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It took a few months of hard work with a better therapist down in Delacroix for Bucky to finally dig into the deep soil of his trauma and bury some hearty seeds. 

And the first one that broke the surface was his realization that maybe he could actually retire while Sam was still in the field. It had only been a year since Sam took on the Cap mantle and he had a long way to go. His heart was still in it. 

Bucky, on the other hand, was just running on his fierce need to do everything he could to protect Sam. If he was being honest with himself, he would’ve been much happier taking care of the home they shared and making sure his husband was cared for. He still did most of the homemaking but with all the missions sending them all over the world, he didn’t have the time he wanted to devote to it. To maybe start a garden or try out all the new recipes he kept collecting. 

“Let’s start with the worst thing that could happen if you retired.” Mark, Bucky’s new therapist asked, leaning forward slightly in his seat. The man was sitting across from Bucky in an armchair in his small but homey office space. 

Bucky was familiar with this exercise by now and took a deep breath, reaching into the storm of possibilities swirling in his thoughts for something rational. “Sam could die because I wasn’t there to protect him.” 

“Okay, and what’s the best thing that could come of it?”

“Well, I- I could be doing something with my life that I actually enjoy and want to do. And uh, avoiding more trauma I guess. Definitely got enough of that.” 

“And is that worth it, to be able to do things that feel fulfilling?” 

“Not worth Sam’s life.”

“Okay, then let’s talk about what would make you feel like Sam can be safe without you physically being there. Is there anyone else you trust to have Sam’s back in the field?”

Torres immediately came to mind. Now that he had been cleared to take on Sam’s old wings and trained up, he had gone on a few missions with them. He was a skilled fighter, Bucky was realizing, had already saved his ass a bunch of times in the field. Not only that, but he actually cared about Sam and treated him like a brother. 

There was also Rhodey, who Sam, and Bucky more recently, had become friends with. All four of them had gone out on a couple bigger missions together now and hung out outside of that too. So, okay, Sam had some people. And Bucky was slow to trust people on his own but he did trust Sam and by extension, the people he did. 

“Thanks, doc.” Bucky shook Mark’s hand as he usually did on his way out. His homework was to talk to Sam about retiring and make a plan for his safety that would help put Bucky’s mind at ease.

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(6 months later)

“You want me to make the pasta dish I was telling you about or the enchiladas?” 

Sam groaned, stretching his sore body on the seat of the Quinjet he was taking back home with Torres and Rhodey. “Both? I don’t know, you pick cause I’ll literally eat anything you put in front of me right now, baby. I’m starving.” 

Bucky laughed. “I doubt that. You've gotten pretty spoiled since I retired. I still remember the look on your face when Torres told you he likes canned soup last week.”

Sam shrugged as if Bucky could see him. “Whose fault is that Mr. makes his own broth from scratch?” 

“You saying I should stop making broth from scratch?” Bucky challenged. 

“No, god, I’ll die if I have to go back to regular, gross soup.” 

Bucky chucked, a rush of affection filling his chest at his ridiculous husband. Husband. The word still hadn’t gotten old and he didn’t know if it ever would. “Well, you’re lucky I love spoiling you then.” 

And then, after a beat, he added, “missed you, glad you’re coming home tonight, sweetheart. These overnight missions are the worst.”

Sam leaned against the window, a fond smile stretching across his lips. “Missed you too. And tell me about it, I’ll have to catch you up after dinner. Though I’d much rather hear about what happened with Mrs. Jones. Please tell me Rita at the store dished.” Rita was the one who held all the secrets in the town and dished them out to the people she liked along with their groceries. And Bucky, who had lent her his super strength many times, was on that list. 

“Oh yeah, she was putty in my hands once I told her how much I was missing you and how I was alone at home for the night.” 

“Wow, using our love for manipulation, huh?” 

“Of course.”

“That’s my man.” 

They hung up soon after so Bucky could get started on dinner. He decided to go with the pasta.

He rolled out the dough by hand, adding in the eggs as he hummed along to the radio. Cooking was something he could always get lost in no matter how he was feeling, and he found the end result of getting to feed the people he loved rewarding. The simple sauce was next, made with tomatoes and basil from their garden. 

By the time he heard the drop off car pull into their driveway, he was taking the garlic bread out of the oven and had the pasta ready to serve up. 

“Hi honey, I’m home,” Sam yelled out as he entered their house, closing the door behind him.

Bucky rolled his eyes, chuckling despite himself as he made his way to the living room.

“That joke never gets old for you, huh?”

