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The knocks on his door grew harsher and desperate with each passing minute that Nie Huaisang stayed behind the heavy closed door. Infront of him laid a series of manuscripts, empty ink cases and crumpled up sheets of paper laid around the desk. He bound the already dried sheets and hid them inside his robes, quickly burning the ruined ones in the barely burning fire. His eyes hurt and his head pounded, he had been up all night, writing, thinking, linking thoughts, conversations and memories everything he could, ever since that revelation in his rooms before Jin Guangyao had bursted inside with his pleasant smile and soft voice. "Don't loose yourself to your grief". Well, he had finally reached a conclusion, that same conclusion had him grabbing his saber, which shined with the light of the morning sun that flooded the room. The saber felt curious in his hands, perhaps wondering if his master would finally use it after months of refusal. Nie Huaisang calmly did his hair, careful that each braid was placed around and pined next to his usual hairpiece, a gold and silver thick ring his brother had given him for his 17th birthday. He placed his outer robe and grabbed his favorite fan.
When he opened the door he was met with the surprised faces of two servants and two of his brother’s most trusted lieutenants, one of which stepped in as captain after Nie Zonghui perished in the Nie Saber Tomb, a memory that still brought Nie Huaisang great pain.
The four disciples most certainty expected him to cower in his room and deny the post of Sect Leader, which honestly, Nie Huaisang won’t deny sounded like a tempting decision, but he would not. Nie ShengSi, nodded and saluted Nie Huaisang with respect, the others doing the same. "The counsel is waiting for you, Sect Leader" He said and Huaisang nodded.
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Nie ShengSi had come to Nie Huaisang's rooms one day, in the mark number 49 of shǒusāng, the mourning period that also marked the day where Nie Huaisang would have to step in his place as the next Sect Leader. Nie ShengSi had carefully knocked on his doors and after a moment he came in, bearing new sheets of paper and blank fans as a peace offering gift to a defeated Huaisang who refused to even have a bite of his favorite dish, several cold plates adorned the furniture that was usually covered in forgotten saber practice books and new art projects made by the second young master.
"Sect Leader Nie" The mere sound of that tittle made Huaisang want to scream, how dare they? How dare they call him that when his brother-- his brother...
Nie Huaisang had turned from where he sat facing the door that would take him to his private gardens, in autumn the leaves of the mulberry tree next to the pond would be yellow and fall off soon, time was moving slowly but steadily and Nie Huaisang could not bear it because then he would have to face the fact that his Da-ge's voice, his presence, was only a memory now.
"He should have picked someone else instead" He had answered and his voice was hoarse and defeated.
Nie ShengSi had shook his head and in his face was a soft smile, one that had reminded Nie Huaisang too much of Nie Zonghui and he had turned his back again."The elders tried to convince him too, you know, and I can't deny that your second cousins were more than whiling to take the role" The captain was then quiet for a moment "But ChiFeng-Zun refused, he believed in you and your capabilities and this disciple does as well"
Silence had drowned the room and Nie Huaisang had briefly wondered if Nie ShengSi would be willing to kill him so he could try and be with his brother once more.
"Sect Leader Nie" And there it was, and the words had hurt but Nie ShengSi had moved closer to face him and Nie Huaisang hadn't even lift his sleeve to dry the tears falling down. Will he ever run out of tears to cry? Nie Huaisang had thought and soon realized it didn't mattered: If he did, he would then cry blood.
"The disciples have met you and they will back you up like we always did our Sect Leader ChiFeng-Zun"
___
That had been twenty days ago, how fortunate had it been, that Jin Guangyao had visited on the 30th day making the memories of that fated day in the Nie burial tomb lucid before Nie Huaisang.
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When Nie Huaisang made his way to the throne room, which was also the room that stored the sect's most distinguished ornaments and where not more than four months ago, Nie MingJue had hosted the latest cultivation reunion between the Sect Leaders, he noticed the discontent and reluctance almost tangible in the council and generals in front of him, surely most of them had already submitted their names as candidates to take the lead, convinced that Nie Huaisang would consider himself not fit for the role and abdicate. Honestly, that had been Huaisang’s first idea, pretend to be unfit, get himself thrown to the LangLing Jin sect and act from there but Nie Huaisang was not leaving his sect behind. He had been there when his brother had made the Qinghe Nie Sect strong, building it up to the point where the mere mention of the Nie family made enemies tremble and disciples lower their heads.
