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Onyankopon woke with a start, the blinding light of the sun through his window mixing with the garish white light from his dream. He sat up in bed, the rusted springs creaking under his weight, and ran a hand through his hair. His fingers caught wetness at his eyes and he touched the tears in surprise. He couldn’t remember his dream. Maybe it was about the war. Maybe it was about Levi.
Thank you.
Those two simple words were all he could remember, and he grasped at them desperately for more information. They fell through his fingers like sand, and Onyankopon shook the thoughts from his head. It was just a dream, and the therapy had gotten rid of most of the nightmares that plagued him post-war.
In the kitchen, a pan clattered to the ground and he winced, quickly throwing off the blankets and flinging open his door.
“You damn brat! How many times do I have to tell you to be careful? You’re lucky you didn’t crack the tile.”
Onyankopon smiled as he walked over to his tiny, broken family squabbling in the kitchen. Broken, but heald together by small smiles and hugs and kisses on the cheek. Broken, like the tile on the floor.
“Actually, Levi, it is broken,” Onyankopon said, stepping up behind him and pushing his wheelchair around the edge of the counter so he could see the mess Gabi had made.
“You snitch! He never would have known!” Gabi complained as Falco looked anxiously between the scene on the ground and Levi’s darkening face.
“It’ll be fine, we can just get a new one when we go out today. You can help me put it in, Gabi. Sound fair?”
“We’ll never find one that matches,” Levi complained, but Onyankopon could tell that he wasn’t actually angry.
Gabi finished making breakfast with a lot of help from Falco and some unasked for criticism from Levi. They talked about nothing and everything as they ate, and he couldn’t help but love his patchwork family. Him, living harmoniously with three Eldians had been unheard of before the war, but now here he was, with two Marleyan Eldians and one from Paradis Island.
“What are you smiling about?” Levi asked, and Onyankopon smiled more. “Just thinking about our family here. It’s nice.”
Levi rolled his eyes, but his agreement was written in the way his eyebrows uncreaced and his lips curled upwards ever so slightly. It wasn’t a smile, but it was the most anyone could ask for. Onyankopon had been honored with seeing it only twice before- once when Levi thanked him for giving him a home, and twice when they returned to Paradis Island for vacation. He had said that not all his memories there were bad, but Onyankopon didn’t press further. Over their years together, he had begun to notice more and more about the man, and now he felt like he understood him on a level he had deemed impossible at their first meeting.
It had been seven years since the Battle of Heaven and Earth. Onyankopon used to mark the anniversary on the calendar, but he stopped when Falco suggested it was painful for Levi. He had cursed himself for being so naive and swore to think more about Levi’s needs in the future, even when he was too stubborn to state them himself. It had begun that way, with Onyankopon simply making an effort to learn just how Levi operated. But then Levi had been surprisingly receptive.
He had opened up about just how much the rumbling had hurt him: how he had seen the man he considered his own son become a monster. How he had wanted him to just return home but he, humanity’s strongest, had been powerless. He told him how frustrating it was to be unable to walk, and how directionless he felt without the military. Onyankopon had listened intently, taking every word Levi said to heart, and brushing the single tear from his cheek as he told him how tired he was. How he had been ready for it to end, but somehow, for some reason, it didn’t.
Now, he stood from the table and picked up his and Levi’s plates, dumping them in the sink to be dealt with later. He could feel Levi’s glare on his back as he did so, but pointedly avoided eye contact with him. “Do you two have class today?” Onyankopon asked, turning instead to Gabi and Falco.
“Yep! We’d better get going,” Gabi said, standing and grabbing her bag in a frenzy like she just remembered the time. “Sorry about the tile,” Falco added as he was unceremoniously dragged out the door.
Onyankopon laughed, and Levi graced him with one of those tiny half-smiles that were all too rare. He leaned down and gave Levi a quick kiss on the cheek before turning and walking to his room. “Once I change, how about we go to market. We’re out of lettuce and I was thinking of making a salad tonight.”
He wasn’t sure when it began- kissing Levi had just felt natural. He had simply wanted to show him he cared, so he did. A kiss on the cheek every so often had become standard for them now. Occasionally, Levi returned the gesture and he felt like his heart would implode the few times he did. Ah, he remembered now- the first time didn’t go so smoothly.
Levi had been reading the paper when Onyankopon left for the day. He had leaned down and kissed his cheek, and Levi had recoiled like he had been burnt.
