Archive of Our Own

They first met when they were in ninth grade. There was nothing much to go by in the town Xiao grew up in; it was a small neighborhood, with only small commercial buildings at best. The community was tight knit, and everyone practically knew each other, so living in that area became a sort of monotony to him.

So, it was only natural that he’d become intrigued when a new student transferred into his local high school that one summer morning.

“Hello! My name is Venti.”

The first thing he had noticed about Venti was his natural charm. Venti was, Xiao was not ashamed to admit, quite the head-turner – his hair was an intriguing shade of bluish black, long and braided into two parts. He walked into the room with confidence, sporting a gummy smile with cheeks tinted red from all the attention he was getting.

“I’ll be your classmate from now on. Nice to meet you all.”

The teacher told him to then find himself a seat, to which there was only one seat left in the entire room. Was it right next to Xiao? No. But as painfully cliché as it was, he wished that was the case.

Venti ended up sitting a good two rows away from him, black tuft of hair sticking out amongst more muted colors.

He had expected Venti to eventually fade into the background after that, relegated to being just another person he wouldn’t care about, but for once fate had something else in mind.

“Got anything to say to me?” Venti had asked that day during recess, approaching Xiao and sitting on the edge of his desk. Sunlight filtered in through the window, reflecting upon his face quite nicely.

As he got closer, Xiao could see how eyes he thought were initially blue were an interesting fractal of colors. A nice combination of not only blue, but also green and turquoise.

“…No?”

“I saw you staring at me during homeroom.”

“What?” Xiao said, mortified at the statement.

Venti smirked and pointed to Xiao’s messy parted bangs.

“Those didn’t do a good job of covering your eyes.”

It was Xiao’s turn to frown then, looking away from Venti. “Shut up.”

“Hey, I’m just playing with you. I think they’re cute.”

“Uh... so what do you want from me, exactly?” Xiao couldn’t help but ask, a bit blunter than intended, and raised his eyebrows at Venti.

“Well, as you know, everyone else has their cliques already, and you seem to be the lone wolf of this class. We should be friends.” He said, threading his fingers together in an action of proposal.

“I am not lonely.” Xiao huffed out, slighted that someone who he had just known today was already speaking of him like this. But the worst part was, Venti wasn’t wrong.

Xiao, once again, thought it would end there. Venti would hang out with him for a few days, and then move on to other people more interesting than him. He wouldn’t even blame him for that. But as it turned out, fate had proved him wrong not once, but twice.

Instead of eventually straying from Xiao, Venti just started hanging around him more. He had been particularly reminded of this fact one day, when both were visiting a café to work on an essay together.

Some of their classmates had entered the parlor earlier, unnoticing of Venti at first but eventually catching eye of his familiar black braided hair.

“Hey, it’s Venti! Xiao’s with him too.”

Despite their acknowledging of Xiao’s presence, they only approached and talked to Venti. Xiao found himself taking over the Venti’s share of work for a bit.

He had already finished his part, and was listening as the other tried to exasperatedly tell them that they were busy.

“I’d love to hang out with you guys one day, sure! Just tell me about it another time.”

Not long after, they left, and they both found themselves alone together once more.

“You know, you could hang out with anyone else. Why me?” Xiao asked, articulation a bit too fast.

“Hm?”

“Never mind.”

“Are you questioning my taste in friends?” Venti teased.

“Maybe.” Xiao smiled as he continued to sort through their books next to his half-eaten cake, and Venti pouted in return.

“I can’t tell what’s on your mind sometimes…” Venti exhaled, taking some of Xiao’s cake and tossing it in his mouth.

“Well, I can. It’s almost closing time now, and you probably want to go home soon. So quit talking, and let’s finish this paper.”

“Harsh.”

Venti chuckled and looked at Xiao, still rifling through the papers looking for Venti’s output.

“You dunce, I can’t believe you didn’t notice. I’m already finished with my part.”

“Are you – oh.” Xiao stuttered, to which Venti pointed out the backside of the paper currently in his hands, filled with scribbles of his writing.

“Aha, sorry, it was just nice seeing you worked up for a bit.”

“I can’t believe you.” Xiao grumbled, nose scrunching as he straightened his papers and set them aside. “Might as well prepare to go home then.”

He looked up at Venti only to see him gazing at the café piano. Rarely anyone used it, and it was falling into a gradual state of despair.

Venti beat him to his own thoughts. “You’re probably wondering why I’m eyeing the piano.”

“Do you have a third eye or something?”

“You flatter me.” Venti said, motioning for Xiao to come follow him to the piano.

Xiao hesitated. “Are you going to play it?”

