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Is it you I want?
Or is it the power you hold?
Do I want your position, your rank, your skill?
Or does the image of you on your knees for me satisfy it all?
I can't tell.
That girl dances around in my dreams and I beg to see her everytime. Yet I beg to see you too, the freak who haunts my nightmares.
But its not the same.
I want her, I love her, a small brat in need of a powerful husband. She is a trophy in the highest regard. Her blond hair shines as bright as the sun and her eyes glow like stars. No matter how many times she rejects me, I will still feel this pure love.
You.... I want to break you. I want to see you without the power you hold. The picture of you as my submissive wife brings me far too much pleasure. Your ice cold eyes no longer burning me, but begging. It's cruel and wicked, but I can't bear to hold it in.
Have I become you?
You command me to do whatever you please and like a dog I obey. It's because I respect your authority, not that I respect you. Or is it that I adore you?
Even as you stare at that masked man, breath heavy and heart racing.
Could it be I adore the power in you? You don't deserve it. Where you belong is with a collar around your neck while I lead you. No, to get rid of you is an impossibility for me. I can never throw you away as you would do for me. If you ever got your hands on that blond man, I'm sure my time as your toy would be over..
Yet, there is not a single opprotunity where I am not with you.
How pathetic of me.
You'll slyly beg for mercy and like an innocent child I shall offer it to you.
So does that mean I truly love you? Do I hold an attraction that makes me unable to discard the noose around my neck?
Your voice is loud but your actions are louder. That whip of yours cracks down on me like thunder. The seering in my skin is nothing compared to the feelings boiling within. One day, I'll make you feel the same.
Under me, its where you belong.
Damnit!
Do I want to whip you out of my own lust or is it the power over you that draws me in?
I still don't understand.
Day in and day out I can't seem to make up my mind. I can't stand a day without you, but everytime I draw near, you throw me back. I respected you, a young man who rose to such high ranks. Your knowledge and skill outmatched anyone I knew.
I blinded myself to your wicked desires of abrasive men. You seem attracted to the challenge of dominating all opposition.
I guess it's why you threw me away so quickly, I gave myself onto you.
You did not take from me.
But now, I just don't know. I used to dream of seeing you even throw a smile my way but as I age it seems as though I don't care about such meaningless things.
She replaced you. I desire for her to smile at me now and fall into my arms. Your constant cruelty made my love die. Out of its corpse came this eternal battle of lust and desire.
It isn't pure, it isn't lovely.
An adulation.
It's disgusting.
To be adored and desired is my ultimate goal. If given the position of commander I damn well could do a hell of a lot better than you. The town would love me and when the general dies I'd become its savior.
I'd gain the love of the girl and have you by my side, serving me. Even with that outcome I couldn't get rid of you. The entire town could shun you out of existence but I'd still keep you, hidden from the world. Caged in with no way out. Your face would light up at the sound of me entering, my existence being the sole reason for your miserable life.
At least its what I hope for.
I want you to want me.
I remember that time, you were alone near the river and I caught a glimpse. I couldn't look away no matter how wrong it was. You seemed lost in thought as you held a piece of *his* cloak. One of your hands inbetween your legs, I wonder what it was doing there.
Who am I kidding? I know what it was doing, what you were doing.
How I so desperately wanted to tell you what I felt inside. Just letting it out would have made a difference.
But I didn't.
A coward, always in second place.
I really am pathetic huh?
The blond girl however, it feels so easy to say what I wish to her. Maybe it's because she can't fight back that I don't really care of what she says. I do like prey that can't strike me back. Or maybe it's that she holds no real power over me.
You do.
The commander of the national gaurd aye?
It's a great title, one you really don't deserve. Sitting on your ass all day while I do everything for you. You command a legion of animals with no mercy. Yet you yourself have long passed through qualifications of what it truly means to be a monster.
You'll only ever be a man of power.
Nobody can say no to your commands and one day you'll command the world.
At least that's what you tell yourself.
It drives me mad to see your arrogance.
Especially, as you look down upon me from your throne.
You see me as a pet that simply lies on its back without command.
And thats why, I won't take it any longer. You will know what it feels like to wear a collar and take orders. You are nothing without your rank.
And I.... am nothing without you.