Work Text:
It began, as most things do, with an accident.
After five consecutive nighthunts with a grand total of three hours of sleep in between, the normally well-rested Hanguang-jun, esteemed Second Jade of Lan, had gotten himself lost in a marketplace near Yiling.
The noise battered his ears relentlessly like a steel drum, not easing in the slightest as he walked gracefully down the street. While used to the steel-clanging and screaming din of battle, it felt foreign to Wangji to be surrounded by such happy and boisterous yelling. From all sides, the sounds of booth owners selling goods assaulted him, and running children had almost tripped him multiple times. Wangji really couldn’t handle-
“- ling Laozu! ”
Like a wild animal scenting its prey, all of Wangji’s senses honed in on a singular shout. Eavesdropping is forbidden , he thought as his path suddenly seemed to require moving past the alley he had heard the name from.
“I’m telling you, that’s not what he looks like! His eyes are way closer together, you-!”
“Come on , meimei, I’m the artist here, you can’t tell me I got it wrong when you can’t even-!”
“But you did get it wrong, your drawing looks like a-!”
Peeking sideways into the alley, Wangji spotted two girls looking two seconds away from a full-out brawl. Taking a look at the drawing, he-
Was that supposed to be Wei Ying?!
“That’s not what he looks like,” he heard himself say with a sudden flash of righteous indignation. The artist seemed to have a fair amount of skill, so why was she drawing Wei Ying like he was- was- average-looking?
Wangji, with the experience of years of discipline, snapped himself out of this sudden bout of emotion to the sight of the two girls staring at him.
“...”
“...”
“...”
“ Hanguang-jun?! ”
Their twin shrieks assaulted Wangji’s exhausted brain, but in that moment, he really couldn’t have cared less, because-
“Fix it.”
The artist scrambled to comply, staring expectantly at him for instructions.
Wangji, sleep-deprived, did not hesitate to give them, stepping further forward to join the two in the alley completely.
“His hair is longer and a little messier, it reaches to about the waist, mn, he’s taller and thinner, no, no, not that thin, there , his eyes are closer together-”
“I told you, jiejie-”
“And they’re a bit bigger, yes, now his smile, the liveliness and beauty is hard to capture, but-”
After they were satisfied with the artist’s depiction of Wei Ying, Wangji and the two girls found themselves eating lunch at a restaurant. The artist and her sister had introduced themselves as Zhi Ne and Zhi Wan respectively, and were now looking at him in suspicion.
“Hanguang-jun,” Zhi Ne said, “why did you, ah… help us out?”
“Yeah, Hanguang-jun,” her sister piped up, “do you know the Yiling Lao-”
“ Not so loud! ” The artist whispered furiously.
“My apologies,” Wangji began, “I am not very well-rested today, and therefore when I found your depiction of him lacking, I seem to have lost control of my emotions, and therefore my actions. Furthermore, I do know him, and I would like to be so bold as to ask for the drawing.”
The sisters stared at him, then each other, seeming to come to a silent agreement.
“Hanguang-jun, while we would love to give you this drawing, we now see that the man upon it is extremely good-looking, and we would like to keep it at least until we can make a few more drawings of him,” said Zhi Ne.
“Of course,” continued Zhi Wan, “we definitely would not mind if Hanguang-jun would stay and help us with this endeavor, so we won’t, uh… make any mistakes?”
To Wangji, at the moment, this was a wonderful idea, and so he nodded, only feeling the slightest unease when twin grins appeared on the sisters’ faces.
After a good night's rest, Wangji found that this was not a very good idea. He was basically asked to describe Wei Ying's looks over and over. What if Wangji was too obvious in the way he described Wei Ying's eyes, or lips, or the silkiness of his hair… well yes, see, there. He decided that he will never go sleep deprived again, because he seemed to make terrible decisions.
However.
His job was literally to describe Wei Ying's looks over and over.
Wangji decided that this was… an okay idea.
Therefore, at noon sharp the next day, the three were already sitting in a booth on the side of a busy road, working.
Well, Zhi Ne was working, Wangji had no idea what Zhi Wan was doing… Were those five miniature wooden gharials in her hand?
