Chapter Text
"Shut it, Dream."
Technoblade spews out, eyes straining as he dares to not look away from the computer screen. The blonde sitting next to him, his coworker: Dream, juts his head slightly, eyeing down the pink headed one. "Or what? I'm just humming."
Techno scrunched his nose, annoyance plaguing his natural handsome features, "Dream," He finally tears his cyan blue crystal eyes away from that damning computer screen, "Your humming is annoying me."
The blonde met the other's eyes, placing his elbow on his desk and resting his chin against his palm; Dream leans in slightly, "Oh yeah? Honestly I thought you liked it." Dream's lips curl slightly as he adds "Caught you one time tapping along to my humming."
Techno returned the coy smirk with a scoff, "Don't be mistaken. I was plotting your murder."
Emerald-like irises roll in its sockets as if he just heard the lamest joke ever told. Techno decided not to entertain the blonde anymore, his work came first. Honestly, Technoblade considers Dream highly annoying - always bugging him with the minisculest of things, touching his arm as if fascinated by the muscle.
But Techno has coordinated the word "Heterosexuality" with Dream.
Because, well, one time Dream commented on womens dresses.
Interesting.
Dream probably likes women in dresses, not that it's for Technoblade to care, he doesn't care.
"You know, I can help with some of the documents."
And that's another thing, despite how annoying his coworker is, Dream balances it out with kindness so-very well it's borderline terrifying. Like right now, it's just the two of them in this building, everyone got off of work earlier, but sadly for Techno, he still has work to do.
"Didn't you say you had work to finish as well, hence why you're also staying overtime?" The pinkette asks with a raised eyebrow, not looking in Dream's direction as his fingers skillfully drag across the keyboard.
He heard a few stutters, a murmur, and uncomfortable shifting before the soft voice envelops the room once again, "Uh, yeah I just finished it."
"But I saw you playing Minecraft the whole time."
"Awe, were you watching me?" Dream coos at Techno's side. Technoblade flinches, "What? No, I just, uh, happened to see it out of the corner of my eye. I wasn't watching you."
There was a beat of silence that fell the room as Techno felt the familiar beady eyes burn into his skin.
"Stop staring."
"I'm not."
Techno turns his head once more, viewing the man who was in-fact staring at him.
"Yes, you are. I'm looking at you right now." Techno informs unenthusiastically. Dream raises an eyebrow with a faint smile, "Nope, I'm just longfully gazing at the most beautifulest person in the entire milky way."
Technoblade's eyes narrowed, "I'm charmed." He retorts bluntly.
A sudden vibration against fabric has the two's attention. The pinkette pulls out his phone from his pocket, annoyingly eyeing the caller ID.
It was from his son's school.
Techno's eyes flickered with a glance up at the blonde, silently asking if he doesn't mind if he takes it next to him. Dream shrugs, turning back in his chair to resume his gameplay.
The pinkette lets out a huff at the other before answering the call, "Uh, hulloo?" He starts with his signature greeting, hands resuming the rigorous tapping on the keyboard. He still needs to finish work.
"Hello, is this the parent or guardian of Ranboo Blade?" The voice on the other line urks him. His eyebrows furrow gently at the person's serious tone.
"Yes." Technoblade responds, finally finishing a good amount of the documents.
"I would like to inform you that your child has gotten into a fight and I would like to speak with you on these matters at my office."
Techno lets out a shaky breath in disbelief, "Heh?! No wait, I think you have the wrong number, Ranboo would nev-"
"Mr. Blade, we shall discuss this in my office."
"Let me talk to him."
There's shuffling at the other end and a few distance murmurs, before a familiar quiet monotone voice answers,
"Dad..?"
Techno side glances the only person in the room; Dream was still focused on his screen, his avatar jumping up and down in place.
Was he trying to listen in?
The pinkette actively chose to ignore Dream's strange gaming-style, "Hey, what happened?" He softens his voice at the noticeably trembling boy at the other end of the line.
"I accidentally broke some kid's nose. They think I punched him." Ranboo whispers against the phone, rather cautiously.
Dream pauses his game, eyes widened at Technoblade's change in demeanor.
