Work Text:
6:30 A.M.
His phone was ringing.
Tooru grumbled under his breath and blindly reached out for his phone. He couldn't find it.
He groaned and moved backwards in the covers, hoping to feel more warmth than now as he whined, " 'Toshi, I can't find my-"
And he stopped.
Because he remembered. And the realisation came with a sharp pain in his chest.
Tooru should've started his day by now but he didn't want to get out of bed. It was warm under the covers, not as warm as usual but still it was warm.
The world outside was cold. A lot colder than a few months ago. And it was partially his fault but he would never accept that.
But at least there was peace and quiet and no shouting and fighting.
Tooru let out a deep breath, snuggling further into the covers.
He had to go to work.
He could call sick.
He shouldn't.
But he wants to.
He picks up the call.
Bokuto is on the other end.
And yet once again, Tooru wonders how - how the hell does Bokuto have that much energy at - he glances at the clock - half past six in the morning?!
"Hey man! Good morning!"
He sounded so happy that it made the hollow in Tooru's chest stand out even more. And Tooru felt the strong urge to end the call but whatever happened to him was unknown to Bokuto and it wasn't Bokuto's fault either.
Tooru managed to mumble something that could pass for 'good morning'.
"We're all meeting up for a party tonight. On the office, of course! You wanna join?"
Tooru didn't want to go. He really, really didn't want to go. He was in no mood for socializing today or tomorrow or any day now.
And he was going to say so but Bokuto seemed distracted on the other end, talking to someone else.
And then he was suddenly talking to Tooru again, "Great! I'll see you there, yeah? Have a good day!"
And then the line went blank. And Tooru groaned, throwing his phone on the other side of his bed.
And then he buried his face in his pillow. It was nicer that way.
7:00 A.M.
Ushijima opened his eyes, forcing them to stay on the ceiling because they wanted to flicker to the right side of the bed. And it was empty. He knew it was empty.
He sighed, swinging his legs off the bed and sitting down, running his hands over his face. He grabbed his phone to check the time but his eyes lingered on the lockscreen rather than serving his purpose.
A pang of guilt hit his chest and he winced, throwing his phone away to the other side of the bed.
The digital clock read 7:00 A.M.
The house was a little too quiet.
Still, it was another day and he would have to go to work like every other day. And he would have to live like every other day.
At least it would be easier to ignore the gaping hole in his chest.
Focus on something else, his father used to say. Focus on something else-
"-and ignoring the pain will be easier that way," Wakatoshi muttered under his breath. And then he stood up.
7:30 A.M.
Wakatoshi stood in his kitchen, idly preparing his breakfast. Out of habit, he'd picked up two eggs from the fridge instead of one and now, the two were on the pan.
He tried to convince himself that he'd picked up two only because he was very hungry and not because of anything else. Because it was easier to forget things rather than acknowledge memories.
But the truth was that he wasn't hungry.
And he had picked up two eggs.
He'd barely managed to stuff his breakfast down his throat before heading to shower. Maybe a shower could help.
But the whole point was to focus on something to relieve the pain. The shower gave him too much time to think.
8:00 A.M.
Tooru scrambled out of his house, haphazardly stuffing a burnt piece of toast down his throat.
He should've woken up earlier. But he had indulged and look where that had led him to.
He should've woken up earlier so he could've grabbed some proper food from a cafe because he couldn't cook to save his life.
He hadn't bothered for three years. And now he was eating burnt toast.
He should've woken up earlier but then again, there wasn't anyone to wake him up.
8:15 A.M.
Tooru had never hated New York crowds as much as he did today. Especially the crowds in the subway.
He pushed his way through the crowd and managed to find a proper place to stand.
He hated the crowds. Especially in the mornings and he allowed himself to grumble under his breath. At least the anger could keep the other emotions at bay. It was a relief to escape from his thoughts.
Tooru held onto the bar as the train launched into motion. He looked around but he couldn't really see anything other than the heads of people around him.
Too much time to think.
He wished something would happen.
And then he heard a shout.
A heated argument burst out between two men in front of him.
