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“Well, Supergirl may have saved me, but Kara Danvers, you are my hero.”
Only a few simple words, but they were enough to make Kara realise she was in love with Lena.
Well, maybe realise is too strong of a word. But in that moment, she knew that her life would never be the same, that this ethereal woman -- brilliant and beautiful -- would always have a place in her heart.
The people closest to her -- Alex, James, J’onn, Mon-El -- they knew she was Supergirl and that Kara was her cover identity, to keep herself and her friends safe, but she also knew that they saw her as Supergirl first and foremost. They barely gave her cover identity a thought. But the thing was, Kara Danvers wasn’t just a cover identity for Kara. Kara Danvers was a way for Kara Zor-El to have some semblance of a normal life -- a job, friends, karaoke nights, stuff like that. Supergirl was what she could do, Kara Danvers was who she really was. It was okay that everyone liked Supergirl. Supergirl was, well, super . And anyway, she was used to that.
But Lena , Lena knew both of her identities separately and she liked Kara more. Quiet, clumsy, goofball reporter Kara Danvers. Lena preferred her to fucking Supergirl .
As she rose from the couch, her cheeks still rosy from the blush that had filled them at Lena’s words and leaned into the younger woman’s arms, she felt like something important had just slid into place, right there on the L-Corp couch.
“I think, when I can feel things again, I’m going to be very afraid...about the person I might be,” Lena breathed, eyes full of tears, voice soft and shaking.
Kara couldn’t stand to see her like this, slumped and small on the couch in her office. She wished she could steal all of her hurt away and take it onto her own shoulders. If there was one person in this world who didn’t deserve this pain, it was Lena. She had lost so many people to either death or deceit, and now when she had been on the cusp of happiness, to lose yet another person that had meant so much to her... Kara couldn’t stand it, even if she hadn’t been Jack Spheer’s biggest fan.
(She wasn’t going to think about why that was.)
“You don’t have to be afraid,” she said, pulling the sniffling woman into her arms and tightening them just enough to give her comfort without hurting her. Careful, careful , she thought to herself. She couldn’t hurt Lena -- she wouldn’t hurt Lena.
“I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere,” she continued, laying Lena’s head on her shoulder. She meant every word. Lena was in her blood now. Neither wild horses nor evil nanobots could tear her away from this spot on Lena’s couch, with her favourite person in her arms.
“Promise?” Lena asked, her voice small.
Kara didn’t have to think about it. She knew she’d always be here for Lena, come what may.
“I will always be your friend, and I will always protect you.”
The word ‘friend’ burned on her tongue when she said it and she tried not to think about why that was. She resisted the urge to kiss Lena’s forehead and instead laid her head down on top of the other woman’s, as close as she would allow herself to get.
“I promise.”
“Enough about me, how are you?”
Kara scooted closer on the plush white couch in Lena's penthouse and had to stop herself from scooting all the way over to the other woman. This was everything she had ever wanted, to share both sides of herself and be accepted by Lena, and now she finally had it. She felt a thousand pounds lighter -- like she could do anything -- and so she’d flown all over Europe to collect Lena’s favourite things.
“To tell you the truth, I...haven’t had the easiest time of it since Lex,” Lena replied slowly. Her tone was steady, but Kara knew she was putting up a front from the way she didn’t quite make eye contact.
Kara’s brows pulled together in concern. This was all her fault. She had killed Lex -- she had let him fall to his death -- and now her best friend was in pain because of it.
“I’ve been having nightmares,” Lena continued quickly, as if the words pained her to say them. “I try not to sleep.”
Kara’s heart cracked in two. “Oh Lena…”
“Nights are filled with apocalyptic visions of torture and anguish at the hands of my brother,” said Lena quietly, as if she was reliving the memories right then.
Kara went into help mode, she had to help. This was her fault! Lena, who had been through so much, who had helped her more times than she could count, was in horrific pain, and she was the cause. It was bad enough that she had kept her identity a secret for so long, which Lena was gracious enough to forgive her for, but now she had given her PTSD too! She needed to do something.
Which is how she found herself offering to break into a secure military site to steal back Lex’s journals for her. Sure, it was a crime. But the real crime was that Lena couldn’t get her own brother’s effects out of lockup in order to help herself deal with the trauma of his treatment of her. Besides, when you got right down to it, Supergirl wasn’t deputised. She was a vigilante, and vigilantism was a crime too. The very basis of her identity was against the law, so what was one little act of burglary if it meant helping the person who meant the most to her?