"Right, Right." Techno lets out a breath of relief he didn't exactly know he was holding in. It's not like he refused for Ranboo to fight, hell, he wouldn't even care if Ranboo fought some kid. But knowing Ranboo, if he ever got into a fight, he'd most likely cry about hurting someone and have a whole mental breakdown over it in the bathroom. Technoblade and Ranboo are similar in many ways, but this could not be listed as one of them.
"So are you okay? You hurt or anything?" Techno asks, shooing Dream's gaze away from him after he noticed the blonde's wide eyes.
"I'm fine. But the other kid is not."
"You think I care about the other guy?"
"...No."
"Correct. Anyways," Techno groans, "Do I seriously have to go over there?"
"Seems like it."
Techno closes his eyes in frustration, bringing his hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose to relieve at least some distress.
"Alright, I'll be there in 10."
"Okay."
Once the call ended, Techno faceplants directly onto his desk after shoving his keyboard aside. He lets out the loudest of groans, he seriously did not want to go to that strange school right now, he seriously hates it when the staff - sometimes even the students - try to hit on him! He's not interested, and never will be!
In his own wallowing, Techno overhears the blonde's voice, "Something going wrong with your love life?" though the usual softness behind the voice was replaced with a little of angst.
Is Dream mad about something? What's his problem?
Techno lets out a breathy chuckle, "No, I am actually very lonely, uh-"
"Wait, you're single?" The pitching in Dream's voice has Techno sitting back up in his chair, turning his head to the blonde with a raised eyebrow, "Uh, yeah? How are you so surprised?"
"You, no, wait, really? How are you single? You're super h-" Dream shuts his lips, threatening not to let the words slip.
Techno's irises glare at the other, wondering if he was going to insult him just now.
He immediately shook it off, "Yeah, I'm single. As you can tell," Techno shuts off his computer and stands up, glaring down at Dream, "I'm not the most lovable."
He sees the blonde's muscles tense beneath his shirt, expression shocked with a tinge of something else.
Dream scatters up from his seat, quickly turning off his own computer and running after Techno who started off. "Wait! I-" Dream yells down the hallway, running full speed towards Technoblade who was in the elevator.
Techno's finger practically repeatedly jams the button to the first floor, hurrying for the door to close on the blonde.
To the pink-haired one's dismay, Dream made it inside.
The blonde wasn't even panting.
"I, Techno."
Technoblade stares firmly at the digital numbers above the door, waiting for it to turn to number 1, wanting nothing more than to have casual talk with the nosy blonde.
"Techno."
"I hear ya." He mutters, not giving his full attention to the blonde next to him.
Dream shifts slightly, murmuring something angrily under his breath before saying, "Are you hungry? If so, maybe we can go out to eat?"
Cyan irises fall to the one beside him, he looks at the blonde standing. Pretty eyelashes flutter innocently over jade irises, dark golden hair that trickles the forehead, freckles practically engrossing the entire body.
Dream is attractive, is what Technoblade thinks before another thought - more like an idea barges inside his head.
His lips part, close, then part again, "Dream."
Dream raises his chin in attention.
Technoblade feels something churn in his stomach, whether it be from the thought of asking the man this question or that he's getting nervous for even asking. "Want to come with me somewhere? And maybe after we can go out to eat?"
Something in Dream's eyes glisten at those words then proceeds with an eager nod.
Jeez, Dream must be really hungry.
"Yes, yes, I'll go with you. Where are we going?" Dream, suddenly a happy puppy, asks.
Techno only smiles faintly, "It's a surprise."
Suddenly Techno felt something shove his arm, "Are you going to tie me up in your basement blindfolded or something? You're being ominous."
The pinkette furrows his brows at the question. Is this how people perceive him? "Oh god no. Why would I do that? Honestly, that sounds oddly specific."
Dream has nothing to say.
Dream always has things to say.
This is concerning.
Technoblade lowers his head a bit cautiously in Dream's vicinity, "H-Have you…"
"Oh my god Techno! No! I haven't!" A maddening blush rose against freckled cheeks and forehead, arms shoving Techno away in pride.
Approaching Techno’s car, Dream could only think about one thing, where are they going? Is it going to be some fancy gala? If it is then damn he isn't ready for it he is pretty sure that a white button up shirt tucked into his office trousers isn’t really something you’d wear to a fancy gala.
