Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Those were the first words to tumble from Chat Noir’s lips, his smile too overeager, too happy to be genuine. 

“I didn't-”

“Girl, you have GOT to be kidding me,” Rena Rouge interrupted, whirling on her the second her feet touched the rooftop. “I thought we were friends!?! Who is it? Pegasus? Viperion?”

“I thought he was dating Ryuko,” Carapace jumped in.

“I’m not-” Ladybug opened her mouth to explain, only to be interrupted. She couldn’t really blame Alya (who only had fifteen Ladynoir pinterest boards and showed them off to anyone who so much as mentioned the superhero duo). 

“Oh, right,” Rena Rouge nodded. “Otherwise she totally would’ve been my next guess.” The fox heroine turned to her desperately. “Please don’t tell me it’s Tigresse. I’ve been working on my Tigerella fanfic for months.”

“Guys, can you calm down for-”

“King Monkey, maybe?” Carapace guessed as Chat plopped down on the edge of the building, failing at not looking miserable. “He doesn’t really seem like he’s her type, but you never know.”

Rena Rogue cut her off again. “I swear, if it’s Vesperia and I didn’t see it coming…” The heroine buried her face in her hands. “Ladybug you better explain. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore!”

Instantly, three sets of eyes locked on her, begging for clarification. Ladybug took a deep breath.

“Guys, I’m not dating anyone.”

“But you said-” Rena protested. 

“I know and I’m sorry!” she cried, trying not to look at Chat as her face heated. Not that it meant anything. Obviously.  “The reporters kept asking all these questions and I just wanted to get out of there and it slipped out.”

It was hard to miss the flash of relief in Chat’s eyes.

“So, let me get this straight,” Carapace said, staring at her incredulously. “Your grand plan to get out of a stressful press conference was to tell everyone in Paris on live television that you’re dating someone on our team?”

It sounded a lot worse when he said it out loud.

“I panicked,” Ladybug admitted with a wince.

Carapace breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, at least you can just admit that and everything will go back to normal.”

Rena Rouge and Chat Noir glanced at each other knowingly and almost simultaneously burst into giggles, as if he had said something hilarious.

“That doesn’t sound like a good sign,” Ladybug swung her yo-yo in an anxious circle.

“Trust me when I say it will not work out like that,” Chat Noir smirked somewhat bitterly in the light of the setting sun.

Rena waved her hand across the sky as if she could already read the headlines written on the clouds. “ Shocking Reveal - Ladybug Tells All. ”

“I could just tell them the truth,” she tried to protest.

“ Heroes Attempt to Cover up the Truth ,” Alya finished, stopping the yo-yo’s frantic circle with her flute.

Ladybug groaned, wanting to kick something, preferably Hawkmoth’s stupid face.

“And of course it's right around the anniversary,” Chat Noir reminded her.

“Uh, no it’s not,” Carapace glanced at her partner like he was crazy. 

And he kinda was. She distinctly remembered a picnic with a certain kitty on the rooftops near where she ‘fell from heaven’ as they watched a parade of small children stream by, wearing Stoneheart cosplay only a few months ago.

“Not that anniversary,” Chat Noir deflated a little. “I was talking about Oblivio.”

Her brain screeched to a halt. 

“This just keeps getting better and better,” she groaned. 

Carapace and Rena exchanged a glance. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“After a certain Ladyblogger posted a photo of me and Chat,” she locked her gaze on Rena, relishing the moment a little too much. “Some of the fans seem to have gotten it into their heads that Kitty and I are destined to get together on that day.

“Generally involving a week full of frustrated Ladynoir-shipping akumas,” Chat jumped in. “And one exhausted and pointedly not together bug and cat.”

Ladybug giggled. “Okay, you have to admit, some of them are kinda funny.”

The cat hero snorted. “I wouldn’t call Aphrodite funny.”

“What about the fanfic style one?” she nudged his knee playfully, trying to see if banter would help cheer him up. “You have to admit, throwing mugs at the akuma during the coffee shop AU was the best.”

A hint of a real smirk flickered across her partner’s lips. 

