Chapter Text
It was the perfect opportunity. Just use the rock he found and smash the computer screen. Nobody was in the room, and as far as Shin knew nobody would come in to look for him. Who cared about him anyway? Everybody’s so hostile towards him, so of course he’ll be mean right back! This is a game of survival after all, and Shin will do anything to keep himself alive, even if it means abandoning himself.
I can’t let anyone find out about me, he thought. There's no chance I'll let them find out, I just have to destroy this damned AI!
Shin grabbed the rock and held it up, careful to keep his own screen in his sights. He hoped his strength would be enough to do it with just one bash. Shin readied himself, and drew back his arm.
Okay, you can do this. Just need to bash it in. Alright, rea-!!!!!!!
He suddenly froze, his eyes wide in panic. There was someone walking down the hallway. Someone coming his way. To the room he was in currently. He tossed the rock to the side and immediately ducked down, his heart racing. He grabbed his scarf with trembling hands, staying low to the ground as the footsteps suddenly turned into the room. Pretending to tie his shoe, he kept hidden behind the control panel as he listened to the person walking around. Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice.
“Uh, Sou? What are you up to?”
Shin looked up and immediately stowed away all the panic he had previously had. A polite smile graced his lips. “Hello there, Miss Sara. What brings you here?”
Sara crossed her arms. It definitely seemed like he was up to something, especially with how he deflected her question. She’ll have to keep an eye on him.
“I was going to go do one of the attractions. I’ve already completed a few with some of the others, so I was wondering if you’d help me with one. You haven’t told me what you’ve been doing here though.”
He stood up and avoided her gaze. There was absolutely no way he could let her find out about his plan. He’d have to come back here later and destroy his screen. For now he could at least pretend to play buddy-buddy with her.
“Just tying my shoe. I was walking around, looking at some of the attractions, a way out...” he replied coolly. He fiddled with his scarf, stealing a brief glance at her. He knew Sara was someone to beware of. Miss 15.5% versus his measly 0.0%. Every part of her was intimidating. Even if she was only 18, she was incredibly charming and intelligent. She got everyone to trust her so easily, so quickly, it was equally terrifying as it was inspiring. Sara was Shin’s foil, the complete opposite of who he was. He was scared of her. And despite denying it over and over, deep in his heart he knew that he would have to depend on her sooner or later.
She didn’t seem satisfied with his answer but surprisingly she didn’t push it. He could tell that she was trying to read him. He tried not to feel too intimidated but with how she towered over him he couldn’t calm his heart. He hid behind his scarf as much as he could.
“I’m guessing you haven’t found anything. Have you done any of the attractions here yet?” Sara looked over toward the screens, their reflections of her staring right back. Sou was definitely hiding something but there was no chance of getting it out of him right now. Maybe she could talk to him about it later.
He shook his head. “I’m surprised you even asked me that, Miss Sara. Surely you of all people would know how much everybody else distrusts me. Nobody wants to team with the most suspicious person here, after all. Everybody is working together and leaving me in the dust, I'm the absolute last person they'll team with."
To his confusion, she looked upset at that statement. Was she mad at him again because he brought up all his lies? Though now that he actually made eye contact, she looked more annoyed.
"You know, no matter how much you try to push everyone away we're all still stuck here. I know the others may have given up on you..." she paused for a bit, her voice going soft, "but I'm not going to leave you behind. We're all going to get out of here."
Sara smiled as his eyes widened slightly. She knew she was slowly getting through to him. "Let's try to start working together, so for now, how about I help you get some chips?"
Shin shyly broke away from her eyes, pulling his beanie a bit more down. He internally cursed. Damn her and her words! How dare she try to sympathize with me, as if she could ever understand what I was going through.
Though in the deepest part of his subconscious, the part he swore to never show to anyone ever again, he was absolutely touched by her small speech. The Shin that was incredibly weak and horribly vulnerable, the Shin he repressed the moment he learned of his situation, finally felt what actual trust could be.
"Alright then, Miss Sara. Just remember, you chose to trust me. But I refuse to do the same so easily." He smiled a politely sinister smile. "So which attraction did you have in mind?"
"Hmm," she mumbled, looking over the options present in the room. "Well none of these require too much strength, so maybe…" She looked over to the room with the little minecart picture on it.
She pointed at the door. "Let's do that one!"