On a usual day, he would try to stop it from escalating too far, after all 8:20 was a little too early to be witnessing a fight.
But today like every other day these past few months, was not usual for him.
8:25 A.M.
Wakatoshi was sitting in the train and he could hear an argument taking place in the next cabin but he couldn't bring himself to care about it.
The old woman he had helped into the train was sitting beside him, sleeping lightly on his shoulder.
And Wakatoshi was staring at his phone.
The wallpaper was a picture of Tooru.
He should've gotten rid of it three weeks ago or maybe two weeks ago or yesterday or, he could do it tomorrow.
No, he would do it tomorrow.
But for now he stared at his phone.
The picture was taken when they'd walked around New York trying to find a puppy to adopt. By the end of the day, Tooru had wanted to adopt each and every single one of them and they'd ended up with none.
Tooru was sitting on the floor, smiling up at Wakatoshi as a puppy lay cradled in his arms. His smile was so wide, so bright and so pure.
Wakatoshi felt his heart crack a little as a small, rueful smile spread on his lips.
"He's a pretty boy," the old woman said from beside him and Wakatoshi snapped his head to look at her.
She smiled at him, patting his arm gently.
"I can see that you love him. But I'm afraid he probably loves the dog more!"
She burst out laughing and Wakatoshi gave a soft chuckle as his eyes burnt slightly.
How could he tell her that he didn't have the boy or the dog in the picture?
12:00 P.M.
Tooru stared at his phone.
It was a text from Bokuto confirming that he was going to attend the party.
Tooru didn't know how he ended up being friends with Bokuto. Well, he did, technically.
They'd gone on a date, Bokuto had mentioned Wakatoshi, the day was a fail and they'd decided to continue as friends.
But Tooru didn't understand how he'd ended up being a part of every plan Bokuto made. Maybe Bokuto felt sorry for him or maybe he was like that with everyone.
Nevertheless, it felt nice to have someone around when Iwa-chan wasn't there.
Still, Bokuto was inviting him as a plus one to a party being held by his office.
Wakatoshi was Bokuto's colleague.
Tooru didn't know if he could manage to stand in front of Wakatoshi again.
Scrolling through their pictures and crying himself to sleep at night was a different thing.
Standing in front of him. Tooru couldn't do it.
'Your friend Ushijima won't be there, though.' Bokuto texted and Tooru felt a mix of relief and disappointment.
He told himself that the relief was greater.
'Oh. Right. It's fine, I'll come.' Tooru replied.
He looked up and his eyes met with a pair of golden eyes.
Kuroo Tetsurou, smiled at Tooru and winked as he made his way to Tooru's desk.
Tooru felt something fuzzy stirring up in his stomach. Kuroo was by no means harsh on the eyes, maybe except his bedhead but he somehow made it look like a fashion statement.
Kuroo leaned against his desk and Tooru could smell his cologne. Tooru carefully kept his eyes away from Kuroo's arms and the way they flexed under his rolled sleeves.
"Wanna grab lunch?" Kuroo asked.
"Sure, Tetsu-chan," Tooru replied with a smile.
1:00 P.M.
Wakatoshi had stayed back after the meeting to attend a call. It had been twenty minutes since and his mother was just not letting go.
"Get over that boy, Wakatoshi," she said. "It didn't work out. That's all it was. It wasn't meant to be. Go find a new girl, a nice girl and get married to her!"
"Mother, I don't want anything close to a relationship right now," Wakatoshi grumbled.
"Can't you meet someone nice at an office party perhaps? Or I could introduce you to one of my friend's daughters. She's very tall and pretty, just your type."
"I'm not attending the office party and no, I don't want to be introduced to anyone." Wakatoshi snapped.
His mother went quiet for some time. Guilt quickly pooled in his stomach.
"I'm sorry–"
"Don't apologise, Wakatoshi. Attend the party, for my sake. I can't watch you waste your life after that boy. If you want to make it up to me, attend the party."
And then the call was over.
Wakatoshi sighed, massaging his temple.
He supposed he could use a bit of a break.
5:00 P.M.