In any case, Wangji was enjoying himself.
Already, Wangji and Zhi Ne had finished four drawings of Wei Ying in various poses, including the one already made the previous day.
These paintings were truly very good-looking, according to Wangji and the crowd of about twenty girls gathered around the stall. It was gratifying to ogle the depictions of Wei Ying smiling, looking over his shoulder, smirking while spinning his flute, looking down at the viewer like they were scum under his feet.
Really truly very good-looking.
"I would pay him to step on me," Wangji heard one of the girls say, and he nodded his head once in agreement. "Wait, who even is that?" He heard another one pipe up. It wouldn't do to answer, he thought, because if they found out they were drooling over the Yiling Laozu, they might-
"Oh, that's the Yiling Laozu," said Zhi Wan.
"..."
"..."
Deathly quiet. Even Wangji, who lived in the Jingshi, had never heard a quiet that could compare to this absolute silence. He turned around to assess the crowd of pale, gaping faces.
"Problem?"
In an amazing unified moment, all of the girls jumped, turned to him, and gaped even more.
Wangji raised a single, perfect eyebrow.
The girls rushed to shake their heads and stutter out denials. Good .
As he was turning back toward the paintings, however, a brave young soul spoke up behind him.
"Hanguang-jun, isn't the Yiling Laozu super ugly? And mean? I thought he ate babies and stuff…"
Wangji whirled around.
Five hours later, a captive audience of over fifty young girls were waxing poetic in their heads about the poor, misunderstood Yiling Laozu Wei Wuxian. They didn't know his favorite food was his sister's (!) spicy pork rib and lotus root soup! (So cute, and he's so tough for liking spicy food!) Apparently, he had a sunshine smile that did its best to cheer friends up! (Wow, so thoughtful, what a man!) And, and, he even loved to play pranks on unsuspecting acquaintances! (Oh my god, a playful soul, and so handsome!)
Standing in front of them was Lan Wangji, who had just spoken more than he had in his entire life put together.
"-and so, I left Yiling, and am currently on my way home."
All of his audience stilled in anticipation. When it became clear that Wangji's account was finished, they began to frown. Tentatively, the same brave soul from before raised her hand.
"Hanguang-jun, ah, that is…"
"Mn?"
"Uh… is that… it?"
Wangji was confused.
"Well… um, you see… it's quite obvious that you, uhm, well… about him, you..." at Wangji's slightly embarrassed nod, she continued, emboldened. "So, you never told him?"
Why the actual hell would I tell him, thought Wangji.
After watching him speak for five hours, the girls had grown relatively familiar with Wangji's microexpressions, so another brave soul raised her hand.
"Hanguang-jun, we all think he likes you."
"He does not."
"He does."
"No."
"But-" The pestering girl was cut off as Zhi Wan stood from where she had been sitting in the audience and pushed her into a seat.
"Hanguang-jun," Zhi Wan spoke instead, "I'm going to start a Yiling Laozu fan group." After a look around at her companions, she raised her voice slightly, "Well, who wants to join?"
The fifty girls raised their hands in unison.
"Now that that's established," continued Zhi Ne, who had finished her drawings with a few to spare, "we would like to ask Hanguang-jun to be our leader."
Hanguang-jun had no idea what was happening.
"Well?"
Tuning out his haze of confusion for a moment, Wangji took notice of fifty young girls, seeming to range from age thirteen to thirty, staring at him pleadingly.
Well, nobody could say Hanguang-jun didn't have a heart.
Wangji reached home exhausted. About six of the girls were headed in his direction, so they followed him like ducklings, calling for "Laoshi" to tell them more about the Yiling Laozu's habits and likes. This in itself wouldn't have been a grievance for Wangji, who had gotten quite used to being pestered by Wei Ying, but there was one specific, key problem.
Wherever they went, the girls recruited more.
During Wangji's simple, three-day trip home, the number of his "students" rose before his eyes from six to over three hundred, and that was just what Wangji had seen alone. Who knew what the other forty-four were doing? Wangji may as well end up as the leader of a new great sect!