"It looks easy enough. I hope I'm of use to you, Miss Sara," he said, with that suspicious smile as always.
They entered the room, finding a two seater minecart and a long hallway ahead. The room was dimly lit, with only a few lights every couple of feet. It was difficult to see more than a couple feet in front of you.
Sara stumbled a bit, her eyes having a hard time adjusting to the sudden darkness. "Where's the minecart? Can you see anything Sou?"
She felt someone grab her hand. Her immediate reaction was to struggle against their grip until…
"It's just me, Miss Sara. The minecart is over here, let's go," he said, and as soon as she stopped trying to escape his hold he led her over to the minecart.
They both got into the cart and as soon as they settled down, it slowly started to move along.
She looked up at the overhead lights. "You know, I'm surprised you can see so well in this dark. Even with the lights it's pretty hard to see."
He fidgeted a bit, hands going to his scarf again. "I'm glad I can be of some use to you, Miss Sara," he replied as he turned towards her.
Despite barely being able to make out his face, something seemed slightly amiss with it though Sara couldn't tell exactly what. For some reason she felt very drawn towards his eyes, as they were the only thing she could see clearly in the dark. They seemed to be very reflective of the light. Was there some kind of weird lightbulb they were using to get this kind of effect? She supposed it would be important to know where your partner is considering the darkness.
The minecart suddenly took a turn, and then began to pick up speed. An automated voice began to speak from somewhere.
"Welcome to the runaway minecart attraction. Smash wood walls and unscrew steel ones in order to advance further and beat the clock. Beware of obstacles in your path, and press the boost buttons when they appear. Have fun or die."
"They sure do know how to motivate people here," said Sara, as she looked straight ahead.
Shin started tucking in his scarf, trying to keep it wrapped around him tightly. He adjusted his beanie, pulling it down as much as he could. There was no way he would let it fly off.
"Shouldn't you take those off?" she questioned. If he cared about them so much, it would make more sense to take them off than wear it.
Sou shook his head. "Not ever," he began, "I'll keep it on. Look, there's a wall coming up!"
Sure enough a wooden wall came into view. The minecart automatically slowed to a stop in front, and the two began hitting it. It broke with a few hits and the minecart began accelerating once more.
"Wow, that was pretty easy. Let's keep this up!" cheered Sara.
The two fell into a steady rhythm then. Shin would tell Sara when buttons would come up, and she would hit them. When some obstacle came up they both would duck down. They worked together to break the wood walls and unscrew the metal ones. They really did make a great team.
Suddenly, a small bell chime echoed throughout the hallway. The automated voice spoke next.
"Congratulations, you beat the runaways minecart attraction. Clear chips will be rewarded at the end of the ride. Thank you for participating."
Shin turned towards Sara, his back turned toward the direction they were still going. He put his hands in his pockets and gave her his signature polite smile.
"We did it, Miss Sara. I'm surprised it went as smoothly as it did."
Sara looked toward the end of the hallway, her mind still preoccupied with the attraction they just finished. "Yeah, it went really well," she agreed, "though I'm still kinda worried. We haven't seemed to slow down any…"
Shin shrugged his shoulders. "It's just the boost we got from the last button you pressed. We finished the attraction, there's nothing left but to grab the tokens."
"You're probably right," she replied, looking ahead to see what there was.
Wait, that in the distance… she thought, trying hard to focus her eyes on the object. There was a flickering light in the distance, illuminating some kind of sign directly above their track. The minecart was quickly advancing upon it when suddenly Sara realized what was about to happen.
"Sou, we have to get down!"
The minecart suddenly started to go even faster, catching the two off guard and causing them to stumble. Shin whipped his head around to try and see what was going on and he felt his beanie fly off from all the commotion.
"MY BEANIE!!" he cried, hands reaching out for the already lost hat.
"Why does it matter? We have to get down now!" Sara put her hands on Shin's head and shoulder, forcing him down into a crouch. The two managed to duck under the sign just in time.
As soon as the danger went away, Sara's mind became focused on something else. Mainly the hand she had on Shin's head. More specifically, the things she felt on top of his head.
I never noticed...how soft his hair is...but what is that?
"Sou…?" she began, watching as his eyes suddenly focused on her. Her fingers brushed against his hair, and then to...fur?
"Are these...ears?" To emphasize her question, she began rubbing one of them with her thumb and finger. She gasped, as it actually flicked in reaction.