Dream closing the door of the expensive looking car gently behind him looked up at Techno, “I need to change.”
“Change what?”
“My outfit, can we stop at my house?”
Techno cocked an eyebrow, confused as to why Dream would want to change his outfit for Ranboo’s school. Without saying a word he put in the address to Dream’s house in the GPS. Techno remembering the address from the countless nights he had to drop Dream off at his house drunk after an office party.
The drive was silent for the most part, with a little banter here and there. The city landscape soon turned into a suburban one with picketed white fences and houses at comfortable distances from each other. Stopping near the Wastaken residence, Techno unlocked the car watching Dream rush out and open his front door, the jangling of the keys being heard loud and clear.
Dresses were piling up on the floor as Dream threw out one after the other looking for “The Dress” a loud “AHA” was heard on the street as Dream finally found it, wrapped in plastic tucked away in the far corner of his wardrobe. Dream had initially bought it as a whim with no place to wear it, but finally he could wear it outside instead of in front of his mirror imagining himself as the next Mr Universe.
“Would a red lip be overkill” Dream thought before putting it on, he had to impress everyone at the gala for Techno’s sake. Running out of the house in his red pumps he opened the door to the car. Slowly sitting down letting Techno take in every curve of his body. The red dress was straight out of an enemies to lovers fantasy novel, It was dark crimson which hugged the curves of his body before flowing out into a mermaid tail near the end. There was a thigh length slit at the right end of the dress accentuating his model-equivalent pale legs. Techno looked at him with wide eyes,
“Dream, uh don’t you think that dress is a bit…” Dream was now looking at him like a kicked puppy, rephrasing his sentence Techno took Dream's hands into his own,
“Dream you look lovely, but we are going to my son’s school because he might be getting expelled.”
Dream took a minute to understand what was happening, quickly pulling his hands back, his cheeks were flushed as red as his dress looking down at his lap, he spoke softly,
“Gimme a second, I'll go change.”
Click
Techno locked the doors to the car, making sure Dream couldn’t leave. Putting pressure on the acceleration pedal the car began driving slowly.
“Techno, let me out” Dream wiggled the door handle to no avail. He repeated his request about being let out.
Techno now applying greater pressure, the car now moving even faster.
Dream stared at him horrified, looking out of the window he began shouting pleas of help. He had just been consentually kidnapped. Skittering his fingers across the door's buttons frantically, a digit finally pushes down the button to the windows, Dream tried out his final escape route. Dream flailed his arms outside the window as Techno pulled on the hem of Dream’s dress, dragging him back inside and locking the windows.
With a breathy voice, Techno's voice overpowers Dream's screams, "Listen! I need you to come with me to my son's school! And I don't feel like taking your road kill of a corpse with me to warn-off the teachers!"
Dream calmed down a little, still visibly shaking.
“So why are you taking me?”
“Because you are ok looking, and if I have a “lover” there with me those teachers would stop trying to be grabby with me”
“I can’t have Miss Harrison slap my ass again. She is old and wrinkly” Techno added on as he faked gagging noises making Dream wheeze a little.
“Fine, I guess I will help you on one condition, you will have to take me out on a real lunch date later.”
Techno rolled his eyes scoffing, “I was going to anyways”
Pulling up in the driveway the plan was simple, Techno would enter first and Dream later pretending to be an overly caring mother and wife.
As soon as Techno walked in through the glass doors, he heard footsteps of the female staff approaching. Some teachers peeking around the corner trying to get a glimpse of a living roman statue. The teacher approaching him stopped midway as the glass doors burst open once again. The blonde now entered rather flamboyantly, a strut to his step as his heel clacks against the white marble.
“HONEY, WHERE IS MY BELOVED SON?” Dream shouted as he pulled on the collars of Techno’s button up.
Techno, who had been taken by surprise, pointed towards the principal's office. The duo now making their way through the maze-like corridors, lined with metal lockers on either side.
Approaching the door to the office, Dream took in a deep breath pushing the door open. There were two kids sitting inside. One tall lanky boy with split coloured hair and a normal looking boy with a broken nose.
Dream rushed in, taking the shorter boy into his arms and smothering him.