“It’s free-for-all. Besides, I chat with the owner sometimes, she even tells me she wants to hear me play someday. Seems like she’s not around though…”

One, Venti was assimilating into town a lot faster than Xiao initially thought if he was already talking comfortably to the locals. Two, Venti can play the piano. That was interesting to him.

Venti wasted no time in getting over the piano, sitting on the stool with a loud sound. His fingers flex instinctively over the piano, and Xiao moved closer to look at him.

“I’m rusty…” Venti muttered lowly, but positioned hands on the keys anyway. Nimble fingers stretch to form one chord, two chords… and soon enough Venti was playing a tune, fingers flying over the board of dusty white and polished black.

The few customers and staff that were left stopped and gazed at Venti, some of which reacted quite positively. An elderly lady had both of her hands clasped in approval, while a waitress behind the counter began to sway her body to the music.

The melody Venti played was unfamiliar to Xiao, but he could hear the emotions behind it. It was one of those wistful tunes – slow, and melancholic. But beneath all the sadness lies undertones of hope, silent yearning for a better tomorrow. Those pieces that have the capacity to make you stop and question life.

Xiao typically wasn’t one to spout colorful words like that, but he supposed the few times he’d listened to classical music online and seeing people speak about what music made them feel paid off.

When Venti had finished, it had taken a while for one of them to speak again.

“Wow, you’re really good at the piano. Why didn’t you tell anybody?” Xiao asked, pressing a finger to a key, hearing the lone sound that reverberates in the café. Some people look up, but of course, that sound does not provoke the same reaction as Venti’s playing.

“It’s… complicated.” Venti told him, one hand curling up into a ball.

“I like music, but there are times where I don’t. When I get frustrated with it, I become really upset. But it’s also an important part of me I guess, it’s been with me through my highs, and my lows.”

“Anyway, I didn’t tell anyone because… I don’t know, I just didn’t think that I had to?”

That statement left Xiao slightly incredulous, because Venti was right there playing piano like he was born to do it, and he didn’t think that was worth bringing up.

They both left the café after that, Venti seeming slightly more down than usual. Xiao didn’t understand why, and nor did he know how to comfort either, so he put a hand on Venti’s shoulder and settled for a sincere compliment. He hoped that would suffice.

“Don’t worry Venti, you were great.”

Oddly wistful Venti would not stay away for long, and Xiao had encountered this side of his best friend once again not too long after.

“Xiao, what do you like about me?”

They were in a decrepit park on the outskirts of town for one autumn night, after Venti had insisted to visit the new ice cream shop in town. They stopped by and had their fill of their ice cream, but not before Venti also bought a bag filled with boxes of apple juice from the adjacent corner store.

Xiao turned to Venti, who was continuing to sip nonchalantly on his juice. He had ought to tell him off for his excessive juice drinking habit one day. Not that it was inherently bad, but the rate at which he’d down juice far outweighs his actual food intake, and it concerned him.

“Why do you ask?”

“Can I not ask?” Xiao said, questioning.

“Huh, I’d really rather not talk about it. But if it’s for you…” Venti trailed off, holding the carton of his apple juice a little bit tighter.

“Well, to put it shortly, let’s just say that sometimes I wonder what people see in me.”

“I didn’t take you as someone who’d be worried about that.”

Venti laughed at that, shooting Xiao a questioning gaze right after, his eyes strangely vague. It was a look that didn’t suit him.

“Would you prefer me not to talk about it, then?”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Xiao wanted to ask why Venti is asking this out of nowhere. Surely there had to be a reason. But he takes up on the prompt because it’s from his best friend, and there’s no way he’s denying him.

“Well… you’re nice, and kind. Very admirable. I don’t know how to explain, but you’re a good person. Don’t sweat it, yeah?”

Oh, Xiao definitely shot himself in the foot with that one. He knew that wasn’t the answer Venti was probably looking for, but he’d never been one for words. That was probably about as descriptive as he can get without outright saying some stupid shit like “I just think you’re neat.”

“You’re more than what you give yourself credit for… is what I meant to say, I guess. You’re already amazing as you are.”

“Hmm, is that so?” he says, crushing the now empty carton of apple juice and tossing it into a trashcan some distance away, where it lands squarely.

“I see. I knew I could count on you, Xiao.” Venti grinned. It’s not quite as sunny in tone, and Xiao got the nagging feeling that maybe he should have said more. He could also probably pry further if he wanted to, but he might have been pushing too much then.

But what else could he have said? How was he supposed to verbalize the feelings he’d have every time Venti was involved?

He couldn’t even put a finger to them himself, to him they were like fleeting whisps he could feel, but never truly grasp. They made him feel… nice, though. It was akin to how he felt with other people he cared about, but maybe a bit more intense?

He can say that he liked Venti a lot more than anyone else then, at least. But it was a bit embarrassing to admit that to him of all things, so he stowed it away in the back of his mind for another day.

