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He was yelling at Ma again. I could hear it. I heard what he said about me. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am worthless. Maybe I’m not going to get anywhere in life. I mean, I’m never going to be as good as Ford. He’s smart. He’s talented. I’m just his nobody brother who cheats off him. All I have is that sometimes girls like me. That won’t get me anywhere.
Some kid broke Ford and I’d glasses today. I had to carry him home. Filbrick was mad at me. Blamed me for Ford getting hurt and our glasses getting broken. He’s not getting me new glasses for a few months. Ford’s getting his tomorrow. Funny isn’t it?
I wish our parents liked me more. Ma doesn’t completely hate me at least. She can at least pretend to like me and believe in me when I’m around.
Ford is the same as he’s always been. My nerdy twin who I do almost everything with. He’s been drifting away recently though. Been burying himself in as many contests that give money as Pa can force him in. That on top of the school work he gets and his extra stuff has been taking up all of his time. It’s like I’m not even there. He hasn’t even been coming to dinner anymore. It’s been giving Filbrick more time to be mad and disappointed. I miss Ford. He’s all I have. People would say I have Carla, but she’s just with me to protect our reputations. She’s been drifting away too anyway. There isn't enough room for me to write more here. I’ll write more tomorrow.
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Filbrick hit me. Ma and Ford weren’t home. It was just me. Then he came home. He seemed drunk. He probably was. It definitely sounded like he was. I guess he didn’t like what I was doing or something. I don’t know why, I was doing schoolwork. He grabbed my hair really hard. I might have a bald spot there now that I think about it. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s hidden. He threw me on the ground and started yelling. Repeated all the things he only said to Ma. Worthless, useless, weak, pathetic, nothing, the list goes on. He hit me with a chair at some point. I don’t remember when. My head hurts. Everything hurts. I just want it to stop. I don't know what to do. I’m not allowed to take the pain killers. It would be a waste. But I can’t really use anything other than water to deal with the wounds. All the medical stuff is for the people in the family who matter, especially Ford. God what am I gonna tell Ford? To Ma? They wouldn’t believe me if I told them. I’m supposed to be the tough one, the one who always wins the fight. They would get suspicious if I told them I had a rough fight. What can I do? I don’t have anyone. No one but Ford. But would he believe me with this?