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My Dear Tessa,
I am resorting to writing you a letter with real paper to which I will attach a real stamp and place in a real mailbox. I'm hoping that this way I'll feel like a beautiful, tortured Victorian suitor who is romantically pining for his lost love across the sea instead of just a really bored (but hopefully equally beautiful) guy who is trying to figure out how to fist fight a microscopic pathogen for shutting down international travel.
Speaking of the whole deadly pandemic thing, Jem and I have been discussing plans to get you home. I think we have some real winners here so let me know what you think.
1. We release an infestation of bugs into the airport. (We're currently thinking bedbugs, but are open to constructive feedback.) When they inevitably clear out the airport to deal with the situation, you will sneak in dressed as an exterminator. Once you have successfully infiltrated the airport, you find a plane and fly it home. (Note: You will have to learn how to fly an airplane if we go with this one so you might want to start reading up just in case.)
2. You find a rich man with a yacht and seduce him. It is important to make sure the yacht is at least 30 feet long because the first Google result says that's what you need to cross the Atlantic and I trust it implicitly. Once he has invited you aboard his 30 foot yacht you push him overboard and make your escape. (Note: Make sure to seduce someone who can swim so you don't get charged with murder. You may also want to start reading about how to drive a yacht.)
3. We invent teleportation. (I came up almost everything for the other plans so you and Jem can figure out how this one works.)
4. You find a container yard and break into a shipping container, discretely disposing of all the merchandise and replacing it with nice furniture and supplies for your voyage. Your tiny house is then loaded onto a ship and you sail comfortably across the Atlantic. (Note: You may want to install a seatbelt in your tiny house for when the crane moves you to the ship in order to avoid death.)
Write back and let me know which plan you would like to use so I can mobilize my people and set it in motion. I will be eagerly awaiting your reply.
Anyway tell Harriet I said hello and am definitely not plotting her demise for inviting you to visit right before a global pandemic (which she definitely should have psychically predicted so as not to inconvenience us.)
Yours sincerely,
Will
P.S. Jem thinks all these plans are great and 100% approves of them. No need to ask him.