Time passed, and both had to start thinking about university. Despite jokes frequently being made about how “education is a sham and a capitalist scheme”, mostly by Venti, they both knew they had to choose the paths they wanted for their future.

By some miraculous chance, both were admitted into their desired courses in the local semi-decent university. However, they had chosen different colleges – Venti, essentially artistically inclined as he is, had chosen to pursue music.

And what else can Xiao think of but fitting, for he couldn’t think of any other area Venti belonged in, even if the latter believes otherwise.

But as much he likes seeing Venti engage with music, he worried knowing that Venti was coming back to something he was on a rocky relationship with.

“I thought you weren’t going to treat music as anything more than a hobby?”

“Well, it’s not like I can do anything else… and maybe I can reignite my spark again, who knows?”

“You’re saying that like you don’t believe it, like you don’t believe in yourself.”

Venti had said nothing in reply, but that alone spoke more volumes than if he did.

Xiao, on the other hand, chose his after a night of excessive amounts of Red Bull and failed self-introspection. Attaching slips of paper with at least somewhat interesting fields written to his darts, he’d choose the one that would land the closest to the center.

Thwack.

Computer science it was.

Venti, of course, wouldn’t let him live it down.

“I didn’t think you’d be interested in that course.” Venti laughed, as Xiao showed him the receipt from filling out his forms.

“It’s not bad. I’m alright at coding, and I’m on my computer for an obscene number of hours anyway. Also, I don’t need to go out and see people.”

“Ooh, touché.” Venti had said, peering over Xiao’s shoulder to see the glare of his laptop screen.

“So, you admit that even in college, I’m going to be your only real friend?”

“Get out.”

They were around their second year when Venti came home to their shared dorm, face unusually alight. It was around midnight, and Xiao had just come out of a particularly terrible exam result earlier that day, so he had been perched over his desk making notes for a remedial.

“He asked me out, Xiao! Can you believe it?” Venti chirped, throwing his backpack on the ground and collapsing on their couch, hugging the pillow to his chest.

“Ah.” Xiao remarked. He sets down his pen for a bit, metal scraping against papers of notes and scraps of written code.

He knew Venti liked someone, a senior in his department. It was someone he held in high regard, but Xiao didn’t know that the senior would end up reciprocating his feelings too.

Deep down he knew that he was conveniently burying the part of him, a part that said something along the lines of: Yes, you knew. Yes, you also pretended you didn’t.

He’d been glad that his best friend was finally entering a relationship like he deserved. Venti, who had always learned to smile for others but never for himself, would finally be able to experience receiving affection.

He would learn to find happiness. There was absolutely everything to gain and nothing to lose – for Venti, anyway.

Xiao swallowed, throat feeling a bit too dry. “Did you… accept?”

Venti gave him a smile back; a smile that was comically embarrassing yet radiating of pure joy. It was a look Xiao had barely gotten to see on Venti, and it was simply beautiful on him.

His heart had beat from where it had previously slept in his chest, and he saw himself on the precipice of a certain imaginary cliff. It was nothing new – he’d been here before, teetering back on forth on the ledge, but that day he was free-falling, falling.

“Yeah.”

Venti wouldn’t know of it, but Xiao had laid restless for the rest of the early morning hours, poring over his notes, his phone, the TV, anything.

And if he spent too much brainpower trying to convince himself why his feelings were illogical only to slump in defeat in the dead of the morning, then he wouldn’t know of that too.

Similarly, months later, he was also there, sitting on his desk to greet Venti when the latter practically collapsed into his arms upon entry into their room. Sobs were wracking through his body as he gripped Xiao tight, trembling and fragile and afraid.

Xiao hadn’t needed to speak, for he already had an inkling of what had happened.

“Did you guys break up?”

Venti sniffled, burying his face deeper into Xiao’s shirt.

“I didn’t want to… I wanted to make it work, I – “

“Shh. I can tell you don’t want to talk about it,” Xiao said, caressing Venti’s hair as he continued to sob into his chest. “Just stay here, I’ll help you feel better.”

“But don’t you have an exam tomorrow, right? Sorry, I’ll go. “

“That can wait. Stay.” Xiao had insisted, rubbing circles into the small of Venti’s back. He knew that calmed him down, which he did. “Shall I get you a glass of water?”

Venti nodded, and Xiao, of course, complied.

He came back to a completely dejected Venti, slumped on their couch. A Venti whose tears he can tell have not quite dried up yet, but they haven’t fallen either. He hated seeing Venti like this, many years of existence and only a select few things came close to the pain he was feeling at this very moment. And it wasn’t even about him.

Like a bullet train coming at him at high speed, Xiao realized. He finally realized, and holy shit, he had been so stupid.

