Chapter Text
Akira doesn’t say a word when he’s released from prison.
No hello, no smile, no look of relief. If he didn’t look so checked out from the rest of the world, Sojiro would make a joke about Akira not recognizing him. But he can tell at first glance that this isn’t something he should be joking about.
After putting his bag away, Akira climbs into the backseat of Sojiro’s car, calmly takes off his glasses, curls up into a small ball, and doesn’t say a single thing for the rest of the car ride home.
He doesn’t sleep, but his eyes are half-lidded and distant. Enough that Sojiro ventures saying something once he’s parked the car. Doesn’t look like Akira is going to get up on his own.
“Hey, kid, we’re home.”
Akira blinks once, twice, then slowly sits up. He puts his glasses on mechanically, then collects his things and disappears toward Leblanc in a similar manner.
Sojiro has to make a quick stop at the house, but he returns to Leblanc to find no sign of Akira. Here he thought the kid would be hungry. He isn’t sure how Akira was fed, but he can guess it wasn’t enough.
Still, Sojiro forces himself to even out. It’s not even lunch yet. Akira probably had a meal before he was released. Nothing to get too worried about. Kid’s probably just tired and wants to get used to his old room again.
The longer he waits, the louder the silence becomes.
Sojiro has a vague hope that he’s texting his friends, that they’ll all come trampling in so they can go cause trouble together, but the silence persists.
He knew this was coming, to an extent. The other kids still came into Leblanc from time to time, and Makoto was sure to pass along what she knew about Akira from her sister visiting him. It was nothing he hadn’t heard before, and everything he’d expect from someone who didn’t know Akira well. Quiet. Mild-mannered. …Jumpy.
Sojiro would never admit it out loud, but he’s lost a lot of sleep worrying about Akira. After all, that’s his kid. It doesn’t help that when Futaba and the others bring up his name, it’s hushed, hesitant. They speak like voicing their worries will manifest them as real, and Sojiro can see the appeal. It would’ve been great if Akira came back to them without a worry, relieved to be safe and home but otherwise unscarred.
But Akira being so quiet, so withdrawn, so unresponsive... Sojiro’s seen this type of behavior before and he can’t go through it again. Not when he just got Futaba back.
There are no customers right now, so he doesn’t think it would hurt to leave the counter for a bit. He puts together a plate of curry, just so he can have an excuse when he heads upstairs.
The silence only deepens as he makes his way upstairs. Usually when he comes up here, he’ll hear either the hum of the television or the clink of Akira tinkering at his workbench. Even the subtle creak of the floorboards as he walks around his room.
But now there’s nothing.
“Kiddo?”
Akira’s curled up as he’d been in the car, his back turned to Sojiro. He’s not even under the covers, just lying on top of them. Akira’s shoes lie beside his bed in a clumsy pile, along with his jeans. Morgana sits on the bed beside him, his head turning at Sojiro’s arrival. If cats could look helpless…
“I’m leaving some curry on your work bench,” Sojiro announces. “Try to eat something, okay?”
Akira doesn’t move, doesn’t so much as turn his head. For a second, Sojiro thinks he might be sleeping, but he leans over the workbench to see Akira’s eyes are open. They’re dull and lifeless, but he is awake.
As he approaches Akira’s bed, Sojiro silently wishes he were better at this. He thinks at some point, he used to be, back when the lines of when and where Akira regressed were clearer. Looking at the poor kid now, Sojiro can’t begin to tell where his headspace is.
“Just call me if you need anything. Or text. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Sojiro extends his hand, moving to run his hand through Akira’s hair, but is stopped short with the first reaction he gets from Akira.
Akira goes stock still, the tension in his body radiating off of him in waves. He doesn’t blink, and nothing in his face changes, but Sojiro gets the distinct feeling that his every move is being watched. It’s enough to prompt him to back off then and there.
That evening, when Sojiro goes up to check on him, he finds Akira curled up just as tightly, and the plate of curry remains untouched until Sojiro collects it in the morning.
Akira still doesn’t move come morning. Sojiro tries not to hover, tries to give the kid space, but he does check up on him a few times. Today, he still leaves food in smaller portions. Half a plate of curry and, at Futaba’s suggestion, a granola bar and a glass of water. Thankfully, when he goes to collect the untouched plate that night, the glass of water is half-empty. It’s enough to prompt him to try again.
