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It’s raining the day Aether returned from Inazuma at Xiao’s doorstep. He was drenched from head to toe, but all of Xiao’s attention was drawn to the exhaustion seeping from his figure. There was a kind of fear and tremble in his limbs that was far from being caused by the thunderstorm; Xiao knew it ran deeper than that.
Xiao said nothing, but instead took his hand inside and wrapped him in a towel. He was a little disappointed that he couldn’t find one warm enough to ease Aether’s shivering. And after closing the door carefully and guiding Aether into his room, he grabbed another towel and ran it through his blond locks. Aether was quiet, a contemplative quiet. And he knew that Xiao was waiting patiently for him to open up.
They sat there like that for several minutes, with Xiao rubbing his fingers across Aether’s hand and letting the drenched boy dry under candlelight. Xiao sees his muscles relax and his figure stop its shivering. In the tranquil quiet of his room, Aether finally lets out a sigh. His face scrunches up and his eyes water before he collapses on Xiao, embracing his figure with every inch of his strength.
“Why? Why am I so weak? I couldn’t even— I couldn’t— I couldn’t even do what he asked to the end. God, why, why, why?” He groaned in Xiao’s shoulder with sobs racking his body. “I couldn’t do anything to keep him alive, and now I feel so helpless. How— How do you get through something like this, Xiao? Tell me, please.”
This was the third time Aether left him speechless, after the first time he kissed him and the time he uttered the words, “You deserve happiness.” What was the Conqueror of Demons supposed to say? What was he supposed to say, who in his previous life was Alatus, killer of thousands? What was he supposed to say, when he was the reason those who deserved to live perished? It strained his heart to see the Hero of Mondstadt and Liyue, and by now he expects, Inazuma trembling in his arms. Suddenly he is reminded that he is undeserving of this sometimes sassy and sarcastic yet compassionate partner, mourning someone he’s sure he only met at least a month ago. He wished he could wrap his whole heart around him like a blanket, the 4/4 thumbing rocking him to a tranquil sleep. He wished he could envelop him with imaginary wings, to hide him away from the world as he shivers away the horrors that he surely witnessed. He wished he could hold him until the world ends, to never let him go, to never feel fear again. Just what did he experience in Inazuma? Xiao just wished to cup his face in his hands and to gently wipe his tears, to let the savior of his heart be free from iniquity. But the way Aether huddled into himself, gripping his chest and shaking his nightmares from his head reminded Xiao that he could never coop him up from the dark, dark path he treaded upon. His title is Traveler; to force this pain to cease would be selfish and foolish of him.
When did I become such a lovesick fool?
Xiao sighed, and Aether raised his head from his shoulder. “I-… I don’t think I’m the person most suited to teach you how to overcome death. I’ve never mourned the underserving death of a friend. But I want to understand. So tell me everything, and I’ll be here to listen.”
Aether, despite himself, gave Xiao a half-smile, one that never failed to warm his cold heart. Oh to keep this boy smiling, but that would be impossible. So instead, he’d show his imperfect love for him. And when he calls his name, he’ll be ready to accept him with open arms.