The frantic beating of his heart in his chest, the desire coursing within him telling him to do something more than just card through Venti’s hair, the newfound realization that seeing Venti this sad is messing with his heart and head.

He wanted Venti to be happy. He wanted to make him happy. He wanted to wipe his tears away, run his fingers through his eyes, cup his hands against his cheeks.

Gaze into his eyes and tell him that everything will be alright. He wanted to whisper sweet nothings to him, to hush him to sleep, to make Venti forget about his sadness.

And once some time had passed, and Venti’s scars have hopefully healed, perhaps he would tell him a thing or two about his own feelings in the process.

If he was brave enough, and if Venti showed any signs of interest and expressed his consent… he would kiss him, soft, chaste and sweet.

Tell him that no he was enough as he is – no fronts, no façade. He should never feel alone, because he’ll always be there for him. And Venti would maybe, just maybe, smile in return. Give him a passionate kiss in return.

Not even a second later, Xiao found himself laughing loudly, more to himself than anything. He didn’t like laughing, and he thought the hoarse sound of his laugh grated on his ears. But he couldn’t help it at that point, not even if he tried to.

Because archons, he was fucked.

All things considered; Xiao resigned himself to simply never acknowledging his feelings for Venti.

He had always considered himself to be a logical person above all, even if it meant sacrificing what his heart ultimately desired.

He knew he would never be good enough for Venti. He deserved someone who would give him as much love and happiness as he gives others, and Xiao didn’t think he had it in him to do so.

He could certainly try, and he would, given the chance. But having a positive and caring temperament was something that didn’t come naturally to him, and it was the thing Venti needed the most.

Both being together would be an absolute recipe for disaster. Venti deserves only the best, and Xiao can hardly even consider himself to be average.

So, when graduation day arrives after four grueling years in university, and multiple people in his year somehow thought that that was the best time to confess, Xiao had continued to keep his mouth shut.

Even if the mental imagery of him confessing to Venti right then and there was becoming far too tempting for him, almost tangible even, he had long decided to bring those thoughts to his grave.

All the more so since Venti was seated right next to him, eating a sandwich that was not-so-discreetly dribbling jam onto his toga as graduation rites played.

Xiao was surprised that Venti would be bringing one to their graduation of all places, but he would be lying if he said it wasn’t a very Venti thing to oversleep and miss breakfast.

“Mm, gods this tastes so good.” Venti says, mouth full.

“Better hide that sandwich again, I see a professor coming.” Xiao points out flatly, eyes gesturing to an oncoming teacher coming down the lane adjacent to where they were seated.

“Jesus Xiao, this is literally our last day here. I don’t give a fuck.”

Xiao could all but stifle his laugh as Venti was apprehended right after, given a silent scolding in the middle of their ceremony. At least he didn’t have his sandwich taken away from him.

As they were dismissed, Venti tugs on Xiao’s toga. “Are you joining the afterparty in Lisa’s house?”

“Huh?”

“Lisa, from literature class. She invited us – or well, me. But she said I could bring anyone along!”

“No.”

“Oh, come on, Xiao. Please?” Venti tugs on his toga again, this time his signature puppy dog look painted across his lightly made-up face.

“You’re literally moving into the city tomorrow, right? Let’s have fun tonight.”

“Ah. Right,” Xiao says, checking the time on his watch. Tomorrow he’d have to start packing to move into the city with his aunt, who’d just offered to house him for a while after university. He was against the idea at first, but after some thought, he’d realized that he wouldn’t be able to find many opportunities in this town.

It also meant that he’d have to leave Venti here. Venti was initially against Xiao moving, telling him that he’d miss having him by his side, but eventually conceded to his reasonings. Xiao had asked him whether he’d plan to move out too, to which Venti just shrugged.

“Maybe I will one day, but for now I want to think about what I want to do.”

“Alright, I’ll go. What time?”

Venti grins, and again, Xiao hates just how much power this man holds for him.

“8 PM, an apartment just a bit outside of town. I’ll lead you there.”

Xiao had never been one for parties.

The music blaring from Lisa’s house had already placed a damper on his mood as he stepped foot onto linoleum flooring, spotted with dirty footprints from many earlier visitors. The lights were almost blinding, and Xiao had to blink multiple times to regain full command of his vision. Maybe he should get his photosensitivity checked out.

“Oh, there’s a lot of people here.” Venti comments next to him, gripping his arm tighter. The action makes his heart hitch, and out of almost pure instinct he rests his free hand on top of Venti’s, gripping it tight.

If he stretches it, he could almost say that he feels a slight twitch in return, but it was just as equally likely that it was all a figment of his imagination.

“Are you nervous?” Xiao asks, and Venti raises his eyebrows at him.

“I should be asking that to you.”

“Why would I be nervous?”