Shin's eyes widened in horror and Sara watched as he quickly masked his fear with anger. He grabbed her wrist and roughly pulled it away from his head.
"Get your hands off me!" he hissed. Despite his rather composed yet hostile exterior, in actuality Shin was panicking on the inside.
Shit shit shit, he thought. Out of everyone here, out of all the people it could've been, it had to be her .
"Sou, I didn't mean to-" she tried to reason with him, but much like a spooked cat, he moved as far from her as possible and curled in on himself.
"Don't you dare say anything to anyone. I'll kill you. I'll make sure you never get out of here alive. You better keep your mouth shut if you value your life."
Sara didn't respond. The rest of the minecart ride was filled with an awkward silence. Finally it reached its destination, and the two got out of the cart. Near the exit door was a small table with the chips.
Shin quickly made his way over to the table, his left ear twitching just slightly. Sara could tell he was irritated.
She went over to the chips, taking one for herself and held out the other to Shin. He swiped it from her grasp.
He messed with his scarf again, burying as much of his face as he could. "I… don't want to team again… not with anyone. I need some time…" he softly spoke.
Sara looked at him with pity. She wanted so desperately to ask questions and to talk about what had just happened but she knew he definitely would snap if she asked. She'd have to find a time where they'd be alone and he'd be less tense, and maybe try to approach from a slightly different way…
"That's okay," she replied. "I can give you some space. If you want I can walk you to your room and let everyone know you're not feeling well."
Shin let out an awkward chuckle. "Walk me? Who do you think you are, my mother?" His statement seems to have gotten her a bit flustered. He smiled at that. "Why do you want to walk with me anyway? I said I want to be alone."
She gave him a look. "Because I'm worried about you? I'm concerned for you. I know we haven't known each other for long, but you're not exactly a stranger to me anymore. I care about you, Sou."
He visibly flinched at her last sentence. Did she just say…?
Several thoughts went running through his head.
She would never care about someone like me. She would never even talk to someone like me. She's just trying to use me.
Sara continued speaking, unaware of the turbulent thoughts in Shin's head. "And besides, how are you gonna hide from everyone? You don't have your beanie anymore."
One of his ears twitched, and Shin huffed in response.
So his left ear twitches when he's annoyed, she observed, noting his slight pout. That's kinda cute.
"I can just use my scarf," he replied, taking it off from his neck and wrapping it around his head. It slid off shortly.
Sara giggled, and Shin promptly shot a glare in her direction. As if to make peace, she took off her school jacket and handed it to him.
"You should use this, it should work better if you use it with your scarf."
Shin shook his head. "No, I'm not taking some high school girl's jacket. I'd look stupid."
She put a hand on her hip and gave him a look. "So you're just gonna walk out and let everyone know then?"
Shin grumbled, his ears flattening against his head as he begrudgingly took the jacket from her hand. He put it on top of his head and secured it with his scarf, with a little help from Sara as he couldn’t do it by himself.
"Thank you…" he mumbled, and Sara just smiled.
The two left the Runaway Minecart attraction and found themselves back in the monitor room. Looking at all the black screens, Shin was immediately reminded of his earlier attempt to break his AI. He'd have to get back to that later when he has his beanie again.
They exited the monitor room. Surprisingly no one was in the lobby. Shin was grateful for that, as he really didn’t feel like trying to explain what's going on. He looked over to Sara, who seemed to be deep in thought about something. He was wary of her next move.
They entered the dorm hallway and made it over to Shin’s room with thankfully no one in sight. Just as he was about to enter, Sara stopped him. She put her arm on the door, trapping him in the middle. He pressed his back against the door and tensed up, as for some reason it felt like she had gotten way bigger. Or maybe it’s that he felt so small compared to her.
“Sou?”
He looked at her, noting that her eyes didn’t actually have anything blatantly malicious about them. Though with her nature he could never be sure. What exactly did she want from him? Why in this position? And why was his heart beating so rapidly?!
“Yes Miss Sara…?” he questioned as millions of different scenarios played in his head. This was it. She was going to use him. It was about time she showed her true colors.
She dug into her pocket, fishing out a small wallet and holding it up. “Let’s trade our tokens.”
What?
“You want to trade tokens with me?”
She took her arm off the door and stood up straight and Shin was again reminded of her towering height.