“Kiddo?” Sojiro approaches with caution. Up close, he can see the dark circles under Akira’s eyes, like he hasn’t slept at all in the past twenty-four hours. He’s running a risk here, treating Akira like he’s small when he might not be, but Sojiro would rather any reaction than the blank stare he’s been getting. “It’s almost bedtime. You want me to tuck you in?”
No answer.
“Okay.” This time, Sojiro knows better than to initiate touch. “Sleep tight, then.”
He lingers a bit longer than he should, praying that Akira’s just summoning up his courage to speak, but no such luck. The silence continues on undeterred.
Sojiro doesn’t know what to expect. There’s no way he can force Akira to go to school with the state that he’s in, but he can only call the kid in sick for so many days.
He’s on the verge of calling in a doctor, a therapist, anyone. Hell, he’d even take calling up Sae Niijima just to yell at her. It wouldn’t do any good, but it’d sure make him feel a hell of a lot better.
But when he opens up Leblanc that morning, his stomach turning, he ends up face to face with Akira.
“Oh.” Sojiro can’t keep the shock out of his voice. “Good morning. Are you going to school today?”
Akira nods, absently fiddling with the collar of his uniform.
“You sure you’ll be okay?”
Akira nods again. Sojiro’s still in the doorway, barely giving him any room, but he still manages to slip through the open space and disappear around the corner.
Sojiro spends the rest of the day on pins and needles, waiting for the inevitable call that Akira had a panic attack in class or suddenly collapsed or didn’t show up to school at all. That last one sticks in his mind the hardest, for reasons that remind him all too much of Wakaba.
But no, Akira returns in the evening to change his clothes, and that’s the last Sojiro sees of him for a while. Sometimes Akira’s jobs run late, but did he scare the kid off by fussing too much? Sojiro tries not to say too much after that.
Akira goes about his days as usual. He leaves for school in the morning and comes back in the evening, all the while never saying a word, and Sojiro can only hope he’s at least spending time with his friends.
Because in the end, there’s nothing else he can do.
It’s taking everything in Makoto to keep the team together.
It was bad enough when Akira was MIA for those first couple days. But when Ann and Ryuji joined him for lunch that first day back at school and Akira never once said a word… well, the group as a whole went from antsy to terrified.
And that’s not even counting the times where he straight-up disappears. They know he’s working, but it feels like another stretch of distance between them. Especially since he won’t answer the group chat. The most they can get from him are simple nods and headshakes.
“We have to go slow,” Makoto reminds them all. “He’s scared and he’s exhausted and he’s probably small. We can’t push him.”
But of course, an answer like that only works for so long. Ryuji makes it clear that he wants nothing more than to barge into Akira’s room and hug him until it’s all better, and Ann and Yusuke aren’t that far behind him.
She taps her fingers against the table, worry and guilt surging like a typhoon. Akira is due to return to Leblanc any minute now, and once he does, they’ll ask him to sit so they can talk.
She hates this idea. It feels too much like an ambush. But Akira isn’t giving them much of a choice. Something is wrong, so clearly wrong, and if he won’t come to them, then they’ll have to meet him at the starting point.
“Here he comes,” Sojiro says, collecting his phone and cigarettes. Try as they might, he refused to stay for this talk, thinking that his presence would be one too many.
Akira lifts his eyes as he enters, curious that the lights are still on, but keeps his head down as he walks by. He probably would’ve continued right upstairs if Sojiro didn’t step into his path and stop him short.
“Sorry, kiddo,” Sojiro says, nodding toward the booth the rest of them are sitting at. Had he really not even noticed they were here?
Akira blinks, wide-eyed, and Makoto desperately wishes she could know what’s going on in his head. He doesn’t try to leave and he doesn’t look scared, but he doesn’t exactly smile and wave at them either. Still, he eases into the booth, eyes darting from person to person as he waits for someone to make the first move.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Makoto soothes. “We didn’t want this to seem confrontational. You don’t even have to speak.” She slides her phone in front of him, open to an airhorn app she downloaded earlier that day. “You just press that and we’ll all leave, okay? We’re just worried about you.”
Akira’s eyes flit to her phone, but he doesn’t immediately press the button. So he’s at least willing to hear them out. Maybe they should be worried about how he looks to the door, but Makoto’s pretty sure he’s just watching Sojiro leave. It’s commonplace for him to do that. One eye on the exit at all times.
