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What Atsumu and Kita had was special. They were high-school sweethearts. Atsumu was too shy to confess to his former captain. When Kita found out that Atsumu liked him back, he didn’t hesitate to ask him out. Atsumu got back at Osamu for just telling Kita about his feelings, but he also was thankful.
Kita went to university after graduating high-school, which was hard for the both of them. Kita went to study in Tokyo while Atsumu was still in high-school in Hyogo. But those two lovebirds would try to visit each other any given free day they had.
When Atsumu joined the MSBY Black Jackals after graduating, he was very happy. He got to play on a really good team and also be near his boyfriend. It was perfect.
Going on dates in Tokyo was fun. They had a lot of choices on what to do. But their time now was limited. Even though they were close now, Kita had a lot of uni stuff to do and Atsumu was at practice almost every day. They did their best to support each other the best they could.
They supported each other until the very end.
Atsumu cried a lot during Kita's funeral. He has never cried that much before. It happened to be too much for him, he couldn’t breathe.
That is when Atsumu's misery began. He was crying every night. He used to talk to Kita about his feelings but now he couldn’t anymore. So any time he needed to talk to someone, he texted Kita's number.
From Atsumu, 5:29 PM
Hey love, I miss you
Like a lot
There's so many things I would love to tell ya but….
I hope it's nice wherever you are
You deserve to be in a good place
He would also text him after practice, before going to sleep and when he was waking up. Just like he used to. It became a habit over time. He couldn’t go one day without sending those messages. Until…
From Unknown, 5:36 PM
Uhm, who's this? I think you've got the wrong number.
Atsumu froze. He was staring at his screen for a while. Kita's number must've been given to someone new.
From Atsumu, 5:38 PM
I'm sorry, this used to be my boyfriend's number. Could ya maybe just block it so I can keep texting him?
From Unknown, 5:38 PM
Ok.
Atsumu then waited for a while before texting the number again. He wasn’t sure if he got blocked, but he warned the new owner. He deleted the new owners messages and soon he forgot that the number was given to someone new so he kept messaging it.
From Atsumu, 9:54 PM
I've had a really bad day, love
I wish you were here
I always felt so safe in your arms
You know, lately I've been thinking about joining you
We could be together again
I don’t have anyone else
Everyone is too busy
Gosh, I need you so much
When Atsumu didn’t text the number for a few days, the new owner got worried. Yes, he didn’t block Atsumu's number. He really wanted to, but he was just too curious. Also Atsumu didn’t even notice he hasn’t been blocked.
The new owner of Kita's number, Sakusa, really got worried. Even though he didn’t know who Atsumu was, he was worried. After all, Atsumu talked about joining Kita. It has crossed Sakusa's mind to maybe talk to his cousin about this. But he didn’t want to rush into assumptions.
He didn’t want to keep thinking about this stranger that texted him.
He's so selfish. Has he even thought about his family? I'm sure he has people that love him. Why would he want to end everything for a lover?
Sakusa didn’t understand how one could love someone that much.
His head was exploding from all the overthinking which made him go on a walk. He always did that whenever he got overwhelmed. But even walking around the city didn’t help him. The overthinking just happened to grow in his mind.
From Atsumu, 2:05 AM
I'm at your favorite place in Tokyo, love
I remember the first time you brought me to the bridge
It was when I first visited you in Tokyo
You were so happy to show me
Sakusa was reading the messages and began to hastily look around. He was on a bridge.
What if they were on the same bridge?
From Atsumu, 2:08 AM
Would you be mad if I ended it here?
At least I'd be leaving while viewing the Tokyo skyline
It’s a pretty night
The moon is so bright
There's barely any people here
Sakusa has never felt this nervous before. It was an instinct decision when he dialed Atsumu's number and called him, his caller ID being turned off. Atsumu just seeing 'Unknown' calling him, debating if he even should pick up.
But he didn’t need to. Sakusa was hearing a phone ringing the exact same moment. He turned around just to see Atsumu standing leaned against the railing and staring up to the moon after he declined the call.
Sakusa put his phone away and slowly approached Atsumu. The closer he got, the clearer he could hear Atsumu sobbing. He doesn’t know why but it was breaking his heart.
That must be him, Sakusa was thinking.
"Hey, excuse me?", Sakusa cautiously asked.
Atsumu flinched and wiped his tears away before turning his head. "Yeah?"
