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Shiki’s doctors had recommended her to stay home for a few more weeks after being discharged. She needed some more time to fully recover, they had said. Truth be told, Shiki was happy to hear it, to have an excuse not to go outside. She wasn’t looking forward to going back to her old life straight away. After the week in the Game, she forgot so many basic things, like how she can enter any shop in the city, or where her centre of gravity is. Adjusting to normal would take her a while.
She didn’t mind that very much, though. Without having obligations, she felt she could take things one step at a time, in a way that was comfortable and safe. (She kept her appointment with Neku and the others, though, of course.) It felt good, not to have a time limit on all her actions.
So, when Eri appeared at her door unannounced, Shiki felt like ground would disappear under her feet.
She wasn’t naïve enough to expect the two of them would never have to talk again. Before her accident – before their argument – they shared almost everything, there was barely any time they weren’t talking, texting, or passing notes in class. She expected she would have a choice in when this would happen, is all. She knew there would be many opportunities for that.
Eri, not noticing the shock on Shiki’s face, or the lack of a greeting, simply said “Hi” and walked inside. Shiki closed the door behind her and thought that this should be one of those just like the old times moments. Except if it was like the old times, Eri would be carrying sketchbooks, pieces of fabric, or both.
Instead, today she was holding a cardboard box.
“I bought some cake on the way,” Eri explained. “Your favourite. The doctors didn’t say you can’t eat it, right?”
“No, it’s fine.” Shiki, despite herself, was surprised Eri remembered something like that. She took the box from Eri’s hands. “I’ll put that in the kitchen.” She hoped Eri would move to her room – or to the living room, somewhere they could sit down, at any rate – and she would have a moment to prepare herself for this conversation. Instead, Eri followed her to the kitchen. Shiki had forgotten just how comfortable the other girl was in her house.
In the kitchen, Shiki put the box on the counter and turned around to see Eri pour herself a glass of juice. The other girl thrust the juice box toward her, but Shiki shook her head and just watched Eri drink. It occurred to her that she didn’t know how to think of her. ‘Friend’ didn’t sound right. ‘Best friend’ didn’t, either. ‘Girlfriend’, like before? Well. They hadn’t broken up, officially. But after the argument and weeks of not seeing each other, Shiki felt the word was too big.
Eri finished drinking and set her glass down with a soft clink. She looked at Shiki and opened her mouth to speak, then suddenly closed it again. Her eyes went wide.
“Shiki, I’m really sorry! Are you okay? Do you need to lie down?” she asked. She must’ve taken the way Shiki was leaning on the counter the wrong way, Shiki realised.
“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. Let’s go sit in the living room,” she offered.
Seated on the couch, Shiki finally took a good look at Eri. She noticed the other girl wasn’t wearing anything they had worked on together. In fact, she could remember the time they had gone shopping and bought the jacket Eri was wearing today. It was on a nice, balmy day. Afterwards they went to see a movie. Neither of them had known it was a horror beforehand; Eri had spent a good portion of it with her face buried in Shiki’s shoulder.
That felt like ages ago.
Shiki felt like she should say something, start the conversation. She didn’t know how, though – the only thing that kept coming to mind was saying she had overheard Eri’s conversation with Mina a few weeks ago. That was a terrible idea, though. For one, she felt it was an invasion of Eri’s privacy, that she had deprived her of apologising on her own terms. Not to mention, that conversation might not have actually happened. Shiki wasn’t sure how this world had adapted to her surviving the accident.
Eri didn’t seem to be as uncomfortable as Shiki, at first glance. She was smiling, idly playing with a tassel of a pillow. When she noticed Shiki looking at her, she flushed and directed her gaze at the floor in front of her feet.
“I’m really glad you’re okay, Shiki,” she whispered. “When I heard about your accident, I…” She shook her head. “Shiki, I’m so sorry for what I said that time.”
Part of Shiki wished they could just put this behind them and act like if nothing ever happened. A bigger part of her knew that she should keep quiet right now, and let Eri speak.
Eri took a deep breath, and continued. “I really didn’t want to hurt your feelings, Shiki. I just meant that… You’re really good at sewing. I mean, you’re fantastic! I really didn’t want you to worry and beat yourself up over designing. And it came out all wrong. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Eri, it’s alright. I understand.” Shiki moved closer to her, put the pillow laying between them away, and took Eri’s hand. “Let’s forget all about this, okay?”
Eri didn’t respond. She kept looking down, her hand – the one Shiki wasn’t touching – was balled up on her thigh. Shiki decided not to press, for now.
A moment passed. The atmosphere around them felt heavy. Shiki hadn’t moved from her spot, nor did she let go of Eri’s hand, but she allowed her eyes to wander around the room. She felt that if she kept looking at Eri, it would be rude and intrusive. That’s why she wasn’t looking at her when Eri spoke up again.
“I still can’t believe you’re here again, Shiki,” Eri whispered. Her voice was shaking. “I was afraid I would never get to see you, talk to you, touch you again. I just,” she sobbed, “I’m so happy you’re okay.”
Before Shiki realised it, Eri had her arms wrapped around her, her face buried in Shiki’s shoulder. The weight, pressure, warmth of her body were familiar and welcome, if unexpected. She hoped Eri wouldn’t notice the few seconds of hesitation before she returned the hug.
She thought she should say something, this time. “Eri,” she began, her voice barely above a whisper, “it’s okay. I’m fine. Don’t cry.” Shiki felt like she would break down crying herself. “It’s okay, I’m fine, I forgive you, we’re going to be okay.”
She could feel Eri’s fingers grip the fabric of her shirt. Her friend sobbed, and Shiki hugged her tighter.
Eri cried for a long while. Even after she calmed down, she stayed like she was, pressed against Shiki, clinging to her.
When she let go and pulled away, her eyes were all red.
“I’m sorry about that,” she said. “I don’t want to make it all about myself, Shiki.”
“It’s alright.” Shiki could feel herself smile, for the first time that day. She hoped Eri would find it reassuring. “There’s plenty of time to make up for the last few weeks.” She reached for Eri’s hands, both of them this time, and squeezed them. When she looked back up, she saw Eri was smiling again, too.
Much later, at the door, Eri asked Shiki if she wanted to go out next weekend. “We could go shopping, if you want. Or sit at the park if you’re not feeling up to walking a lot.”
Shiki thought for a moment before replying, “Yeah, sure, shopping is fine. Clothes or materials?”
“Clothes. I saw a blue dress that would look great on you the other day.”
“Isn’t blue more of your colour?”
“I guess?” Eri paused and rummaged through her purse before pulling out her phone. “It was really cute, though, look!”
The dress in the photo was cute, Shiki had to admit. She took the phone from Eri and looked closer. She didn’t usually go for this style, but… She felt she could trust Eri on this.
“Alright. I’ll drop by around noon, is that okay?” She handed the phone back to Eri, who smiled and nodded with enthusiasm.
“Yeah! It’s a date, then,” she said. Then the words she had just said seemed to really reach her, and her smile faltered. “If that’s alright with you, I mean.” She smiled again, though her voice sounded uncertain.
Shiki returned the smile. The uncertainty she felt when Eri first came inside had long since disappeared.
“Of course it’s alright,” she replied. “It’s a date.”