Chapter Text
“So, let me get this straight.”
The traveler massages their temples as they attempt to process Childe’s prior words. One hand lifts off from their position to point at the Harbinger half-heartedly.
“You. Want to impress Zhongli.”
Said Harbinger doesn’t even bother refuting the words.
“Yup.”
“And this is because...you’re a huge simp for him?”
Childe sputters at the accusation, flushing a slight shade of red.
“Hey! I didn’t say that!”
The blonde stares in disbelief.
“Childe, remember our lunch date the other day?”
“Oh, right. What about it?”
“You literally said quote en quote: ‘Zhongli could crush me with his meteor and I would thank him.’”
The red tint that encapsulated his face grew brighter.
“I-I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
The traveler raises an eyebrow.
“If that's the case then why is your face currently—”
The man coughs. “Anyway! I said I admire him, what do you mean by simp?”
“You admire him, you simp for him, potato, potato. Same thing.”
Before Childe can protest, Paimon appears in a shower of constellations.
“What’s going on?”
The blonde turns around to greet their companion.
“Oh hi, Paimon. Childe’s denying his feelings for Zhongli again.”
“I am not—”
Paimon interjects, completely flat in her tone.
“Oh, so the same as always…”
The next few minutes are spent with the traveler shrieking in amusement and Childe nearly matching their volume with his cries of “No!” and “What the fuck do you mean?!”
They almost forget that they’re in a public setting, disturbing the peaceful atmosphere with their shenanigans.
A sharp “ahem” from the owner of Third-Round Knockout silences the trio.
After a moment of prolonged silence, the traveler coughs and continues their train of thought.
“So, you basically are a simp for Zhongli.”
The blush on Childe’s face grows deeper.
“That’s not what I—”
“Not what you said, blah blah, whatever. Anyway, you want to impress him.”
Childe hisses a response back.
“Yes.”
The traveler sighs.
“What have you done so far?”
The Harbinger throws his hands in the air in exasperation.
“Literally everything! I bought him everything he said he wanted, listened to his rants about Liyue’s history, spent so much time with him, yet still I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!”
The outlander narrows their eyes.
“Doing what wrong?”
“How he’s not noticing that I—hey, wait a minute, I know what you’re trying to do!”
The traveler huffs at being found out. As soon as they do, a quick flash of inspiration rushes through their head.
“Have you shown off your fighting skills yet?”
He groans.
“Well I told him about my exploits, but I don’t think he’s that impressed…”
Lies, but ok , the traveler thinks.
“Paimon thinks that isn’t true at all…” Paimon says.
Childe ignores Paimon’s words and the outlander’s inner disbelief and continues.
“...so like. What else is there for me to fight? Scratch that, what can I fight that would impress him enough?”
The traveler’s face twists into an expression of both doubt and confusion, before clearing to reveal a hint of mischievous ingenuity.
“You know what you should fight?”
“You tell me, comrade, I have no clue…”
“An oceanid.”
The Harbinger immediately snaps out of his contemplation, a look of incredulous shock on his face.
The outlander brings up one finger, as if in a show of confidence for their following words.
“Listen, listen. It’s such a good idea. It's a Hydro enemy, meaning that your Hydro vision is useless. Which means that in order to defeat it you have to use brute force. Which also means that it proves how strong you are visionless. It’s like, a guaranteed way to impress Zhongli.”
They have no idea what they are saying. They hope their bullshit sounds believable.
Paimon shoots them an appalled look. Okay, change of plans, they hope their bullshit sounds believable to Childe.
“Comrade...”
The blonde winces internally, fighting to keep a blank expression on their face. Oh dear…I think I’ve been found out again...
“...that is…”
A horrible idea? A disastrous one? An idea I can’t believe you said ‘cause how stupid it is?
“...an amazing idea!”
The outlander’s jaw drops.
What the fuck.
Childe brightens up so visibly that there’s almost an aura of sunshine and rainbows surrounding him.
“I can’t believe I’ve never thought of it before! Thanks for the idea, comrade! I’m gonna try it out now!”
He stands up abruptly before dashing off.
“I-Childe! Wait! It’s a joke you moron, get back here!”
Unfortunately, said moron is too far away to hear their words. The traveler sighs, hand pushing up their blonde bangs.
Fuck.
One of the waiters stroll up to their table, handing them a slip of paper. He politely informs the traveler that this is the bill for their meal.
They sigh again, bringing the bill up to read the final amount. The black ink that scrawls out the number 500,000 mora burns the outlander’s eyeballs.
Paimon shrieks at the number, adding to the traveler’s headache. They bring a hand back to their temples.
“Fuck.”