Nie Huaisang didn't speak, he walked steadily to the grey and black mahogany stone. A memory of his brother sitting on it, looking next to him where Nie Huaisang would always be, a fleeting but coy smile falling off his lips that Nie Huaisang would then answer with a wider one behind his fan... Turning around and sitting on the chair, the fact that he had never been tall making him appear rather small in it, his cream colored robes contrasting harshly with the dark of the throne, he made a silent promise, he ruined the hopes of the candidates that looked at the chair with hunger and set his plan in motion.
Huaisang had never fit in the Nie Sect mold, if there was someone that knew just how different Nie MingJue was from Nie Huaisang, it was Nie Huaisang himself. His nature was more inclined to the appreciation of the arts and pretty things, he appreciated the intricacies and designs of a robe more than if it would be efficient in battle, he liked to sit down in the gardens and admire the flowers and fountains more than stomping on the grass with a saber in his hand and killing intent on his face. He was always called useless and spineless behind his back and even to his face but Huaisang never minded, his abilities did not rely on anything his Sect admired as useful, the truth was that he was not lazy, only easily distracted by what he considered far more interesting things, he was not spineless, he was cautions. He was not shy, he was observant, and on these past 49 days of mourning, ever since he managed to escape brother Yao’s grip, run and hold his older brother’s lifeless body did he managed to connect his thoughts. He spent the first 30 days of mourning crying day and night to the point where he believed that his body would finally give out on him, but he could not leave yet, not until he could make the one who had taken his Da-ge away from him pay. Truly pay.
He found the answer in that which was often said to him in a condescending manner, “Poor, clueless Second Master Huaisang”…Well, he would be poor clueless Sect Leader Huaisang, then. They had never spared him a second glance, always too harmless for someone to worry about him. Truth was that Nie HuaiSang and Nie MingJue had been like two different drops of wine, taken from two different jugs that had been made in opposite rice fields, but they were both made of rice nonetheless, both made of pure will and if Nie Huaisang was an expert in something, it was getting what he wanted.
No one but his brother ever bothered to ask what Nie HuaiSang’s strength was, collecting pretty and intricate trinkets and fans to admire the way in which they were made, that was one of his past-times, sure, but most importantly: Nie HuaiSang’s strength laid in observing and strategizing. Ever since he was a child and he had figured that saber training was by far less interesting than finding out ways for using his spiritual energy for making flowers bloom faster or making almost-forgotten ghosts sing him songs. He would find a way to skip training and instead read or observe others. He learned that by appearing harmless and incapable, he was left alone to do as he pleased, Nie MingJue had learned this and had even stopped calling him useless all the time to instead ask for his opinion on matters and plans and that, Nie HuaiSang found interesting, where Nie MingJue had strength, brute force, and spine, Nie HuaiSang practiced political niceties, diplomacy, strategizing and observation. They were different but matching pieces in a puzzle.
Jin Guanyao was a smart man, who took sure steps that he carefully masked with uncertainty and the will of pleasing when he needed to, the unconditional support of Lan Xichen making him stronger and Nie Huaisang knew he could not breach his the curtains of perfumed lies he had knitted around himself and everything he was. Opposite to Huaisang, Jin Guangyao had made it clear that he had earned his position as his father’s right hand and then as Clan Leader and Chief Cultivator, he had always shown his biggest respect for his father and half-brothers, always doing everything they ordered of him and he was known to have a way with words and a beautiful dimpled smile that could even make someone as severe as MingJue put down his saber... although, Nie Huaisang knew this was mostly out of keeping Lan Xichen happy, after Meng Yao was exiled form the Unclean Realm his brother never truly trusted Jin Guangyao.
