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She watched Adora's sleeping form from the foot of her bed, her tail thumping lightly against the thin mat. Catra was tired. It had been a long day, and she could use some sleep after all of the training from earlier that day, and reprimands that she couldn't seem to avoid. But she couldn't. She couldn't because whenever she actually did manage to fall asleep, she was plagued with nightmares. She'd been laying there for at least an hour and a half and she was sure she hadn't even gotten fifteen minutes in.
Catra huffed in agitation. She felt terrible. Her body ached, her eyes were glazed over, and no matter how much she kneaded the mattress, it wouldn't get any more comfortable. She turned, shifting to press her back against Adora's feet. Adora's presence and warmth typically made Catra feel better on nights like these. She closed her eyes again and tried to forget what she had just been awaken by, as well as ignore her body's constant protesting.
Nightmares weren't new to Catra. Not necessarily. The ones she'd been having recently were different and more frequent than usual, but she'd come to expect them. She couldn't explain why they had suddenly gotten worse recently, or why the sudden shift in subject. All she knew was that she was tired of waking up sweaty and panicked, Adora's warmth beside her the only comfort she could find.
She continued to shift around, so tired and unfocused she didn't notice Adora's stirring. Catra had nuzzled up against Adora's calf when she suddenly felt a hand scratch lightly behind her ear. She opened one eye to peer up at Adora, who was now sitting up and rubbing her eye with her other hand. She yawned and retracted the hand on her ear, covering her mouth with it. Once she'd awakened a little more, she looked at Catra with tired eyes. "Nightmares?" She whispered. Catra hesitated.
Adora knew about nights like these. She'd been witness to many of them and provided comfort to Catra without a second thought. But Catra hated how weak it made her look. As much as she loved the soft looks and touches from Adora, accepting them felt like a punch to the gut. Catra looked away, scratching lightly at the blanket in frustration, her tail swishing behind her. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine. Go back to sleep."
Catra could feel Adora's eyes on her, and when she turned to look at her, she looked to be in deep thought. With a soft sigh, Adora shifted her gaze and began readjusting herself under the blanket. Catra pouted when Adora pulled her leg away, but just as she opened her mouth to complain, Adora lifted the covers and pat the spot next to her in invitation. Despite herself, Catra felt her face grow warm, and she was thankful Adora couldn't see.
She sat up, contemplating. She could ignore Adora's too-soft look and go back to the foot of the bed. That would be easier. Easier than facing the fact that her heart swelled when Adora looked at her like that, and how it pounded at the idea of lying so close to her. If she did, it would probably wipe the look off her face completely. Catra didn't think that sounded much better.
Catra cast her eyes downward for a moment, biting her lip, before giving an exaggerated sigh and small smirk she wasn't sure Adora could see. "It's not like you're gonna leave me alone anyway." Catra deflected playfully as she crawled up next to Adora. Adora giggled softly as Catra laid down, and Adora brought the blanket back up over them, lying down to face her. As she did, her eyes met Catra's and she felt her fingers graze her hand between them. Catra blushed at the contact, but she didn't really know why. Her and Adora touched all the time, it was nothing new. In the back of her mind, she noted that moments like these always felt more intimate than normal.
Catra's attention shifted from their hands back to Adora's eyes. She'd never admit it, but she loved looking into them. She couldn't see colors the way everyone else could, but she could make out the saturated blue shade of her irises. Though Catra would never admit it to anyone, she thought they were beautiful.
Adora's expression shifted into something of a pout, and Catra felt warm as she placed her hand on Catra's, squeezing it lightly. "What's wrong?" She asked. Catra furrowed her brows. "Nothing, why?" Adora gave her a teasing smile. "You were staring." Catra looked away, the blush from earlier deepening. "Was not!" She whispered harshly, shoving Adora's shoulder lightly. Adora snorted, pushing her back. "You so were!" They stared at each other for a moment, before bursting into muffled laughter.
As their laughter died down, Adora sighed and Catra looked up at her. Sometime in their fit of laughter they'd snuggled closer together and Catra could feel Adora's breath hit her top lip. She felt her heart skip a beat. When she met Adora's eyes, she saw surprise mixed with something else she couldn't really name, but something in her gaze caused Catra to panic, and she quickly looked away and scooted back a little.