“God, I’m sorry Levi! Christ, I should have asked, I’m… I’m sorry.” The guilt had been overwhelming at the time. He should have known better, been kinder, thought out his actions. But upon seeing the horror written across Onyankopon’s face, Levi relaxed in his chair, turning to face him.
“It’s fine. You can,” he paused, frowning. “You can do that more often if you’d like.”
Levi’s voice had been steady, but his face seemed unsure, so Onyankopon just nodded and left for the day, leaving Levi to his thoughts.
When he returned, they didn’t talk about it, and it was easier that way. Besides, there had been nothing to talk about.
Onyankopon was smarter the second time. He placed his hand on the side of Levi’s chair and said simply, “May I kiss your cheek?”. Levi had hesitated only a moment before nodding. So Onyankopon did.
Now, they walked through the streets of the market, groceries in hand. Levi had wheeled himself up to a booth selling different types of teas when a little girl in a pretty floral dress tapped him lightly on the shoulder. She had approached from his bad side, so Levi looked over in surprise, but he no longer flinched. His blind spot had become routine.
“Are you Mr. Levi Ackerman?” She asked tentatively, and Levi nodded silently.
“My mommy told me about all the great things you’ve done. You saved the world! You’re my hero!” She looked at him enthusiastically but Levi just stared at her, some internal struggle raging below the surface.
“I made this for you,” She added, raising her tiny hands to his and revealing a little bouquet of three green carnations, tied together with a string.
“Oh,” Levi said in surprise, “thank you very much. What’s your name?”
“It’s Isabella! My mommy’s going to freak out if I’m gone for too long so bye! Nice to meet you!” With that she turned and ran, leaving Levi stunned with the green carnations in one scarred hand.
“That was cute,” Onyankopon said, walking over and steering Levi away from the booth. Levi hummed in agreement as they moved off to the side of the market, into the shade. Onyankopon cupped one hand on the side of his head and kissed his opposite cheek before pulling away and sitting on the bench next to Levi’s wheelchair. It was pleasant outside, warm with a breeze that rustled the budding spring leaves. Everything was bright and green and cheerful as Levi lashed out, “Why the hell do you do that?”
Onyankopon snapped his gaze back to Levi. His tone had been one of actual anger and frustration, for once in a very long time. “I’m sorry, did I step over a line? I can stop if you want.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Live bit out, the carnations in his hand starting to get crushed. They matched the trees and the grass and the bolo tie around his neck. “Why? What do you want from me?”
Onyankopon sharply sucked in a breath, his feet shuffling uncomfortably over the worn dirt beneath the bench. “I don’t want anything from you. I just want to show you I care about you, and if you don’t want me to do it like this, I can find another way.”
“Fuck, stop being so nice,” Levi groaned, leaning back in exasperation. “I don’t know what you think you’re getting into, so let me tell you: I’m crippled, in case you couldn’t tell. I’m emotionally stunted, or whatever the hell my therapist said. I have no libido anymore so good fucking luck with that. I don’t think I could actually make out with you without feeling horribly guilty even after all these years and I am not, am not, taking this off,” He glared at Onyankopon, pulling at the gem around his neck.
“Levi…” Onyankopon trailed off in shock. He had gotten used to Levi’s stunning bluntness, but recently it hadn’t been directed at him. Now, Onyankopon just sighed heavily, watching Levi fume. “I want to make you happy however I can. Whatever we do doesn’t have to look traditional if that’s not what you want. I’m getting old too, you know.”
“You must want something,” Levi pressed.
“I suppose I’d like to pick you up out of that chair and hold you while we read each night.”
Levi paused, watching him for any sign of a lie but found none. “That’s really it?”
“That’s it,” Onyankopon agreed. “Although I am curious to know about that tie. I sense it’s a sensitive subject, though, so I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”
Levi huffed in annoyance and quickly slid the tie over his head. Levi never wore a cravat anymore, Onyankopon realized, as Levi passed him the tie. He still kept a few in his room, but this tie meant something to him that he refused to part with. Yet he had just put it in his hand.
“Flip it over,” Levi commanded, and Onyankopon obliged. On the back was an engraving in the script used at Paradis Island, and the characters curved beautifully around the side in two words.
“What does it say?” Onyankopon asked, running his thumb lightly over the inscription. He typically thought himself fluent in the written language of Paradis, but sometimes he struggled. It had only been one hundred years of isolation, but that was enough time for a language to change a bit. Eldian wasn’t his first language either, so it was like translating twice.
“Erwin Smith. He was my lover.”
Onyankopon nodded slowly, trying to process. “Oh,” He murmured.
