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The mission had not gone to plan.
Obi Wan never thought it would if he was honest with himself. He would never have suggested a plan as outlandish as what the council had presented to him if he had been asked to come up with one himself. But the council was already agreed when they presented the idea to him.
Who was he to question a unanimous decision from his fellow councillors?
And he supposed it had worked in the end. Just not in the manner they had intended.
He was glad to be back in the temple though. Relieved to be getting back to proper war work. Relieved that he was able to see everyone again.
Well, as relieved as he could be given the number of awkward conversations he was having to have.
After all, it wasn’t every day you came back from the dead.
There was one particular set of people he wanted to talk to though. Who he needed to talk to. Who he needed to set the record straight with.
As necessary as the council had assured him that he could tell no one about the mission he had always felt uncomfortable about his former Padawans unwitting role in selling it. He wanted to explain in person. That was the least he could offer the two people who witnessed his ‘death’.
Anakin had not been on Naboo. That in itself was a concern, he had not known his Padawan take the opportunity of a mission on Naboo, and the time with Senator Amidala it entailed.
He needed to set the record straight. At least explain why he had done it.
It would all be in Anakin's court then. But he at least needed the chance to explain.
He knocked on the door to Anakin's quarters. It opened quickly. Ashoka stood behind it.
Her face flashed through multiple emotions. Shock, relief, joy, anger, fury before settling into a cold mask. Guilt curled in his stomach. His grandpadawan had always been expressive, never hiding her emotions from either him or Anakin. For her to be withholding them from him. He had hurt her. That much was apparent.
“Master Kenobi,” she said shortly. “It seems rumours of your death were greatly exaggerated.”
Obi Wan winced.
“Ashoka is your Master in. I’d like to talk to both of you.”
She laughed. It wasn’t a nice laugh. It was a cruel vicious sound, brought from a place of despair and grief more than mirth.
“Join the queue Master Kenobi. We would all like to talk to Anakin, it doesn’t mean we get to.”
She smirked. It was clearly a painful expression.
Obi Wan frowned. He felt like he was missing something. There seemed to be more than just his death that was affecting her
His face must have expressed his confusion because Ashoka’s head tilted.
“They haven’t told you?”
“Told me what?”
“Oh, you really don’t know.”
“Know what Ashoka?” Obi-Wan said, growing more frustrated.
Whatever mask she had been concealing her emotions behind broke.
“Anakin, I mean Master Skywalker… he’s, well he’s”
Fear starting coiling in Obi Wans stomach.
“Whats happened to Anakin Ashoka.”
She sighed. “It's probably best if I just showed you.”
They walked through the Halls of healing in silence, their footsteps echoing through the corridors. Everyone they passed seemed to be staring at them, looks of pity and sadness directed towards them.
The sense of dread within Obi Wan continued to grow. What could have happened when he was away.
Master Che looked up from her datapad as they entered the halls.
“I told you to go get some rest, Ashoka. I’ll let you know if anything chan-” She caught sight of Obi Wan, eyes widening. “Ah, I understand. If you both want to follow me.”
Obi Wan glanced towards Ashoka but her eyes were fixed directly ahead face set.
They followed the healer. She led them through the wards. Past the short term stay wings and the Bacta tanks and towards the private rooms at the back. These rooms were intended for long term visitors.
“I’m afraid there has been no noticeable improvement Padawan Tano. We just can’t get any response.” Said Master Che.
Ashoka’s voice was small. “Maybe with Master Kenobi back, could that help?”
“We can hope, grief is a strange thing. It can severely affect the mind. But even then, Master Skywalkers reaction has been beyond anything we’ve ever known. We can’t truly know what will help.” She grimaced. "To be honest we probably are not the best at understanding emotions that overpower as much as they appear to in this case."
They stopped outside a door. Master Che turned towards him.
“Brace yourself, Master Kenobi, this may be a bit of a shock.”
She punched in a code and the door slid open.
Anakin lay on a bed in the centre of the room, staring blankly at the ceiling. Multiple tubes were emerging from his arm, a heart monitor beeping quietly in the background.
He was awake.
But he made no sign of noticing them when they walked in.
Obi Wan couldn’t look away.
“What happened, why’s he like this.”
It was Ashoka who answered.
“He started to go downhill after your funeral.” She bit out the word. “Once we had captured Hardeen, well I suppose that was you actually?” she questioned.
He nodded his confirmation.
“Once we had captured you, he started talking less. I thought he just needed time to process, time to grieve so I left him alone. But he just got worse.”
She let loose a sob, hands flying up to her face. “I let him get worse.”
“None of that now Padawan.” Master Che said. “You gave your Master space, that is the advice everyone who have offered when he withdrew like that. You noticed when he stopped eating. That was the important thing.”
