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A small smile played on Sanjis lips. The cool sea breeze hit him as he watched the ocean, standing at the edge of the ship, leaning against the railing. He barely held the cigarette in his lips, letting it burn down slowly.
He could feel his eyes start to gloss over, and that overwhelming feeling of… something, began to flood his senses.
Relief
He liked men and women. He knew it for a while, but always pushed it to the deepest darkest parts of his soul, never to see the light again.
Until that stupid marimo had to butt in.
He felt his small smile grow into a grin. The tears streamed down his face like waterfalls. He could feel them dripping down his chin onto the wooden floor, but he made no attempt to stop them.
He felt the cold chains that used to hold his heart down, that used to torture him for decades melt away. He gripped the edge of the boat, his knuckles turning white.
He let out a heave.
A hand gently rested on his shoulder.
He felt hisself being pulled into an embrace, pushing his head on the swordsman shoulder.
They stood together in a comfortable silence. Sanji could feel the tears begin to well up again as he replayed today’s events in his head. The banter, turned fighting, turned hurt feelings, turned into a long awaited confession.
“Why don’t you just tell me??! You know I’m the last person to hurt you like that stupid cook! You’re like- you’re my friend! Come on! You don’t have to hide anymore damnit!”
Sanji could feel his face run hot, tears threatening to spill at any second. He felt his knees buckle, his hands pulled roughly at his hair. The inner turmoil he’s been fighting for so long now bubbling back into his mind. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. The fear of accepting it, of it being apart of him made him want to vomit his guts out. Pushing it so far down, again and again, and now all of a sudden he was supposed to accept it?? No way.
He thought it’d be gone now, but the voice screamed louder and louder everyday. He wished it was a phase, something that was temporary. He’s tried everything, praying, begging, pleading.
But it’s still going on.
He didn’t wanna run anymore. He didn’t wanna feel like this anymore, so what in gods name was stopping him?
“I-I- I CANT, FUCK- I CANT! I-I- I can’t.” His voice broke. He wanted to hide away this ugly side of him. This side he’s hated for so long, tried so hard to get rid of.
“Cook! Get it off your chest, please. I can’t watch you rip yourself apart over this. You can say it.” Zoros voice became surprisingly soft as he stepped into Sanjis personal space.
Sanji felt the walls crumble as Zoros warm hands took his and removed them slowly from his hair.
He looked Sanji directly in his two eyes, pushing his bang back.
“I can’t stand to watch you fight this… whatever it is please, please just tell me…”
He could hear Zoros voice crack slightly at the end. He stuffed his face into the marimos shoulder, letting his tears fall freely.
“I-“
Sanji paused.
He gave in.
He wrapped his arms around Zoro tight.
“I- I like guys. I like guys.”
The gates flew open, and every negative thought, every gross comment, and every hurtful phrase Sanji had ever told himself attacked him all at once. He felt like he could die. He waited, waited for Zoro to laugh, to push him away, to call him a freak and never speak to him again. He waited for what felt like an eternity. The thoughts moving faster than they ever had before. Making sure to hammer it into his head that he was disgusting.
Until a voice cut through the noise.
“And that’s okay. It’s okay, Sanji. It’s okay.”
And at that moment, Sanji felt as every comment, every phrase, and every thought disappeared. At that moment, he felt 10 year old him smile at him from above. At that moment, time slowed down, and Sanji could see himself again.
The weight on his shoulders, the weight that had been there since he was 10, was lifted.
Sanjis knees gave out, his ever so strong legs caving in to the overwhelming emotions that crashed over him.
Zoro fell with him, still tightly hugging his body close. He pet Sanjis hair, his other hand rubbing up and down his back.
“That’s okay, you’re still Sanji, you hear? That doesn’t change anything about you. It’s okay. Stupid dart-brow, I thought it was something serious.” Zoro huffed.
Sanji hit Zoros back with his fist, but there was no malice behind it, no anger. Not even a little bit.
He giggled into his shirt.
“Dumbass- shut up.”
He said, barely above a whisper so only Zoro could hear. He felt Zoro smile against him.
“Sure, shit cook.”
His journey wasn’t over, not by a long shot. But, he felt that maybe, just maybe.
He could finally be himself. The little boy, who’s dreams were to find the All Blue, that little boy who’s dreams were to be the best chef in the world, and that little boy who wanted to like other boys.
Sanji promised, he promised that little boy he’d fulfill every last dream he had. Every last one.
He was done running, done hiding, done rejecting.
He was Sanji. No matter what, he’ll always be Sanji.