All that mattered was Lena. Lena’s safety, her happiness, her well-being. Kara had her forgiveness, she had her acceptance and her trust.
Nothing could come between them.
Kara sat curled up on her couch, tissues scattered all around her. Lena had lied, had pretended, had betrayed her, had pretended everything was fine just to twist the knife in even deeper when the truth finally came out.
The irony wasn’t lost on Kara. She had done the same thing. Maybe her betrayal hadn’t come from a place of malice or anger, but she had lied to Lena for years, keeping a part of herself secret, manipulated her best friend, all because she was too afraid of this exact outcome.
She let out another sob and reached for the picture she had taken off her fridge earlier in the evening. It was a picture of the two of them, cheeks pressed closed together, smiles bright. It was one of her favourites. Lena looked so happy and carefree then. Not the angry, betrayed, hurt woman that Kara had seen tonight.
Tears splashed down onto the photo and Kara quickly set it aside. If she had ruined their relationship, she needed to at least keep her momentos of it safe. The thought wrenched another sob out of her and she grabbed the box of tissues so hard that it disintegrated in her hands.
The metaphor wasn’t lost on her. She’d managed to destroy something delicate once again without even trying, just due to her powers. Crawling to the end of the couch, she curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep.
“I don’t get it!” Kara huffed, sticking the pie back in the fridge and grabbing two forks. “I -- I always try to be courageous. I don’t understand why I can’t pass that trial!”
Lena smiled as she took her plate from Kara, and as she started to voice her frustrations with the trial’s apparent bias against her, Kara was hit with the realisation of just how far they had come. It was only a year ago that she had sat sobbing on her couch because she thought she had ruined her friendship with Lena for the rest of her life. Now look at them, sharing in the stresses of superheroing, and Lena sharing her biggest secrets without prompting.
They had come so far in such a short amount of time. She thought maybe the Phantom Zone had given them both some perspective on just how short and precious life was, and how important it was to hold the ones you loved close while you had them.
“...and I thought I could start with untethering you from Nyxly,” Lena finished tentatively, clearly uncertain in her ability, but resolute in her desire to help Kara, no matter what. It was touching. Kara could see very quickly that Lena was uncomfortable with this gift, especially given her opposition to the existence of magic. So the fact that she was willing to embrace this side of her, a side she abhorred, to protect Kara? Kara couldn’t think of anything that had ever meant more to her.
“Well, I will take all of your help with magic, but…” She trailed off. She didn’t know how to say it, especially when Lena had just put herself out there like that. Best to just rip the bandaid off. “...but I want to stay connected to her.”
The look on Lena’s face gave her chills. The shock, the concern, she watched as Lena shifted to sit up straighter and opened her mouth, ready to tell her all the reasons this was a bad idea. Kara mirrored her movements and threw her defense out there before Lena could convince her it was a bad idea.
“It could be an asset! If I can sense what Nyxly’s feeling, then maybe I can figure out what she’s planning.”
Lena’s eyes went wide and the look of concern stayed on her face, her brows drawing together. She looked scared.
“But it could be painful and dangerous!”
Kara swallowed. She knew that. There was always a risk of mental injury with psychic connections, J’onn had taught her that. But...she needed every advantage she could find when it came to fighting Nyxly, and that included this connection, whatever the risks were.
As she explained her side to Lena, she watched as her best friend’s face contorted from concern to something like awe.
“I don’t know what that gauntlet was about because you are the epitome of courageous.”
Kara huffed out a laugh and couldn’t help but feel the warmth of Lena’s gaze fill her up inside. Lena thought she was brave. Lena was here, on her couch, she had forgiven her, they were together again, and Lena thought she was brave.
It gave her hope for the future. If Lena was by her side, Nyxly didn’t stand a chance.
Kara sat on her couch, Lena curled into her side, finally asleep. She’d spent the evening crying over Lex being sent to the Phantom Zone, hating herself for crying over him, and then crying because Kara had told her she was allowed to love him, but Lena didn’t think she deserved the compassion, since it was her war with Kara that had given Lex his abilities to fight them in the first place.