“Never.” Sam said against his lips with a grin, hands going to Bucky’s waist as he kissed him softly. Bucky broke the kiss after a few moments, nose going to his husband’s neck. He breathed in the earthy sandalwood mixed with something underneath that was just Sam, letting the scent ground and settle him. Sam hugged him close, rubbing gentle hands against his back. He had supported Bucky’s decision to retire with enthusiasm when they discussed it, but was also patient with the anxieties that came with the decision. He would’ve felt the same way if it was Bucky out there with him sitting at home, not knowing what was going to happen.

“Alright, c’mon, let’s go eat before I collapse.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Bucky mumbled, even as he led the way to the kitchen. Sam tried to grab a piece of garlic bread from the tray but couldn’t get past the super soldier reflexes, earning a small smack on his hand instead.

“Hey!”

“You’re two second away from eating, Samuel. Go sit and pour us some wine.” 

“Jeez, okay, yes sir .” Sam smirked at him, very aware of the effect the words would have on Bucky. The other man shot him a scowl, but the splotches of red peppering his skin gave him away. 

Sam put a pin on it for later. 

Bucky served them both, taking a seat across from Sam and watching as he took a bite of pasta. Sam’s reaction was always what made everything feel extra rewarding. 

“Mmm, you outdo yourself every time, Buck. This is so fucking good I could cry.” Sam said around the food in his mouth, shaking his head in awe and immediately going in for another big bite. 

Bucky beamed at him, the compliment settling warm in his chest. He reached over to squeeze Sam’s hand. “Glad you like it.” 

“Like it is an understatement.”  

They ate in companionable silence after that, exchanging occasional looks that would’ve definitely made Rhodey tell them to quit it or get a room if he had been there. But it was just the two of them so they looked their fill.

After dinner, they settled on the couch like they usually did when they were home. Great British Baking Show was on in the background as they sat together on the couch, Sam’s feet on Bucky’s lap. He stretched, leaning against the back of the couch with a content look on his face. 

Bucky kneaded along the bottom of Sam’s feet, almost without thinking, settling into their nightly routine. Sam closed his eyes, groaning softly. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me already, Cap. Mission report?” 

Bucky liked hearing about the details of the missions, it made him feel better to be up to speed on what had happened. Sam spared him the minute gory details but gave him a good enough overview to put him at ease. And they talked strategy sometimes too. Though Bucky was off field work, he sometimes did some consulting with the government for missions, lending his years of expertise. 

But tonight, Sam wasn’t wasting time on all that, he had some gossip to find out. He told him the bare basics and then leaned closer, eagerly. “Anyway, it was the usual. Now let’s get to the good stuff.”

Bucky yawned, a look of mock confusion on his face. “Good stuff?”

“Ugh, c’mon, don’t hoard all the gossip, old man.” Sam poked at his stomach with his toe, causing Bucky to glare and swat at him.

“Alright, alright. If only they knew what a gossip Captain America is. The tabloids would have a field day.” 

“Again, your fault."

“Fine, fine, settle down. Okay, so, turns out Mrs. Jones wasn’t at church this week because she caught her husband cheating.”

“Frank? No!” Sam actually gasped, eyes wide in shock. 

“Yep. And guess who he was with?”

“Oh god, don’t tell me it was Janine.”

“Mmhmm. She caught them in bed together when he was supposed to be at work. Apparently, she was supposed to be at work too but wasn’t feeling well so she came home early.”

“Holy shit. And he was doing that nonsense in their own home?”

“Yeah and get this, turns out he’d been doing it since before she started babysitting for their kids.”

“What?!” 

“Yep, whole thing was a plan they made to make it easier to be together.”

“That’s so stupid, oh man. Frank really fucked up. Hope she beat his ass.”

Buck grinned, rubbing along Sam’s arches.

“Oh my god. Did she?”

“Yep. Beat him with the umbrella she was holding.” 

They both started laughing hard at that, tears swimming in their eyes as they thought about the ridiculousness of the scenario. As each peal of laughter settled, they would glance at each other and the chuckles would start again.

“Alright, stop, stop. My stomach hurts, fuck,” Sam gasped out, wiping at his eyes. Bucky did the same with the back of his hand, reaching down to place a small kiss on Sam’s ankle.

Sam slid closer, holding the sides of Bucky’s face as he was moving away and capturing his lips in a kiss. 

“Love you.” Sam whispered, forehead pressed against Bucky's. 

“Love you too, sweetheart,” Bucky replied, easily, simply, letting the words settle warm between them before going in for another kiss. 

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