“You called me sweet when you dumped all that sugar in my hair,” she reminded him.

“It was an accident!” he protested with a grin.

“Yeah, right ,” Ladybug crossed her arms. “You were supposed to throw it at him . You totally did it on purpose!”

Chat clutched his chest, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes. “I can’t believe you would have such little faith in me, m’lady!!”

Both of them somehow missed the knowing glance their best friends shot each other.

All their weapons buzzed simultaneously, doubtlessly with an update from the news. Chat Noir flicked open his baton and sighed, showing the headline to the rest of them.

“Which of Our Heroes is Ladybug’s Boyfriend?”

Her partner scrolled through the article, grumbling under his breath.

Carapace raised his eyebrows under his hood. “Bold of them to assume you don't have a girlfriend.”

“I wish I could say that it’s bold of them to assume I’m dating anyone at all,” she sighed. “But I kinda started this so I guess I can’t blame them.”

“THAT’S IT!” Rena Rouge leapt to her feet, nearly knocking her boyfriend’s shell over the edge of the roof.

“What?” Ladybug glanced at her comrades to check if they had the slightest idea of what was going on. 

“You told the press that you’re dating one of us on the hero team, right ?” the fox heroine asked excitedly.

“Yes?” Ladybug answered hesitantly. “You were there too.”

“Not the point,” her friend waved the comment off. “The only solution that doesn’t end in even more akuma attacks is fairly obvious.”

The other three glanced at each other to see if they had gotten it.

“COME ON GUYS,” Alya sighed. “Ladybug just has to pretend to be dating one of us for a few weeks. Think about it. They go out on a few dates, cue general excitement from Paris about the first official hero couple, tragically break up after a few weeks and everything goes back to normal.”

Ladybug shrugged. “I guess it could work.”

“Why does this sound way too similar to the basic plot for any fake dating fanfic?” Chat Noir hissed in the nearby turtle hero’s ear. 

Or hood by where his ear should be. 

“Probably because that's exactly what it is,” Carapace whispered back. 

Rena smirked.

“And I happy to know of an available cat who would be happy to take-”

Her triumphant Ladynoir wingwoman grin fell from her face as the duo shook their heads in unison.

“Bad idea,” Chat Noir admitted. “I don’t want to think about the worldwide cat astrophe that could occur after out ‘breakup.’”

“It would be like last Valentine’s day, but infinitely worse,” Ladybug jumped in, wincing at the memory of yet another love akuma that nearly burned Paris to the ground in its mission to make its OTP kiss.

Not that kissing Chat was such a bad thing. He was kinda good-

She cut off that mental track before it could get anywhere.

“Well, who else are you going to fake-date?” Alya asked. “I mean, I would totally be up for the job, but…”

She gestured at her boyfriend.

Carapace’s silence spoke for itself.

“Uh, babe?” Rena nudged him with her boot.

“Yeah?” he said with a grin.

“You can’t actually be considering this.”

“Why not?” he shrugged. “It’s not like anyone in Paris will know any better.”

“Hawkmoth could target me!” Alya pointed out. “He knows where I live!”

Carapace shrugged. “I mean, he could do that anyway.”

“Still, this could…” her voice trailed off. “Uh- why you aren’t fighting me on this.”

The turtle hero shrugged. “I guess I don’t see a problem with it, dudette. As long as both you and Ladybug are cool with it, then I’m not going to stop you.”

“You’re supposed to be my voice of reason!” Rena Rouge stared at him like he had just admitted to secretly being Chlo é’s BFF. “Are you secretly a sentimonster or something?”

Nino raised his hands innocently. “I’m just trying to be a supportive boyfriend and help you reach your dreams.”

“By handing me off to the first bug who wants to date me?”

Carapace fell back dramatically. “Babe, did you see Ladybug today,” he cried in an impression of his girlfriend's voice. “The way she stuck that landing and then she winked at me and I swear I died . No offense babe, but if Ladybug ever asked me out, I would break up with you in an instant.”

Rena turned bright red.

Ladybug giggled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You’re cool with this?” Rena spun on her.