“MY POOR BOY LOOK AT HIM! YOUR POOR BUTTON NOSE”
Both boys now in shock, trying to comprehend what had just happened in the past minute. Techno looked at Ranboo and then at Dream. Pulling Dream by the back of his dress he tossed him to his son.
“Haha babe you are so funny, that's our son Ranboo, remember?” Techno faked a laugh.
Ranboo now looking at his Dad with confusion as a random man dressed as a 90’s mafia mom smothered him, letting out cries and pinching his cheeks.
“YOU KNOW ME I LOVE THE JOKES HAHA! Awww my baby Boo look at you… you look so… skinny.”
“I have always been skinny.. Sir”
Techno now making his way across, and pinching Ranboo’s arm “When did you start calling your mother, sir?” emphasising the mother trying to give obvious hints about what was going on.
Tubbo, who had just been smothered by a random man, who apparently was Ranboo’s mother, was still coping with the situation when his own problem arrived. His parents.
The door once again burst open smacking against the wall, as two other men walked in. One making a beeline to Tubbo and squeezing his face and twisting it around trying to look at the damage,
“MADRE MIA! MI HIJO! TE DUELE LA NARIZ?”
“Mom I don't speak spanish”
“DOES YOUR NOSE HURT, CHICITO?”
Tubbo nodded as the tissue in his nose dripped with blood. Quackity turned around looking at Schlatt who was still standing in the doorway, “So? Aren't you going to say something? Our son just got assaulted”
Schlatt didn’t answer, still staring at… Dream smothering his newly found son.
Quackity joining the pieces together now made his way to Dream turning him around aggressively and shoving his finger into his face screaming “BITCH, YOUR SON JUST BROKE MY SON'S NOSE!”
“MY BELOVED SON BABY BOO WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING” Dream grabbing onto the finger and twisting it in his palm.
"I have a name.." Ranboo utters through the argument.
"PINCHE WAY, MI HIJO IS SITTING RIGHT THERE WITH A BROKEN NOSE AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO DENY STRAIGHT PROOF?!" Quackity retracted his hand back to his side, clenching them in fists.
Dream stomped a heel against the floor, he would not tolerate this. His new (fake) son is perfect in every way, how dare some beanie wearing man blabber on and on with disrespect on their tongue, "STRAIGHT PROOF MY ASS! YOUR SON COULD'VE GIVEN HIMSELF THAT NOSE JOB!"
The dads were now standing at the doorway together, Schlatt leaning on the frame with an empty beer can in one hand. Techno had crossed his arms in front of his chest watching in awe.
Before things could get too heated, the Principal walked in a scoff pausing both Dream and Quackity in their tracks, audible sighs leaving the two boys.
“You must be the parents, have a seat please”
The parents followed behind, approaching the four chairs. Techno noticed Schlatt still staring at Dream’s ass. Normally Techno wouldn’t care but right now Dream was his wife. Techno looked Schlatt right in the eye, “This” he spoke giving Dream’s arse a good spank catching him by surprise and leaving him flustered, “This is all mine, eyes at your own goods.”
Schlatt raising both his hands on either side, a sign of apology.
The parents were now seated, with the boys standing on either side, staring at the Principal.
“Mr and Mrs Blade, and Mr and Mr Hq I believe you are aware of the situation”
All four nodded, Dream pulling Ranboo down by the wrist and holding his head closer to his chest, “MY BABY COULDN’T HAVE DONE SUCH A THING! HE IS INNOCENT!”
“Ma’am your son was caught on camera, and we only have one 6’6 giant at our school.”
“MA’AM? DO I LOOK LIKE A MA’AM TO YOU?”
The Principle who had earlier held an expression of exhaustion was now sitting upright, his expression now replaced with that of guilt and surprise. Before he could apologise he was cut off by Dream pulling Techno closer, letting go of Ranboo, “BABE THIS MAN JUST DISRESPECTED ME!” weeping into Techno’s chest.
“How dare you, you first disrespect my son and then you disrespect my wife. I will be bringing this up with the school board” Techno threatened holding Dream close rubbing circles into his back.
Ranboo was currently lost, unable to comprehend the situation any further. He wanted to cry, looking down at Tubbo who too looked as if he had had about enough, tugging on his sleeve he bent down.
