Chapter Text
One of Waluigi’s earliest memories was of his sister taking a four year old him to their town’s local racing league. He still recalls the quiet whistle of the wind and roaring hum of the engines as the karts drove past, the sour stench of used gasoline. The excitement he felt when the team his sister was rooting for won.
One of the racers had come up to him afterward. She told him how when she was Waluigi’s age, she loved watching the races. She explained her hard work to get to where she was, and how she hoped Waluigi would want to follow in her footsteps some day. From that day onward he was obsessed.
At eight years old, Waluigi was able to join the children’s league. His sister had to be in the slow moving vehicle with him at all times, but he still loved it, and she enjoyed supporting him. In their first ever race they came in a solid 3rd place, and got pizza to celebrate afterward. His sister had told him how proud she was of him, and Waluigi vowed to never lose a race again.
The year his sister moved away was also the year he raced on his own for the first time. He only came in 7th, but he was too proud of himself to care. He and a few others got pizza afterward and he was the happiest he’d ever been. Waluigi forgot to call his sister to tell her.
At sixteen, he joined the Mushroom League. It was his first time racing against strangers and he felt the real rush of competition. He found that he’d do whatever it takes to reach his goals, and when that goal was to win, well, he quickly became acquainted with the internal mechanisms of the karts.
He quickly moved up the leagues after that, becoming a well known racer quickly for being from an unknown league. Eventually, Waluigi found that tennis helped him calm down after racing. He met someone to play tennis with after races, another prospective champion by the name of Luigi. The two were able to cool down their competitiveness from racing to enjoy tennis, and after that the two became fast friends.
At twenty four Waluigi made it into the Mario League, which is regarded as one of the highest level leagues out there. Waluigi and Luigi were two of the new racers to join the League that year, alongside a giant of a man known as Bowser. It was the first time Waluigi had ever felt truly at home,
A year later Wario joined the league, and Waluigi had been given a new goal to, no matter what the circumstances of the rest of the race were, beat him. Waluigi wouldn’t say he hated the guy, but… no, he definitely hates the guy. Something about his cockiness just rubs him the wrong way. Admittedly he’s a good racer, but the fact that he’s aware of it makes Waluigi irrationally angry.
Anyway, Waluigi’s not one to get involved in meaningless grudges, never has been. It would be a waste of his time to specifically target Wario in every race, which is why he is definitely not doing that at this moment. Wario’s kart is surely not spinning into the grass next to the racetrack, and Waluigi is undeniably not snickering as he takes over 2nd place.
Waluigi swerves a bit as he looks back at a grumbling Wario. The racer has his teeth set as he narrows his eyes at Waluigi, pressing the gas ever so slightly more so that Waluigi can see him speed up. Waluigi turns his attention back to the road, keeping an eye out for the shortcut he remembers is coming up. He counts the buildings he passes, looking for the thin alley that connects around to the other side of the track.
He quite likes Delfino Square for racing. It’s unusual for the league to plan the races around cities, but not unheard of, and Waluigi has to admit it serves it quite well. The town itself is quite pretty, with thin townhouses lining the cobble streets. Waluigi swerves around a tight turn, and sharply veers into the alley. The kart jostles a bit as it switches from the cobble to the packed, damp dirt. He makes his way through the narrow crevice, narrowly avoiding a collection of trash cans as it empties him out onto the pier. Holding his breath, he quickly turns to avoid driving directly into the water. He can barely hear the crash of the waves over his engine struggling to go faster.
Waluigi smiles as he sees the place counter on his dashboard tick up to first, and whoops as he completes his first lap. He spares a glance behind him to find Luigi and Shy Guy hot on his trail, and quickly moves in front of their karts to prevent them from passing. He hears Shy call something out to him, and as he automatically turns to look, Luigi slides past him.
“Oh, you-” Waluigi quickly flips off Shy before turning his attention to Luigi who’s now stolen first from him. He grits his teeth as he weaves the kart back and forth attempting to find an opening, while also still blocking Shy from passing him.
He holds steady in 2nd place until, presumably from a shortcut that Waluigi hadn’t seen, Wario cuts directly in front of him.
“Why you, of all people,” Waluigi calls out toward him, knowing that he’ll respond and get distracted. He is immediately proved correct when Wario responds, “you know that’s the way I roll, Wally.” Wario’s voice drops at the end, emphasizing the condescending nickname. He looks back at Waluigi to see his reaction, which is when Waluigi takes his chance to slide back into 2nd.