“Yeah, I’ll give you 50 of mine if you give me 50 of yours.” She was already picking out several of her tokens. “If you don’t want to, you could refuse.”
Like hell I’ll do that, he thought, she’ll just run off and tell everyone about my secret if I say no! I don’t want to give her so much...she'd have enough to buy my AI. Although, she'd be giving up 50 of her own, which means I can buy hers and use it against her! All I need to do is make sure she can't access mine.
"No, it's alright. Let's trade our chips." I'll make you regret this, Miss Sara.
He fished out some of his tokens from his hoodie pocket. After making sure they both had 50, they exchanged their tokens. Shin quickly pocketed her tokens.
"I'll be going to my room now," he turned to his door. Sara grabbed his shoulder and stopped him once more.
"Aren't you gonna give me back my jacket?"
Shin blushed, having completely forgotten about her jacket. He turned to her and smiled, trying to hide his awkwardness.
"Ah, right. Of course," he said as he unwrapped his scarf and took the jacket off. He handed it back to her. "There you go, Miss Sara."
She put her jacket back on and then gave him a bright smile.
"I'll make sure no one comes to bother you until you get your beanie back," she said, buttoning the jacket back up some. "You should probably stay here till then. I'll let you know if anything happens. See you later, Sou!"
With that, she turned around and walked down the hallway, finally leaving him alone. He entered his room and locked the door behind him before falling onto his bed and groaning loudly.
I can't believe all that just happened. How did I even let it happen?!
He truly never wanted to see Sara again after that. Aside from finding out his secret, all those things she said and did for him… it did something to him. He doesn't know why or how but she broke through his facade for a few moments back there. He couldn't control his heart when he was near her anymore, whether out of fear or respect (or something else he denied) he didn't know. All Shin knew was that he didn't want Sara Chidouin anywhere near him.
And yet, for some reason he felt like she was still here. He knew that was impossible as a quick look around the room told him that he was indeed alone. So then why did he still sense her?
He grabbed his scarf and adjusted it a bit, deciding to ignore the-
Oh, his thoughts were immediately interrupted by his new discovery. My scarf...it smells just like her…
There were two different thoughts Shin had in reaction. His feline instincts told him: I want to cuddle this and bury my face into my scarf. While his human ones told him: I need to get this thing as far away from me as I can. He decided to listen to the human side of him, as he often did, and threw his scarf across the room. It landed on the armchair.
He then turned on his side, facing away from the scarf. If he doesn't look at it, he won't think about it. Though now with both his beanie and his scarf missing, Shin found himself shivering slightly. He cursed at his lack of natural body heat.
He grabbed one of the blankets that was under the pillows and wrapped it around him, curling up as much as he could. He stopped shivering thankfully, but he still felt somewhat cold. The emptiness around his neck made it all too apparent.
I'm not going to wear that thing until her scent goes away, he thought. Even though she smelled really nice...like slow cooked strawberries, an unparallelled sweetness.
He turned back over to the scarf. He stared it down, angrily eyeing it as it simply sat on the armchair. His ear twitched and he groaned loudly in annoyance. Throwing off the blanket, he got up from the bed and grabbed the scarf from its resting place and wrapped it around his neck.
He fell back onto the bed and wrapped himself in the blanket then started nuzzling his scarf. He rubbed it with his cheeks and took a deep breath. He wanted to hate himself for doing this and being so weak, but all the serotonin flooding his brain just told him to keep going.
Her scent just made him feel so safe, it made him happy even though he was sometimes scared of her. It was like a warm, gentle embrace around his cold, hard exterior. A part of him wished that feeling was real.
He moved the scarf a bit, placing it more on the pillow before resting his head on it. All worries left his mind, as well as his plan for the AI, and in its place was Sara. He fell asleep shortly after, and if he started purring in his sleep, he wouldn't know.
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After walking Sou to his room, Sara went back to the lobby. She found Kanna there, who seemed to be looking kinda lost. As soon as Kanna saw her, she rushed over to Sara.
“Um, Sara…” Kanna looked up at her, her whole body seeming nervous but her eyes filled with a strange determination.
“What is it, Kanna?” the older girl asked.
“Have you seen Sou? Kanna wanted to team with him…” she trailed off.