“It’s been eleven years since he died. I don’t want to move on, but… I do want to be happy. I think that’s what he would want, too. So I can’t promise you a normal relationship, and I hate the idea of taking from you without giving anything back but… I do really like you, Onyankopon.”
Onyankopon nodded solemnly, a piece of the puzzle that is Levi, perhaps the final piece, clicking into place. “Alright. We’ll go at your pace- I’m a very patient person.”
“God, and you’re so humble too,” Levi said with a smirk, chuckling despite himself. Onyankopon’s heart soared as he laughed with him.
“I’m not saying you need romance in your life to be whole, Levi. But I do want you to be happy, however you think you can be, whether that is with me or not. I do want to be part of your life though, if you’ll let me.”
Levi nodded slowly. “I want you to be part of my life too.”
Back at the house, they curled up together on the sofa just as Onyankopon had mentioned before. His arm was wrapped around him, pulling him close, and Levi’s good leg was splayed across Onyankopon’s.
“You haven’t turned a page in a while,” Onyankopon said quietly, setting down his own book. Levi sighed and did the same, shifting to stare up at the ceiling. “Are you thinking about Erwin?”
“Always,” Levi muttered, and Onyankopon ran a comforting hand through his hair.
“Do you want to talk about him?”
“Are you sure want to hear it?”
“Of course,” Onyankopon said genuinely.
“He was a fantastic leader. He had grand dreams that he fought so, so hard for. I swear, he could convince a snail to fight a pile of salt. And win.” Levi smiled, truly smiled, and continued. “He cared about his troops, even when he couldn’t show it. Even when we were called heartless or emotionless, or devils, he cared about each of them. He’s the whole reason I joined the Survey Corps, and without him, everyone in the walls would have perished long ago. He blamed himself, though, for every death. They weighed too heavily on him and he never got to learn that he was right, that there were humans outside the walls. I don’t regret letting him die, but I do wish he could know that everything he worked for, everything he dedicated his heart to, wasn’t in vain.”
Onyankopon nodded, still running his hand through Levi’s hair. “I’m glad you felt like you could tell me. He sounds like a great man.”
“He was,” Levi said. He twisted in Onyankopon’s hold and kissed him softly on his lips, pulling away after only a moment. He sank back down contently and picked up his book again. Eleven years is a lot of time, and while there would always be a piece missing, that didn’t mean he had to be broken.
---
That night, Onyankopon dreamt again.
The man standing before him was surrounded by a bright white light, making his golden hair shine radiantly. Idly running his hand across his brown Survey Corps jacket, he seemed the epitome of masculine beauty, save for the empty sleeve hanging at his right side. Around his neck hung a familiar bolo tie, and Onyankopon waited with bated breath for him to speak.
“I had many shortcomings as a lover, you know,” Erwin said, walking over to Onyankopon and sitting down in the white plain beside him. Onyankopon silently followed suit. He had heard of Eldians speak of the paths, but this wasn’t what they had described. Instead, this seemed like something from God, something sacred and holy.
“I couldn’t give him the time and attention he deserved,” Erwin continued. “I couldn’t dedicate myself to him because I had already dedicated myself to my dreams. I would have sacrificed him on the battlefield if I felt I had to. He knew that, and still he followed me. Loved me, even.”
Onyankopon drew in a breath, before slowly letting it out. “War makes people do things they don’t want to. If Levi feels you are worth loving, then I trust his judgment.” A pause. “He says you don’t believe you’re a good man, but that you are, actually.”
Erwin chuckled. “He’s insightful, apparently. Does this look like hell to you?”
Onyankopon shook his head ‘no’. “What is this place?”
“I can’t say. It was hard enough convincing Him to let me talk to you two- naturally, it came with some conditions.”
“So you talk to Levi in his dreams too?”
“Yes,” Erwin said with a smile. “He cares very much about you, you know.”
Onyankopon frowned. “Are you angry about that?”
“Why would I be? I’m a dead man- I have no right to claim him. It’s the opposite, actually. I want him to be happy and now, finally, without the burden of humanity’s survival on my shoulders, I can assure that. So please, Onyankopon, take care of him. Make him happy. Give him all the things that I couldn’t. He deserves so much.”
Onyankopon nodded sincerely, now understanding the goodness Levi saw in this man. “I will, I promise.”
“Onyankopon… Thank you.”
When Onyankopon woke, the dream was fuzzy, but he was left with a feeling of solitude and fulfillment and newfound confidence. Levi deserved the world, and he was going to give it to him, from both him and Erwin.