Chapter Text
When Josie’s father announced that she was to marry Billy Andrews, Josie wanted to scream.
Of course, she couldn’t, because she was a lady and ladies don’t scream about affairs such as this (even if she was happy about it, which she’s not), it’s improper, but damn, did she want too.
How could she not? This was her entire life that her parents were taking control of. Josie didn’t want to get married now, not at all, especially to Billy, who she barely knew at all (she couldn’t get to know him even if she wanted to, he was always off running around with Cole elsewhere).
Point was, Josie wasn’t ready for marriage. She wanted to finish school and go to Queens with Jane and her other friends and then, maybe she’d worry about finding a husband. It was what was expected of her, after all. But that was years later, she didn’t want to think about it now, she already had enough problems with her mother controlling every decision she makes. Josie would’ve thought that this, a big one, who she spends the rest of her life with, would be her own. Perhaps she should’ve known better.
This can’t be it. Anne always goes on about how wonderful and full of possibility life is (Josie pretends not to listen let alone care, but sometimes she does), but maybe that was just another one of her silly stories or things she didn’t understand. Josie would’ve been a fool to believe it. How can one enjoy life, if they’re forced to do things they don’t want to do, if the entire course of it is planned out.
Josie wanted to protest against her father’s wishes, to say that it should be her choice whom she marries, but she didn’t get a chance to, her father just kept going on about what a great business idea it was.
Business, that’s what it was all about. Josie’s father or even Mr. Andrews didn’t care a whit about whether or not Billy and Josie were in love, because that didn’t matter at all to them. It was all about the money. Their children were pieces of property to them, as were their wives and as they believed everyone else to be. They didn’t know, or they didn’t think it was too important, that they’d be destroying their children’s lives by forcing them to do such a thing.
Josie’s father kept going on and on about what a great match they’d be, simply because they’re both lucky in the looks department, and they both had plenty of money, like that was a good reason to marry someone. It wasn’t, it wasn’t at all.
And yet, there wasn’t a damn thing Josie could do about it. She couldn’t decide her own future, she couldn’t make her own choice. She’d only be able to get out of this if she’d somehow convince her parents to call this off. Which, by the way her father was going on about it and her mother was smiling and nodding along, wasn’t going to happen.
She figured if she was smart, she’d best just accept it. Accept an arranged married with a man who doesn’t love her, a man in which she didn’t love. Weddings were something that girls always dreamed off, and Josie believed she’d marry for love. And maybe, most girls would be happy to be promised to a man like Billy, but not Josie. She wasn’t, at all. How could anyone be happy in a life with someone whom they don’t love?
Josie tried to put on a poker face, as she always does, but inside she was breaking, her whole life was crashing down. Along with it being highly unexpected, the thought of marrying someone she doesn’t love and her life being controlled makes her sick.
But, she pretends like she agrees with it. She pretends like it isn’t a big deal that her whole life is slipping away. She wonders how Billy is handling it, if he’s thrilled or furious, and wonders which one would be worse. Josie knows one thing, though, and that’s that there is no word to describe how distraught she feels.
And still, there’s not a damn thing she can do about it, her own future.
Just when things couldn’t possibly have gotten worse, Josie’s father informs her that they’re to meet up with the Andrews at the county fair tomorrow, much to Josie’s dread, since she’d just wanted to spend time with Jane and her other friends.
And she thinks of how Jane will feel when she finds out that Josie is marrying her brother, how annoyed she’d probably be. Not that it matters much to Josie, it’s not like she cares much about Jane’s opinion anyways. She still has to marry Billy whether she wants to or not, and that’s what she’s trying to accept.
The day does by as normal after that, or rather, as normal as a typical night could be after news such as this. Josie’s mother resumed to sewing, going on about how she needed a pretty dress tomorrow to make a good impression on the Andrews. And Josie used to think he cared about stuff like that, but maybe she doesn’t, maybe it’s just her mother.
What’s wrong with her? She can’t go against what her mother says. Josie likes to think that she’s capable of thinking for herself, her mother doesn’t control her. But, that’s a lie, maybe it does matter. Maybe her mother does control her. As does her father, who left in the early evening/late afternoon to go discuss business plans with Mr. Andrews.