As much as Sara didn’t like to lie to Kanna, she knew there wasn’t any real way of avoiding so. Out of everyone here, Kanna seemed to be the most associated with Sou, but even then Sara doubted that she knew anything about his condition. She wouldn’t risk losing his trust over a possibility, especially considering she is just getting him to warm up to her. So she told Kanna a half truth.
“Yeah, actually. I did an attraction with him but it seemed to have gotten him sick, so he’s resting in his room. He’s really not in any condition to do anything,” she said.
Kanna looked a bit sad at hearing the news. “Kanna hopes he feels better soon...maybe Kanna can go visit him.” She started to walk to the dorms.
“Oh, Kanna wait!”
The little girl turned, confused by Sara’s sudden burst.
“Sou told me not to let anyone bother him, cause he was gonna try to sleep early. I don’t think it’d be a good idea to go to him right now.”
The young school girl seemed to understand though she looked disappointed. Honestly Sara couldn't blame her, Kanna probably felt worried for him. It kind of made Sara feel guilty for lying to the girl.
Kanna sat down on one of the chairs in the lobby. She seemed to have a new plan.
"Kanna will wait here for Sou...just in case he comes out," she said, closing her eyes and playing with her hair.
She's such a nice kid, Sara thought.
"Alright, I think I'm going to walk around. I'll see you later, Kanna." She waved goodbye to her, and Kanna gave her a small wave back. Sara walked out of the lobby and headed toward the monitor room.
Again the place was completely empty. While it seemed kinda weird that by chance no one was here when she wanted no one here, she decided to ignore the coincidences and be thankful for it. She made her way to the prize corner where she was greeted by the receptionist doll.
"This is the prize exchange. Please inform me if you have business," he spoke evenly. His mannerisms really creeped Sara out.
"I'd like to get Sou's information, please."
The doll 's face remained emotionless. "Sou's personal information requires 50 of his tokens. Would you like to trade tokens for this prize?”
"Yes."
He held out his hand and Sara gave him all of her Sou tokens. After placing them somewhere under the counter, his hand came back with some kind of CD. He held it out to her and she took it from his grasp.
"Pleasure doing business with you," the doll said. Sara just looked at him, then went back to the monitor room.
Heading over to the control panel, Sara realized that it wasn't actually as complicated as it first seemed. It had very simple controls, much like those of a CD player. It included a place to input one as well, so she decided to put in her newly acquired Sou CD. She hit the "play" button and soon heard a soft humming coming from one of the screens as it booted up.
"Um...hello?"
Sara looked over to the leftmost screen as it had suddenly come to life. On it was Sou's face, but unlike Professor Mishima's...this one looked radically different from how Sou is now. Rather than having his polka dotted pink scarf, he had on a cool blue one. Not to mention his beanie was completely missing, which allowed her to see his ears once more. The biggest difference however was in his expression. This Sou looked a lot...happier, a lot more gentle and innocent. There was no malice in his eyes, no sarcastic smile or feigned weakness. He was completely genuine.
"Sou? Is that you?" she asked, kind of wondering if the doll ripped her off.
The AI tilted his head. "Sou? That's my uh...friend. I'm not Sou, my name is Shin. Shin Tsukimi. Who are you?"
Now Sara was even more confused.
His name isn't Sou? That's his friend? Why doesn't he recognize me like Mishima did?
"You don't recognize me?" she asked.
"No, sorry...I don't really know what's going on…" She watched as his ears drooped as did his expression, and she felt bad for seeing him look so sad.
If he doesn't know anything about the death game, then I probably shouldn't tell him. Finding out about who Sou--or Shin, rather--was before all this happened is my priority.
"My name is Sara Chidouin. It's nice to meet you, Shin."
He smiled genuinely and sweetly, and Sara realized she wanted to see more of that kind of smile from him. "It's great to meet you too, Miss Sara. So um...is there something you wanted to ask me?"
Sara thought about her options. She figured the most obvious question should be dealt with right away.
"Can you tell me about your ears?"
"Oh, these things?" He asked, while making his ears wiggle a bit. "Well...I kinda had them all my life. They told me it was um...a genetic defect."
"Do you have a tail too?" she asked, and for some reason he seemed to blush a bit at that.
"Uh, no...when I was younger I was growing one, but my parents decided to remove it with surgery… They didn't take my ears though, cause they were scared of it not going well."
That makes sense, but I'm still wondering about one thing…
"Why don't you have your beanie on right now?"