“We’re just gonna keep it to easy questions, okay?” Ann slides over two notecards, one with yes and the other with no written on it.
Makoto starts simple. “Are you okay with being touched right now?”
With a hesitant hand, Akira touches his fingers to the notecard on the right. No.
Makoto nods along, keeping her face neutral. It’s not about their wants right now, and she doesn’t want to sway him either way with their reactions. “Are you okay with talking about regression?”
After a moment of thought, he moves his hand. Yes.
“Are you feeling little right now?”
He taps the card. Yes.
“Have you been feeling little since you were released?”
Yes.
Yusuke dares a glance at the others. “Did you feel little in the detention facility?”
Yes.
“Because someone hurt you?” Haru asks, her voice strained.
Thankfully, his hand moves back to the other card. No.
“Because you were alone,” Makoto guesses.
Yes.
Makoto takes a deep breath, trying to keep her feelings in check. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Akira. It’s clear just how much you’re hurting.”
It’s not a question, but he still taps the card. Yes.
“I know. We’ll do anything you need us to. Would you like to have a few regression days? We could set out some new guidelines to make you more comfortable. Does that sound nice?”
Akira hesitates, his hand wavering between the yes and no cards.
Makoto nods along. It only confirms how scared he is if that doesn’t immediately sound nice. “Would all of us be too much at once?”
Akira’s eyes go shiny, his hand quivering as he selects the notecard on the left. Yes.
“No, no, it’s okay. No need to feel guilty. I think one-on-one time would be good for everyone, don’t you? Would you feel up to writing if I asked you how you wanted to spend time with everyone?”
Akira nods, and Makoto slides him a pen and paper from her shoulder bag. “Whatever you want.”
“Yeah, don’t worry about the cost or how we’ll feel or nothin’,” Ryuji adds. He’s forcing a smile when it’s clear how pained he is.
“Anything for our little one,” Yusuke adds, a note of desperation clear in his voice.
Akira doesn’t answer, but Makoto doesn’t expect him to. Akira writes slowly and deliberately, letting one minute stretch to two before he’s finally done. Haru has started back in with the nervous leg jiggles, which she’s been doing since they started waiting for Akira, but Makoto doesn’t have the heart to ask her to stop.
Akira slides the notebook back to Makoto, so everyone crowds around her to read.
Video games with Ryu
Dress up with Sissy
Arts and crafts with Yu-Yu
Boring day with Mako
Minecraft with Taba
Tea party with Ruru
Then, a little ways below, with handwriting slightly more tentative.
Baking with Papa
Movie with Yuuki
Nap with Momo
“Thank you, Kira,” Makoto says. “For sharing. It was very brave of you. Do you have any preference for who and when?”
Akira shakes his head, the notecards all but forgotten.
“Why don’t we just go down the list, then?” Ryuji suggests. “Makes it easier for everyone, yeah?”
Ann scoffs. “You’re only saying that because you’re first.”
“And you’re second so why are you complaining?”
“That’s it, Haru and I are unionizing,” Futaba decides. “Kira hogs, all of you.”
“Jealousy’s unbecoming of you, Futaba,” Yusuke adds, a smirk playing on his lips. “But we’ll be sure to give you updates on how much fun we’re having.”
“Guys—” Makoto warns, but stops short when she catches a glimpse of Akira.
Akira’s lips are turned up in the tiniest hint of a smile, and for a second, they have the old him back. The sweet little boy who likes being fought over because it makes him feel wanted. And in that moment, it doesn’t matter so much that they’re being the tiniest bit too loud, because things finally feel how they should.
Ryuji taps the table, getting Akira’s attention without startling him. “I’ll grab you on Saturday so we can have Sunday to ourselves too. Sound good?”
Akira nods.
“Will you be alright if we leave?” Makoto asks.
Again, Akira nods. He slides out of the booth, allowing Haru and Yusuke to climb out behind him. He’s watching them, almost expectantly.
It takes Makoto a second to realize why. Usually this is the hugs and cuddles portion of the evening, but if Akira doesn’t want to be touched, then there’s nothing they can do about it.
Akira sits, clearly unsure of what to do in the interim. Subconsciously or not, everyone remembers this part of the routine to know that something is amiss. Makoto just needs to cut through the awkwardness somehow.
