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They are sitting at a table in the library at the community college, where Kurt’s asked Blaine to come tutor him for his final ASL project. Blaine had teased him for wanting to meet in the library when they could just as easily have met at Kurt’s house, but apparently when Kurt had texted him that he wanted help studying, he’d meant actual studying.
WHAT’S THE PROJECT? Blaine asks, doing his best to focus on the task at hand and not the way Kurt’s foot has slotted against his own. It’s their version of holding hands since they need their hands to sign.
I HAVE TO SIGN A CHILDREN’S STORY, Kurt explains, pulling a book out of his messenger bag.
AND YOU’RE WORRIED WHY? he asks. Kurt’s signing has gotten much better over the last two months. He’s nowhere near fluent yet, but he’s certainly got enough skills to pass any ASL 1 project with flying colors.
WILL YOU WATCH ME AND TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG? Kurt glares at him, playfully.
THAT DEPENDS, he teases. WHAT DO I GET OUT OF THIS?
FREE ICE CREAM? Kurt suggests.
I DON’T KNOW, he signs, rubbing his foot up and down Kurt’s calf. IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK FOR JUST A SCOOP OF ICE CREAM…
MY HOUSE IS EMPTY UNTIL LATE, Kurt suggests with a wiggle of his eyebrows. I COULD THINK OF A FEW WAYS TO REPAY YOU…
YEAH? he asks, to which Kurt simply nods and reaches out his hands to grab onto Blaine’s. He tugs on his hand until Blaine scoots in close enough for Kurt to place a sweet kiss at the inside of his wrist.
It’s been two months of flirting and a little over a month of dating and everything still feels new and exciting. Blaine can’t help but blush when Kurt stares at him with those piercing eyes, because it’s those same eyes that look back at him when he’s pushing Blaine down onto the bed, and a library is really not the place Blaine wants to be thinking about what he enjoys doing with his boyfriend in bed.
He watches Kurt roll his eyes and glare at something out of the corner of his eyes. When Blaine looks to see what’s caught his attention, he notices a group of boys have sat down at the table next to their’s. One of the boys is saying something, but Blaine can’t make out what it is because he has a mustache that makes lipreading difficult. He turns back to Kurt, who looks utterly annoyed by now and Blaine starts to put two and two together.
“You —— are — —phobic —“ is all he can catch when Kurt’s talking so fast and Blaine’s still out of practice reading lips.
WHAT’S WRONG? he asks, trying to get Kurt’s attention.
Despite the mustache, Blaine’s able to read what is said next. There are a few things that pretty much any Deaf person can universally lipread. “So he’s deaf?”
Blaine is ready to just roll his eyes and get back to working on Kurt’s project, but apparently Kurt has other ideas. He watches Kurt start yelling at the boys, his body tense and his fists clenched. He’s not signing a word he’s saying, which means that Blaine catches none of it.
The boys at the table all stand up, and Blaine knows that can’t be a good sign. They are significantly taller than him and have a great deal more muscle. He’s still not entirely sure if their entire problem stems from the fact that he’s deaf, or that they are gay. It’s far more likely that it’s a combination of both, because he knows that the challenges of being gay are only compounded when additional difference is added into the equation. The argument continues on and Kurt ignores any of his attempts to get him to interpret what is being said so that he can follow what’s happening.
Frustrated beyond belief, Blaine pounds on the table loudly until practically all eyes in the library are on him.
WHAT ARE THEY SAYING? he asks.
NOTHING, IT’S FINE, Kurt signs, causing Blaine to see red.
In the list of things Blaine hates about being Deaf in a hearing world, being excluded from conversations or having people only interpret the parts of conversations that are convenient for them? That’s absolutely at the top, and the fact that it’s his boyfriend doing it to him makes it a million times worse. He’s livid. The kind of livid that has him contemplating the best way to burn the entire place to the ground, but he’s too upset to have a conversation about it.
He stands up and walks right out of the library. He looks over his shoulder once, to see if Kurt’s following him, but Kurt’s still locked in a heated argument with the boys and hasn’t even noticed that Blaine left. He makes his way out the front doors and outside, where he has to force himself to stop and take a breath. He knows if he tries to drive home right now, he’ll get in a car accident. He’s too upset to be behind the wheel. So he takes a seat in the grass and lays down.
When he was younger, he used to spend hours staring up at the clouds and making up elaborate stories in his head about the people he thought must live up there. During recesses, when he was forced onto the playground without an interpreter and the sounds of screaming kids made his hearing aides even more pointless than they usually were, he would lay in the grass and stare at the clouds. He would picture the people that must live up there, and imagine they were all deaf like him. That he wasn’t broken, like his classmates said. That he belonged somewhere else and he was just waiting for the day where somebody would come and save him.