"Well you see…" he started, looking away a bit, "I usually wear it to hide them from people, but um… it gets a bit irritating to hide them all the time. So I take it off when I'm alone."
Sara nodded. Now that the obvious was out of the way, she could focus on more important things, like who’s the actual “Sou Hiyori” and why Shin is so different now.
“Can you tell me more about Sou Hiyori? You said he was your friend, right?” she asked, noting how his expression suddenly got dark. He looked hesitant, almost scared to reply.
“...You could say that, yeah,” he said quietly. He didn’t say more after that. Sara continued their conversation for him.
“You don’t sound very sure about this friendship…” she said, noting as he shrunk into himself. His ears were flat against his head, and his eyes were downcast.
“He was um...somebody I met in high school. He was my only friend...He could be really weird and scary too, but I spent a lot of time with him...I was really lonely...” The AI looked like he was about to cry, and wow did that make Sara feel guilty. She decided not to push the subject anymore, as the real Sou sounded like he did some awful things to Shin. She figured she’d ask about him next.
“I’m really sorry for bringing that up,” she said, watching as he nervously made eye contact with her. “I didn’t know it was something very sensitive for you. I won’t ask anymore about it, but I’ll still support you even if I don’t know the situation.”
He gave her a small, soft smile, and her heart sped up and her face felt warm and-
God he is so cute, I wish I could hug him.
“Thank you, Miss Sara,” he replied, his face clearing up and his ears going back to their perky selves. “Was there anything else you wanted to ask?”
Sara nodded. "Yeah, I just have one last question. You see, the Shin I know right now isn't anything like you. He's kind of mean, he lies a lot and he doesn't trust anyone. He does whatever he can to get an advantage over other people. Do you have any idea why?”
The AI's face was full of surprise. "That sounds...really weird. Hmm…" He thought for a while, closing his eyes and acting as if he had several hundred scenarios running through his mind.
These AIs are really, really uncanny, Sara thought.
"I don't really know what could specifically happen, but...I imagine that I would only act that way if something happened. Something really, really bad. It’d probably make me completely change myself.”
"But um," he hid his face in his scarf, "I imagine I'd have to be in real danger if I decided to do that. Just thinking about it terrifies me. I can't imagine how scared the real Shin is…"
His expression suddenly changed. He looked at Sara and his stare sent chills down her spine. It was like he was looking past the screen, directly at her. Trust was the only thing she could see.
"Miss Sara, please help me. Help the real Shin. Promise you won't tell anyone about what I told you. I don't want anyone finding out…"
She swallowed her unease and put up her face of courage. "I will, Shin. I won't leave you behind. I'll save Shin. And I'll make sure no one learns anything. I promise."
He looked relieved, his whole expression relaxing. He looked at her for a bit, eyes wide, then slowly closed them. After a moment, he slowly opened them and gave her another sweet smile. Her heart melted.
"Thank you, Miss Sara. I think we have to say goodbye now, but… It was really nice to meet you. I'm glad I met someone like you."
She gave him a smile. "It was really nice meeting you too, the real you. Thank you for telling me everything. Goodbye, Shin."
He closed his eyes one last time and smiled. "Goodbye, Miss Sara."
After he spoke, the screen turned dark and powered off. The CD came out of its little slot, and Sara grabbed it. After securing it in her pocket, she took a deep breath. She ran a hand through her hair.
Sara turned to leave the monitor room when something caught her eye. On the floor near the door to the runaway minecart attraction was Shin's beanie. She went over to pick it up, confused as to why it was there.
This wasn't here when we came out… The hat reminded her of how soft his hair was. Wait no, now is not the time to think about that! I got his hat back and I have his info, I need to go see him.
She hid the beanie in her jacket and promptly left the room. She walked through the lobby, waving hi to Kanna who was still sitting there, but also to Gin, who seemed to have joined her. She made it to the dorm hallway and looked around.
Nobody was around, so she made it to Shin's room and knocked, hoping he would answer quickly. A few seconds went by without anything. She knocked again, a bit harder this time.
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Shin was sleeping peacefully, his scarf wrapped around his head. If he was suffocating it was because of Sara's scent, because for whatever reason he found himself addicted to it. He was purring uncontrollably, feeling nothing but bliss as he napped.
And then suddenly he heard very loud knocks and was abruptly awoken. He shot up from his bed, untangling himself from the blanket. His hands flew to his scarf and he did his best to get it in order. He quickly made it to the door, rather annoyed he got woken up.