For a few moments, nothing but their breathing and the snores of the other cadets could be heard in the room. Catra shifted uncomfortably, deciding that it was probably best they go to sleep. She was about turn over and close her eyes when she heard Adora sigh.
"So, what were you dreaming about?" She asked, suddenly reminding Catra of why she had come up to lie beside her friend in the first place. It wasn't a great reminder though, and apparently Adora saw something in her expression to make her realize that. She rested a hand on Catra's shoulder and squeezed it in reassurance. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
Catra sighed.
She was fully aware that her dreams were just that. Dreams. They didn't mean anything. But that didn't stop the worry that always accompanied them. The fear of inferiority and unimportance. She hated that something as silly as a dream could bring this up in her.
Adora started to retract her hand, and on instinct, Catra grabbed it with both of her own. Adora's surprise mirrored her own, both of them caught off guard by the sudden movement, but this time, neither of them attempted to change it. Catra tried to play off the sudden gesture like it was purposeful. She realxed her body and rubbed Adora's hand with her thumbs slightly, sighing again. She was trying to figure out where to start.
"...I know they're not real. They shouldn't even- they don't bother me that much but..." She huffed in frustration, pulling away from Adora to wrap her arms around herself protectively. "Sometimes they're about Shadow Weaver. About how I'm not good enough and that I'll always be holding you back. You know, the usual. I hate those ones, but I can deal with them..." She looked down, unable to look at Adora directly. "Lately though... I've been having dreams about you leaving. Like, you just leave me and don't want to be around me anymore. I know that sounds so dumb, and it's not like I believe them. I-I guess..." She lowers her voice even further, almost afraid to admit anything more to the girl next to her. "I guess I just like being near you after. It helps the fear go away." She feels her face heat up in embarrassment at the confession. To tell the truth, that wasn't all of it. The fear that Adora would leave her was always followed by the fear that Shadow Weaver was right. That she really was just holding Adora back. That she would never be equal to her. That as soon as Adora didn't need her anymore, didn't want her, she would be deemed worthless. But she couldn't tell Adora that. That was too much.
She half expects Adora to move away from her. Half expects her expression to turn sour and kick Catra out of her bed. She doesn't do any of that though. In fact, Adora is uncharacteristically quiet, and for a bit too long, long enough for Catra's fear of rejection start to flare. She's about to make a joke about what she'd just shared to break the tension when she feels Adora's arms wrap around her. Catra tenses at first, not expecting the sudden movement, but it doesn't take long for her to reciprocate.
Catra bites back a purr as Adora starts to scratch behind her ear with one of her hands. She can't stop herself from nuzzling further into it, but she finds she doesn't really mind. They stay like that for awhile, Adora petting Catra's head affectionately and Catra wraps her tail around Adora's ankle, enjoying every second of it. There's still that fear in the back of her mind, telling her she's been too open, let herself be too vunerable, but it's drowned out by warmth that emits from Adora's arms around her.
Eventually, Adora pulls away enough to look at Catra, her expression so soft and open and so Adora that it's all Catra can see in that moment. "You are so amazing Catra. You're my best friend. And I'm never gonna leave. I mean, I made a promise didn't I?" Adora laughs softly, earning a smile from Catra. She settles a claw against Adora's forehead playfully, her smile changing to that of a smirk. "Yeah, plus you're too- well you know, you to pull anything like that. I mean, you feel bad everytime I steal one extra ration, and you're not even the one doing it." Catra laughs, her high-pitched squeaky giggles earning a look of adoration from her best friend, unbenounced to her. "Hey!" Adora shoved Catra's shoulder, but she laughed along with her, happy to see the somber and frustrated look from earlier leave her face. Their laughing eventually quiets when they hear shifting from a few bunks, leaving soft, tired smiles on their faces.
Adora yawned, and Catra followed shortly after, suddenly remembering how late it was. The reminder left Catra's eyelids feeling heavy, and Adora seemed to be feeling the same. She watched Adora close her eyes, wrapping her hand around Catra's. "Tired already?" Catra asked teasingly, closing her own eyes. "You're one to talk." Adora replied, her voice already laced with sleep. Catra chuckled in reply.
She felt Adora squeeze her hand lightly. "Goodnight Catra." She whispered. Catra opened her eyes to look at Adora's soft features once more, a small smile forming before she could stop it.
"Goodnight Adora."