“Because you’re Xiao, the social recluse who does not like parties.”

Xiao frowns. “I’m offended.”

“It’s true! But there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.” Venti says, dragging Xiao over to the punch.

“Besides, I think that’s a really cute – uh, nice part of you.”

Xiao pretends not to hear the initial comment, because hearing compliments on his behalf from Venti was like the sweetest of poison of him, so tempting yet so dangerous -- one taste, and he'd be gone.

“If we didn’t just arrive, I’d have thought you’d started downing alcohol already.” Xiao interjects, seeing how Venti already seemed a little out of it, for the lack of better word.

“Well, I am now.” Venti declares, huffing his chest out in mock pride as he pours a bottle of pink gin into a shot glass. Downs it, and pours another one. Downs it again. Raw.

“You’re really doing that to yourself? That probably tastes awful, there’s juice and punch over there.” He says, pointing to the far end of the table.

Amidst the loud background noise of people, song and various kitchen cutlery clanging against each other, Venti glares at him in the glow of artificial strobe lights, as if challenging him to a duel. Xiao would say he liked that look on him a lot more than expected.

“Say, I don’t think you’ve ever seen me drink this much before, so I’m going to ignore that this time. But I assure you Xiao, I can handle alcohol on its own. And I have excellent tolerance.”

“Excellent tolerance, my ass.”  Xiao thinks to himself.

After Venti had declared his excellent tolerance to him, he had gone off to a crowd of party-minded people to hang out with, which was funny because Xiao was brought here in the first place to quote, “have fun.”

But he wasn’t one to question his best friend, so Xiao had decided that he might as well take some alone time for himself.

He retreated outside the apartment complex to sit for a bit in a bench outside. Every now and then, he’d come back inside to check on Venti, whom he often saw just hanging around people as usual.

Not the best way to be spending the night, but he only came for Venti anyway. To safeguard him, to be exact – because he was a stupid idiot who didn’t want to see his best friend even the slightest bit hurt in any aspect.

At some point during the later hours, he’d fallen asleep while on the bench. The moon was bright, and the cicadas chirped actively in the distance as Xiao was finally awoken out of the blue by a tall, blonde woman sporting a ponytail.

“Yeah?” he groans, fixing his posture and turning his attention to the woman.

“Your friend Venti is severely drunk; I need you to come restrain him.”

“What?”

The girl looks at him quizzically, before probably realizing that she was essentially a stranger to Xiao.

“Oh… I’m Jean, Lisa’s girlfriend. She told me to come get you, she knows you’re a close friend of Venti’s.”

Close friend. “Oh. Okay, cool. Where’s Venti?” Xiao asks, standing up straightening his hoodie.

“In the house. Everyone’s already left.”

“What… what time is it?” Xiao asks, it must be late if everyone had already left by this time.

“It’s 2 in the morning.” Jean says, yawning a bit as she checks her watch.

“Shit.” Xiao says, feeling a bit more panicked now. It’s too dark, they’re too far from their apartment, none of them knew how to drive – how was he supposed to bring Venti home?

He could call a friend, but Venti he remembers Venti calling him a social recluse earlier and… well, he could just say he had never felt that statement as much as he did now.

“Er, if you were wondering, Lisa gives you permission to stay in her apartment. She’s staying over at my place tonight.”

“Lisa’s fine with that?”

Jean nods. “They’re pretty close, you know. She tells me a lot about him.”

“I see.” Xiao says, just the tiniest bit envious that Venti had friends he was close to other than him. He knows he’s going mad – of course most people have a decent circle of friends, and he was just the unfortunate outlier among literally everyone else he knows.

That doesn’t stop him from wanting Venti to himself anyway, because he had long accepted that this was ultimately how whipped he was for his best friend, to the point of demanding near selfishness from him.

“Anyway, I have to go. Lisa’s already left; she left her keys on the table next to the porch. Your friend is slumped over the couch in the living room.” Jean says, walking away from Xiao into the driveway and revving up her bike. She waves him goodbye, and Xiao is left behind at what is essentially a stranger’s house.

But he couldn’t bring himself to care less, not when Venti was compromised at this very moment.

He heads back into the house, and is surprised to find the room somewhat cleaned up, albeit in a hurry. Some items were still strewn about, but otherwise it was tidy.

He may not like parties, but he at least knows most of them end up having a disastrous aftermath only comparable to maybe a tornado or a hurricane.

He finds Venti slumped on the couch indeed, in front of a TV playing some soapy Asian drama, smack in the middle of a cheesy confession scene.

The two main characters were an office lady and her rich CEO husband, no surprise there, and they were situated near a dark alleyway in your typical suburban street.