'Coming to the party?'
Tooru quickly replied to Kuroo's text with a 'yes, you?'
From Kuroo : Yeah, I'm attending.
To Kuroo : oh. I thought you were working late today?
From Kuroo : yeah I am but I guess I'll just come directly from office.
To Kuroo : okay. you better arrive early or I won't know anyone except Bokuto and you know how he is.
From Kuroo : hahahahahaha yeah. don't worry, I'll be your knight in shining armour
To Kuroo : sure XD
Tooru couldn't help the small smile that had involuntarily graced his face. He closed the app and his smile immediately faded away.
On his lockscreen was a picture of him and Wakatoshi.
They looked happy there, with Wakatoshi hugging him from behind as they laughed on the beach.
Tooru let his thumb gently run over Wakatoshi's face and he wondered where did it all really go wrong?
A lump started forming in his throat and Tooru switched off his phone and stood up.
He had a party to get ready for and possibly someone to impress.
8:00 P.M.
Tooru was at the party and true to his word, Kuroo had been there just as Tooru had entered.
"Told you," Kuroo teased as he joined the group. Tooru felt heat rushing to his cheeks as he muttered, "Whatever."
"Aww," Kuroo said. "No thank you?"
Tooru threw his head back slightly as he laughed, "Why yes, thank you my knight in shining armour!"
And when Tooru looked back at him, he found Kuroo already staring at him, his eyes somehow soft and mischievous at the same time.
Tooru wanted to hit himself for being so easy but that's all it really took for butterflies to go crazy in his stomach.
8:30 P.M.
Wakatoshi walked into the party. He'd always hated too much social interaction. Not because he didn't like being around people but simply because he never understood anything fully.
Still, his mother had guilt tripped him into attending this one.
And he'd do anything to stay away from her friend's daughters.
He could hear Bokuto talking loudly somewhere nearby and Wakatoshi automatically steered away in the opposite direction.
It wasn't that Bokuto was a bad guy or anything. Actually, Wakatoshi was pretty good friends with him until he'd spotted him on a date with Tooru. Wakatoshi didn't know how the date went, he'd gotten out of there as fast as he could.
But the fact was that Bokuto was a great guy – tall, good looking, cheerful and definitely more adept of keeping up with Tooru's fast life compared to Wakatoshi.
So Wakatoshi walked to the other end of the party, keeping to himself as he took in his first drink for the night.
10:15 P.M.
Wakatoshi had lost count of how many drinks he'd had and that was possibly the last thing his mother would've wanted him to do but......But the drink somehow helped him get lost in his head.
And for all of Tooru's memories, the alcohol made them come to life again and Wakatoshi didn't mind that. Not one bit.
Still, he sipped from his glass and pushed the memories away as he watched Tooru from across the room, speaking with some random Rooster Headed man.
It hurt. A lot more than Wakatoshi anticipated it would.
The fact that Tooru hadn't seen him yet.
Maybe it was better that way.
Wakatoshi averted his eyes from him, looking up at the ceiling.
Tomorrow was Tooru's birthday.
He had made a promise to Tooru on his last birthday, when he'd been away for work, that he would, no matter what happened, be there on his next birthday.
Well. He hadn't expected them to break up.
Now they had.
"So, you were saying something?" Wakatoshi said, looking at the man sitting beside him from the corner of his eye.
In all honesty, the man...What was his name? Atzuzu? Sumu? Atsumu? Wakatoshi didn't remember but the point what that he was a lot like Tooru.
He had a sharp tongue and an even sharper wit, a strange way with words and good looks of course but even in all these aspects he somehow seemed lacking.
"I was saying," the man said. "That you're really handsome."
"Oh." Wakatoshi had never been good at accepting compliments anyways. He hoped he didn't come off as rude. He usually never had to reply to Tooru, he could just nuzzle the side of his neck and Tooru would magically understand.
The man laughed. Maybe he didn't think Wakatoshi was rude. That was a relief.
Wakatoshi glanced in Tooru's direction, watching as Tooru laughed at something the Rooster Head said.
