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Cas wanders over to the car to wait for Sam who is still busy consoling the residents of Charming Acres. He reaches for the handle on the passenger side before remembering that Sam also has the keys. He could go back, but he doesn’t want to explain to yet another shocked individual how a man was using the power of his brain to keep them all trapped in a town suspended in time, decades behind the rest of the world. Nope, that’s definitely Sam’s department.
Instead, Cas moves to the front of the car and leans back against the hood, his hand digging instinctively in the pocket of his trenchcoat for his phone. He unlocks it, scrolls through his short contact list, presses the call button beside Dean’s name and waits. It doesn’t even reach the second ring before his voice pipes through, instantly dissolving the distance between them. “Cas? Everything alright?” His voice is warm and gentle and Cas feels a familiar stirring in the pit of his stomach. Why are emotions so confusing?
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he assures him. “We’re about to head back.”
“That’s great.” Cas hears Dean try to stifle a yawn on the other end.
“Tired?”
“Yeah, a little. Don’t worry about me.” Cas shakes his head. Like that could ever be possible. “How’d the case go?”
“Uh, it was a weird one. I’ll tell you all about it when we get back.” Cas crosses his feet at the ankles and glances up at the star-speckled sky. He wishes Dean was here to see how beautiful it looks. He feels a smile cross his face, a secret smile for Dean, even if he can’t see it. He’s got something he knows will make him laugh. “Sam wore a knitted cardigan.”
A second of silence passes before a burst of laughter swirls down the phone and straight into Cas’ heart. “He-” More laughter ricochets through the phone and like a vision, Cas can see Dean throwing his head back in glee. The thought that he caused this moment of joy fills him with a jolt of immense pride as he waits for Dean to regain control. He deserves a million moments like this. He deserves laughter and gaiety and joy and Cas wishes with all his heart that he could make the world like that for him.
“Oh, dude,” Dean wheezes, “I hope you took a picture.”
Cas rolls his eyes with almost enough strength to beam the image to Dean. “We were a little preoccupied.” He sighs, but he can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face. “Yes, I took a picture.”
Dean chuckles. “See, this is why I love you.”
Instantly, the smile falters on Cas’ face as his stomach drop and his heart skips a beat. There’s a breath of silence on the other side before Dean clears his throat and barrels on.
“So, tell me about the cardigan. How nerdy did he look?”
For a second Cas doesn’t answer. For a second, he can’t. There are things he wants to say to Dean. There are things he wants Dean to say to him. Maybe if he just? No. Never mind. He can’t do that. They can’t do that. He swats the thoughts away like mosquitos and tries to remember what Dean asked him. “He, uh, looked extremely nerdy. You would’ve enjoyed it.”
“I’ll bet.” Dean’s voice is noticeably softer than it was before but there’s an unsteady note to it now. It feels like a presence has settled in the air, wedged awkwardly between him and Cas. It feels like sadness, and something else too. Something like regret.
Cas searches his mind for something else to say, anything that will make Dean laugh again. He screws his eyes shut tight and tries to focus. Bingo! “Hey, uh, there’s something else too.”
A note of curiosity creeps into Dean’s voice “Yeah?”
Cas feels himself nodding encouragingly even though Dean can’t see it. “Sam was wearing glasses too, and he had his hair tied up in a horsetail.”
“Horse-a ponytail? Really? Oh man!” Another bought of laughter erupts from the other side and the awkward presence dissolves like ice cubes in front of a roaring fire. Cas smiles and lets his stomach perform its usual somersaults, knowing he could happily live in that sound forever.
Eventually the laughter slows until only a few soft chuckles remain. “Oh, he is never gonna live this one down. I want all the details when you get home.”
A stutter of his heart. Home.
Cas recrosses his legs and glances at the night sky again. “It’s late. You should get some sleep.”
Dean’s response is immediate, like second nature. “Nah, I’ll wait for you.” A pause. “I can make us some drinks.”
“That sounds nice.” And it does sound nice. In fact, it sounds perfect. He just wishes he was already there. He wishes he could still fly.
A few more seconds pass and Cas knows that he should hang up now, but he doesn’t. He waits for Dean to say something else but he seems just as lost for words. He swallows and allows himself a moment of honesty. “Dean?”
“Yeah?”
“I missed you.”
A soft chuckle slides down the line and settles against his heart. “Yeah, buddy, I missed you too.”
Cas turns his head to see Sam approaching in the distance and sighs. Time to hang up. He pictures Dean in his soft dressing gown, his hair spiked up in all directions and he desperately longs to be back home. “So, I guess I’ll talk to you at the bunker?”
He hears Dean let out a short breath on the other side. “Yeah, alright.” He pauses, like he’s deciding what to say next. “Be safe.” Like maybe he doesn’t want to hang up either.
“Of course.” Cas closes his eyes. Why are emotions so difficult?
“Bye.”
He’s not even human and he can’t figure them out. “Goodbye, Dean.”
A moment of silence passes but Cas doesn’t remove the phone from his ear, doesn’t press the red button on his screen and hang up. He just stands still, watching Sam approach and listening to the sound of Dean’s breathing.
On the other end, Dean chuckles again. “Who’s hanging up first?”
“I don’t know. Do you want me to?”
“No.” And maybe Cas is just worn out from this whole trip, but the answer seems to come a beat too quickly. “How about at the same time?”
A smile pulls at the corner of Cas’ mouth as he remembers a movie he watched with Dean about teenagers who did the exact same thing. “At the same time?” But, weren’t those teenagers in love?
“Yeah, feathers. On three.”
He shakes his head, like maybe he can knock the thought loose. “Okay.”
“One.” A breath. “Two.” A bizarre feeling of panic flashing through Cas. “Three.”
A few more seconds of silence pass before the line goes dead. Cas pulls the phone slowly away from his ear and tries to resist the temptation to hit redial.
Home is only a short drive away, and Dean will be waiting for him.
He glances up at the sky again, just in time to see a shooting star jetting across the inky night. He closes his eyes and makes a wish, fueled by the secret desires held in his heart.
And then he opens his eyes, and gets ready for the drive back, and hopes that one day he might be brave enough to make that wish come true.