“Oh, screw you!” Wario cries out toward him and Waluigi chuckles.
“Maybe later, I’m a bit busy right now!”
As he nears the point at which he trapped Wario previously on the second lap, Waluigi debates going through his shortcut again to overtake Luigi. On the other hand, however, he doesn’t want to give it away to Wario, and as far as he knows his friend hasn’t found any. He easily glides around the square, slowing down as he approaches the turn that nearly killed him previously. As he makes his way around, he speeds past Luigi needing to back up, having wiped out on the turn minutes before.
“See ya, buddy!” Waluigi yells as he passes.
Waluigi is able to hold his first place spot as he finishes his second lap. He cheers, and several bystanders cheer along with him. He hears others in the stands roar moments later as others cross behind him.
He makes his way throughout the small town once again. If he focuses, he can see faces in the windows observing the race through a safe barrier. He hears Bowser call out behind him, laughing.
“On your left!”
“Shut up,” Waluigi carefully positions his kart in front of Bowser’s, blocking his path in case he attempts to pass him. He once again counts the houses as he passes, looking for that same narrow shortcut. He knows shortcuts are technically considered illegal, but it becomes a fun side competition for the racers as they try to figure out the best ones, and the League never seems to scold them for it.
He makes the quick turn for the alley for the second time, Bowser still hot on his trail. Judging by the loud swear from behind them, the two aren’t alone. This time, Waluigi notes the fallen trash cans, and he can assume that he wasn’t alone in discovering this shortcut.
As Waluigi is emptied onto the pier, a surprise gust of wind lifts the brim of his hat off his head. For a fraction of a second, he gets distracted by the feeling of the wind against his sweaty scalp, but quickly he reaches his right hand up, catching the fly away cap. Normally Waluigi would think nothing of this, but this small event is enough to prevent him from remembering to slow down. With a crack the front left tire of Waluigi’s kart rolls over the side of the pier.
“Nonono! Come on, not now!” As he attempts to get his kart completely back on to dry land, Bowser and Wario both speed past him. Waluigi follows right behind them, going significantly slower and more uneven than before.
Waluigi leans forward, putting all his energy into passing back into at least 2nd place, but the speed decrease is too great and he crosses the line with a 3rd place win. He slows, and the dip in the kart’s movement is much more noticeable, Waluigi rocking slightly as he drives his kart into the garage. He gets out and motions to one of the pit crew, then at his kart. Once they nod, Waluigi heads back out to stand with the other finished racers. He takes his place next to Bowser and unfortunately Wario as they watch the others cross. A veteran racer named Peach crosses 4th, and after her Luigi. Slowly they watch the rest of the racers trickle toward the finish, a gradient of expressions from exhausted glee to eventually a frustrated tiredness as Boo finishes the race. Boo was routinely the last to finish, as xe was probably one of the eldest in the league currently and had lost xyr passion for racing, but this was a new record. The other racers were waiting for maybe five minutes for xem to finish racing, and when xe finally crossed the line, xyr shit-eating grin was wide against the others’ scowls.
From next to Waluigi, Bowser mutters. “‘Bout time”.
“Aw, shut up. You were the first across.” Out of the corner of his eye, Waluigi sees Bowser nudge Luigi with his elbow at his response.
“Just suffering from success, I guess.”
After Boo returns xyr kart to the garage, xe stalks over to the other racers.
“Heheh, sorry for making y’all wait, by the way.” Waluigi grimaces before xe talks again. “Y’know, if y’all want some of the newer gossip, I’ve got it for ya.” Waluigi is interested, but decides against feeding into it and looking in xyr direction. “I guess I’ll just keep it to myself then, seeing as no one seems to care.” A couple other racers seem disappointed, but they know better than to listen to Boo and xyr ramblings. Usually, xe’d just be using it to gain favors from the others, promising the inside scoop but providing a measly forkful.
Unsatisfied, Boo stalks off. Most of the other racers follow xem, leaving Waluigi and Wario alone on the cleared out track. Wario smirks, looking toward Waluigi.
“Hey, good job out there. You might even manage to win next time!”
“Oh, shut up. You only won cause I let you.”