Sakusa was staring at Atsumu. He couldn’t help but think about how pretty the guy in front of him was. Also because it was a guy, since he kind of imagined Atsumu to be a girl.
"Just wanted to ask if you're okay."
Atsumu was looking at Sakusa with a surprised face. "Why would ya ask me that?"
"You were, uhm, just crying? I'm sorry if I'm overstepping."
It was cold. It was past 2 AM and it was winter. Sakusa could see by Atsumu's red face and just how he tucked his hands into his jacket pockets, how cold he was.
"I'm fine. Nothing ya should be worrying about." Atsumu gave Sakusa a fake smile and turned around, leaning against the railing again. "I kinda wanna be alone, so I'd appreciate it if ya kept walking."
Sakusa didn’t care, he stepped next to Atsumu and also leaned against the railing.
"What do you do?" When Sakusa didn’t get a response, he looked at Atsumu, who was looking at him confused. "I mean for a living. I for example go to uni here. I'm studying law."
Atsumu turned his head again and stared up at the moon. "I'm a professional Volleyball player. I play for the MSBY Black Jackals, dunno if you’ve ever heard about them."
"Wait really?"
"Yeah, why?"
"My roommate is in a relationship with someone that’s on the team. I don’t remember his name but my roommates name is Akaashi Keiji. Maybe you know him."
Now Atsumu was staring at Sakusa. "No way. Yer Akaashi's roommate? So ya must be Sakusa Kiyoomi?"
"Yeah that’s me. Didn’t realize Keiji talked about me with others."
"Oh he's mentioned you. He isn’t talking about ya in like a creepy way. Only good stuff." Atsumu was smiling, just a little. "I'm Miya Atsumu by the way. You can just call me Atsumu."
"Nice to meet you, Atsumu." Now Sakusa was smiling a little too. "Do you maybe want to grab a coffee? Or a hot chocolate? I know a coffee store that’s close and still open. You look like you need a hot chocolate maybe."
Atsumu was debating in his head if he should go with Sakusa. After all he had a plan on what to do that night. But Sakusa was looking at him so nicely, he couldn’t say no to him. So they both went to the nearest coffee shop that was still open at almost 3 AM.
Both just sat down after they ordered, but when Sakusa took his beanie off, Atsumu was staring at his face. At his moles to be exact.
"Is something wrong?" Sakusa was confused on why Atsumu was staring at him so intensely.
Atsumu shook his head. "I'm sorry. Yer moles kinda caught my attention."
"Oh." Sakusa was blushing. Thank god it's winter, Sakusa was thinking. His cheeks already were red before. So Atsumu couldn’t tell.
"So, Kiyoomi- I hope its ok for me to call you that." Sakusa nods. "What were you doing out there at almost 3 AM now?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
"Touché."
Sakusa never answered, neither did Atsumu. He already knew, but Atsumu didn’t know that. Not until one day.
Sakusa and Atsumu were cuddling on Atsumu's couch. A little more than a year has passed. They both have been together for just two months now.
"I think yer my soulmate." Atsumu was the little spoon; Sakusa's arms wrapped around him.
"What makes you say that, babe?"
"You know… I was in a really bad place the day we met. I never told you, but I think the universe sent you to make me happy again." Atsumu turned around and now was facing Sakusa. "I'm very thankful for ya."
"You are?"
He nods. "You know, there's a saying. That the moles on your body are spots your past life lover has kissed you the most."
"Hmm, so what you're saying is, my past life lover used to kiss my forehead a lot?"
"That’s right. And I was thinking… What if I was your lover in my past life? And in my past life I promised to always kiss the two spots on your forehead so I could find you again and again?"
"You really believe in that, Atsumu?" Sakusa brushed some of Atsumu's hair back.
Atsumu spoke quietly. "I used to kiss those two spots on Shinsuke's forehead all the time." He was smiling a little. "You having those moles can't be just a coincidence."
Sakusa was staring at Atsumu. He sighed.
"Can I be honest with you?"
"Of course, Omi. Is something bothering you?"
Sakusa told Atsumu about the messages. He told him that he was the unknown caller that night. Atsumu was just staring at him in disbelief.
"I'm sorry I haven’t told you that sooner but I… I don’t know. Thought you should know I was out there walking because I couldn’t stop thinking about your messages. I really didn’t know who you were back then."
"What yer telling me is, you even cared about me, before ya knew me? You cared that much for a stranger that it kept ya up at night?"