“I’ve got it!” Haru scurries forward, a victorious grin on her face. “Sweet dreams, honey.” She crouches, blowing Akira a kiss across the tiny space between them.
“Haru, that’s brilliant!” Makoto can’t help smiling along, especially when Akira’s smile makes a tentative return.
“Get some rest,” Ann says. She makes a little heart with her fingers and gets a little smile of her own for her troubles.
Akira glances over at the spot where Makoto’s phone had been, and Makoto can’t blame him. The others are slowly closing in, and it probably feels suffocating. But before she can say anything, Ann and Haru back away, falling to the back of the group so the others can get in their goodbyes.
Based on how the others linger, Makoto’s up next. She crouches as well, unsurprised at how Akira relaxes. She can only imagine how much people hung over him, got in his face, tried to intimidate him.
“Air high five?” Makoto offers, holding her palm up.
Akira hesitates, processing what’s been asked of him, and then lightly taps his hand against the empty air in front of her hand.
“Good job!”
“Bye, Kira!” Futaba chirps, flashing him a peace sign. She and Ryuji don’t get any closer than they already are. “And remember I’m only a two-minute walk away!”
“Look forward to Saturday, lil guy!” Ryuji says, making a heart with his hands.
Ann hits his shoulder. “Ryuji! You can’t just copy my bit!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, didn’t realize you copyrighted the hand heart in the last five minutes.”
They keep bickering, but luckily Haru and Futaba push them both toward the door.
“Sleep well, little one,” Yusuke says, then proceeds to make the strangest pose he’s ever done, his arms up and angled in a V, with one leg tucked up near his chest.
However, it does its job, because Akira giggles, an actual, full smile splitting his face.
Yusuke puts a hand to his chest, his smile warm. “How we’ve missed that sound.”
“If there’s any rules you have for the one-on-one days, you can just text them to me, alright?” Makoto says. “I’ll be sure to pass it along to the others.”
Akira nods. The lines of exhaustion have become increasingly apparent in his face. Makoto’s heart breaks, knowing he’s only been fully regressed for five minutes at the most and he’s already falling apart.
“Come on, then,” Morgana says. He hops out of the booth and pauses halfway to the stairs, looking over his shoulder. “I think it’s time you went to bed, lil guy.”
Akira nods along, tucking the knuckle of his index finger into his mouth.
Makoto wants to remind him of the germs, but he needs any comfort he can get. So just this once, Makoto won’t fault him for hygiene.
“Makoto?” Ryuji calls. “You comin’ or what?”
“Yeah, baby needs space!” Futaba reminds her.
“Right. Sorry.” She turns back to Akira, flashing an apologetic smile. “Sleep well. You’ve earned it.”
Akira nods, his brow creased in deliberation. Makoto is about to leave him to it, when he finally lifts his hands, crafted into a hand heart not unlike Ryuji and Ann’s.
Makoto Niijima created this group.
Makoto changed the group name to CG GC.
Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Yusuke Kitagawa, Futaba Sakura, and Haru Okumura have been added to the chat.
CG GC
Makoto
Kira sent me his rules for one-on-one time. Please see below.
One-on-one rules
Hugs and kisses: ok
Handholding: ok
Grabbing shoulders, wrists, face: scary
Yelling: scarier
Loud noises: bad
Other people: need a warning first
Ann
Poor baby…
Futaba
We’re counting on you, Ryuji!
Give that baby some snugs!!
Ryuji
I’m gonna do my best!
Yusuke
I confess my heart nearly broke when he said he’d been small all this time.
Haru
I agree, but there’s no point focusing on that. We can help him now and that’s what matters.
Futaba
I’m gonna make him the sickest Minecraft adventure just you wait
Yusuke
That reminds me… Ryuji, will you be alright putting together a little day on such short notice?
Ryuji
Dw about me. I got it aaallll figured out lol
Makoto
I don’t doubt that.
Kira always has fun with you.
Ann
Yeah Kira loves you a lot!!
He’s gonna have a blast no matter what you do
Ryuji
Aww y’all I’m blushin over here
I’m gonna try and find some old games tonight to see if there are any he likes
Futaba, you probably know about what games he likes more than I do, so is it ok if I dm you later?
Futaba
I gotchu