“I am sorry, can we please stop this. There is a crowd standing outside.”
The screams leaving the Principal office were loud, attracting a huge crowd of Teachers, Janitors, Students and even the cafeteria ladies. Piling outside the door which was open just a smidge, some peeking in through the blinds.
Tubbo sighed and nodded his head, walking forward sheepishly he approached the flustered principal.
“Sir, Boo and I talked, I forgive him can we please drop this?”
The old man looking forward to ending this before it escalated tried to agree with the decision but was cut off by a shrill shout,
“No Mi hijo we have to put this Puta and her son in their place.”
With that the door to the room flew open, the audience now unsatisfied by watching this telenovela through a small crack.
Some placing bets on who would win, this was the ultimate showdown between ‘Flatty Patty’ vs ‘Phat Dumpy’
Dream, who had now removed one of his heels, ready to use as a weapon to stab a bitch’s eye out for disrespecting her amazing new son, was held back. Techno holding him back by his waist and elevating him in the air by a few inches.
Schlatt had just smacked Quackity’s head with a rolled up newspaper which he borrowed from the newspaper stand in the room.
Some boos were heard from the crowd.
Tommy, a normal highschooler passing by the Principal office, stopped in his tracks, looking at the huge crowd and distant shouts. Shuffling his way through the crowd he looked into the brown walled room through the ajar door.
There in all her glory, she was. Tommy’s 20th soulmate this week. Short blonde hair, emerald green eyes wearing a beautiful red dress hugging the curves of her perfect body. He looked in awe as she turned around, looking at him and smiling warmly. Slowly making her way towards him. Tommy could hear the slow music, birds singing and glow emanating from her very soul. Just a few more steps, and she stopped. Tommy was pulled out of his fantasies and smacked across his face as she walked towards the burj khalifa standing in front of him who he had failed to notice.
She grabbed Ranboo’s face, squeezing his cheeks and pulling him closer into a hug, so that his head was pressed against her chest. Leaving little kisses on the top of his head, gently combing through his dual coloured hair. WHAT THE FUCK WAS TOMMY SEEING, HOW DID RANBOO PULL THIS AMAZING OLDER WOMAN?
And that's when Tommy heard Ranboo say the magical words, “Mom, you can stop now please, people are watching...”
Followed by a, “Cmon Boo, let me love my little boy.”
Her voice was a bit more on the masculine side, but Tommy didn’t mind deep voices when she had a face like that.
Ranboo pushed her away and ran through the crowd into the empty corridors. Tommy followed because he was such an amazing friend totally not because he wanted to be Ranboo’s new step dad.
“Hey buddyyy, you doing alright? That must have been tough!”
“Get to the point Tommy, you aren’t someone who would run after me just to ask how I am doing.”
Bringing his palm to his chest and with a tone of mock hurt, he yelps, "Woah there that's a little rude Big R, I'm not the one who hid away the Misses!"
Ranboo squints his eyes in disappointment at the eccentric blonde, "What're you talking about, Tommy?"
Said boy lets out the throatiest of scoffs, finger pressing daringly against the taller's chest, Tommy snarls out "Oh you know what I'm talking about, don't play dumb with me. You never said you had the hottest mother!"
Before the monochromatic haired teen could get another word in, the clack of heels and distant murmuring catches both teens' attention.
Walking down the long marble hallway Ranboo saw two figures walk out the principal's office arms intertwined.
Ranboo glances at Tommy; his eyes widened with a flush of determination.
"No.. Tommy, no, leave my mom alone!"
Yet his words had fallen on deaf ears as the shorter teen did nothing to heed his warning, instead taking bold, passionate strides towards the duo Ranboo embarrassingly calls his parents.
"Hey! You!" Tommy's voice echoes through-out the hall, catching nearly everyone's attention. Ranboo's back slouches as his hands cover his face, sheer embarrassment plaguing his demeanor. "This can't be happening." he chants under his breath, like a ritual; if he says it enough, it will come true.
Dream looks around trying to find the source of the call. Eyes catching a sweaty teen boy run at him like the bull in a bullfight probably aggravated by his crimson dress. Panting the blonde teen looked up, his stench of overused axe body spray.