“Really? Then what about Bowser?” Wario asks, raising an eyebrow. Sometimes, Waluigi really just wants to punch him.
“We all know Bowser cheats his way though.”
“Sounds like you’re projecting a little there, Noodle Boy.”
“I don’t think you can really talk if you take into consideration my suspiciously broken axle. What did you do to it, anyway?” Wario smiles at this, making Waluigi’s blood run cold. While he wasn’t unused to Wario messing with his kart, it made him more frustrated than anything, putting him out of business while the pit crew have to fix it. Plus, that was the kart his sister left to him. If something happened where it was permanently done for, Wario just might not race another day.
“I just loosened one of the wheels. It probably wouldn’t have even done something if you hadn’t overshot the edge of the pier.”
Waluigi scoffs, “Well, enjoy your short-lived second place.”
“Yeah, next time I’ll boost it up into first!” Wario walks off without looking back, leaving Waluigi alone on the track. He blinks a couple times. It’s just late enough for it to no longer be bright, but not exactly be dark either. The sky is that strange dirty blue, and Waluigi briefly stares into it, plotting.
Waluigi would never cheat in a race, that much is true. It takes away the fun of the sport! He will admit, however, that it sometimes can be fun to try to figure out ways he could sabotage his opponents karts partially through he race. Maybe once in a while he’d look for shortcuts to use while racing, or good spots to trap others. He wouldn’t consider that cheating, though. He was enhancing the game to win. Besides, everyone else did it. He’d be behind if he didn’t as well.
Anyway, Waluigi isn’t able to find anything else to get back at Wario with until they at least get to the next track, so instead he decides to play a little tennis instead, perhaps with Luigi if he can find him. He heads back to his tent, looking for Luigi as he goes.
He finds Luigi standing right outside, evidently waiting for him.
“You are so, extremely late. Where even were you?” Waluigi winces at his friend’s tone, though he knows he’s joking.
“Talking with a certain gracious winner.”
“Oh,” Luigi is silent as he tosses Waluigi his racquet. Waluigi quickly looks it over, before looking back to Luigi, who tilts his head.
“What’s your problem with him? I feel like you guys would get along if you actually just spoke for once.”
Waluigi sighs, examining his racquet for nonexistent scratches. “You know, he’s just so… annoying. He’s constantly so cocky when he wins, and he cheats to do so.”
“And you don’t?”
“It’s different!” He sharply moves his hand, and nearly smacks Luigi as he does so. The shorter ducks away as he responds.
“I really don’t think it is. He’s a bit of a dick, but you’re also a bit of a dick. Dick attracts to dick.”
Waluigi is silent contemplating Luigi’s verbs. “I really don’t think that’s how that works.” The two both laugh, and Waluigi starts walking toward their temporary tennis court, Luigi trailing slightly behind him.
He jogs a bit to catch up to the taller, contemplating his next words. “I just think that maybe you should try to talk with him like a guy, rather than your arch-nemesis or whatever. He’s actually kinda cool.”
“I completely disagree with that sentiment and you are wrong.”
Luigi lets out a short laugh. “Alright, just think about it.” He quickly turns toward Waluigi. “Do you need to check on your kart?”
“Oh shit, I completely do. Do you…”
“Let’s head to the garage after a couple rounds of tennis, then.”
“Okay, that works.”
The tennis court only very loosely deserves its name. Their portable net is standing with the support of the pebbles it’s buried deep within, the rocky beach serving as a beautiful, though uncomfortable, view. Luigi traces out some vague lines in the beach with his foot, creating makeshift boundaries, and Waluigi grabs the ball out of the bag it's stashed in on the net. He throws it up quickly and catches it, before turning to Luigi.
“Let’s make this brief?”
“Of course. I’ll win quickly.” Luigi smiles and takes his place on the court, swapping his racquet between his hands before landing comfortably on the left. Waluigi stands opposite him, repeatedly tossing and catching the ball in his right hand. He takes a sharp breath, then throws it up, smacking it sharply with his racquet. With a soft crack, it shoots toward Luigi, who doesn’t even blink before hitting it back. Waluigi jogs slowly toward the ball, catching it slightly on a rock. He makes a mental note to be more careful of the ground before sending the ball again. They continue going back and forth with no clear winner until Waluigi stumbles slightly and loses the ball.
“Fifteen love!” Luigi calls out to Waluigi.