“I love you,” the man had said, hugging the lady under his umbrella amid a downpour. The woman couldn’t even respond, as she had been too busy crying. It took a while, but she finally sniffed into his chest.

“I love you too.”

“Wah.” Venti remarks, head lolling to the side as he sits, eyes transfixed on the TV. His eyes were a bit glossy, and Xiao found it very adorable that Venti was a softie at his core, no matter how much he tried to hide it.

Venti mumbles a few strings of garbled words. Xiao couldn’t help but snicker, poking at Venti’s forehead.

“You sap.”

“Hmm, I love…” Venti starts speaking, somewhat coherent again.

It amuses Xiao to hear him mimic the drama dialogue in his drunken stupor, but he scoots over to him, noticing an opened pack of painkillers and a bottle of water on his side. He picks them up, in case he should need more of it.

“...Xiao.”

If Xiao didn’t know any better, and if Venti wasn’t inebriated to hell and back, he’d think that was a genuine confession on his part. The thought makes his heart skip a beat if not stop completely, but he quickly grounded himself back to reality.

“Yes?”

“Xiao.” Venti repeats, slinking further down the sofa.

“I’m right here.”

“No – I love Xiao.”

Xiao had never been one to believe in gods but maybe he does now because holy hell, everything is playing out exactly how he’d seen in his deepest desires, to be confessed to by Venti and to get together with him and –

He was drunk.

“That’s enough, Venti. Go sleep. You’ll be embarrassed by this in the morning.”

“No –! “

Venti practically cries, clinging onto Xiao with a force he himself didn’t think he’d had. To his surprise, tears were streaming down his face, clear drops reflecting the moonlight of the wee hours filtering in through his friend’s apartment window.

“I love you.” 

“I love you so fucking much, you don’t even know…” Venti’s words are slurred, but he picks up the message.

“You’re not even in your right mind.”

Something snapped in Venti at that very moment, desperate eyes turning dark and hurt even behind all the alcohol.

“Is it because you… think I’m a fraud?” his voice is dripping with venom, a crescendo of feelings gradually simmering into a string of spiteful words.

“No.”

“You don’t like me anymore. After – after seeing me like… this?”

“Never.”

“Then why?” Venti pleads, hands grasping desperately at the front of Xiao’s hoodie. He was sobbing, and Xiao pats his trembling back.

“Xiao… Say something…”

Xiao should say something, sure. He should tell Venti how maybe he was doing the wrong decision of falling in love with him, because Xiao was not someone he was looking for. Say they get together, and then Venti would realize just how much of a mess he was. What would happen, then? So, they split up, and gods curse Xiao for having him be this much of a wuss, but his heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

There was also a small part of him saying that Venti was in no condition to love. He’d seen how unpredictable Venti would be at times – one day he’d be as freer than a leaf carried by the wind, and the next he’d be clinging to someone like there was no tomorrow.

Venti had the tendency to be awfully volatile at times, and it was this same unpredictability that told him that perhaps the best thing Xiao can do for him right now, above himself, is giving Venti space to figure things out for himself.

He turns his head and pushes Venti away, slowly. The action is gentle, but in the corner of his vision he could see that Venti had taken it like it was a fatal blow to his chest.

“I can’t accept that. This isn’t good for you. For us.” Xiao whispers.

For me.

“…We should stop seeing each other.” Xiao says with a finality, knowing that this may very well be the last time they would ever see each other for… well, some time.

“I’ll leave a note for your friend. You know I must leave by tonight. If… you’ll remember this by tomorrow, message me again. We’ll talk about it.”

Perhaps it was because fate was so kind to him up until now – letting him meet Venti, fall in love with him, spend time with him. Xiao wouldn’t have traded his time with Venti for the world. But fate only has so much to give without demanding something in return, and Xiao had grown to realize this all-too-well, because Venti never does.

“Yeah, I’m coming. No, I’m sorry, I got caught up in work… I’m really on my way now, I promise. Please just wait a little longer.”

Xiao sighs as he grabs the keys to his bike. He’s running an almost an hour late to his date, and he really shouldn’t keep her waiting any longer. But was it truly his fault, when he had been sent a fresh batch of work at the very last minute?

He fumbles around in his pocket for his wallet and phone and exits his flat. It wasn’t his idea in the first place, a co-worker had set him up with a friend she thought would get along with him despite his adamant efforts to decline.

It was clear she wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer, so he decided that he might as well start seeing new people for once. To broaden his connections, of course, and not to have it become another flimsy excuse to try and forget a certain someone.

He starts up his bike and speeds through the highway, wind running through his hair as he swerved through lanes of traffic. He had half a mind to slow down, he didn’t want his date to see him all windswept and messy after all, but if she was at the point of calling him out for his tardiness, then he hardly thinks she would care.