“Miss… Miss can your husband fight?”
Upon hearing such fighting words, Ranboo jolts up, running full speed over to the trio, slapping a hand over Tommy's incriminating mouth, shouting, "He's just joking! No fighting! Right Tommy? Right. No fighting." He shoots Tommy a death glare that comes less threatening than he was meaning for it to be.
“Ranboo you might as well call me dad” The blonde teen now rolling his eyes
Before Technoblade, said father, could make an input, a freckled pale hand slaps against his chest in a motion to tell him to stay quiet. Bright blue puzzled eyes land on Dream's side profile,
"Tommy? Is that your name?" Dream starts, a fond smile decorating his lips so innocently, "Tommy I think there is a very important fact you are missing about me.”
“What could it be, I know everything about you. Your son is Ranboo and you are… pardon my french HOT AS FUCK”
Dream ruffled his hair, letting out a little chuckle before bending down. Pulling the red silk covering his chest down slightly. Tommy covered his eyes letting out a yelp, “Miss not so soon, I haven’t even bought you a drink yet!”
Dream let out another chuckle as he pulled Tommy’s hand away, uncovering his eyes and revealing his lack of cleavage.
Right then and there Tommy’s soul left his body as he put two and two together. Falling to the floor watching his dreams of a family with Ranboo’s mum in a white white picketed suburban house came crashing down.
Dream interlinked his and Techno’s arms again, walking past Tommy gently patting the poor boy's shoulder, “and Tommy, yes my husband can fight.” He coos.
Ranboo sucked in a deep breath, walking to the side of his newly found mother as they left the front of the principal’s office. But, before he could forget, he utters a faint apology to the blonde on the floor.
"My Beloved," Dream's lips curled as he intertwined his other arm with Ranboo's, "Which is your class? Hmm?"
"It's in a different hallway." Ranboo bites his inner cheek, unused to receiving so much public displays of affection. His own father had barely ever hugged him in the privacy of their own home. Dream let out an acknowledging hum.
Technoblade led them, more like dragged the two to the entrance of the school, him of all people eager to leave this touch-starved school.
Dream's fingers graze Techno's arm before he lets go once Techno went forward towards the car.
Ranboo waited a good minute for his mother to also let go of him, but to his utter despair, the bare freckled arm stayed.
“Dream you can leave the poor boy now, get in the car” Techno said, pulling the door to the driver’s seat open.
“No, I don’t think so. I want to spend more time with my new son, and I bet he wants the same.” Dream said, tugging on Ranboo’s arm.
“I agree to disagree on that” a barely audible mutter left Ranboo as he tried to pull away from Dream’s strong grip.
He mentally apologised to his father for not agreeing to work out with him, as Dream dragged him into the back seat. The two were now sitting in the back seat, Ranboo squeezed between the car door and Dream who refused to let go of his hand and use the space left between them at the other door.
His social life was ruined at school, should he just get a fake ID and move to Mexico. It just sounds wayyyy better than being known as the kid with hot extravagant parents at school. Before he could plan his escape, Techno spoke up.
“Ranboo, don’t you have a PTA meeting this weekend?”
“Yea why?”
Techno looked at Dream through the rear view mirror, blue eyes met emerald ones as they grinned, understanding what the other was thinking,
“I think as Boo’s mother I should join you guys” Dream suggested, now fixing Ranboo’s hair, which had been messed up due to the fight.
Ranboo looked at his father with expression of pure horror, hoping his old man used his hiked eagle like senses and refused the offer, but all he got was betrayal.
“I think that is an amazing idea. We will pick you up at 10.”
That was it, Ranboo couldn’t hold back his tears anymore, The dams burst open as Ranboo started sobbing, falling into a fetal position with his head on his mother’s lap.
“I think today is a good day to listen to some music.” Techno, turned on the radio as Toxic by Britney Spears came booming through the speakers.
As Ranboo’s sobs became louder, Techno turned the knobs on the stereo, increasing the volume, drowning out the cries. Techno and Dream singing along and as soon as they hit the chorus Dream patting Ranboo’s cheek shouted “TAKE IT AWAY, BOO!”
Ranboo now singing along accompanied by sobs.