Kara, of course, thought she was being too hard on herself. They had all done stupid or bad things at one time or another. Hell, Nia was the one who had let Nyxly into this world, but no one held that against her. Kara sure wasn’t going to hold Lena’s pain against her. Lex was her brother, after all. Family was complicated -- no one knew that better than Kara -- and she wasn’t going to begrudge anyone their feelings for their flesh and blood.
A cramp in her leg made her shift ever so slightly. She had blown out her powers in the fight and suddenly she was feeling all sorts of aches and pains she wasn’t used to feeling on a daily basis. Lena stirred and opened her eyes blearily, blinking away the sleep.
“Hey,” she murmured, rubbing her eyes gently. “How long was I out?”
“Only a few hours,” Kara answered quietly. “You should go back to sleep. You had a hard day.”
Lena sat up yawning. “I’m okay. What about you? Have you slept?”
Kara shook her head. “Nah, too wired.”
Lena sat up straight and faced Kara, crossing her legs and patting the cushion between them.
“C’mere, I’ll give you a massage. That’ll put you out.”
Kara flushed. A massage? As in, Lena’s hands on her body? Touching her? She tried to suppress the shudder of pleasure that thought brought her.
It had been a slow build up to an eventual certainty when she finally realised that she truly was head over heels in love with the other woman. Somewhere between that night on her couch when Lena had confessed her true nature to Kara, and the next morning when they had woken up together, her heart had found its way into the hands of Lena Luthor. Maybe she’d always had it. It certainly would always be hers now.
“A massage?” Kara asked, her voice squeaking quite a bit more than she wanted it to, which was any amount at all.
Lena smiled softly. “It’s not often you don’t have your powers, so I think we should take advantage of the moment. You’ll actually be able to feel it.”
Kara exhaled hard through her nose. “Yeah…” she breathed, already tingling at the thought of having Lena’s hands on her body. “Yeah that sounds like a good idea.”
Lena patted the cushion in front of her again. “Come here and turn around.”
Kara tried to contain her enthusiasm as she turned around and scooted back until she felt her butt hit Lena’s crossed legs.
She shivered with anticipation as Lena’s hands moved her golden locks out of the way.
“Are you cold?” Lena asked, always the picture of concern when it came to Kara’s comfort.
“No, I’m -- I’m fine,” Kara forced out, struggling to hold it together as Lena’s fingers stroked her shoulders, easing her stiff muscles.
“Just try to relax,” Lena whispered, pressing her thumbs into the divots of her shoulder blades. Kara couldn’t help the moan that escaped her throat as Lena massaged into the spot.
“ Rao ,” she breathed, already feeling a wave of calm contentment wash over her. “That feels amazing.”
She heard Lena give a little hum of acknowledgment as she continued to rub her shoulders and press into her pressure points. Her body was humming and she felt the heat of Lena’s touch burning through her clothes. Saliva puddled in her mouth and her eyes fell closed as she leaned back into Lena’s embrace.
Lena gave a little amused giggle. “Told you it would work,” she whispered, running her hands down Kara’s arms.
Kara smiled and grabbed one of her hands, intertwining their fingers. “I think you just have the magic touch.”
Lena leaned down and kissed her gently on the cheek. “Get some sleep now.”
She leaned back onto the arm of the couch and relaxed so that Kara could lay in her arms. Kara burned with barely concealed lust and she realised that she couldn’t keep doing this. It wasn’t fair to Lena for her to be using her kindness for her own perverse pleasure.
“Lena, I need to -- I need to tell you something,” she began tentatively. “I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it, but I need you to know --”
Lena shushed her, pressing another kiss this time to her temple. “Shhh, I know, darling. I know.”
Kara blanched. She knew? What did she know?
“What -- what do you mean you know?”
Lena gazed down at her, her eyes crinkling at the corners as the corner of her mouth turned up into a half-smile. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and Kara watched the movement intently.
Leaning forward, Lena slowly pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Kara’s mouth, just a gentle touch -- barely there -- but enough for Kara to understand.
“ Oh ,” Kara breathed, eyes wide.
Lena smiled softly and returned to her position against the arm of the couch.
“Now get some sleep. We’ll talk about it when you wake up.”
Kara obeyed immediately, and she slept better than she ever had in her life.