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Perhaps family dinners weren’t as much of a rare occurrence as the occupants of Wayne Manor once thought.
Especially considering that the last one had taken place only two weeks prior. It had been a night that would go down in the Wayne family history books, that was for sure.
This one would, too, considering the way it was already going.
“Why the absolute fuck is he here?!” Jason hissed towards Dick, who jabbed him in the side with his elbow.
“Family is family, Jaybird,” Dick replied softly, sending a smile towards their guest. “Thomas is family, whether you like it or not.”
Jason scoffed, rolling his eyes. He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘stupid fucking Waynes’ under his breath.
“I don’t like it at all,” Bruce spoke up, growling lowly as he glared at his brother from an alternative reality.
Thomas Wayne Jnr feigned sadness at Bruce’s words, making Dick slap his lover in the back of the head. “Bruce!”
“Right, sorry. Please follow me to the dining room,” Bruce offered half-heartedly, gesturing towards the dining room’s door.
Following after his alternate universe counterpart, Thomas sent a long look at Dick, who turned his attention towards Jason. Nightwing took no notice of this intrusive stare, but Red Hood did.
Jason’s face twisted into a mixture of disgust and horror as Batman and Owlman disappeared. “You better go tell Demon Spawn about our dinner guest. He’ll probably attack the bastard, not that I’d blame the little runt….”
“Jay!”
“Okay, okay. I’ll go tell him then,” Jason said, flinging his hands into the air. “Could use some time away from that messed up fucker, anyhow.”
“I’m warning you.”
Jason snickered, heading towards the staircase. “Yeah, yeah. Alright. You and your Waynes…”
“I’ll burn down your safe house, don’t test me,” Nightwing threatened, glowering at the retreating anti-hero.
“Whatever you say, mamabird.”
——————
“What is the meaning of your presence, Todd,” Damian growled, watching as his undead brother tore into his bedroom.
He was in a worse mood than usual, mainly since Dick hadn’t been able to look at him without turning bright red for the last two weeks. His father also hadn’t stopped their public displays of affection, which pissed him off considerably.
“You’re going to have a field day with this one, bat brat,” Jason said, flipping onto his younger brother’s bed.
Damian shot to his feet, desk chair falling to the floor as he stood. “Remove your filthy shoes from my sheets at once!”
“No,” Jason replied defiantly, “I don’t think I will. So why don’t you go downstairs and take out this pissy little attitude of yours on the big bad owl?”
Robin opened his mouth to scream at Ref Hood, then froze. “Owlman.”
“Mhmm,” Jason snickered. “Owlman’s downstairs, acting all chummy with Dickiebird. Who knows, your darling ‘beloved’ might leave father for him instead of you; wouldn’t that be grand?”
Damian practically howled with rage. “TT, Father defiling my Grayson is one thing. But, this… this… this plebeian fool will not lay hind or hair on my beloved!”
“Save it for dinner, runt. Which is starting in four minutes, so move your little infant legs and let’s go,” Jason replied, hopping off of the bed - making sure to rub his dirty shoes on the delicate silk one last time.
He was definitely going to pay for that once Damian returned to his senses, but at that moment, it honestly didn’t matter.
As Damian tore through the halls, down the staircase, and into the populated dining room, Jason watched in obvious glee.
Considering the looks on almost everyone else’s faces, they knew what was soon to come. All except for Dick and Thomas.
Kate seemed to be nursing her third bottle of wine, eyeing the man sitting next to her, hopefully, potential future cousin-in-law. She knew exactly how this dinner was going to go the moment she laid eyes on Thomas Wayne Jr.
It was going to be yet another shit show.
So much so that even Barbra, who tended not to drink if she could help it (drink-wheeling was an issue, Dick had joked once), was joining Kate in her consumption of wine.
Cassandra was already eating at the end of the table, barely concealing her visible entertainment. Once again, her right hand was clasped with Steph’s, who was staring between Bruce, Thomas and Dick.
This was going to be great.
Duke, Tim, and Jason shared a silent look and a joint smirk, the latter pointing towards Damian subtly. They caught on the moment they noticed his furious face.
