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It wasn’t that Arthur didn’t like Gwaine.
He was a good enough man, and well, alright…Arthur admitted it, he was fairly funny. He had no reason to dislike Gwaine. Merlin loved Gwaine, so Arthur should at least like Gwaine.
And it wasn’t that he didn’t!
It was just… Every time he saw Gwaine, it was like a cruel reminder of his own cowardice. Constantly touching Merlin, flaunting their relationship. It was almost like he knew how Arthur felt and was bragging. Arthur knew that was ridiculous. There was no way he could have known, and he wasn’t like that.
Sure, he and Arthur didn’t get on at the start, but he wouldn’t go as far as to outright taunt him.
Arthur just got jealous. He could admit it. He got jealous.
That said, though, Arthur would never purposefully jeopardize Gwaine and Merlin’s relationship.
Gwaine was good for him. He obviously made Merlin feel loved, cared for, and valued. Merlin was happy with him, and above all else Arthur just wanted him to be happy. If that meant only being his friend…then so be it. If that was what made Merlin happy, Arthur could do it.
His friendship with Merlin was so much more important than the pesky feelings he’d had for eight years.
Arthur sighed as he walked down the empty pavement. It was late—he was late. Merlin was going to kill him if they missed the new episode of the show they were watching together. He rolled his shoulders and checked his watch.
He had thirty minutes to get there. He could do that.
Letting his arm fall back to his side, Arthur looked around. His steps faltered when his eyes found Gwaine through the large window-wall of the very nice new restaurant he was walking past. Arthur frowned. Feeling like torturing himself, he stopped and peered through the window. He sat alone at a table for two near the window, tapping the tabletop anxiously.
Merlin hadn’t said anything about going out with Gwaine… Did he mix his days up? What about their show? Was Merlin going to stand him up for Gwaine?
Arthur ignored the pang of hurt that hit his chest at the final thought. He watched as Gwaine looked around the restaurant and held his breath, praying he wouldn’t look towards the window and see Arthur watching him like some creep. Luckily, he didn’t look over. He just slumped down in his chair and stared down the walkway.
Then, he watched as Gwaine’s face lit up and he pushed himself to his feet. Arthur almost looked away, not sure he would be able to handle watching Merlin walk up and greet his boyfriend.
Just as he began to look away though, a man approached who was very much not Merlin. Arthur froze. His eyes widened when he recognized the tall man as his oldest friend.
Leon walked up to Gwaine, a grin on his face Arthur had never seen before, and Gwaine immediately tugged him into an embrace. Arthur’s stomach churned. Alright, no, he couldn’t jump to conclusions. Maybe it was just a friendly—
Arthur’s heart sank when Gwaine pulled back and pressed his lips firmly to Leon’s in a quick kiss, which Leon reciprocated before stepping back and sitting down once more. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe it.
Gwaine was cheating on Merlin!
Arthur’s heart was pounding by the time he got back to his and Merlin’s shared flat. His thoughts were racing as he walked into the flat, and he kept his gaze low.
Gwaine was cheating on Merlin. Gwaine was fucking cheating on Merlin.
“Hey! What took you so long?” Arthur started at the voice, his shoulders jumping. His eyes were wide as his gaze snapped to Merlin, who stood next to the couch. “I was this close to starting without you.”
“You would never,” joked Arthur, voice strained as he forced himself to cross the room to his best friend.
Merlin hummed softly, sitting down on the couch. “You’re right, I wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be any fun without your obnoxious commentary.”
Sitting beside him, Arthur forced out a small laugh. He grabbed the remote and turned on the television. Should he tell Merlin? It felt wrong, knowing something like this and keeping it from him. It wasn’t right.
Merlin deserved to know. Didn’t he? This was his boyfriend.
“Arthur?” Merlin asked, resting a hand on Arthur’s shoulder. He stiffened at the touch. Merlin sounded so concerned… He should tell him. He shouldn’t tell him. Should he tell him? “Arthur, is everything okay?”
Staring at the remote as he clutched it tight enough his knuckles turned white, Arthur sighed. “Merlin, I…I need to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it, but I swear it’s the truth—I wouldn’t lie to you over something like this.”
The atmosphere shifted almost immediately. Merlin slid off the couch and forced himself between Arthur’s knees, kneeling on the floor in front of him. He pulled the remote from Arthur’s hands and set it on the floor next to himself. Arthur held his breath as Merlin then took his hands in his own and held his gaze.
“Arthur, you can tell me anything,” he swore, worry flitting over his features. “Are you in trouble? I know a guy—I can get us out of town by morning.”
Arthur’s eyes widened. His heart stuttered at the way Merlin just…no hesitation, immediately was ready to save Arthur should he be in trouble. Then—us. Not get Arthur out of town, get them out of town. Together. Gods, he really wished he wasn’t about to shatter Merlin’s heart.
“I—no, no, Merlin, I’m not in trouble,” he promised, forcing a small, reassuring smile. Merlin relaxed, but only by a fraction, his concern still clear as day. Merlin cared so much for him…just…not enough. And now Arthur had to break his heart?