“I mean, if Carapace is,” she smirked. “Sounds like it's the closest to a realistic relationship I’m going to get.”

Rena Rouge buried her head in her hands. “Hold on. I need to go scream on a rooftop.”

“Take all the time you need, babe,” Carapace called after her.

Ladybug smirked, grabbing her hand and kissing it like Chat would sometimes do for her (which totally didn’t leave her in a stuttering mess afterwards. Obviously.). “Yeah, babe . Take all the time you need.”

Rena Rouge turned red and fled.

“Whoops,” Ladybug turned back to Carapace with a sheepish grin on her face. “Too much?”

“Just because you’re fake dating my girlfriend doesn’t mean you can steal her,” Carapace nodded. “Don’t worry. She’ll be back in a few minutes and fully on board with this.”

“I should go and talk to her,” Ladybug said as she bit her lip nervously. She waved to Chat in a TOTALLY NORMAL WAY as she leapt over the rooftops.

***

The ribbons on her pigtails fluttered in the evening wind as Chat Noir watched her vault over the rooftop after her possible future fake-girlfriend.

Carapace whistled. “Dude, you’ve got it bad.”

Adrien’s face heated as he punched the turtle hero's arm. “Shut up.”

“Have you considered telling her that, you know, you still love her?”

Chat Noir laughed bitterly. “And watch her heart rip in half as she tells me yet again that we could never be more than friends? No thanks.” He glanced away. “I’d rather give up my miraculous.”

The sounds of the city that echoed off the rooftops awkwardly filled the void between them.

Finally, Chat Noir asked. “So, wait, are we actually doing this?”

Carapace nodded. “We’re superheroes. It’s our duty to protect Paris. If the only way for us to do that is for my girlfriend to pretend-date yours, then it’s a sacrifice we have to make.”

Chapter Text

“Hey Ladyblog fans!” Ladybug waved sheepishly at the camera that Alya had pinned to the wall with her flute. She glanced upwards, mouthing the words ‘ help me’ to Chat Noir, who was watching with a smirk. He sent her a double thumbs up from his perch on a rooftop.

Ladybug coughed awkwardly.

“Shoot,” she hissed, sending a panicked glance in her direction. “I forgot my line!”

“I am delighted to announce…” Carapace called from offscreen.

“Right,” the heroine nodded. “I am delighted to announce that- wait, isn’t that line later on?” She sighed. “I need to start over.”

“We are not doing another take,” Carapace groaned. “You’re just announcing that you’re dating, not that you, I don’t know, kissed Chat or something.”

Alya was pretty sure she saw both of the hero’s cheeks flush red. Which was adorable. Too bad it would have to be cut from the final video to make this whole scheme work.

“Alright, I’m starting over,” Ladybug announced, sucking in a breath. Carapace let out a long-suffering sigh as he leapt up to take a seat beside Chat. “Shut up, Shelly,” she glared at him.

Chat Noir snickered at the half-offended, half-impressed look that flashed over the turtle hero's face as Alya’s soon-to-be fake girlfriend wrung her hands nervously.

“Alright,” she declared finally, fixing Alya with a determined stare. “Let’s do this thing.”

In an instant, the calculated confidence dropped as she grinned at the camera with the sheepishness of one who finally thought they had found the one. 

“Hey Ladyblog fans!” Ladybug waved, slightly more confident this time. “How are all of you doing today?”

Someone who hadn’t spent the last three years of their life obsessively fighting to keep their place as the #1 Ladybug fan would have missed the second of awkward panic that flickered across the heroine’s face as she questioned her word choice.

Finally, she just decided to go with it.

“Some of you- all of you probably- have seen the articles. And the TV speculation. And the footage of the interview. Or heard people gossiping about it,” she smiled weakly. “News gets around. Anyway, I decided to meet with our wonderful Ladyblogger to clear up some rumors and hopefully prevent any akumas.”

“Hi!” an illusion of Alya called from offscreen.

“First of all, I’m sure all of you are wondering if the rumors are true,” Ladybug bounced on her toes excitedly. “And I am thrilled to be able to absolutely confirm them.”

