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“That's good to know,” Xie Lian says. “Thank you for your report, General Pei.”
Xie Lian isn't sure why he agreed to meet in person to discuss Heavenly matters with Pei Ming rather than talk about it in the communication array. Pei Ming is an amusing man, but he's not exactly Xie Lian's first choice of company.
Still, they had a productive time, finding solutions for several issues in the Heavenly Realm, and pleasing the shop owner by ordering expensive tea and pastries to drink and eat as they worked. Xie Lian suspects Pei Ming chose this shop for its two pretty waitresses, but at this point, nothing surprises him anymore.
“May I walk you back? Turns out, there's a prayer I have to answer on the way.”
Xie Lian nods, and as they take the road, fills in the blanks by asking about Shi Qingxuan, whom he knows Pei Ming keeps a close eye on.
Though Pei Ming gives him complete answers, Xie Lian is immediately able to tell that's not what he wants to talk about. And indeed, as soon as they approach their destination, Pei Ming doesn't hold back; of course, the conversation moves to Hua Cheng.
“How's Crimson Rain Sought Flower?”
“He's very well, thank you.”
“How sad that you didn't invite anyone to your wedding. Knowing Hua Cheng, it must have been quite the sight.”
“It was,” Xie Lian replies simply, smiling at the memory. Truth be told, there had been guests to their wedding, but only those closest to them—which, really, wasn't a lot of people.
Either way, Xie Lian isn't sure where Pei Ming is going with this and, frankly, isn't sure he wants to know.
Pei Ming, however, filters less and less since they first met—not that he really did in the first place. He doesn’t keep Xie Lian waiting for long, leaning forward with an air of conspiracy.
“I met a beautiful lady recently. We had a great time together. Absolutely wonderful.”
Xie Lian blinks. What.
“General Pei. . . I don't—why are you telling me this?”
Pei Ming gives him a knowing look. Xie Lian doesn't remember the last time he felt this awkward, but coming from Pei Ming, it isn’t an unfamiliar experience.
“Your Highness, if you wish, I have much advice that I'm sure you and Crimson Rain Sought Flower could make good use of, now that your marriage has been consummated.”
Xie Lian freezes. He inwardly sighs through how hot his face suddenly feels. Here it comes.
“Aiya, surely we don’t have to talk about that?” he politely says, retaining the need to add, Is it even any of your business?, and hide.
“Of course not, of course not. I merely wished to offer you my advice and congratulations.”
Xie Lian doubts Pei Ming could give them any useful advice—in his humble opinion, Hua Cheng has perfected his craft in a shorter time than Pei Ming must have in hundreds of years—but besides that. . . Congratulations for what?
“I'm sorry, I'm not sure I'm following.”
“You know.” Pei Ming gestures vaguely, though his attempt at modesty doesn’t seem sincere at all. “How hard must it have been for you to go for so long without indulging in pleasures of the flesh?”
Oh please, this again?
It really wasn't hard. Why does everyone think it was hard?
“That you are finally able to have a more fulfilling life deserves congratulations.”
Xie Lian pauses, his brows briefly furrowing. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Turning around to face Pei Ming properly, he schools his expression into one of politeness.
“Kindly excuse me; what do you mean by that?”
Pei Ming, blissfully unaware of the shift in atmosphere, answers, “Well, how liberating is it to finally indulge? At last, you don't have to shackle yourself. What’s not to celebrate?”
Xie Lian frowns. Now, that’s quite enough.
The only shackles that were put on him were Jun Wu's cursed shackles. But Jun Wu, who must not have even known he existed at the time, never chose his method of cultivation for him—no one did. He chose them himself.
His vows did cause him to have no experience on the subject, and thus be one of the reasons he gets easily flustered—though, he finds he’s getting better—but to say he suffered from them. . .
If anything, his upbringing as Crown Prince and the expectations placed on him—do not lower yourself under what's expected of your status—hurt him more in his times of need than his vows ever did.
“With all due respect General Pei, I do not believe you know what you're talking about. Please, do not take your false assumptions as truth.”
Pei Ming, who was about to say more, snaps his mouth shut, realizing he’s overstepped; which, with Xie Lian’s patience, is not an easy feat.
“I chose my vows. I could've chosen any, but this is the one I set my mind on. I wasn't forced or persuaded, and I knew perfectly well what I was getting into. Weren't you once a teenager, General Pei? Would you have willingly chosen a vow of abstinence at that age?”
Pei Ming rubs the back of his neck, without a doubt thinking back to what he was like at fifteen. “Uhm, no.”