Arthur wasn’t even the one who cheated, yet he still felt like scum. His stomach churned, and his heart wept. He loved Merlin so much, and this would bring him so much pain…
And what if Merlin didn’t believe him? What if he thought he was lying? Not that he knew Arthur had any reason to lie—but he thought Arthur hated Gwaine.
He didn’t hate Gwaine, he was just jealous, but Merlin couldn’t know that. Merlin had no way to know that. So, he thought Arthur hated him. What if he thought Arthur was just trying to break them up?
Albeit the selfish side of him said he wouldn’t mind them breaking up so he could have a chance with Merlin. The reasonable side of him decided that was a disgusting thought and shoved it away.
Merlin stared at him, eyes wide and worried, and a sharp pain shot through Arthur’s chest. How could he do this to his best friend…?
“I…” he hesitated, steeled himself, then, “Gwaine’s cheating on you.”
Merlin’s face went blank, and Arthur’s heart cracked. Slowly, Merlin’s expression shifted into a look of confusion. He shook his head.
“What?”
Oh, gods, he didn’t know if he could say it again… “I know—I know it’s hard to believe, gods, I didn’t want it to be true, either, but…I saw him with my own eyes, Merls,” Arthur sighed, looking down where their hands were clasped. He felt ill. “I’m so sorry…but Gwaine’s cheating on you with Leon.”
There was a moment of silence. A brief pause. He looked up to see an unreadable look in Merlin’s eyes. Arthur thought for a second that Merlin would slap him. Until a grin broke out on his face and he nearly busted a lung laughing. Laughing.
Arthur’s brows furrowed into a frown, confusion washing over him. Merlin was…laughing. He found out his boyfriend was cheating on him and he laughed.
“Merlin—”
“Oh, Arthur,” Merlin cut him off. He took deep breaths, trying to compose himself. Only once he had managed to finish laughing altogether did Merlin continue. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong.”
Arthur’s stomach dropped. He still had hope. Arthur gently squeezed his hands. “No, Merlin…I saw them together, Gwaine kissed Leon, they’re—he’s cheating on you.”
“Arthur, he can’t be cheating on me.” Merlin smiled sweetly, almost like how one would smile at a foolish child. Arthur felt awful. It was like a knife was being twisted into his gut. He hated how much faith his best friend had in a man who would break his heart so easily…
“He is. I know you don’t want to believe it but—”
“He can’t be cheating on me,” Merlin cut him off again. “Because Gwaine and I have never been in a relationship.”
Arthur paled. Not for long, though, because once Merlin’s words really processed, heat rushed to his face in mortification. All the way to the tips of his ears lit bright red. His eyes were wide.
“Oh, my gods,” he muttered. He pulled his hands out of Merlin’s hold. “You’re not—you and he aren’t—but I thought!”
“No, oh, no, I love Gwaine but…” Merlin gave him a wide-eyed look, shaking his head, before laughing. “I’m in love with someone else. Have been for about ten years, now. No way I could ever bring myself to date Gwaine knowing that my heart wasn’t in it.”
“Oh…” Arthur’s gaze fell to his lap. Merlin was in love with someone else. For ten years. He wasn’t dating Gwaine. He was in love with someone else. Arthur never even had a chance…
A gentle hand cupped his cheek and lifted his head up, and Arthur’s shoulders tensed. Merlin made Arthur look at him, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Arthur, on the other hand, very much wanted to disappear. He avoided his gaze, barely resisting the urge to lean into his touch.
It was like salt in the damn wound.
“Hey…you big fool,” Merlin murmured. “Look at me. Come on, look at me.”
There was such fondness in his voice… It made Arthur’s heart ache. It made everything ache. He wanted to curl into a ball and pretend he’d never said a thing. His world like it was crumbling, until it wasn’t.
“Arthur, you’re the person I’ve been in love with for ten years.”
Call him dramatic, but the words were like rain in a drought. His eyes snapped to Merlin’s, wide and stunned. Searching for any hint of dishonesty. All he found, though, was pure, unadulterated adoration and truth.
“Oh,” he breathed.
“Yes, oh,” Merlin snorted softly. He brushed his thumb over Arthur’s cheekbone. “I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way until recently, but then once I realized it, you started growing distant and…well, now I know why.”
“You love me,” Arthur whispered. Admittedly, it was a bit of a world-shaker.
Merlin huffed out a laugh and nodded. “Yes, I do.”
“You’ve loved me for ten years…” Arthur finally allowed himself to lean into the hand cradling his cheek. “You love me…”
“Mhm.” Merlin nodded again. Arthur thought he looked much too amused by the whole ordeal. He found he didn’t really mind, though. Too focused on the fact that the man he’d loved for eight years loved him back.
He couldn’t believe it.
“So, you’re not—you don’t have any feelings for Gwaine?”
“I love Gwaine as a dear friend,” Merlin assured him, “and he is not cheating on me, he’s been dating Leon for two weeks now—gods know how you didn’t realize it. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Right…” Arthur murmured.
Slowly, a giddy grin spread across Arthur’s face. Merlin loved him. Merlin really loved him. He cleared his throat, still leaning into Merlin’s hand.
“So… Would you want to get coffee with me tomorrow morning?”