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“I want to make a cake tonight.”
It had been a statement, not a question, and her companions had simply nodded along as they ate the food she had already prepared. Well, most of her companions anyway.
Rinwell had been traveling for over a year now, and with her current companions with a few months. She had met up with Alphen and Shionne over three months ago, Law maybe a few weeks after that. Now they had both Kisara and Dohalim join them recently, and while she still had reservations about the Renan among them, that didn’t stop her from wanting to make cake for everyone. She had been thirteen at the start of this journey and now, today, she had turned fifteen.
When she had her last birthday she was completely alone, her family having been massacred not long before and the idea of any sort of celebration or happiness seemed wrong. She couldn’t have imagined feeling happy, like she was now, and she felt that she at least deserved some cake.
She knew that very soon they would reach Niez, and who knew what would happen after that.
“You sure you should be eating more sweets?” Law was behind her, his arms crossed.
She had been bent over, casting fire in a certain way to help the cake raise higher. Her shoulders set and her face scowled the moment she felt him approach. This boy was constantly picking on her and being mean, and yes she could give as much as he gave but today was special.
In fairness he didn’t know that.
“That was rude,” she stood and turned to properly glare up at him.
He who had a family and turned on them and their ideas until near the end. He who had someone willing to die for him, even after everything. He who kept talking about said man as if they’re relationship was good.
“Well, I mean you keep eating a lot of sweets and eventually you’ll,” he trailed off and was scratching his neck awkwardly, his eyes on Kisara who had started to walk over to them.
“Rinwell is cooking tonight, if she wants to make a cake and we have the ingredients I see no problem with it.” Her arms crossed over her armor as she looked down at the youths of the group. “Besides, her food always comes out delicious, I’m surprised you’re complaining, Law.”
“Well, I’m not complaining,” he was flushed and took a step back. “I-uh. Forget it, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, you shouldn’t have!” Rinwell had to check herself, her voice was raising and they were in the jungle still.
Law raised his hands as he stepped away, seeing how upset she was.
“I doubt you love cake this much.” Kisara had turned to Rinwell now, surveying her cooking. “Well, maybe you do, I don’t know you that well. I don't think he meant to offend you,” Kisara tilted her head as she looked at Rinwell, as if trying to see why she had had that outburst.
“I just wanted to have cake today,” Rinwell avoided looking at the older woman, her hands fisted against her sides. Hootle had set up in her hood but she could feel a soft pecking on the back of her neck, something he did to soothe her. Kisara stood with her a moment longer, possibly her motherly impulse keeping her there.
When she walked away Rinwell sighed as she noticed Kisara gesture to Alphen towards her.
“I just want to have cake,” she told him as soon as he finished his approach.
“Hmm,” he took a seat by the small pan, taking a deep inhale. “Smells really good.” He turned to her, his single eye focused on her. It always unnerved her a little, how he could focus so fully on someone. “I had never had cake before, at least to my knowledge. When we had it a few weeks back, I wont lie, I had dreams about it.” A small smile spread on his face. “It’s amazing the kinds of foods and flavors that people have.”
“I forget sometimes,” she bent down and sat on the ground, her legs tucked under her. “That you used to be a slave.” She chewed her lip, feeling bad for her outburst. She lifted the lid to see the cake was still soft in the middle and quickly put the lid back down to keep the heat in. The two sat in silence, Alphen had this skill to just wait people out. Rinwell sighed, realizing he was doing the same thing he did to Shionne, and waiting for her to talk.
“My mother used to make amazing cakes and sweets,” she said after the fire cracked a few times. “Me and the other kids in our clan would get so excited, waiting at the table the whole time and smelling the sweets. Even if the cake didn’t taste very good, we enjoyed it. We would all sit together at the table or by the fire and someone would tell stories.” She had to stop, her voice had cracked and she realized she was about to cry.
“I’m really glad we found each other,” he told her as she collected herself. “I’ve never known a family or had companionship like this,” he reached out, his hand resting on her head. “I know it doesn’t help, but I’m sorry that you lost your family.”
It burned in her to tell them. To tell someone about what happened. About how it happened, but this was not the time or place. They were almost there, then maybe things would work out and she could tell everyone everything.
“I,” she reached up and rubbed her eyes. “I know birthdays don’t mean much to Dahna, it’s a luxury,” she kept her eyes on the ground but her voice broke. “My mom always made it a point to make my favorite cake and food on my birthday. Cake, with strawberries. She would risk being found by going into towns to find them for me. My father would always yell at us both about it, but she did it every year.” Rinwell didn’t try to stop crying now, she just didn’t look up. “Long ago Dahna had celebrations for children when they hit their birthday, and I know it’s a luxury. I just wanted a cake on my birthday.”