"Who is it? I'm not in the mood right now, so leave."
"It's just me, Sara. Look, we really need to talk."
Shin rolled his eyes. "Didn't I say I didn't want anyone to bother me? That includes you."
He heard her huff through the door. "This is really important. I have your beanie too."
"Fine," he growled in frustration. First she wakes him from his nap, and now she comes to bother him. He hopes that it's nothing too important.
He opens the door for her and she quickly makes her way in. After shutting the door and locking it, he turns to her and notices her expression. She had the beanie held tightly in her hand. She looked accusatory, like if he had done something to annoy her.
"So…" he began, fiddling with his scarf that somehow still retained her smell. "Can I get my beanie back?"
She ran a hand through her hair, the beanie still in her hand. She opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. After a deep breath, she said something that made Shin's heart drop.
"I know who you are, Shin Tsukimi."
Shin's eyes went wide, his heart pounding in his chest. He suddenly became too aware of everything around the room. He could hear his heartbeat, he could feel it beating like a drum. His hands got sweaty, and he started to feel sick. He backed up till he felt the wall against his back and tried desperately to keep himself steady. He couldn't focus on anything, he didn't even hear Sara try to talk to him. He was completely overtaken with fear.
"Shin, it's okay, it's okay. There's nothing you need to worry about," she said, but her words fell on deaf ears. She noticed the blank look in his eyes and realized that reaching him with words wasn't going to work. So she took the knowledge she had and stayed a small ways away from him.
She noticed how his hands weren't on his scarf like they usually were when he was nervous. They were on either side of him, clutchung the wall instead. She took the beanie and slowly brought it to one of his hands, pushing it into his grasp so he could feel it. She watched as his hand wrapped around it, and how he brought it to his other hand and felt it for a bit. After a few seconds, he rubbed it against his face, the soft material seeming to comfort him a bit. He seemed a bit calmer now.
"Shin…?" She spoke softly and quietly, doing her best to not startle him further. She tried not to stare at him too much, and watched out of the corner of her eye as he acknowledged her.
"Let's go sit on the bed, okay?" She gestured toward the bed, and he seemed to understand. Sara gave him a bit of space and let him go to sit first. He sat in the middle of the bed, grabbing his discarded blanket and wrapping it around himself. She moved around and sat to his left on the edge of the bed.
She was surprised to see that he didn't put on his beanie. She figured he would've put it on shortly after getting it back, but it was still there in his hands. The Shin AI had said he only took it off when he was alone, so does this mean…?
Shin looked to his side, watching her as she just sat there. He really didn't want to talk, he really wished none of this even happened. What was he supposed to say to her anyway? Should he apologize? Get angry? Feel relieved?
Sara noticed his unease, so she decided to break the silence for him. "It's alright, Shin. You don't need to be scared anymore. I'm right here, okay?"
He nodded his head. He buried his face into his scarf and took a deep breath. He'd never say it out loud, but her words and her scent were comforting. Just her being there helped a whole lot.
"... What did you learn?" he questioned. He hated how weak he sounded, but at the same time he couldn't care to criticize himself.
"Just a few things, " she sighed, placing one of her hands on the bed near him. "Your name obviously, and some stuff about your ears. I heard about your...friend, but I didn't ask much about that. I know something happened to you because of the death game."
Shin looked at her hand and followed it up to her chest. He looked at her face briefly, looking at her eyes before quickly turning away. His heart had slowed down some and he could focus a lot better. Somehow he wasn't alarmed by what she said, rather he felt some kind of strange weight be lifted from his shoulders.
"Do you know… what happened?" He put his left hand out on the bed near hers and watched as she moved slightly to bring her hand over to his. She held it gently and rubbed little circles onto the back of his hand.
"Not really, " she said, realizing how perfectly their hands fit each other. "But I know that you were different before all this. You don't have to face this alone, Shin. Please tell me what happened, I can help you."
He summed up all the courage he had in that moment. It was now or never. He knew he'd be risking it all with his decision, but he couldn't help but feel convinced. After everything Sara has done for him today, he decided it was time. He'd be putting all his trust into someone for the first time in a very, very long time. He just hoped he wouldn't get hurt again.
"It was my first trial, " he shakily began, emotions running back to him once more. "It was just me, and I found this room with a bunch of names and percents on it. I didn't know what it meant but then… one of the dolls came up to me and began to explain."