Eventually they did. Eventually Sebastian helped him convince his parents to let him transfer to Dalton and he didn’t need to imagine a life with friends anymore, he had real ones. Still, sometimes when he’s really upset, he finds himself taking comfort in the feeling of the grass underneath him and the clear blue sky above, and the feeling that so long as he keeps his eyes on the sky, he will never have to see all the ways that he doesn’t belong.
He closes his eyes and let’s the warmth from the sun help melt away the tension in his body. He tries to clear his mind and will the sudden anger that had built up away. He knows that he’s going to have to have a conversation with Kurt about what happened. He’s going to have to explain exactly why he can’t just not sign around him simply because of a difficult conversation. It shuts him out of the situation and it’s not fair to him. If he’s going to date a hearing boy, he needs that hearing boy to accommodate for him in all situations, not just when it’s easy. He needs to explain all of this, but he knows if he does so when he’s still this worked up, he’ll say something he regrets.
When the warmth of the sun is suddenly cut off, he opens his eyes to see Kurt standing above him, looking concerned.
I’M SORRY ABOUT THEM, he signs.
IT’S NOT THEM THAT UPSET ME, Blaine signs, willing himself to be honest with Kurt. It would be so easy to just brush this under the rug and forget it ever happened, but if he does that, then there isn’t anything stopping it from happening again.
YOU’RE MAD AT ME? Kurt signs, looking like he’s just been slapped.
YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE WHAT INFORMATION YOU SHARE WITH ME, he explains, thankfully the sun had done it’s job and any tears that were threatening to fall earlier have disappeared.
YOU DIDN’T HEAR THE THINGS THEY WERE SAYING, Kurt explains.
THAT’S THE POINT, he signs, moving to stand up so that they are on equal footing. I CAN’T HEAR. I DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO THE THINGS AROUND ME WITHOUT SOMEBODY TRANSLATING FOR ME.
YOU REALLY WANT ME TO TRANSLATE… WHAT’S THE SIGN FOR HOMOPHOBIC? Kurt asks. So often this is their life. They have to stop mid-conversation for Blaine to teach Kurt a sign, and they will continue to have to do this until Kurt’s fluent. His friends are right. His life would be a lot easier if he could fall for another Deaf boy, but the problem is that he doesn’t want another Deaf boy. He wants Kurt. And if he wants Kurt, this is going to be part of his life for awhile.
YOU REALLY WANT ME TO TRANSLATE HOMOPHOBIC WORDS? Kurt asks, now that he knows the sign.
MY ENTIRE LIFE, PEOPLE PICK AND CHOSE WHAT THEY SHARE WITH ME, he tries to explain in a way that makes sense to Kurt. THEY TELL ME THINGS AREN’T IMPORTANT WHEN THEY ARE TOO LAZY TO SIGN SOMETHING. THEY REFUSE TO INTERPRET THE MEAN THINGS KIDS SAY TO ME, THINKING THAT I CAN’T TELL WHAT’S GOING ON AROUND ME.
I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU, Kurt signs, looking crestfallen.
I KNOW, Blaine signs, leaning in to give him a kiss because he can’t stand how sad Kurt looks right now. I’M GLAD YOU ARE WILLING TO PROECT ME. BUT I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT LIMITING MY ACCESS TO COMMUNICATION ISN’T THE WAY TO DO IT. YOU HAVE TO WALK THROUGH LIFE HEARING EVERY HATEFUL THING THAT PEOPLE SAY TO YOU. YOU DON’T GET TO LIVE IN A BUBBLE, SO DON’T PUT ME IN ONE.
I’M SORRY, Kurt signs.
IT’S FINE, he signs, and finds that he honestly means it.
DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHAT THEY SAID NOW? Kurt asks.
I THINK I CAN FIGURE IT OUT ON MY OWN, he laughs. THEY DIDN’T LIKE SEEING TWO BOYS TOGETHER, AND THEY REALLY DIDN'T LIKE SEEING A DEAF BOY WITH A HEARING BOY?
I TOLD THEM THAT I DIDN’T LIKE LOOKING AT THEIR HORRIBLE OUTFITS, OR SMELLING THE BUCKETS OF AXE THEY BATHED IN, BUT WE GET WHAT WE GET.
Blaine laughs, and they start walking towards the parking lot. Perhaps studying at Kurt’s was a better idea after all.