“I kinda got that, thanks.”
Luigi serves next, spending no time debating. As he smacks the ball, he starts chatting.
“I asked Wario to come hang out with us.”
“Why the hell would you do that?” Waluigi’s indignation shows as he passes the ball to Luigi again.
“To be fair, I didn’t say he would be with you, specifically. I only asked him to hang out.” Luigi shrugs.
“That does not answer my question at all. Why would you ask him to hang out with me?”
“Like I was saying before, you guys would get along. Since you won't do it on your own, I decided to do it for you.”
Waluigi responds slowly, “I am so, so, close to just… deleting you.”
“You’re gonna delete me,” Luigi laughs. Rather than saying something back, Waluigi just brings the racquet down hard on the ball, causing it to bounce briskly away before Luigi can get it.
He smirks. “Fifteen all.”
The two go back and forth, chatting as they play. Being fairly evenly matched, their scores don’t deviate too much from each other.
“You know, I might have some fun information on the next race,” Luigi offers at one point.
“Oh really? Now what would that be?”
With a giggle, Luigi says, “I can’t give it away that easily. If it was worth selling your soul to Boo for, then you’re getting nothing out of me.”
“Boo would make you sell your soul for a paper clip. I don’t think you have any ground to stand on.”
“Ah, well, guess you’re just going to have to wait to find out,” Luigi says smugly. “I’m not sure I’m even allowed to tell you yet, so perhaps that’s for the best.”
“Screw off, now you have to tell me!”
Luigi shakes his head slowly. “My lips are sealed.”
Waluigi sighs, looking away from his friend. “Fine,” he says with a smile, passing the ball back to Luigi.
After several rounds, the two decide to head to the garage to check on Waluigi’s kart. The garage is, for once, in an actual vehicle garage rather than the usual small tent. The concrete room is lined with a dozen karts, all in different states of repair. Waluigi’s kart sits in the far back left corner. They haven’t started work on it yet, and it's obvious the axle is completely wrecked. The bright purple vehicle sits lopsided. The back right wheel is tilted at an unnatural angle, even for the karts.
“Looks like it’s gonna be out of commission for a while,” Luigi says, tilting his head around to view more angles of the kart.
Waluigi sighs, rubbing his eyes. “He always has to go just that little bit too far, doesn’t he?” As Luigi continues looking over the damage, Waluigi goes on. “You know, I’d strike back if I didn’t strive to be the bigger person.”
Luigi sharply looks over to the taller, a playful smirk scrawled across his face. “Since when do you ‘strive to be the bigger person’? Aren’t you the guy that flipped all the arrows in last year’s grand prix to lead everyone else awry?”
“You know, you can be quiet for once.” The two laugh while making their way over to Luigi’s kart. The neon green monstrosity, lovingly dubbed “Yoshi”, sits low to the ground, large wheels supporting the weight of the lighter vehicle. The kart has been Luigi’s since he first started racing in leagues twelve years ago, with a variety of different shades of green covering years old scratches along the sides. It’s clearly smaller than most of the karts in the garage, built for a twelve year old rather than an adult. Luigi doesn’t seem to mind the outgrown proportions though, and judging by his place as a top racer in the number one league, it doesn’t affect his performance.
Luigi leans over to place a gentle hand on the kart, giving it a small pat as if praising it for lasting him all this time. He smirks devilishly. “You know, I might have an interesting little deal for you.”
Waluigi quirks an eyebrow at his friend’s offer, reasonably suspicious. Luigi’s “deals” usually end up being a big risk, no reward. Of course, there’s always the occasional big risk, big reward, but those somehow manage to end up even worse.
“All you have to do is win the best of three tennis matches against me.”
“Okay…? And what?”
“I’ll let you in on Boo’s gossip. And trust me, this time you’ll want in.” If Luigi is verifying Boo, then he figures it must actually be worth something. Waluigi can’t seem too into the idea though, so he leans back against Yoshi next to Luigi.
Crossing his arms, Waluigi prods him further. “So what’s the catch?”
“If I win, you have to come with me and Wario,”
“Goddammit man-“
“So 11:30 tomorrow, before we get packed up, yeah?”
“Yeah- what?”
“Good, glad that’s settled.” Luigi smirks, turning on his heel and briskly exiting the garage. After contemplating for a moment, Waluigi chases after him.