Wisely, he chose to keep his little misadventure a secret from his uncle and brother. While once upon a time Xichen would have discovered any of his secrets right away, sect leader duties had slowly whittled away their time together, and Wangji could barely read his own brother anymore.
Even now, Xichen was in Koi Tower again, visiting with Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue, so Wangji had nobody to see.
So after another very good rest, what could be better than visiting Caiyi Town for a relaxing boat ride?
On his way to the docks, he was intercepted by a group of five girls, and he felt his stomach drop. There was no way this was still happening.
"Laoshi!" One of the girls called, and Wangji's stomach dropped even further, so far it was a wonder he wasn't expelling it from his body altogether, because oh no , it was still happening.
"Laoshi," another started, thankfully much quieter. "Will you teach us?"
Wangji hated this. No way . He just wanted a boat ride!
"Yes, Laoshi," another one said, "is it true that Wei Wuxian was, ahem, evil , even when he was attending classes in the Cloud Recesses?"
Wangji's sudden and pure Righteous Rage blinded him to the satisfied smirks of the maidens.
The next few months passed in much the same way. Whenever and wherever Wangji traveled, he was assaulted by groups of maidens and subsequently tricked into telling stories about Wei Ying.
It was obvious that the original fifty girls had been busy, as even when Wangji left Gusu altogether, girls still clamored around him claiming to be his disciples.
By now, he had "educated" at least two thousand during his night-hunts and errands, and it had become quite clear to him that he had accidentally become the leader of an, admittedly, well-organized sect.
The Zhi sisters, who were somehow everywhere, claimed to be his head disciples. They had organized weekly group meetings which always took place in different towns and districts, the meetings taking place at first behind his back and then with him leading.
Also, there were ranks within his "sect" that determined seniority, such as age, status, experience, and something called "WuJi points" that he wished he didn't understand. Judging by how whenever a disciple tricked him into approving vocally of Wei Ying she was mysteriously awarded points, however, he definitely understood.
(What had his life become? Ah, Hanguang-jun asks Uncle for guidance…)
Despite being quite low in productivity and having a very short attention span, a girl named Xiao Lu appointed herself Wangji's assistant. While she was still quite young, her WuJi points were some of the highest in the whole sect due to her "writing."
(Whenever Wangji inquired about this, he received vague, Nie Huaisang-esque answers; "Laoshi, I really don't know what you're talking about… It's just a fun hobby, that's all! No need to concern yourself! Anyway, do you need help with anything?")
Presently, it was dinner time. Wangji was staying at an inn after a recent night-hunt, so he could be found in the eating area, seated across from Xiao Lu and the Zhi sisters.
"Laoshi," said Xiao Lu in a suggestive tone, and then ignored his glare for speaking while eating. "The shijies say the Yiling rotation is coming up for the weekly meeting." She then wiggled her eyebrows. Wangji was unimpressed.
"Really, shimei," chided Zhi Ne, "don't be like that, he won't answer you. Laoshi, the Yiling rotation is coming up. Will you come lead the meeting? Almost everyone will be there, this time."
Wangji stubbornly continued to eat his food.
"Yes, Laoshi," Zhi Wan added, " please? Don't you want to come talk about your Wei Wuxian?"
Her sister opened her mouth again, and Wangji prepared for the finishing blow that Zhi Ne always knew exactly how to deal.
"Shimei will be sad if you don't..."
Xiao Lu pouted mournfully. Ah . There it was.
The girls saw exactly when he caved, and smiled brightly. Wangji sighed. He was truly becoming too weak at heart.
Yiling was crawling with girls, and Wei Wuxian had a terrible headache. He stared down the market street, aghast, and he took in the scene. From his vantage point in a hidden alley, he watched thousands of young women browse the jewelry stands and clothing stores, and he could see quite a few men drool at the sight.
"Pretty jiejies," said A-Yuan, holding his hand.
"Yeah," said Wei Wuxian, feeling a bit faint.
What was this? Was he really not scary enough? He'd thought the name " Yiling Laozu" was enough to ward even the bravest cultivators away, not to mention young women!
