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Ranboo sat a small distance from the river bank as he ran his fingers over the stale hamburger bun, picking bits of the top off and letting it drop to the grass beneath him. A few tears dripped down his face, but he couldn’t be bothered to dry them. The scars on his cheeks burned from the moisture, but his hands stayed in his lap. The thoughts racing through his brain and the sinking feeling in his chest left him immobile as he stared blankly at the water in front of him.
He’s happier now. He’s got a purpose now. He’s got something to care about. He gripped the bread tighter. And none of it had anything to do with you. He dropped the whole bun onto the ground. He pressed the bases of his palms onto his eyes and let out a sob. This whole life we’ve built. This family. This marriage. Did it mean nothing to him? Did me and Michael not make him happy? Do I not make him happy? He winced from the pain in his hands and moved them away from his eyes to cross his arms. As he pulled his knees closer to himself, he buried his head between the sleeves of his button-up shirt and shut his eyes as tightly as he could. You mean nothing to him. You mean nothing to him. You mean nothing. You’re nothing—
“Hey Bossman?” Ranboo lifted his head ever so slightly to turn towards the voice behind him. “You— you alright there?” Ranboo just raised his eyebrows a bit. Tubbo’s eyes weren’t visible behind his hair, but his mouth formed a small frown. The goat boy stepped closer to Ranboo and settled on the grass beside him. Ranboo turned his head and pressed his chin up against his arm to avoid having to see his husband. Tubbo spent a few moments inhaling deeply, but still staying silent— trying to find the correct words to break the silence. Ranboo shut his eyes. Please. I can’t do this right now.
“Do— do you want to talk?” Ranboo stayed silent. Tubbo’s shoulders slumped as he picked at the grass. “Look,” he sighed, looking back up at Ranboo. He placed a hand on Ranboo’s forearm. “If this is about the cookie outpost—”
“It’s not about the cookie outpost!” Ranboo said as he snapped his head towards Tubbo. Tubbo flinched, pulling his hand away, his mouth ajar. More tears dripped down Ranboo’s face. His bottom lip quivered. “You—“ His voice cracked. “You said that you hadn’t felt that happy in forever.” His gaze scattered around. “Did this?” He raised his hand to touch the wedding ring that sat around his horn. “Did it not make you happy?” Tubbo sat frozen. Ranboo stared at the ground, grimacing from the burning sensation on his face. Tubbo leaned over, reaching a hand up to cup Ranboo’s face. Ranboo turned his head away, but Tubbo pulled it back to face him. He watched Tubbo’s hand as he tugged his sleeve down to his palm and softly wiped the tears from his face. He looked up achingly at his husband, whose hand still rested on his cheek. They stayed like that in silence for a few beats.
“Please,” Tubbo said, almost a whisper, “Don’t for a second believe that I don’t love you.” Tubbo’s eye peeked out from behind his hair and met Ranboo’s stare. His breath faltered for a moment. He unfolded from his position and reached out to embrace Tubbo. He rested his head on Tubbo’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him as Tubbo rested a hand on the back of Ranboo’s head. The enderman quietly let out a sob. “Hey, hey,” he said softly. “You can’t keep crying, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” Ranboo shut his eyes and exhaled, sinking further into Tubbo’s arms. They stayed in that stillness, neither one of them wanting to break it. Eventually, Ranboo slumped back down, sliding his hand down to hold Tubbo’s. “Can we talk about this now?” Ranboo nodded.
“When I said I haven’t been happy, I— I didn’t mean it in that way, I just—” Tubbo stuttered. “You. Michael. Tommy. You’re the best parts of my life. I love you guys. Nothing’s going to change that. Nothing’s ever changed that, okay?” Ranboo squeezed his hand tighter. “But you’ve got to understand. After losing L’manburg. I’ve been so… lost, man. I feel like I don’t have a purpose anymore. Snowchester— it was good for a while, but you know… everyone kind of just left it to go elsewhere. Hell, even you live with Phil and Techno. It’s an empty country with an empty mansion and… an empty leader.” Ranboo intertwined his fingers with Tubbo’s. “I tried making the outpost to— to fucking feel something, if I’m honest. I hoped the conflict might give me something to do. Something to defend. But all I was defending was what? Some vacant cabins? I wasn’t in the right headspace. I wasn’t being myself. And then Big Q approached me with the job offer and I don’t know, he kind of shined a light in the darkness. Here I was with no clue what I wanted to do with my life and right then and there, he gave me an opportunity. I had to take it.”
“Even though you knew Wilbur and I were already starting our burger shop?” Ranboo asked.