He started breathing faster and he could feel tears well up in his eyes. "They were winning percentages. They had run simulations hundreds of times to get those statistics and did testings over and over again but still!"
He felt Sara squeeze his hand a bit, and he did his best to remain composed but his emotions were flooding him again.
"You, you were at the top," he said. "You had the highest chance of all of us. Fifteen point five percent. And e-everyone else followed, but I, I…" He swallowed, trying to push down the utter dread filling his heart. He had to say it. There was no avoiding reality.
"I had...0.0 percent chance… dead last…"
The tears finally broke free, and he cried. He let them fall and wet his face, and he let go of Sara's hand to try and wipe them away. He sobbed and tried to control himself but he just couldn't. He hadn't allowed himself to properly express his fear and sadness and now it was all coming out. He couldn't stop it.
Suddenly he felt arms wrap around him and a caring hand on his head. He felt his face be pushed up against someone's neck and with a sniffle he realized it was Sara. She had moved from her previous position to hug him and hold him tight. A small part of him was embarrassed as he was now practically in her lap with how she pulled him over, but he ignored it in favor of burying his face into her shoulder.
She ran her hand through his hair and pet him, gently caressing his head and fondly touching his ears. He continued to cry, but it was softer now. His sobs were slowly dying down as she held him. Shin had wrapped his arms around her as well and found himself not wanting to let go. That was fine with him though, as he wanted to stay like this for a while. As he began to quiet down, Sara spoke to him.
"It's alright, it's alright," she repeated to him, stroking his hair in tandem. "I told you I'm not gonna leave you behind. You're safe now, Shin. You're safe."
He lifted his head from her shoulder and looked at her. His eyes were red and wet with tears, the streaks going down his face. His nose was runny and his hair was a bit messy. He was clearly the most vulnerable he's ever been. He watched with wide eyes as she looked back at him, slowly closing her eyes. After a moment, she slowly opened them and gave him a gentle smile. His heart melted.
"I'll take care of you, so please don't hide yourself. There's no reason to keep it up. You don't have to be Sou anymore," she said, and he nodded his head in response. “You did it with me, so I want you to do it with everyone else too,” she continued.
While he really didn't want to reveal himself to everyone, he knew Sara was right. He didn't have to keep up the facade now that she would help him. There was no reason to, as it would only hinder him further now that she knew.
"You'll have to, um…" His hand fiddled with the fabric of her jacket. "You'll have to help me tell everyone...I don't think I can do it alone."
"I'll be there by your side," she said.
She pet him behind his ears and he buried his face into her neck in response. She let out a soft hum, massaging his ears with her fingers and watching as he practically became jelly in her arms. She smiled as his hold on her became a bit more loose.
"Can we, um...can we lay down?" he asked quietly. He felt his walls breaking down, and more and more of his old self was coming back. He didn’t realize it until now, but he really missed himself.
“Yeah, we can do that,” said Sara as she lay down with him.
He kept his head below her chin and buried into her neck. His hands held onto her jacket and his proximity once again reminded him of her scent. He closed his eyes and let himself relax as the thought of fresh strawberries drifted across his mind. He could feel her arms around him and one of her hands in his hair. He really, really loved the the feeling of being pet.
Sara soon felt some sort of weird sensation coming from Shin’s chest. It started off kinda weak, but soon grew a bit more intense as time went on. Eventually, she heard a soft almost rumbling sort of sound coming from Shin, and then realized that the shy boy had started to purr. Sara giggled and the sound caught his attention.
“What is it?” He asked and looked up to her as she just had the brightest smile on her face.
“It sounds like you’re really enjoying this,” she said, and Shin suddenly became aware of his purring. He felt his cheeks heat up and his heart picked up its pace.
“O-oh, I’m um, I’m sorry,” he replied.
This is so embarrassing oh my god, he thought, trying to control himself and failing miserably.
Sara just giggled again, rubbing his ears and making him fall weak once more. “It’s alright, Shin. I think it’s cute.”
Even knowing she was okay with his purring, Shin still felt embarrassed at being called “cute.” Though, he felt like he could get used to it. He felt so comfortable in her arms anyway. It wouldn’t be bad if he just stayed here a while longer. Just a little bit more. And if they fell asleep cuddling each other, Shin wouldn’t even mind.