He arrives at the restaurant. It was dark and unassuming on the outside, but he opened the doors to a lavish interior. The walls were painted a deep shade of blue-green, with chocolate brown carpeting spanning the entirety of the room. Black leather chairs were positioned neatly with polished circular tables, each holding a small candelabra. Rows of minimalist paintings lined the walls, and a single large crystalline chandelier hung above the scene.

Xiao’s phone vibrates in his pocket, and he takes it out to see one new message.

“I left. I’m sorry. Please tell your friend I didn’t want to go on this date either.”

Ah. What an interesting turn of events, indeed.

He wasn’t as much irritated as he was confused. So, what was Xiao supposed to do now? He usually wasn’t one to care for his pride, but walking out of the restaurant only a minute after entering would surely earn him some knowing (and sympathetic) looks from the reception staff.

It was at this moment that he glimpsed upon a familiar person sitting in the waiting area across him.

Fate was a trickster the first time, a jester the second. They say third time’s the charm, but at this point Xiao would say that for fate, the third time is just flat out cruel.

“Venti?”

Seated in that area was Venti himself, hair still as black as he remembered, eyes still as bright and colorful as the reflection of light after a morning shower. He was dressed in a smart black suit, much like his, and his hands were nervously fiddling with his watch before stiffening at Xiao’s call. He had come closer, despite everything in him telling him otherwise.

Why was Venti here of all places? Xiao could only guess as much, maybe he was waiting for a date too? There was no reason to go this restaurant if you were single. The idea twinged at his heartstrings, but he shook off the thought quickly.

He’d expected Venti to laugh, to cry, to slap him and release whatever pent-up anger he’d probably harbored in his heart for Xiao after all these years. Heck, he’d expected him to ignore him and walk out of his sight too, leaving Xiao confused and sad and –

“Xiao…” Venti trails off, eyebrows furrowing. He’d take that expression for anger and sadness, if not for the underlying confusion Xiao could see in his friend’s eyes.

“Um, yeah… It’s me.”

“Why are you here?” Venti says voice barely above a whisper.

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

Venti laughs, tone almost sardonic, and even after all these years Xiao can still see the glimpse of hurt in his eyes.

“Say hi to your date for me, I bet they’re an amazing person.”

Xiao sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Venti, get a grip. I don’t have a date. She stood me up.”

The other boy looked at him then, with an unreadable expression on his face. If there’s one thing Xiao had noticed about Venti that was new, it was that he had gotten a lot better with applying his makeup. He could hardly see the clumps and little mistakes that were often present every time he’d tried years ago.

And Xiao, oh Xiao was a fool, for his treacherous mind started singing of how stunning Venti looked once more, like nothing ever happened all those years ago.

Xiao continues, in a haste, “But well… whoever your date is, I hope it goes well with them.“

“I got stood up too.” Venti reveals, voice prolonged and careful.

“Oh.”

Venti looks off to the side, and fiddles with his fingers. Xiao’s heart warms at the action – so even after all these years, Venti still twiddles with his fingers when he was especially nervous.

A part of him sighs in relief, because maybe even after that dramatic fallout nothing has changed.

“I already paid for the table, and I don’t want the money to go to waste. Do you want to at least… dine with me for tonight? Even if it’s the last thing we do.”

A look of permission follows Venti’s statement, concealed but clear to Xiao’s eyes. It denoted a silent please that probably wasn’t meant to be seen, much less answered, but Xiao obliges anyway.

“Of course.” He says, holding out his hand in true gentleman fashion. He didn’t expect Venti to take it, and he certainly wouldn’t have complained if he didn’t because he understood he was crossing boundaries he himself had forcibly set here.

But of course, Venti, being the absolute angel that he was, took it anyway, and even smiles at him… small, lopsided, still a bit guarded, but it was a smile.

Xiao grips onto Venti’s fingers, feeling the familiar structure of skin and bone nestled in his once more as he led him inside, and then Venti’s the one leading them through the tables onto his assigned one.

When they finally sit, neither knew who spoke first.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry – “

They both stare at each other in surprise, and then oh, they were both smiling again like nothing had ever happened. Yellow into blue, bleeding into the pleasant green shining upon them from the reflection of the low light.

Xiao had chosen to speak first, coughing into his fist.

“Look, Venti, I’m really sorry for that night. If you don’t believe me, I’ll say it again. And I’ll say it again and again, until you believe me. I was an idiot, caught up in my hubris and I was just… so stupid.”

“Yeah, you were. Thanks for realizing that.” Venti says, hands curled up and pressed against his cheek, but there is less malice in his statement than expected.

A waiter comes over and interrupts their conversation, and Venti orders a honey roast chicken, to which Xiao follows because he doesn’t particularly want anything, and he trusts Venti’s taste enough. Of course, Venti also orders an apple pie and the restaurant’s finest wine, because nothing remotely apple or alcohol related ever gets past him.

