a kiss to Kenma’s cheek (who pretended to hate it) and launched into his explanation.
“I talked to the druids yesterday and they told me about these magic welsh cows called Freckled Cows who never run out of milk!”
“You just want an excuse to go run around the welsh hills for a few weeks, while I am inevitably being pulled into another stupid game of the universe.” Kuroo whined right back.
“We can put it on the list.” Akaashi suggested diplomatically.

“The List” was a piece of paper stuck onto their fridge with a magnet. Sometimes one of them would write down ideas for trips they wanted to make together. So far they had:
Go visit the Yeti (bring another sweater for Casimir)
Meet Bigfoot
Figure out if Mothman is real or just a hairy fairy
and many more, but those were the highlights.

“We’re not getting a cow though.” Kenma said that night when they climbed into bed. “Our garden isn’t big enough and I’m lactose intolerant.”

xxx

“So you’re telling me Hobbits are real? What about Thestrals? Is Aslan real?” Akaashi screamed at Kuroo one night, when they should have had a relaxing evening for possibly more intimate … activities. But once again, magic thwarted his plans.

“Darling, I told you once before. The power of belief is more powerful than anything else in this world. I don’t know how it works but I know for a fact that my grandma used to play Go with a very nice hobbit lady.” Kuroo sighed.
“We have been dating for two years and you only thought to tell me that now? We literally watched the Lord of the Rings last week!”

Next to them Kenma turned around to slap Akaashi’s arm repeatedly.
“Will you shut up now, I’m concentrating here!” By concentrating Kenma meant finding out how many goldfish crackers he could stack on Bokuto’s face while the djinn was asleep.
“Sorry, love.” Akaashi laughed, “how many do you have by now?”
“25.”
“That’s impressive.”

xxx

Besides living in a house full of magical beings and being the only human between a wizard, a Nekomata and a Djinn, Kuroo loved his life. You would think that having all of that going on around you would make Kuroo change his opinion on magic at some point.

You’re wrong. No surprise though, because according to the universe, Kuroo was the most stubborn Fucker they had ever made the mistake of creating. He still allowed every stray creature to wander into his house, fed the gnomes their daily sugar and let Glob eat the dirt on the floor.

He had given up on trying to talk Akaashi out of bringing home more and more sick or wounded animals every day and he had also given up on trying to push Waffles out of their bed. Kuroo had simply bought a bigger bed and after several more years he was used to waking up tangled between the sheet with Bokuto and Akaashi’s heads on his chest, Kenma curled up on Akaashi’s other side, and Waffles spread over their legs, with Casimir snoozing next to the hellhound.

Kuroo never stopped to think about immortality and that he would grow old and wrinkly while his boyfriends all stayed the same until there were grey streaks in his hair and Akaashi kept lovingly straightening the crows feet in the corners of his eyes.
“I love them.” Kenma whispered one night, a rare display of verbal affection. “It means you smile a lot. That we make you happy.”

And they did. All three of them made him so goddamn happy that Kuroo finally stopped to consider immortality. In every novel you read the immortal gives up immortality for their loved one (besides Twilight but hell will freeze over before Kuroo admits that he had read it) and so far Kuroo had agreed. He had laughed about the mortal even considering getting turned into a vampire, werewolf, some fae-kind of creature or whatever but now? Now he looked at his three boyfriends, the other pieces of his heart and he understood.

The universe laughed at him when she saw him walking into The blind Werewolf on a Saturday afternoon, three days after Kuroo’s 35th birthday.
“Well, well, well if it isn’t my favourite errand boy. Come to make a deal with me?” She smirked wickedly.
“You’ve planned this all along, right?”
Of course she had known. She had meticulously planned everything, corrected the paths and threads of time over the past million of years, because she was the universe above all, and the universe doesn’t make mistakes.

In hindsight, Kuroo should have also known. There he was, newly immortal, with three loving (equally immortal) boyfriends as well as the newly appointed errand boy for the universe. He didn’t mind it too much. He didn’t mind getting to wake up to dog drool on his knee when it meant that he would also wake up to Bokuto’s snores and Akaashi’s babbling every morning and Kenma’s fingers linked with his for all eternity.

After all, Jokes that start with “A Spirit, a Djinn and two Humans walk into a Bar …” could only make one of the humans the butt of the joke.

The End