Once he was out of the door, Josie couldn’t take it anymore and ran up to her room, seconds away from bawling her eyes out. She’s always told that proper ladies don’t cry, well, she can’t help it right now. Her whole life was just handed over to someone else and she can’t even have a say in it, her father won’t let her.
Josie closes the door to her room as quietly as possible, before running to her bed and sobbing into her pillow. She thought she felt her most low when her and Jane stopped talking for two days when they were thirteen, but this? This is a completely different level.
This is it, there goes her entire future. Not that she ever had much of a plan for herself. Go to college, and then get married not long after as to not become a spinster or start a scandal. She just, didn’t want it to happen this soon. She didn’t even have time to figure herself out. Sure, often women aren’t supposed to, but she was hoping that maybe she could. Maybe she’d be allowed to.
She forgot that her own life path wasn’t up to her. And now, she’s thrown into a loveless marriage. There’s no upside to this, no silver lining. Her whole life is destined to be miserable.
Josie barely hears the door to her room open between the sounds of her own sobs, wishing this was all a bad dream. She doesn’t want to marry Billy. She just doesn’t.
“Josie! Whatever’s the matter with you?” Her mother asks, surprised at this behavior from her daughter, who she raised to act differently. Still, she sits next to Josie on the bed and hugs her, putting Josie’s head on her lap and stroking her hair, like she actually cares.
And if she does care, she’d be against this marriage as well. No one should ever be forced to marry someone they don’t love, how can anyone not see that?
“Mother, please don’t make me marry him!” Josie begs, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks. Her mother sighs, wiping them away. For a moment, Josie feels a glimmer of hope that she won’t have to do this. Then, she remembers her mother doesn’t have a say in it either.
“Josie, Billy would make a fine husband. He’s rich and handsome and the two of you are a perfect match. It’s not so bad.” Her mother tries to explain, like those two things justify it. And, alright, it’s not that Josie thinks Billy is a bad person, because he’s not. He used to be quite a terrible boy, but he’s changed a lot within the past year, everyone has noticed that. He’s become very respectful and yes, he’s quite handsome and his family is wealthy.
The thing is, Josie doesn’t love him.
“But I don’t love him!” And Josie is certain that Billy doesn’t love her either. They are not a perfect match, at all. It wouldn’t be a good marriage, like most marriages that aren’t born out of just love.
“It doesn’t matter.” Her mother tries to comfort her still, like she’ll be able to convince her that this idea is a good one. She never will be able to. Josie would rather be an old maid than marry someone she doesn’t love, as scandalous as it would be. It’s better than a life like that.
“Please, mother! I don’t want to live my life like this!” Josie pleads, putting every emotion she feels into her voice. It’s not like when she was little when she would throw a fit to get her way, this is real. This is important.
Being made to marry to someone against her will makes her feel powerless, like an object, like she doesn’t matter. It isn’t right, and it shouldn’t be happening.
“Enough. You are to marry Billy and that is final.” With that, Josie’s mother gets up and walks out, leaving here there, dismayed.
Josie curls back into herself, hugging her knees and allowing herself to cry for the first time in years. Her life is over. She’s to marry a man that doesn’t love her, a man that she doesn’t love either. If Josie was to marry, it would be for love, someone who loves her. And Billy is nice and all, but he’s not her ideal, Josie would rather marry someone like Jane. But, you know, a boy.
(Even though, the thought of kissing a boy makes her uneasy. But that doesn’t mean anything, does it? She’ll have to soon anyways.)
Josie would just as rather run away than marry against her will. Living on the streets wouldn’t be great, but it surely would be better than a loveless marriage. Josie’s mother always promised her a life of glamour, a man with high-social status, but now, Josie doesn’t think it matters as much, not if there’s no love. With Billy, she’d have that life, but she doesn’t want it.
She’s spent all this time being rude and snobbish in the hopes of impressing people, and it only got her here. She’s done. Done with it all.
Josie cried herself to sleep that night, hoping and praying that this would all be a dream.