A furious Damian always leads to disaster.
Thomas had sat on Dick’s right, while Bruce was on his left. Damian was silent as he sat down across from Bruce and Dick, glaring daggers at Owlman, who’d placed an arm around Dick’s waist.
Dick let out an awkward laugh, attempting to remove it without being rude to his guest.
Bruce and Damian locked eyes for a split second, but it was long enough for both father and son to get the message. They needed to work together if they wanted to keep Owlman away from their Nightwing.
Eventually, Dick wiggles the arm off, moving slightly closer to Bruce in the process.
“So, Thomas, what were you doing at the cafe?” Dick asked, sending a bright smile towards the man in question.
Dick had run into Thomas earlier that day, unknowingly giving into Owlman’s confused and sad eyes, along with his manipulative use of the word ‘lonely’. As such, Thomas had been invited to join them for family dinner.
“I noticed your presence and wished to check in on you, my darling Talon,” Thomas replied honestly, getting a few covered up snorts and a growl from the other two Waynes.
Dick merely smiled, nodding lightly.
“My beloved is not your darling Talon,” Damian snarled, unable to stop himself.
“Damian!” Nightwing shouted, aghast.
Bruce nodded, leaning backwards to glare at Owlman. “Remember who his lover is, Thomas Jnr.”
“Bruce!”
“He will be my Talon before you know it, I assure you,” Thomas replied with a smirk, placing a hand on Dick’s knee.
Before anyone could stop him, Damian was across the table - spoon in hand, attempting to stab Owlman. “DON’T YOU LAY A HAND ON HIM, YOU FILTHY SCOUNDREL!”
“Dami, please stop,” Dick begged, attempting to pull that assassin-raised child off of Thomas. “Bruce - a little help here?!”
Instead of helping to apprehend the squirming preteen, Bruce threw a punch at Owlman, hitting him square across the face. This was when the real fight began.
"Get him, get him!" Duke shouted, his phone pointed towards the trio.
Spurred on, Damian began hitting Owlman with twice as much force. "You dare attempt to seduce my beloved! I shall have your head for this crime!"
"I'll throw you in Arkham before you lay another hand on my lover!" Bruce growled, throwing another punch at his counterpart. In response, he received a kick in the face from Thomas and a most likely purposeful scratch from Damian.
As the room was entranced by the three brutally fighting Waynes, Kate raised her wine glass in a mock toast, words slurring slightly. “To the reason why I’m a lesbian!”
“Here here!” Steph and Cass cried, raising their own, non-alcohol filled glasses into the air.
Alfred leant over and attempted to pull the wine bottle from Kate’s other hand. “Mistress Kate, I must insist that you have had enough and ask that you please hand over the bottle.”
“Nooooo,” Batwoman whined, getting a nod of agreement from Oracle, who was cradling her own bottle like it was a fragile baby.
“I’ll tear you apart!” Damian cried, yanking on Thomas’s hair.
“He is mine! MINE!” Owlman spat, slamming Bruce’s head onto the floor.
Bruce punched Thomas in the stomach. “Shut up, you fuckwit!”
“Master Bruce!” Alfred yelled at the same time as Dick let out a loud sob.
All three Waynes froze mid-fight, realising that they were actively causing Dick’s distress. As much as they wanted to prevail, making Dick sad wouldn’t help them win (or keep) his heart.
“I’m posting this everywhere!” Duke and Tim exclaimed in sync as they turned off their recordings.
This family dinner would be trending within the hour.
The thought only seemed to make Dick let out another sob. All he wanted was one normal, typical family dinner. Was that too much to ask? Apparently so.
“I love this fucking family,” Steph grinned, looking around the disaster of a dining room. “I can’t wait to see what happens at Christmas dinner.”
“Yeah, now all we need is to get Bruce’s daddy-dearest here from the past, and Dickiebird will have a whole Wayne Harem,” Jason replied, cackling.
“Jason!” Everyone else in the room all cried out at once.
“What?! It’s the truth!”