“He stopped eating?” Obi Wan asked dully. There was a ringing in his ears, his breath beginning to catch.
“I noticed that he was stopping coming out for meals. And then stopped coming out of this room at all.” Her voice was stronger now. “It didn’t seem right, so I contacted the Council and the Halls. They brought him in for checks. He’s never left.”
“As far as we can tell,” Master Che continued “there is nothing physically wrong with him. Nothing has come upon any of our scans. Whatever is happening seems to be mental. The mind healers have been seeing him but even they are stumped at the moment. Grief affects everyone in different ways, and it seems this is the way it is affecting Anakin.”
“So this is my fault then.” Obi Wan concluded. Ashoka made to answer but a glare from Master Che cut her off.
“It could have been caused by a multitude of things, your supposed death may have just been the straw that broke the Bantha’s back. You have all been operating under extreme stress for the past two years Obi Wan. We have had to deal with multiple incidences of psychological breakdown. It’s just we haven’t been able to track down the root cause of his yet.”
Obi Wan nodded. The healer might have been attempting to spare him, to try and absolve him of some of his guilt but it didn’t work. Both he and Ashoka clearly knew the actual truth. It was his fault Anakin was like this. They had used Anakin's reaction to his death to sell the ruse, and Anakin had paid the price.
He turned back towards the healer. “Can I have a few minutes alone with him? Her body language softened.
“Of course Obi Wan, I’d ask you to try not to disturb him but…” she gestured to his unresponsive form sadly “getting disturbed would mean a vast improvement of his condition.”
Master Che guided Ashoka out. As the door shut behind them he moved forward, sitting down at the stool next to Anakin's bed. He reached out to take his hand.
“I’m sorry Padawan. I’m so sorry. I failed you”
He closed his eyes, trying to hold back his tears.
“Are you testing me, Master?”
His eyes flew back open. Anakin was looking at him, his eyes looked clear and focused.
“Anakin?” He whispered, not wanting to disturb anything, desperately hoping that he wasn’t imagining things.
“You have never come in with other people before. Were you testing me? Making sure I kept our promise?”
Obi Wan frowned. “What promise?”
Anakin wrinkled his forehead, looking confused. “The promise that I wouldn’t talk. Don’t you remember Master? You came to see me on my first night they brought me to the halls.”
Obi Wans chest felt tight again. A sense of horror drawing upon him.
“You made me promise not to talk to anyone. If I talked with anyone. reacted to anyone you wouldn’t come back.”
Anakin suddenly looked panicked.
“I swear I haven’t Master. I haven’t talked to anyone, I haven’t even let them know I was awake. I’ve been pretending I can’t see them. You have to believe me, Master.”
Obi Wan felt a tear roll down his face. “I believe you Padawan.”
Anakin smiled in relief. “Good, good. I couldn’t cope with you leaving again Master. Wouldn’t survive it.”
“You do normally only visit at night Master when other people can’t see you. Why did you come in with everyone else? Could Ashoka see you? I hope she could, I know she’s been missing a Master. I can’t help her if I get to keep you.”
Anakin didn’t wait for an answer, he just stared at him, his eyes greedily taking him in before they looked away.
His eyes unfocused slightly.
“If I can’t have the real you this is enough. At least I can have some form of you.”
Obi Wan stood. If he stayed in here any longer he thought he might have a panic attack.
He could barely breathe.
He had ruined his Padawan.
This was all his fault.
“You’re coming back, tomorrow Master?” Anakin asked, staring at him imploringly.
“Of course Anakin.” He choked out.
“Good, good,” Anakin muttered, closing his eyes. “This is better. This is better than nothing.”
His breaths evened out. As far as Obi Wan could tell he had actually fallen asleep.
Obi Wan stepped out of the room. He had to find Vokra Che, tell her what was actually happening. Tell her who it was quite demonstrably his fault.
Maybe if they knew what was actually happening they could help him more.
He slid to the floor, his back pressed against the door, before letting out a sob. How could he have agreed to go along with this?
He had used his Padawan, used him for an emotional reaction and in the process, he had destroyed him. He had been kidding himself thinking that no one would be affected by his death. He should have refused to do it.
But then said the small voice inside his head the chancellor would be dead. Anakin would be grieving him instead.
Was this inevitable. Anakin lost in his own head due to grief.
He had failed. He had failed as a Master and he had failed as a Jedi.
He allowed himself a few minutes to cry. To let his own grief poor out before trying to put himself back together. The only way he could help Anakin now was by finding Master Che.
If she knew about the hallucinations she might be able to help. Anakin had had a moment of lucidity, where he seemed to know that the visions of Obi Wan hadn’t been real. That was something to work from surely.
She had to be able to help.
It was his only hope.