"I… I guess so." Sakusa was a little nervous.
"Thank you", Atsumu said quietly. "Thank you so much, Omi."
Sakusa shook his head. "You don’t have to thank me."
"Yeah I do. Without you I wouldn’t be where I am right now. So thank you. It means a lot."
But apparently still not enough.
It was a really pretty day. The sun was shining and it was pretty warm for spring. It was supposed to be a nice day, instead it turned into a tragedy. Another funeral.
All of MSBY, the big Miya family, some more friends and Sakusa were present. All of them mourning the death of Miya Atsumu. Barely anyone had realized that Atsumu really was gone. People were expecting for him to pop up somewhere and make a joke or just be loud in general.
Nobody, especially Sakusa, expected for Atsumu to end his life. It was a shock for everyone. Atsumu always seemed so happy and loud. Just his personality was very bright. He would make everyone smile and just light up every room that he would enter.
There were no signs. Everything seemed normal. So why did he do it? No one would ever know.
Until one day where Sakusa was so frustrated and overwhelmed with his feelings, he chose to clean his dorm room. Akaashi was out and he should be gone for a while. Enough time for Sakusa to deep clean.
Just when he was emptying his desk to swipe the dust off his books, he noticed something. It was a piece of paper standing out one of Sakusa's older law textbooks. He sat down between all his things and pulled the piece of paper out.
An envelope.
To Omi
His whole body was shivering. There was only one person who ever called him that.
It was the night before it happened, where Atsumu wrote that letter. He was staying over at Sakusa's dorm. He very much distracted Sakusa from studying. Sakusa was deep asleep while Atsumu was wide awake.
The thought of doing it was crossing his mind more and more. He couldn’t hide his real feelings from Sakusa anymore, so he got up and sat down by Sakusa's desk. He took a piece of paper and a pen and was staring down at it for a while.
The room was dark. He was using his phones display brightness as a light.
Dear Omi,
I don’t know when you'll be finding this, but I hope not too soon. Yer sleeping peacefully right now after I annoyed you all day and kept you from studying. I hope that, while yer reading this, you aren’t sad. Yer way too pretty to be sad.
Anyways uhm, I don’t really know how to write this thing. I just kinda didn’t wanna let you stay in the dark forever. I bet everyone was really confused at my funeral. Yeah I was very happy around everyone, but when I was alone I never was. My mind has been a very dark place if I'm honest.
But I don’t wanna bore you with that. I just wanted to let you know that you made my life a little brighter the night you found me. But I think we've never been meant to be. I'm so sorry. I really loved you, but what I had with Shinsuke was different. I didn’t love you as much as I loved him and that wasn’t fair towards you.
I just miss him so much, Omi.
I'm sorry for ever leading ya on. I'm sorry for wasting your time, just for me to leave. I know I've told ya you were my soulmate, but not for this life. I never added that last part to my sentence, but it was always in the back of my head. I'm so so sorry this letter is really bad.
You let me have some of my best times in this past year and I appreciate you so much for it. I'm very grateful for you. (Yer really cute while sleeping by the way.) Please don’t blame yourself for this ok? I want you to continue your life the same way you did before you met me. I'm sure your real soulmate is somewhere out there.
I genuinely hope you will be happy in the future. You deserve it. Please don’t be sad I'm gone. If you read this, go out. Enjoy the day. That’s what I woulda wanted. If its winter, get some hot chocolate. If its summer, get some ice cream. Maybe you'll meet someone special.
I guess this is it from me. I don’t have anything else to say.
Take care.
The one and only, Miya Atsumu.
PS: I chose this book hoping you're gonna find this letter months or years from now.
Half the letter was covered in tears. Atsumu told Sakusa to not be sad, but he couldn’t resist. Reading Atsumu's words made him sad. They hit him hard. His first big love telling him, he never loved him as much as he loved his ex.
It wasn’t exactly a nice letter but Sakusa was kind of happy. It’s the closure he didn’t know he needed.
What happened after that, even surprised Sakusa himself. He got up, changed and actually went outside. Just like how Atsumu wanted it for him. It was summer, so Sakusa walked to the closest ice cream shop. He would think about all the good times with Atsumu.
And even though he didn’t meet anyone special that day, he would never forget it. Because if Atsumu wouldn’t have wanted this, Sakusa wouldn’t have been out on this beautiful day.
Also it was the first time in months he felt happy again.