She pressed her hands to her face, the memory of her mother washing over her and the memory of their deaths edging in to ruin her happiness. A soft sob escaping her lips.
Rinwell tried so hard to be strong, but in the end, she was still a fifteen-year-old girl who had experienced something beyond traumatic and her anger only went so far before her grief rose up to join it.
“Rinwell..” The voice wasn’t Alphen, it was Law.
Her hands ripped away from her face as she looked up, the group all standing around them now, witnessing her words and actions.
“Rinwell, we are honored to spend this day with you,” Dohalim said, his hand resting on his chest as he dipped his head.
“It is important to spend important days with people you care about,” Kisara said from next to Dohalim.
Rinwell wanted to be upset that they had been allowed to hear this memory, that what she thought she had shared with Alphen had been shared with the group. She wanted to take it all back so they couldn’t see this part of her.
She was also immensely grateful to share this with others and for them to help her feel happier. To help her see through her blind grief and anger she had lived in for over a year.
The cake finished bakeing a few minutes later and Rinwell was quick to sprinkle extra sugar on top. Shionne had cut it so everyone had the same amount, though Rinwell swore her piece was a little bigger. They didn’t have any strawberries, but it was delicious all the same.
“Would you like to hear stories?” Dohalim asked from his spot across from her. “I’m sure we all have at least one we can tell.”
Rinwell finished chewing, her hand over her mouth as she spoke next. “I would love that.”
-
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The sun had set on the group and true night had settled in. Everyone had told a story of their childhood or, in Alphen’s case, a story they had heard from others. Law had even talked about his parents when they both had been alive, making Rinwell cry again.
She was so harsh with him, she knew this.
The dishes had been washed nearby, Kisara had taken that task from Rinwell tonight as her ‘gift’ and Shionne had taken first watch, her silhouette on the nearby hill with Alphen not far behind.
Rinwell’s outer coat was bundled up by her pillow, Hootle sleeping soundly in the hood. She sat on her pallet, the soft snore of Dohalim already sounding near Kisara’s silent one, the man slept like they weren’t in the woods surrounded by enemies.
Law had been loitering around, Rinwell knew he was putting off talking to her, moving his pallet around to different spots saying the ground was too hard or soft in certain spots. He would step back and look at it, making it painfully obvious his was nervous.
Rinwell stood silently, her eyes on the two sleeping bodies nearby, and she reached out, grasping his forearm and moving them a few paces away from the others.
“I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have snapped.”
They had spoken at the same time and rushed, both desperate to get past this. Rinwell couldn’t stop her grin, and like usual he sprouted his own.
“Happy birthday, Rinwell.”
“Thank you.”
The two stood awkward, his hand on his neck again and her hands clasped together. “I shouldn’t have said anything about your eating habits,” he said after a moment longer. “I just," he waved his hand in the air, forming the words. "Before, when I was in Cyslodia, we reported everything, even peoples eating habits. Someone who ate a lot of sweets could have been guilty of something and overeating or hoarding ingredients and,” he sighed, “It’s a habit to say these thoughts out loud. To not get in trouble myself for not noticing. I need to try hard to stop these impulses.”
“Try harder then.” She shrugged. “I should have explained myself though and not just snapped at you. That was unfair,” she looked back up at him and felt that feeling again. The one she got when he looked at her and smiled.
The feeling she violently pushed down and ignored because she had much bigger issues and her hormones shouldn’t get in the way.
“So, how old are you now?”
“Fifteen,” she had to look away because she realized they were alone and wasn’t he standing just a little to close?
“Well, happy birthday,” he leaned forward, his lips brushing her check. “Good night,” he turned quickly and fled to his bed leaving her there.
Her face was on fire and the place he had kissed burned.
She finally turned, once her heart stopped beating so fast and saw him with his back to her and the others with his blanket pulled up to his hair.
“Good night,” she had her hand on her check, a smile on her lips.
It didn’t compare to her birthdays with her family, with the candles and treats. Gifts on a small table and books from her elders. It wasn’t the same, by a long shot, but she regretted not telling them sooner.
She would need to be sure to ask everyone when they had theirs so she could make them a cake.
With a silly grin she couldn’t control she slid into her bed, and replayed that kiss a few times before she fell asleep.