"Well, you look very good too," Wakatoshi managed to say. He watched as the other man blushed furiously and smiled a little.
That just made the man's cheeks go even redder and Wakatoshi let out a soft chuckle.
"Oh, just kiss me already!" the man said as he grabbed Wakatoshi by the collar as pulled him close, pressing a soft peck on his lips.
From the corner of his eye, Wakatoshi saw the Rooster Head leaning low and then Wakatoshi shut his eyes and pulled the stranger close to himself, kissing him.
The man let out a small, surprised sound before easing into Wakatoshi.
"Oh just kiss me already, Toshi! How much longer are you going to make me wait?!" Tooru had yelled at him a few weeks after they'd started dating.
Wakatoshi had stared at him, wide eyed and confused. "I wanted to give you time."
"I'm done waiting!" Tooru had announced.
And now, Wakatoshi wondered what he was waiting for? Why wasn't it Tooru in his arms right now?
Maybe he was. Wakatoshi could always pretend.
And then loud cheering broke the spell and Wakatoshi pulled away.
Wakatoshi was stunned and he stared down at the man, who shyly avoided eye contact as he clung onto the front of Wakatoshi's shirt.
The pretence was over. Wakatoshi hadn't kissed Tooru, he'd kissed this stranger. And all of a sudden he felt sick. Sick and angry and frustrated and–
"I need to go," Wakatoshi said, looking at the floor as he rushed out of the party.
He hadn't bothered looking in Tooru's direction. Just seeing him hurt.
10:30 P.M.
This was nice.
This was very nice. Really.
Tooru didn't know how he ended up sitting on Kuroo's lap, hands fisted in his hair but this was nice.
Tooru had spent too much time casually sitting and flirting with Kuroo while he avoided any alcoholic drink. He wanted to stay sober.
Tomorrow was his birthday and he didn't want to start it off with a hangover.
But still he'd sat there because flirting wasn't hard, it was as easy as breathing and Tooru needed to breathe.
He desperately needed to get rid of that tightness in his chest that had become a constant in his life now.
And so he'd indulged.
"Ah, so pretty and petite!" Kuroo has said, leaning in slightly.
Tooru let himself blush as he rolled his eyes, "I'm barely two inches shorter than you."
"What's your point?" Kuroo teased with an easy, lopsided smile.
"My point is, that I can't stand you," Tooru replied with a soft laugh.
"Ah!" Kuroo said, dramatically throwing his head back and feigning hurt. "But you aren't standing!"
Tooru laughed out.
"You know," Kuroo was suddenly very close to his face again. He murmured in a low voice, "If that couch isn't to your liking, I could offer my lap."
And then Tooru didn't remember.
But he'd ended up sitting on Kuroo's lap, lips pressed firmly against Kuroo's.
And this was nice. Kuroo was nice.
But Tooru didn't feel good.
Instead of easing the tight feeling in his chest, Kuroo's hands smoothing down his waist only made it worse.
Tooru knew he was subconsciously checking things off a list and he wanted to stop. But he couldn't.
Kuroo's hair was a little too long.
His teeth a little too sharp.
His hold on Tooru's waist not stern enough, and yet at the same time not gentle enough.
His–
Tooru pulled away a little, letting his forehead rest against Kuroo's.
Everyone around them was cheering loudly so nobody heard when Kuroo softly said, "This doesn't have to mean anything unless you want it to."
And nobody heard the soft, dry sob that escaped Tooru's lips before he buried his face in Kuroo's neck, hugging him tightly.
11:00 P.M.
Wakatoshi threw a punch at the man and missed as his friend held Wakatoshi from behind.
He struggled against their hold but he was drunk and he couldn't get out.
He shouldn't have fought in the first place.
But the alcohol....seeing Tooru...losing Tooru....kissing that stranger....
It was all too much.
Loving Tooru was too much.
But living without him was worse.
The two men punched him and threw him on the ground, kicking his stomach.
Wakatoshi groaned as he leaned against the wall of some random shop and heard the two men shuffling away.
He could feel a same trickle down his cheek.
But he didn't care.
He just wanted Tooru again.