Through his crisis, he almost missed the group of four that stopped right beside his alley, but a girl's voice broke through his haze of thoughts.
"See, Laoshi, we told you almost everyone would be here!"
He took a peek, and what? Lan Zhan?
Wei Wuxian thought the resentful energy must have finally gotten to his brain, aiyah, Wen Qing was totally gonna kill him…
He shook his head and slapped his face a few times, but Lan Zhan was still there with a bit of a put-upon expression when he stopped.
"What?" Wei Wuxian heard the same girl as before continue, and he finally took in the three surrounding Lan Zhan. There was a young girl, looking about sixteen, and two more, maybe around twenty, who looked like sisters. He watched the younger sister open her mouth again; "Listen, the guy's not called 'Yiling Laozu' for no reason. Obviously everyone's gonna know he lives around here."
"Yes," continued the elder sister, "considering the, ah, nature of our sect, if you know what I mean, everyone was very excited to come visit this place."
As if to prove her point, the youngest smiled excitedly and began to bounce on her toes.
Okay, what? What did this have to do with Wei Wuxian? Was this, like, an army to take him down or something? Seriously! He thought Lan Zhan, at least, would leave him alone…
He kept watching as Lan Zhan moved his eyes slightly and blinked, and then all three girls laughed as if he'd said something funny.
The youngest one grabbed Lan Zhan's sleeve, and Wei Wuxian immediately felt as if he'd swallowed a jar of vinegar. Huh. He must be jealous of Lan Zhan, for having such beautiful girls around…
"Xian-gege, who?" A-Yuan asked his companion with a tug on his hand, but was ignored completely. He persevered with a few more tugs, but soon gave up with a sad expression.
Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian continued to peek at the small group. The younger sister stepped forward and opened her mouth as if to shout, but the youngest stepped forward quickly to stop her.
"Shijie, can I? Please?"
The girl smiled. "Of course, Shimei, do your best!"
The shimei beamed and ran forward a few steps, before cupping her hands around her mouth.
The three left behind her covered their ears just in time for the shimei to shatter Wei Wuxian's eardrums with a shout of,
" Laoshi's here! "
While doing his best to recover his hearing, a dumbfounded Wei Wuxian's jaw dropped as literally every single girl turned their way and saluted, shouting " Laoshi! " in perfect unison.
(A-Yuan took advantage of his caretaker's distraction and quickly slipped away.)
Lan Zhan, who had lowered his hands from his ears as soon as the shimei had finished shouting, surveyed the group. With no change in expression, he nodded, approving them with an "Mn."
"Xiao Lu, Zhi Wan, Zhi Ne," he continued, looking at the three girls in turn, "bring them along." He turned around and swept off in a cloud of handsome, cool, amazing white robes, leaving behind a stunned Wei Wuxian.
What was this? A harem?
The jar of vinegar swallowed previously became a thousand jars, and Wei Wuxian looked down at A-Yuan, who was… not there.
"…"
What?
After a while of frantically looking around, Wei Wuxian finally spied his charge in the midst of the group of women following his acquaintance. He discreetly tried to call out to the little boy, but quickly gave up when he realized he wouldn't be heard through the crowd.
Watching A-Yuan walk away, he quickly came to the conclusion that he had to follow. Wei Wuxian couldn't let the kid get away that easily. (Wen Qing definitely wouldn't spare him.)
With that in mind, he emerged from his hiding place.
As he watched the proceedings from behind a tree, Wei Wuxian felt his eyes bug out of his head. What the actual hell?
"Laoshi," one of the girls who had been with Lan Zhan in the alley, the elder sister, raised her hand. Gesturing at the rest of the girls in the clearing— like, thousands of them gathered in a semi-circle around Lan Zhan— she continued; "The majority voted for your first meeting again. Please, let us begin."
"Thank you, Zhi Ne." Lan Zhan looked around the clearing, taking in his audience. A hush fell over the gathered girls as he stood from where he was sitting elegantly on a flat stone, and he cleared his throat. Wei Wuxian thought that Lan Zhan was very handsome when he cleared his throat, and that he should definitely do it more often, ideally where Wei Wuxian could see him.