“And no, it’s not me!” Chat Noir interrupted from his perch.

“Or me!” Carapace added.

Ladybug’s shoulders tensed for a moment, but she let them drop.

“Now, I’m sure you are all wondering who this special someone is,” she winked.

“Still not me, by the way,” Chat shouted helpfully.

“Or me!” Carapace added once again.

She ignored them.

“So, without any more stalling, I would like-love I mean,” she giggled nervously, and Alya got the feeling that it was more from nerves than part of the act. “To introduce you to my amazing girlfriend, Rena Rouge!”

Plastering an equally sheepish -yet madly in love- smile to her face, Rena stepped into view. She walked towards her ‘girlfriend’ with what she hoped was confidence.

Ladybug reached out a hand for her to grasp as they got closer and Rena accepted. She gasped as the heroine unexpectedly spun her under her arm and pulled her into a dip.

“Hey babe,” Rena grinned up at her.

“Hey sweetie,” Ladybug bent down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead.

In her peripheral vision, Alya spotted her boyfriend's smug grin as he leaned over and whispered something into the ear of the boy seated next to him. Chat Noir turned bright red.

“To all of you who are definitely coming after me in the comments, saying that Carapace and I are in a relationship,” Rena smirked. “When have we ever confirmed that?”

Chat Noir coughed. “I mean, you’ve literally made out on camera, twice. You weren’t exactly trying to hide it.”

“That was for a dare,” Alya hissed, trying to subtly remind him with her glare that it was not the time to be playing devil’s advocate. “And it was barely a peck.”

“It was not-” Chat’s voice cut off as Carapace tried to subtly elbow him.

The other two vaulted off the roof and landed in front of them triumphantly, as Alya turned to the camera.

“Okay, so thank you for watching! Bug ou-”

“Wait!” Carapace cut in. “I know that this is kinda out of the blue, but I want everyone to be taking me seriously, right now,” Carapace swallowed dramatically.

“Of course we will, ba-bro,” Alya corrected herself mid sentence. 

“Alright,” Carapace stepped to the front, turning towards them.

Somehow, subconsciously, Alya stepped back, pulling her fake girlfriend with her.

Her boyfriend slowly lowered himself onto one knee, producing a rose from a pocket she had never noticed before.

“Chat Noir,” he said, voice trembling with emotion. “On the day we first met, I looked up at you stuck to that giant spider’s web and I knew that you were the only cat for me, bro. Only now have I had the courage to tell you how I feel.”

The cat hero sucked in a breath.

“Does this mean… ?” He put his hands over his mouth dramatically.

Carapace nodded.

“My dear turtle,” Chat breathed, sounding like the protagonist of a drama. “All these years of pining after you. Late nights lying awake dreaming of a future I knew would never come and-”

Ladybug snorted as she watched the boys act-or whatever this was supposed to be. Honestly, Alya had stopped trying to figure out her boyfriend ages ago.

Speaking of him, Nino’s amber eyes widened.

“I love you, bro.”

“ Bro ,” Chat Noir whispered.

It hung there in the air like the delicate crystal vases her parents kept on the top shelf just so Ella and Etta couldn’t knock them over. So perfect and beautiful and just daring someone to knock them to the ground.

And that was the instant that Nino’s terrible acting skills decided to catch up.

“Bro,” he breathed again. Alya fought the urge to facepalm at what had to be the fifth repetition of the word. “You wanna go catch a movie or something?” Nino asked.

“That sounds great,” Chat beamed, taking the rose and helping Carapace to his feet. (Who was apparently now his fake boyfriend or something. What on earth was going on?)

Chat Noir wrapped Nino’s fingers around the rose, clasping his other hand in a fist. The two stared deeply into each other's eyes like long-lost lovers.

“Yeah, Shelly!” she whooped.

Carapace sent her a not-quite subtle glare in front of the camera.

From the other side of the roof, Ladybug sent Alya a look.

Oh my kwami, what are our boyfriends’ doing?

They’re idiots.

Our idiots.

Alya stepped in front of the happy broadcast and stopped the recording. She could edit in an outro later.