Venti thanks the waiter and wastes no time getting back to Xiao.

“I know you had to leave for the city the next day, but you really didn’t have to leave me like that.”

“Yeah…” Xiao agrees, but he also raises his eyebrows.

“You never ended up contacting me, though? Unless you didn’t hear me tell you that.”

“I did, but I think you’re underestimating just how much of that night felt like a straight-out rejection to me, Xiao.” Venti says, quiet.

Xiao looks away in shame. “I’m sorry.”

Venti exhales, nervously playing with the seams of his napkin.

“Anyway… I’m playing the piano a lot more now. The café we were at in high school? I work part-time there now; the owner treats me like her own and a bunch of kids have been stopping by to hear me play too… it’s really nice.”

Xiao looks up in surprise. “Oh? That’s great. I’ve just been taking up freelance coding jobs here and there, but currently I’m in a paid internship with this up-and-coming company. It’s stressful, though.”

Venti smiles. “You can do it. You’ve always been so hardworking. I really like that part of you.”

Xiao hopes the dim ambiance of the restaurant hides the flush he can practically feel creeping up his cheeks.

“Um, yeah. Also, I hope you’ve learned to appreciate yourself more.” Xiao says, unsure of how he should breach the topic, but he hopes Venti had managed to get his point.

“It pained me to see you put yourself down so often.”

“…No, not yet, but I’m getting there slowly. I think I know where I’m going now.” Venti smiles lightly.

Again, Xiao is being particularly bold tonight; maybe it’s the surroundings, maybe it’s years of repressed feelings coming back to bite him at full swing, and maybe it’s the voice inside him telling him that it was now or never.

But public display of affection be damned. He places one hand on top of Venti’s, and strokes lightly, interlacing his fingers with his. To his pleasant surprise, Venti grips him back, tighter even. His other hand comes up to thumb at the locks of Venti’s hair framing his face, feeling him lean into his touch. Eyes closed, lips curling into the softest of smiles. Venti’s own hand comes up to cup his, tender and delicate and achingly affectionate.

The night has probably started to settle in, because the sound of a violin plays in the background, its melody sweet and comforting. The sound of a piano follows not long after, rich tones accompanying the airier sound of the strings. It puts Xiao at ease, and almost quells his earlier worries.

It also makes the atmosphere far more romantic than it should be.

“If this is too much, please tell me.”

Venti’s eyes open, but he doesn’t move.

“You know, nothing has changed… I still like you after all this time.”

“Venti – “

“And while this is my third date trying to forget you, it’s the first one in which I’ve actually been stood up, heh.”

“I refuse to believe you’ve had that many when this was my first, and it was against my will.”

“I have terrible coping mechanisms, if you couldn’t tell.” Venti chuckles, and Xiao notices the way his cheeks turn up, dimpled smile accompanying it.

“So, let’s start again, shall we?” Venti says, turning his head towards Xiao again to kiss his palm, mischievous look in his eyes.

Fuck.

His eyes turn tender not even a second later, however. Xiao loved Venti’s duality this way, so mischievous and cheeky but also so caring and soft and loving.

“I love you, Xiao. I really do. So, so much, it’s insane. I would like to elaborate more, but I think we can save that for another time. But for now, here is my full, one-hundred percent sober statement of the fact.”

It was very much like Venti to make a confession long even if he tried to keep it short. Xiao wasn’t going to make a fuss out of it, though – if the world would stop spinning at this very moment, then who was Xiao to complain?

He could be stuck at this moment in time forever for all he cared, the only thing that mattered was that Venti was here, they were fine, he likes him back. They can fix things and maybe go somewhere, finally.

“Yeah. I… I love you too, Venti.” Xiao stutters, because he has never said anything that intimate ever, really. Saying it with anyone else would feel like taping a target to his own back, but with Venti it feels like a far too overdue statement.

It takes Xiao completely aback to find that Venti starts shedding tears, before he sniffs and wipes it away awkwardly with a handkerchief he took from his pocket.

“Sorry, I just caught up in the moment.” Venti apologizes.

“It’s okay.” Xiao reassures him.

“I must look ugly to you.”

Xiao grips his other hand tighter, “Not at all.”

Venti smiles, setting down his handkerchief.

“Funny. This is the first time where I can actually believe your comfort.”

“You love me.”

“Wow, bold. But you’re not wrong.”

They sit in silence for a while, just enjoying the presence of each other, in their own little bubble away from the outside world.

“After this, I’m bringing you home tonight, and you better update me on how you’ve been all these years.”

“Of course.”

“Oh, and give me a thousand kisses too. We should make up for all this lost time, don’t you think?”

“Hmph.”