The idea came to Huaisang one night after crying in frustration in his rooms, he had reached a dead end and he knew the only option was to go for Jin Guangyao himself, but he could not. Nie Huaisang was not stupid and he was well aware of his capabilities and knew perfectly well that he lacked the strength and the support of the other sects to even try and accuse Jin Guangyao without full tangible evidence, but he refused to sacrifice everything he had done to a smiling Meng Yao. Well, for once the name they had placed on him was indeed true, “the headshaker” did not know what to do.
In his frustration he had thrown an old book on the floor, the pages opening to display white pressed flowers, those that grew in the Cloud Recesses and that him and Wei Wuxian had picked one day instead of attending classes and suddenly an idea hit him in the head as hard as a Saber would.
Nie HiaiSang lacked the strength and support to uncover Jin Guangyao’s lies, but Lan WangJi and Wei Wuxian definitively did not.
Mo XuanYu had not been completely friendless in the LangLing Jin sect, not at all. of course, Jin Guangyao had welcomed him with open arms along with his father and unfortunately it was until much later that Nie Huaisang understood that that pleasant smile was also given to his next victims. Fortunately for Mo XuanYu, the easiest way to get rid of him was to incriminate him of harassing none other than Jin GuangYao, who, along with his poor cultivational skills, sent Mo XuanYu back to Mo village as a crazy and humiliated man.
Perhaps Nie Huaisang would have also believed the third young master of the LangLing Jin sect, if he had not been a hidden witness of Jin GuangYao’s actions and of course, if Mo XuanYu had not shown him the room hidden in the mirror.
Mo Village was not as small as Caiyi town back in Gusu Lan, most of the state belonged to the Mo family who had taken a liking of abusing their resident “Crazy cut-sleeve” in the form of Mo XuanYu. When Nie Huaisang visited him he didn’t expect his old friend to have believed their lies and achieved such a high level of resentment that he basically ripped the papers from Nie Huaisang’s hands, the original manuscript with every step to sacrifice one’s body.
"Imagine if you had the power to bring back someone so evil like that man Wei Wuxian!"
All Nie Huaisang had to do was wait a couple of hours.
That same day a ghost hand appeared in the Mo household, the same that killed the residents, the same that pointed a reincarnated Wei Wuxian and a hopeful and always fair HuanGuang-Jun to the Nie Sect Saber’s burial tomb and to a scared Nie Huaisang who explained everything.
After all… Xue Yang had it coming, just as San-Ge did.
San-Ge was a smart man, always one step ahead of everyone, but Nie Huaisang was an expert in following footsteps and Lan WangJi and Wei Wuxian were themselves gifted at completing puzzles to the point where without knowing, Jin Guangyao found himself following the plan that Huiasang had created. Poor little Nie Huaisang who never cared to sharpen his cultivation past average since he was scared of suffering the same faith that his brother and ancestors had, poor harmless and kind Nie Huaisang who refused to leave behind a saber and spirit full of negative energy that would haunt the living like his brother did... which ended up being the only thing that Jin Guangyao was afraid of.
As once part of the Qinghe Nie Sect, Meng Yao knew all about the Nie saber Tomb at Xinglu Ridge, otherwise he would not have taken the precaution to have cut his brother in pieces and then having Xue Yang leave him up all over the place, leaving Nie Huasang the work of unstitching and re stitching afterwards, giving Nie Huaisang the perfect bag of crumbs for Wei Ying and HuanGuang-Jun to follow. If anything, the fact that Jin Ling had stumbled upon it had been a stroke of good luck (after he was dug out).
It didn't went as seamless as he would have hoped it would. Most nights Nie Huaisang spent awake, slept did not come easily and often he wished he had learned to play the guqin back when he studied in the Cloud Recesses, then he would know how to play inquiry and maybe then he would hear his brother one more time. He often wondered if MingJue observed him, if he was proud of him, if he wanted him to stop, to finally rest but he knew it did not matter, if Nie Huaisang did not do this, it was as good as if he was dead. It was the only thing he could do after failing his brother in life so many times, because he should have figured it out sooner, how his brother started becoming more aggressive and short-tempered, even towards his little brother who was often the exception to his outbursts.