“Well, I figured— and Big Q told me— it was just gonna be some friendly competition. You know, capitalism shit. Benefits the consumer.”
“Do you believe that? That it’s actually just friendly?” Tubbo sighed.
“I don’t know. I’d like to believe it. I’d like to be able to participate in something without all the ulterior motives.” Ranboo looked at the ground.
“I don’t want to keep secrets anymore,” he said, his voice raspy. “In this relationship we— we have to communicate. Otherwise, things are going to pile up until it breaks and I don’t want—” He paused, to change his wording. “I can’t lose you, Tubbo.” Tubbo nodded, squeezing his husband’s hand to signal his agreement. “I’ve hidden so many things I’ve done. I’ve been so afraid.”
“Just tell me one, then. For a start.” Ranboo took in a shaky breath.
“Wilbur… and I. Mostly me. We blew up that bit. In the restaurant. I did. He— he told me it would prove that we weren’t messing around and I just… did it.” He slumped his shoulders. “It was stupid. It was stupid of me. But I couldn’t say no. I didn’t know how, so I just followed along with what he said even though I knew deep down it was wrong.” Ranboo paused, then let out a groan. “God. I let a man who blew up a nation use more TNT. How am I so stupid?” He pressed his palm to his forehead.
“Hey, hey, it’s— it’s alright. That’s it with the TNT and Wilbur… right?” Ranboo frowned.
“No…” He croaked. “He— he asked me to plant stacks of TNT under Las Nevadas… as a fail-safe.”
“Wait what? What the fuck? You didn’t, right?”
“No! No, of course not. He just asked me today, but… I— I didn’t tell him no. I—” Ranboo raised and looked at his free hand, which was trembling. “I don’t know how to— I’m just scared— I—”
“Woah, it’s alright bossman. Take a deep breath. You’re alright.” Tubbo moved to hold on to Ranboo’s shaking hand.
“I— I try the best I can to be a good person, but I can never stand up for myself. I’m such a hypocrite, Tubbo.”
“Hey, it’s alright. You might have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair, but it’s the thought that counts, right?”
“Not when I’m putting the people I love in danger…” Ranboo frowned. “I can’t keep acting like this.”
Tubbo’s mouth slid to the side as he considered his thoughts.
“You know, a while back— during the Manburg days— everyone saw me as just a ‘yes man.’ I didn’t have any thoughts for myself. I just kind of went along with whatever an authority figure would tell me. That fucking haunted me. Even when I was president, no one took my word seriously. It brought me to points when I snapped. Like when I exiled Tommy. Or when Big Q…” Tubbo trailed off.
“When Big Q what?” Tubbo looked up.
“He wanted to execute you. For cooperating with Technoblade. Said it was treason.” Ranboo furrowed his brows. “I wouldn’t let him. You decorated the goddamn festival for fuck’s sake. Talk about history repeating itself. I couldn’t let that happen to you—” Ranboo pressed his forehead against Tubbo’s, a small smile gracing his expression.
“I love you.”
“That’s… kind of gay, bossman,” Tubbo said with a chuckle.
“Shut up,” he responded affectionately. Ranboo let out a small sigh. “I feel a lot better. Thank you.”
“We’re gonna be okay. We’re not going to let stuff like this drive us apart.” Ranboo nodded.
“No more secrets.”
“No more secrets,” Tubbo echoed. “We can catch up over time. It’s all good.” Tubbo leaned back. “Now,” he said with a smirk. “If we’re done with the sappy stuff, I have a proposal.”
“Tubbo, we’re married,” Ranboo said with a laugh.
“Not that kind of proposal, dumbass.” Tubbo clapped his hands together. “If we’re talking about friendly competition. I think it’s only fair if we get the best man out there to decide which one of our burgers is superior.”
“You don’t mean—”
“You cook up a Wilburger. I’ll go run over and make one of mine. We bring both home to Michael. He decides once and for all which burger is better. Also, which one of his dads he likes best.” Ranboo snorted.
“Okay, on the burger front, yes, I agree. But I don’t think a hamburger preference is going to tell us who he likes better. We already know I’m the favorite dad.”
“You wanna fuckin’ go? We can make this a race too.” Ranboo narrowed his eyes.
“You know what? You’re on. First one back to Snowchester decides on movie night tonight.” Tubbo bolted up immediately and dashed towards the desert.
“Prepare yourself to lose absolutely everything!” He shouted as he ran into the distance.
“That’s gonna be all you!” Ranboo called back with a laugh as he stood up and began to jog back to the van.