"As she said," Lan Zhan continued grandly, "let us begin. It was the first night of the guest disciples visiting Gusu, and I was patrolling the grounds on the night shift. I had just come out of seclusion, and—"
And so, Wei Wuxian sat through a few hours of Lan Zhan praising his looks, intellect, creativity, demeanor, attributes, assets, and so on, not necessarily in that order. By the halfway point of it, his face was permanently dyed a nice Wen Sect red, and he was no longer oblivious to Lan Zhan's feelings.
(He was also definitely no longer oblivious to his own.)
He was also now fully aware of, as Zhi Ne put it earlier, the 'nature' of this 'sect', and couldn't decide whether he should be flattered or creeped out. Since Lan Zhan was the leader of… whatever this was (he blushed even harder just thinking about it), Wei Wuxian chose to be flattered.
By now, in any case, Wei Wuxian’s mind had checked out of the 'meeting' for sheer self-preservation. If he'd heard even one more single word praising him, he would most likely have simply ascended to the skies. So, laying spread-eagle in the underbrush surrounding the clearing, he just let the cadence of Lan Zhan's voice wash over him.
After a couple more hours, a girl's voice finally startled him out of his stupor. "Alright," she said, and a quick peek let Wei Wuxian know it was the younger sister— Zhi Wan, if he remembered correctly. "Laoshi has finished his account for the day. Please thank him."
The girls rose in unison and bowed to Lan Zhan, chorusing a " Thank you, Laoshi! "
(A-Yuan, who had been nodding earnestly throughout the entire speech, made sure to join in as well.)
Once Lan Zhan had nodded back, Xiao Lu stepped forward. "The next meeting is in Lanling, at noon, ten days from now. Please make sure to be there if you wish, though Laoshi will be busy with sect matters at that time and will be unable to attend."
"This week's top WuJi point carriers," continued Zhi Ne, "are Na Hai at the top with one-hundred and ninety-six, Rai Min at second with one-hundred and eighty-two, and Xiao Lu at third with one-hundred and seventy-eight. This point term is over today, and everyone is restarting at zero. Good luck earning points next term, everyone."
Xiao Lu, "any questions, comments, or concerns for Laoshi?"
Like a real class meeting, thought Wei Wuxian, starry-eyed.
A single hand rose from the crowd, and Lan Zhan nodded toward it.
"Laoshi," a hesitant voice spoke up, "there's… there's a child here?"
A-Yuan! Wei Wuxian almost sat bolt upright at the reminder of what he came here for in the first place, thankfully remembering he was hiding in time to stop himself. Peeking back through the bush, he was met with an eyeful of A-Yuan clinging happily to Lan Zhan's leg, beaming brightly up at him.
"Rich-gege!"
Taking a look at Lan Zhan's face, Wei Wuxian almost laughed out loud at the panicked expression it displayed. However, his amusement was quickly taken over by a weakness in his knees as he watched Lan Zhan kneel by the boy he considered his son, and put a hand on his shoulder.
"A-Yuan," he started, and when the girls suddenly started to clamor at the mention of the name, he quickly silenced them with a look. "Where is your Xian-gege?" He continued.
"Oh my god ," Wei Wuxian heard one of the girls squeal quietly, and saw at least ten other girls nod their heads in agreement.
"Silly Rich-gege," A-Yuan smiled, "he's been over there the whole time!" As if in slow motion, his arm slowly rose higher, higher, and higher, until suddenly his tiny, cute little finger was pointed straight at Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian was quickly filled with panic as well, knowing that even the bush wouldn't cover him if he was actively being sought out.
And yet, as one, the crowd slowly turned to look straight at him. A dead silence took over the clearing.
"..."
"..."
( Through his own haze of panic, Lan Wangji wonders… why is there always a crowded place quieter than his Jingshi? )
Time was frozen, and the thousands of eyes feasting upon Wei Wuxian weighed heavily on him. So, he did just what one always should do in such a situation.
"Hi," he said, and raised his hand in an awkward wave.
The girls exploded.