“I suspected as much. I had merely no interest in such matters beyond easily ignored curiosity, and though I've always been greatly appreciative of beauty, in eight hundred years I never met anyone who made me feel differently.”
“But Crimson Rain Sought Flower. . .”
“Made me experience many new things, it's true,” Xie Lian readily admits, his flush be damned. “And I would not give up any of these things now that I have them. But had I never met San Lang. . .” The mere thought knots his throat, and he has to take a pause, the year he’s spent waiting for Hua Cheng to come home still vivid in his mind. “I likely wouldn’t have felt any need to seek them out, and that would’ve been very much alright by me.
“I certainly have been happier since I met him, but it has nothing to do with what we do in the privacy of our chambers. Even if I—” A bright flush creeps up his neck. “Love it. Like it. Very much. General Pei, stop doing that thing with your eyebrows, it's very unsettling. Aiya, why am I even telling you this?
“Anyway. Regardless of what you may think, my vows never caused me any hindrance, and I felt no relief nor regret in breaking them,” Xie Lian concludes.
Although they did cause him to hurt himself once, circumstances were as they were. Had it not been war, had not a youth been there, perhaps he would’ve given in to desire and started his cultivation all over again. But, it was war. A ruthless one, and his people needed him, at that time more than ever. He couldn't afford losing his spiritual powers.
It was never about preserving his so-called purity.
Pei Ming’s voice snaps him back to the present. “Your Highness, I apologize.” He bows his head. “I misspoke.”
“That you did,” Xie Lian says, satisfied to hear the honesty in his voice. He likes that about Pei Ming; his willingness to learn. Then, he smiles, calm and collected. “I'm glad you understand.”
“I’m not sure I do,” Pei Ming replies. “But I shall be more mindful from now on.”
Xie Lian claps his hands once together. “Perfect! San Lang made my life better in countless ways, but I assure you, I wouldn't be less happy if we weren't—if we didn't—you know what I'm talking about.”
Xie Lian gazes ahead, where the Ghost City lights are faintly visible on the horizon, its gates always open to him.
“In my life, there have been many things to be miserable about,” he says quietly. “My vows were never one of them.”
If he heard him, Pei Ming doesn’t reply to that.
They resume their walk, albeit for a short time. Discussing new Heavenly Officials and the improvement of the state of the Heavenly Realm since the Jun Wu fiasco, Xie Lian replays their conversation, asking himself why there is so much eagerness to find pain in something he never expressed any resentment towards.
He pushes those thoughts away, redirecting his focus to whatever Pei Ming is going on about now.
Thankfully, it isn’t long before they stop at a turn of the road.
“This is where I leave you, Your Highness. Always a pleasure.”
Xie Lian nods. “Good day, General Pei. Pray next time we meet, you will have only good news.”
With that, Pei Ming departs, and Xie Lian follows the road to Ghost City.
As soon as he gets home, he embraces Hua Cheng tightly, burying his face in his chest. He’s painting in his workshop, as he likes to do to pass the time when Xie Lian is away. He smells like oil colours and soft, freshly cleaned silk.
Hua Cheng laughs quietly, promptly returning the embrace. Xie Lian feels him bend his head. His breath as he speaks tickles Xie Lian's ear. “Is gege upset?”
Xie Lian shakes his head. His answer comes mumbled from the folds of Hua Cheng’s robes. “No. General Pei was once again a bit too invested in our relationship. But, I think he'll be more careful with his words next time.”
“I was going to offer, but of course gege is capable and handled him on his own already,” Hua Cheng praises. “Pray tell me if this one needs to teach him a lesson as well.”
Xie Lian’s chin rests against Hua Cheng’s chest as he looks up. “No need, it's alright. You know how he is; he doesn’t mean any harm.” He goes on his toes to kiss him, his cheeks taking a faint pink colour. “Let’s not think about it. Did you practice your calligraphy?”
Hua Cheng makes a face. “Gege is such a strict teacher, how could I risk not completing his assignment?”
Xie Lian humorously rolls his eyes. He’s really not that strict. If anything, he lets Hua Cheng get away with misbehaving more than he should. Glancing at the painting behind him, Xie Lian turns fully crimson. He’s definitely been spoiling him too much.
Clearing his throat, Xie Lian detaches his eyes from it. “Let’s see how you’ve done, and maybe there will be a reward.”
Hua Cheng perks up at once, feigning innocence. “Oh? What does gege have in mind?”
Taking him by the hand, Xie Lian drags him to Qiandeng Temple.
May Pei Ming believe it or not, Xie Lian doesn’t spare his cultivation vows a single thought.