Nie Huaisang should have known, shouldn’t he? He should have figured out that the outbursts became more frequent after brother Yao would play Song of Clarity to him. If only Huaisang had not been so scared, if he had not given into the gifts and smiles if he had not been so trusting...
“Are you looking down upon me, Da Ge?” He would ask, even if he knew the answer, of course he did. He also knew that his brother had died a violent and resentful way and if Nie Huaisang could not give him peace, then he may as well consider himself the failure everyone thought he was.
The pain and anxiety in his stomach grew each day, one wrong step and everything would crumble. Nie Huaisang knew fear and in those months and years he felt it breathing in the back of his neck. If Nie Huaisang was well aware of something it was consequences, and if his plan failed, he knew a faith worst than death awaited him. At the same time he did not care, cut him in pieces if you'll like, Nie Huaisang was not going to let his Da-Ge's murderer get away without getting what he deserved.
Even in death, the only thing that could catch the complete attention of Nie Mingjue was a hurt Nie Huaisang.
He expected his brother’s corpse wielding Baxia to finish Jin Guangyao with a blow, and then Nie Huaisang would trap his corpse inside a coffin, so his older brother and Baxia could fight him for the whole of eternity… he never expected Lan Xichen’s kindness to stand in Baxia’s way. The hurt in Lan Xichen’s eyes at the realization, the pain of betrayal… Nie Huaisang will not deny it hurted as if he himself had been pierced with his sword, killed by the hand of a brother like Nie MingJue had been, but why had Jin Guangyao's words been stronger in Lan Xichen's ears than his brother's? Why Xichen-Ge? The look in Jin Guangyao eyes, though. The moment when he realized that Lan Xichen had pierced him with the sword but it was Nie Huaisang who had pulled the strings...
Some months afterwards, when gossip had traveled around the cultivational world about how Nie Huaisang had orchestrated the ultimate fall of Jin Guangyao, after the leters were sent and the witnesses asked to speak, some would call it poetic justice, a cycle finally closed, some would look at Huaisang with distrust (which he deserved, did he not? Had he not trusted Jin Guangyao to the point where he would even ask him to come to the Unclean Realm to play Song of Clarity more often for Da Ge? Had he not played the song that had ultimately made his brother unknowingly kill Nie Zonghui?!), some others with fear and others with respect even. Nie Huaisang never confirmed or denied anything. After all, Lan Xichen had locked himself up in reclusion, and Lan Wangji had gotten what he had always wanted.
Nie Huaisang had not done it for any of them, not to prove them wrong, not to finally fit the mold, perhaps to some extend he would love to say he did do it for the greater good, after finding everything that Jin GuangYao had done, but he was not there to play the hero.
Nie Huaisang was not stupid, he was not an idiot when it came to recognizing his own qualities and capacities, including lackthereof. He knew that when it was over the hole in his soul would not be suddenly filled, how could it?
He had given Jiang Cheng a resolution and answers, Jin Ling a clear horizon as Sect Leader, Wei Wuxian and Lan WangJi their happy ending, but what had he given Qin Su? Death, What had he given Lan XiChen? Torture in the form of Seclusion. What had he given himself? A respected place as Sect Leader? The Title of Chief Cultivator? Ha! He would not hesitate to give his brother his own body to reincarnate in if he did not know he would die again at the mere thought of being so weak. His brother, soul so broken and body dismembered so badly that even the thought of meeting with him again in another life was unreal. He had truly lost him, he knew, he knew it even before he watched Jin Guangyao take his last breath, he knew when he stitched him together, when not even with Huaisang's arms around him, shaking him carefully as he called him Da-Ge and begged him to come back was enough to have him, Nie Mingjue, and not the spite and murderous intent with the shape of his brother.
So, he did what he had to do. Once again.
He grabbed his favorite fan, the one he had painted the mountains of QingHe on, fixed on his face a nice and pleasant smile, pledged to himself to be as helpful as he could, waited for Nie ShengSi to take his place behind him as he swallowed down and endured the feeling of emptiness, and finally opened the door to greet the Sect Leaders as Chief Cultivator and Sect Leader of the QingHe Nie Sect.