Screaming, shouting, squealing, even fainting, the clearing was thrown into absolute chaos. Chants of "Yiling Laozu," "Wei Wuxian," and even "Let's go WuJi let's go" featured prominently in the noise. Wei Wuxian was dragged to the middle of the group, and he was quickly surrounded by girls clamoring to shake his hand, touch his hair, feel his biceps and the like.
The arms pushing and pulling at him reminded Wei Wuxian of those eternal three months back then, with only ghosts and the dead and- Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, save me!
" Silence! " A loud voice cut through the noise, and suddenly, with a " yes, Laoshi ," there was order. "Form a single file line," Lan Zhan continued, and what?! Did Lan Zhan just yell?? Today was truly the weirdest day Wei Wuxian has ever had…
Once the girls were in line, a dazed Wei Wuxian watched as Lan Zhan dismissed them quickly, and barely felt himself shaking hands with almost every single one of them. When all of them had finally finished enthusiastically greeting him, they left the clearing, and before he knew it, Wei Wuxian was left with only Lan Zhan, his three helpers, and A-Yuan as company.
Xiao Lu, "Well, this is awkward."
" Shimei! " Zhi Wan swatted her arm.
Lan Zhan looked at them, and they piped down. Xiao Lu grabbed his sleeve again, and Wei Wuxian's jars of vinegar appeared again tenfold, this time correctly attributed to jealousy of Xiao Lu .
He glared at her hand, and she took it away with a wiggle of her eyebrows. Wei Wuxian would have complained, but fair.
"Zhi Ne, Zhi Wan, Xiao Lu," said Lan Zhan with his deep, really really good voice that Wei Wuxian could now fully appreciate, "please leave us to speak."
Xiao Lu looked scandalized. "But Laoshi! "
Zhi Ne gave her a strict look, and she finally complied after a few aborted attempts to stay. Finally, Wei Wuxian was left alone with his son and the newly discovered object of his affections.
They stared at each other in silence.
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan began, "I'm sorry." Wei Wuxian stopped short, because what? "It must have been very uncomfortable for you to listen to me speak in such a way about you, and I apologize if my feelings make you feel disgusted or-"
"Okay stop, stop, stop," said Wei Wuxian, who really couldn't listen to this anymore. "Lan Zhan, I swear it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, like, at all. I'm actually really, really happy."
Lan Zhan's nose scrunched up in a little confused frown, which was ridiculously adorable but also very unnecessary at the moment.
"Yeah," Wei Wuxian continued, "I, uh, I like you. Too. Like, I fancy you, I love you, I want you, I can't leave you, I whatever you, all that."
Lan Zhan stared. After a few moments of utter silence, Wei Wuxian grew worried that he had somehow misread the situation. "Unless, uh, you don't actually like me? Like that? In that case, I-"
" No! " Lan Zhan cut in, and Wei Wuxian was delighted to see a light dusting of pink stain his ears.
When it became clear he wasn't going to continue, Wei Wuxian spoke again. "No, Lan Zhan? So you do like me?" At his companion's embarrassed nod, he laughed happily. "Lan Zhan, I thought interrupting was forbidden! You're really going rogue, huh?"
Despite his teasing words, Wei Wuxian made it clear just how happy he was by lacing their fingers together and squeezing. At Lan Zhan's responsive squeeze and small smile, he beamed even brighter and reached for A-Yuan's hand. The little boy took it easily, smiling happily at his caretakers.
And so, the three of them walked in the direction of the town, together.
Coda:
"Nie-gongzi, you really don't need to pay us anymore," Zhi Wan insisted, "we're doing it for fun now!" When Nie Huaisang did not give up pushing the coin purse back toward her, she finally relented and picked it up. "You know this is all going to sect funding then, right?"
"I'm really happy to hear that!" Nie Huaisang smiled. "It's great that so many people are getting together and having fun… especially my two favorite actresses!"
Zhi Ne looked at him skeptically. "You know, why did you pay us to act that out in that alley, anyway? Did you already know that they'd end up getting married because of it?"
"Oh, don't worry about it, nothing to concern yourself with." Nie Huaisang snapped open his fan, "It was just for fun, a little hobby. I really didn't know!"