“Oh man, your faces,” Nino chuckled, instantly breaking character. 

“Purrfect,” Chat grinned, punching his partner’s arm playfully. “They had no idea what was going on.”

Alya rolled her eyes. “You just couldn’t leave the plan alone, could you?” 

“We couldn’t let the two of you have all the fake dating fun,” Her boyfriend grinned. 

“Admit it,” Ladybug wrinkled her nose as she rubbed her arm. “You just wanted to outdo us.”

“Jealous?” Carapace jumped in. “I think we put on a pretty good performance.”

“In your dreams,” Rena shot back. “Ladybug and I are the ultimate hero couple.”

“Is that a challenge?” her boyfriend smirked.

“You know it is,” Alya crossed her arms smugly. “Me and my lady are definitely going to be the fan favorite.”

Chat gasped in horror. “M’lady, you can’t just let her steal my nickname like that!”

“Nice try, Chaton,” Ladybug smirked, reaching over to smugly bump fists with Alya. “Nothing’s getting in the way of our title.”

“You girls don’t know what you’re getting into,” Carapace warned.

“Oh really?” Alya teased. “I was just thinking the same thing about you.”

“Why don’t we make it a bet then,” Chat Noir jumped in. 

“No I am not beta reading your Ladynoir fanfics again,” Ladybug interrupted. 

“ Again?” Alya echoed.

“He wanted me to proofread them for accuracy,” the heroine shrugged. “Some of them were actually good until he wrote me as ‘scared of cats’ just to mess with me. ”

“I said I was sorry!” Chat protested. 

“Maybe I’ll think about accepting your apology if I thought you actually meant it.”

“That wasn’t even what I was going to ask!” Chat pointed out. “Although, if you’d like to bring up the fanfic again I’m sure that they would love to know about how you cried during chapter seven.”

“They were in love!” Ladybug stammered. “And then you killed him off!”

“You do realize that ‘they’ are us, right?” Chat reminded her slyly.

“Shut up,” Ladybug buried her face in her hands. 

A long awkward silence followed.

“What were you saying about a bet?” Rena finally asked to break the silence.

“Oh, right!” Chat bounced on his toes. “I bet that Carapace and I can be a cuter hero couple than you and m’lady.”

He sent Rena a glare, as if daring her to try and steal the nickname back.

Alya decided to ignore that. “How would we even track the scores?” 

“I bet I can get Alya to post a poll on the Ladyblog,” Ladybug sent her a knowing glance.

“If we win,” Rena Rouge grinned. “You guys have to defeat Hawkmoth for us, so we get a day off.”

“Deal,” the cat hero agreed before Carapace had time to protest.

“And if we win,” Chat Noir jumped in before his fake-boyfriend could even open his mouth all the way. “You guys have to-”

“Not the fanfiction,” Ladybug jumped in. “Or this entire deal is off.”

Chat Noir pouted.

Carapace chose that second to make his suggestion. “How about Ladybug has to forgive Chat for the fanfic thing.”

“It’s not happening!” Ladybug protested.

“And Rena has to actually get a full night’s sleep.”

“Hey!”

“Promise it or the deal’s off,” her actual boyfriend smiled.

Ladybug held out her hand. “Deal, but only to protect my dear fox’s sanity.”

Chat Noir met her in the middle. “I accept these terms.”

“My lady and I,” Alya pretended not to notice Chat’s glare as she added her hand to the pile. “Are a united front. I will always stand by her.”

The only one left was Carapace. The three of them stared at him.

“I mean, why not,” he shrugged. “It's not like this can get any weirder.”

All four linked their hands together and shook on it. Twice for good measure.

Chat met each of their eyes with a determined stare. “May the cutest fake couple win.”

“Which is totally going to be us by the way!” Ladybug announced.

“No it’s not-”

Alya exchanged a glance with Nino as the other two heroes bickered. 

“They’re definitely going to be dating by the time this is over,” Nino whispered.

“Trust me, I’ve had my ‘I told you so’ Ladyblog essay ready for months.” Rena smirked.